Re: Ok, now I am a little peeved.

[Guest guest]

,

I can't speak for anyone else, but as far as I go, I completely understand and

I don't mind if you rant. I've been there. My RA makes me feel like that too.

And honestly, some days you just have to get it out. I do truly hope you feel

better now and that getting it out helped at least a little.

Shaney (Poly RA)

<sugafreak21@...> wrote:

I don't care if anyone reads this. I belong to another support group,

but i don't usually complain to them. So I joined you fine folks so i

can vent just a little. And truly I am really holding back. I think,

just maybe, my optimism is starting to crack. My RA bothers me, but I

think its the emotional toll it has taken on my life and the changes it

has forced me into that really has me pissed! I'm starting to think

that maybe I need to go to counciling or start a mood pill cuz i really

feel like cracking and I've endured so much bullshit previous to this

disease I am really suprised it might be getting the better of me. I

gotta figure something out because I really dont want to compromise or

endure this sh*t anymore. Thank you and good night and my deepest

apologies to your sensibilities, but I did sensor as much as possible.

---------------------------------

Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

[Guest guest]

Hi . Hang in there. It's normal to get angry and frustrated and even lose

hope that you will get a normal life back. I think both counseling and

antidepressants can be really useful. I've done both in my life and they've

helped me get through tough times. RA is a disease that has to be managed both

medically and interpersonally. It changes our sense of our selves, our dreams

for the future, and how we relate to others. Anyone who can do all that and

keep a smile at all times is either delusional or in denial about the nature of

RA. RA sucks. I have cried and I have been angry with God. When I was first

symptomatic 10 years ago, I tried to break up with my boyfriend (now husband)

b/c who knew what the future held and I didn't want him to have to take care of

me. After all the anger and despair, I think I eventually reach a point where I

have to pick myself up and decide to get busy living. When I was diagnosed last

year, I was lucky to

find my way to a great rheum named Mark Gourley who is now at NIH. His father

died of RA and he said his team would do all that was medically possible to

preserve my joints so I could still use them as I aged. They were also totally

on board with my efforts to have a 2nd child which was amazing and inspirational

given what women with RA must have gone through 20+ years ago. Anyway, he said

my job was to stay active and positive. He said you have to focus on the glass

being half full. Don't give up, with a good doc and a good treatment plan you

can get back to your life and RA will always be a part of it, but a part in the

background. Kate F

[ ] Ok, now I am a little peeved.

I don't care if anyone reads this. I belong to another support group,

but i don't usually complain to them. So I joined you fine folks so i

can vent just a little. And truly I am really holding back. I think,

just maybe, my optimism is starting to crack. My RA bothers me, but I

think its the emotional toll it has taken on my life and the changes it

has forced me into that really has me pissed! I'm starting to think

that maybe I need to go to counciling or start a mood pill cuz i really

feel like cracking and I've endured so much bullshit previous to this

disease I am really suprised it might be getting the better of me. I

gotta figure something out because I really dont want to compromise or

endure this sh*t anymore. Thank you and good night and my deepest

apologies to your sensibilities, but I did sensor as much as possible.

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Never miss a thing. Make your home page.

http://www./r/hs

[Guest guest]

,

I am familiar with the way you feel- I have experienced considerable frustration

with getting quality medical treatment. It took me four years just to get a

diagnosis- and that was four years after I actually began seeing a rheumy. I had

years and years of weird symptoms that came and went before any sort of

treatment actually began. Now I am going through the process of trying to find

some medication that actually works for me.

I am near what I hope to be the tail end of a flare that has lasted two weeks

for which I have been unable to receive additional treatment due to medical

insurance issues requiring me to have a referral to see my rheumy. My previous

doctor- who was wonderful so long as I was on a PPO type of insurance " fired " me

as I was too expensive to have as an HMO patient- so I am switching physicians

and need to jump through the hoops all over again. In the meantime, my family is

trying to adjust.

