Could this be what causes anxiety?

[Guest guest]

I have had a really interesting experience over the past day. Last fall, I was

really doing well and starting on a lot of exciting projects. Then a lot of

weird things occured that I could not understand. I could not sleep which led

to a lot of fears that I may be going manic which could lead me to the hospital.

For 5 months, I have been just searching for why I feel so bad. I was always

asking, " How do I seem to you? " to doctors, counselors, and everyone. I had no

trust in myself because I had let myself get my hopes up and again they were

dashed. Well last night, I got an email from a former employee of one of the

places that I was working for and was apologized to because of the lies that I

was told. They quit their job shortly after since the boss did these things so

often. I thanked the person but she can not know how much she helped me.

For these past 5 months, I have been trying to say to myself, " I don't always

see things as they are. My mind can make things up that really do not happen

and do to medication, genetics, chemical imbalance, moods, etc., I can not trust

myself at this point to understand what is going on around me. " I need to fix

myself in some way so I can better handle my life. " This has led me no where of

course - you have to believe in yourself.

Now today, seeing that those things really did happen and that other people do

not hold the answers, I feel so much better. I had 3 people say these things

did not happen and it just shook me to the core. I am sure if I had not had

experiences where I had been hospitalized and having relatives that were

institutionalized this experience would not have been so damaging, but it really

feels like a new day to me. Perhaps this was a good experience because it did

lead me to question my diagnosis and my so called vulnerability..

I think we can not lie to our bodies - telling our bodies over and over again

that everything is fine when it is not or in my case, trying to convince myself

that I have delusional thoughts when I did not, just causes anxiety in our

bodies. Anxiety is so common, I think many people just continue living these

lives that are not ok, in environments that are not ok, food, news, beliefs,

that are not ok, our mind just has to let us know that this is not ok which is

how anxiety forms.

This has been my first experience feeling this way or allowing myself to feel

this way for so long and I am glad to start listening to myself again and I

hope, things will start getting back on the right path. I see now that the

diagnosis really allowed me to be swayed by other's opinions in way too

detremental of a way.

I am writing this to let others and myself see, this too shall pass. I have

been cutting down on meds and completely eliminated one medication. I really

look forward to learning more about nutrition and other ways of helping myself

on this path.