My question

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My story:Ten years ago, in 2001, I was raped and ended up becoming pregnant from the experience. I had an abortion very early on, only about 7 weeks. I never told anyone, not even my parents. I came form a religious family and abortion would have been a huge let down to my family, so I kept it to myself. The following year my mother, whom I was close to, died suddenly of a brain bleed. Within a few months of this, my rapist found me and started stalking and harassing me via phone. Within weeks of this, I had my first panic attack. Only, at the time, I didn't know what it was I was having. I would have sever chest pains, dizziness, nausia so bad I would vomit and occasionally pass out from them. It got so bad I had to move in with my grandmother for a time as I couldn't even walk out the door without one

happening. I had two small children at the time from a previous marriage. The older daughter was 5 and my son was 1 1/2. After going to several doctors (family, neurology, chiropractic, and emergency) and having every test possible done (EEG, EKG, spinal tap, blood work, ect.) I was fed up and decided if there was noting physically wrong with me, it must be in my head. So, I checked myself into a mental hospital. There I was diagnosed with Post Tramatic Stress Disorder and sever Depression. I was given Paxil. The good thing about the drug was that it stopped the panic and anxiety. The bad thing about it was I gained 40lb in 6 months. Even not eating I was gaining. I started taking Metabolife, desperate to stop the weight gain but that only caused

a medication interaction and I ended up back in the mental hospital a year later.At this point, I started seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. I saw them for 5 years. During that time I was tried on several types of meds including Prozac, Lithium, Lexapro, Welbutrin, Lamictal, Ambien, Zoloft, Adderol, Xanax, and I am sure there were a few more, I just can't recall them right now. The talking was helpful. Getting all the ugly stuff out was healing. I grew up in an abusive house hold with an angry and unstable dad who was verbally and occasionally physically abusive. The meds would work for 4-6 months and then seemed to quit on me. That was the reason for the frequent changes. The depression came back and occasionally the anxiety too. By 2005 I was hospitalized again for suicidal thoughts.

By the time I got out, I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar II as well. I hadn't had any manic episodes but some of my behaviors were considered to be hypomanic (I had periods where I had bursts of energy and was up cleaning my kitchen at 2 in the morning or up most the night knitting scarfs or reading). When I got out of the hospital, I had another burst of energy and met a man I ended up let move in with me within two months and a few months later was pregnant. I stopped all meds for the pregnancy. I delivered my son in Dec. 2006 and my subsequent son in May 2009. I nursed the later son until January 2010. At the time I was working as a phlebotomist from 4am- 12pm. The baby was still getting up every 2 hours to nurse so I was exhausted. I ended up having a total break down from exhaustion and was extremely suicidal and admitted myself to the

hospital yet again January 2010. I was back on Prozac and Lithium and switched my work schedule to allow for more rest. I came off the meds 6 months latter when they stopped working for me again. I went from July 2010 till two months ago drug free, just taking vitamins and getting rest and trying to find a good balance in my life. It seemed to be working well, for the most part. I had some bad days but nothing I couldn't handle. Then I joined a study at my local hospital for Geodon. It was a blind study, so I couldn't be sure I was on the meds. It lasted 8 weeks and at the end of the study, I was given samples to try. I didn't take them right away and had no withdraw effects. I had a bad week and decided to try taking the meds again. The side effects were immediate and I know without a doubt I was not on the meds during the study. I took the Geodon for 4 days and stopped due to the sedation effect. I got sick within 30 hours. I was vomiting, my

vision was like being in a pool, I had no periferial vision, I felt dizzy. It lasted 2 weeks. That was a month ago. I still have this right eye twitch though. I have said all of this to ask, is the eye muscle twitch part of the withdraw still? If so, how long can it take to stop, and can I do anything to heal it? I am not on anything currently and would like to learn how to live a healthy balanced life. I know when I am exercising and eating well and getting proper sleep, the depression and anxiety and minimal if not gone. It is a lifestyle change but I am willing to commit to it. Do you have any diet or exercise or vitamin regiment you would recomend for me? I am 37 years old. The only other physical thing I deal with is high cholesterol and hyperlipidemia. It is genetic, it has been high since I was 10. I take simvanstatin for

it.Thanks,