I think RA can be as hard for families as it is for sufferers- it is difficult

to have a member of your family on whom you have relied heavily become reliant

on you. For someone who was always able to work hard and come through despite

difficult circumstances to be reduced to doing little more than laying on the

couch trying to get through the day is tough. And let's face it- pain makes most

folks cranky and that's not easy to cope with either. And the chronic nature of

the disease is draining- most families can handle a short-term illness. Even a

more serious illness that can possibly be overcome can bring folks together to

rally around someone who is ill- but day in and day out for years (and decades)

when you look fine? That's a lot for families to cope with. Fortunately, I have

been blessed with a wonderful husband who is trying as hard as he can. My

teenage son is having a considerable amount of difficulty, though, and that adds

stress to the family and is hard for me as well as stress really causes me

problems (adding more stress to the family).

Chronic pain affects everyone differently but we do have some choice in how it

affects us. I decided a while back that life is suffering and enduring is a

quality of character. I wish I could say that I could endure quietly and

gracefully, but unfortunately that is not always the case.

The wonderful thing about the internet is that we are no longer alone in our

suffering- there are others out there going through what we are and far, far

worse. Through groups like this one, we can reach out to folks who have walked

in our shoes and can offer real support.

~Marie

[Guest guest]

, this is a safe place to vent, you'll find understanding and

support here. We all need to vent at times, what you're feeling is

pretty normal. No matter how tough you think you are, this disease

can beat you down, it's hard losing the self you used to be. Anger is

part of the grieving process.

I think the moment I really lost it was when a combo of the meds I was

taking started to affect my memory and my cognitive processes.

Suddenly, I couldn't get the right word out, or remember what I had

for lunch, or even if I'd eaten lunch. Thankfully, they figured out

what was going on but I do seem to have some permanent damage. That's

harder for me than any of the physical symptoms. I have come

gradually to an acceptance of who I am now, and consciously made the

decision to continue living as fully as possible, to let go of the

past and focus on the future, on what I can do rather than what I

can't. I don't mean to make it seem easy, it's a decision I have to

make again every morning! Luckily, I have a very supportive and

loving family, and good friends who help me along the way.

My doctor put me on anti-depressants almost immediately when I was

diagnosed, and changes the type and amount whenever he thinks I'm not

doing well. He says that the meds, especially prednisone, can cause

depression and other problems, but also that the anti-depressants make

the pain meds work better so you can take less. I've also gone

through counseling with my daughter, she has asthma and psoriasis, and

had a really difficult time in high school. The counseling helped all

of us as a family to understand what she was going through, and gave

her the help she needed to accept and deal with her problems. It's

definitely worth it, even as a neutral person to talk to, and who will

reflect back to you and help you sort out your feelings. Our

counselor also taught us stress relief techniques, and role played

with my daughter to help her talk to her teachers and her friends

about her problems without getting emotional and stressed out. I'm

sure that counseling has helped all of us now accepting my problems.

Good luck to you, and don't hesitate to share your feelings here! You

will find that you are not alone, there are people here that are going

through the same things you are. We need to support one another; we

will get through this together.

On Jan 23, 2008 11:10 PM, <sugafreak21@...> wrote:

>

>

>

>

>

>

> I don't care if anyone reads this. I belong to another support group,

> but i don't usually complain to them. So I joined you fine folks so i

> can vent just a little. And truly I am really holding back. I think,

> just maybe, my optimism is starting to crack. My RA bothers me, but I

> think its the emotional toll it has taken on my life and the changes it

> has forced me into that really has me pissed! I'm starting to think

> that maybe I need to go to counciling or start a mood pill cuz i really

> feel like cracking and I've endured so much bullshit previous to this

> disease I am really suprised it might be getting the better of me. I

> gotta figure something out because I really dont want to compromise or

> endure this sh*t anymore. Thank you and good night and my deepest

> apologies to your sensibilities, but I did sensor as much as possible.

>

--

South Pasadena, CA / Lilydale, MN

You can see my galleries at http://www.pbase.com/arenared986

M. Schulz - " All you need is love. But a little chocolate now

and then doesn't hurt. "

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry you are going through hell. I think most here have been through

that valley...and more than once. There is no shame in seeking counseling or

anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medications when they are warranted. I hope you

vent as much as you need...it is just too much to keep this crazy journey all

bottled up inside.

Warmly...

Cheryle

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the support everybody. Its not often that i need support,

and after reading your responses I think that my tapering off the

prednisone may have a lot to do with my low mood. I have been on very

high doses for over a year now and although I have tapered very slowly

I can tell I am having bad withdrawals. Also, I am glad to hear that

maybe my memory loss, absentmindedness, and crappy vocab could be the

pills after all. I really thought I was just getting stupid. Anyway,

thanks, and onward we go.....looking fine and falling apart!

[Guest guest]

HI ALEX ,IM MELYNDA IM38YRS OLD. IVE HAD RA SINCE I WAS 5 YRS OLD. IT WAS HARD 4

ME BECAUSE I WANTED 2 B LIKE THE OTHER KIDS. NOW THAT IM OLDER ITS ALOT HARDER

NOW. THERE R THINGS I CANT DO LIKE B4 BUT WERE THERES AWILL THERES A WAY........

IM HAPPILY MARRIED & HAVE AN 11YR OLD GIRL,ALYSSA. THEY R BOTH GREAT!!! SINCE

IVE JOINED THIS RA GROUP ITS HELPED ME 2 C THERE IS OTHER PEOPLE EXPIENCING THE

SAME THING AS ME & IT HELPS!!!! I HAVE MORE DOWN DAYS THEN UP, BUT I DEAL . I

CANT LET THIS RA GET ME, IM A FIGHTER!!! SO DONT GIVE UP ALEX, LEAVE IT IN THE

LORDS HANDS!!!WRITE ME ANYTIME IF U NEED TO VENT.MELYNDA<mapgamez@...>

<sugafreak21@...> wrote: I don't care if anyone reads this.

I belong to another support group,

but i don't usually complain to them. So I joined you fine folks so i

can vent just a little. And truly I am really holding back. I think,

just maybe, my optimism is starting to crack. My RA bothers me, but I

think its the emotional toll it has taken on my life and the changes it

has forced me into that really has me pissed! I'm starting to think

that maybe I need to go to counciling or start a mood pill cuz i really

feel like cracking and I've endured so much bullshit previous to this

disease I am really suprised it might be getting the better of me. I

gotta figure something out because I really dont want to compromise or

endure this sh*t anymore. Thank you and good night and my deepest

apologies to your sensibilities, but I did sensor as much as possible.

---------------------------------

Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

[Guest guest]

Hi !

I believe when you have a chronic illness, therapy is

a wonderful thing to have! I don't much have a choice

since I have an anxiety disorder! My anxiety has

gotten much worse since being bedbound at times and

getting worse with my health. I see a psychologist

who is a life coach! She has recently began working

with me to do things during the day that I like to do.

Whether it be pampering myself, reading, etc. She

really wants me to do painting or something with arts

and crafts. She says that way I will have things to

show myself that I accomplish things during the day

instead of feeling like I'm wasting time being ill.

journaling is a great way to vent and get your

feelings out. I know from first hand experience that

keeping things bottled up is really bad..I hope you

are feeling better soon! Venting is a good thing!

Always remember that:)

--- <sugafreak21@...> wrote:

> I don't care if anyone reads this. I belong to

> another support group,

> but i don't usually complain to them. So I joined

> you fine folks so i

> can vent just a little. And truly I am really

> holding back. I think,

> just maybe, my optimism is starting to crack. My RA

> bothers me, but I

> think its the emotional toll it has taken on my life

> and the changes it

> has forced me into that really has me pissed! I'm

> starting to think

> that maybe I need to go to counciling or start a

> mood pill cuz i really

> feel like cracking and I've endured so much bullshit

> previous to this

> disease I am really suprised it might be getting the

> better of me. I

> gotta figure something out because I really dont

> want to compromise or

> endure this sh*t anymore. Thank you and good night

> and my deepest

> apologies to your sensibilities, but I did sensor as

> much as possible.

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

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[Guest guest]

hi alex i'm mike i understand fully. it's hell for guys to have R.A. . it screws

with are ego. i use to lift weighs and open jars for my wife and sooo much for

that anymore. LOL sometimes she has to open bottles for me. so it does mess

with your head. so chill and take one day at a time.

mike

<sugafreak21@...> wrote: I don't care if anyone reads this.

I belong to another support group,

but i don't usually complain to them. So I joined you fine folks so i

can vent just a little. And truly I am really holding back. I think,

just maybe, my optimism is starting to crack. My RA bothers me, but I

think its the emotional toll it has taken on my life and the changes it

has forced me into that really has me pissed! I'm starting to think

that maybe I need to go to counciling or start a mood pill cuz i really

feel like cracking and I've endured so much bullshit previous to this

disease I am really suprised it might be getting the better of me. I

gotta figure something out because I really dont want to compromise or

endure this sh*t anymore. Thank you and good night and my deepest

apologies to your sensibilities, but I did sensor as much as possible.

---------------------------------

Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I would like to chime in here as well. I really feel you have every

right to be pissed about all of it. It makes absolutely no sense.

It's okay to vent and I know you know that but just in case you

needed reminding. I have people I try to be positive for like my

baby sister with 3 kids who feels overwhelmed. Well, the last thing

I want to do is burden her with what I am going thru. So, I come

here and talk with people I know who understands.

I agree with mike there is an added pressure with guys. But please

don't let it be. Just be yourself and we really don't care that you

can no longer open our jars or get the door. We only care that you

are getting the best healthcare you can get and hopefully the right

therapy for you and a longterm remission would be nice.

I consider myself an upbeat person but trust me this disease can

really try your patience. Like I said it just makes no sense

sometimes and all of the pretending and pain blocking to function

everyday when it feels like you are being kicked in the gut by a

horse! Or each joint feels as if some invisible person is drilling

every joint that involves mobility while you stand there smiling to

everyone and saying " I'm fine, just fine. " It's nuts. Yet on

the flip side, you have to somehow stay mellow to a certain degree

because the anger can also bring on a flare. It's a balancing act,

to say the least. So, I give myself moments a day or two if I need

to be angry, upset, vent about the whole thing. Then I do what I

can later to fight this, shift my focus to a cure, remission or

whatever makes me feel like I am making a difference where this

disease is concerned. Outsmart the disease.

Hang in there.

Ebony

I don't care if anyone

reads this. I belong to another support group,

> but i don't usually complain to them. So I joined you fine folks

so i

> can vent just a little. And truly I am really holding back. I

think,

> just maybe, my optimism is starting to crack. My RA bothers me,

but I

> think its the emotional toll it has taken on my life and the

changes it

> has forced me into that really has me pissed! I'm starting to

think

> that maybe I need to go to counciling or start a mood pill cuz i

really

> feel like cracking and I've endured so much bullshit previous to

this

> disease I am really suprised it might be getting the better of me.

I

> gotta figure something out because I really dont want to

compromise or

> endure this sh*t anymore. Thank you and good night and my deepest

> apologies to your sensibilities, but I did sensor as much as

possible.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you both very much. But I'm actually a " little lady " ! Sorry I

forget I have a boys name and sometimes it doesnt convey on screen.

I bet RA is harder for a man, because society expexts them to be

strong and capable. I'm lucky in that respect. Your words are very

encouraging and gave me a little giggle. I wonder how many other

times on these groups i have been mistaken for a man. And then

talked about my hubby, I'm betting no-one thought i was straight.

Come to think of it, some comments are making better sense now. LOL!

Thanks, " andria "

I don't care if anyone

> reads this. I belong to another support group,

> > but i don't usually complain to them. So I joined you fine folks

> so i

> > can vent just a little. And truly I am really holding back. I

> think,

> > just maybe, my optimism is starting to crack. My RA bothers me,

> but I

> > think its the emotional toll it has taken on my life and the

> changes it

> > has forced me into that really has me pissed! I'm starting to

> think

> > that maybe I need to go to counciling or start a mood pill cuz i

> really

> > feel like cracking and I've endured so much bullshit previous to

> this

> > disease I am really suprised it might be getting the better of

me.

> I

> > gotta figure something out because I really dont want to

> compromise or

> > endure this sh*t anymore. Thank you and good night and my deepest

> > apologies to your sensibilities, but I did sensor as much as

> possible.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Oh sorry about that . I came in on the tail end of the

conversation so really didn't give it much thought as to the

male/female thing. Only interested in you knowing your feelings on the

disease are perfectly normal.

I had just been to the doctor a few days earlier and saw a guy stumble

going out the door. I remember thinking it must really be hard to be a

guy with this disease but from the physical standpoint not ego side of

it because usually a female can get help in and out of chairs or the

door opened for her, etc. Here he was at the visit alone and in

obvious need of assistance, a very tall muscular guy. So not even sure

if a wife would be strong enough to help him.

But yeah male comes to mind with the name .

Hopefully, you are doing better in the pain department, however.

Ebony