Re: Finding Best Facility and Care for Loved One

February 27, 2012

Marilyn, what you say rings true. My husband once had a nursing home doctor that

felt that all dementia patients are the same and made the crazy sign by taking

his pointer finger and circling it around the side of his head. I was so livid

with that remark that I asked for that doctor to be taken off of my husband's

case. The facility shadowed that doctor after my commenting on his remark and

found that I was right about him and had him fired from the facility. My husband

got a terrific doctor after that.

My poor husband was suffering from a UTI and was being aggressive and that

" crazy " doctor did nothing about it even on my request and said that my husband

was acting normal for dementia!! I told him I wanted my husband sent to ER to be

examined and he said he would call for the ambulance, but it was not on his

terms, but on mine. Meaning I would have to pay for the ambulance, because he

was not ordering it. That was fine with me, and it turned out that my husband

did have a UTI and was hospitalized and was calm and himself again after he got

treatment.

You really have to watch the ones that think they know it all.

________________________________

To: LBDcaregivers

Sent: Sunday, February 26, 2012 4:06 PM

Subject: Finding Best Facility and Care for Loved One

I have not posted for a year or more but do keep up with the Board. I am the

caregiver for my brother who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's type Dementia four

years ago. He has been in Assisted Living for 1 1/2 years. It is not memory

specific but the majority of the residents have memory issues of various levels.

Today while signing in I over heard a conversation between a manager and family

of a resident. I did not intentionally listen but being 2 feet away it is easy

to hear. The manager was telling the couple that the mother was a controller

and to not let her get by with it. The son was not comfortable with that but

the DIL was all into it. After hearing the manager tell them several times that

Mom was controlling I probably over stepped but couldn't take it. I politely

apologized and said, I'm sorry but if you are talking about a parent with

dementia you need to realize that what appears to be control on their part is

the disease. I explained how my first experience with the same dilemma was with

my Mom and I felt she was controlling but after time and learning more of the

disease realize she couldn't control herself let alone me or any family member.

The manager stood up and said she had 10 years of experience working with

seniors and I didn't

know this person and that she was definitely controlling the son and DIL.

I was so sadden to hear her opinion of an 80+ dementia person and in the process

create more ill feelings between the family against her I just backed off. The

son had enough going on.

I am however in the process of looking for another facility that has a better

and more professional understanding of our loved ones living with Dementia.

What staff do or feel about one resident they will of any.

Thank You

Marilyn

------------------------------------

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

February 29, 2012

Thank you for sharing. I will have to keep this in mind should the time

come that I might need to place my husband.

Vivian (husband dx LBD 2010

On Mon, Feb 27, 2012 at 6:16 PM, Janet Colello wrote:

> **

>

> Marilyn, what you say rings true. My husband once had a nursing home

> doctor that felt that all dementia patients are the same and made the crazy

> sign by taking his pointer finger and circling it around the side of his

> head. I was so livid with that remark that I asked for that doctor to be

> taken off of my husband's case. The facility shadowed that doctor after my

> commenting on his remark and found that I was right about him and had him

> fired from the facility. My husband got a terrific doctor after that.

> My poor husband was suffering from a UTI and was being aggressive and that

> " crazy " doctor did nothing about it even on my request and said that my

> husband was acting normal for dementia!! I told him I wanted my husband

> sent to ER to be examined and he said he would call for the ambulance, but

> it was not on his terms, but on mine. Meaning I would have to pay for the

> ambulance, because he was not ordering it. That was fine with me, and it

> turned out that my husband did have a UTI and was hospitalized and was calm

> and himself again after he got treatment.

> You really have to watch the ones that think they know it all.

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: LBDcaregivers

> Sent: Sunday, February 26, 2012 4:06 PM

> Subject: Finding Best Facility and Care for Loved One

>

> I have not posted for a year or more but do keep up with the Board. I am

> the caregiver for my brother who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's type

> Dementia four years ago. He has been in Assisted Living for 1 1/2 years.

> It is not memory specific but the majority of the residents have memory

> issues of various levels.

>

> Today while signing in I over heard a conversation between a manager and

> family of a resident. I did not intentionally listen but being 2 feet away

> it is easy to hear. The manager was telling the couple that the mother was

> a controller and to not let her get by with it. The son was not

> comfortable with that but the DIL was all into it. After hearing the

> manager tell them several times that Mom was controlling I probably over

> stepped but couldn't take it. I politely apologized and said, I'm sorry

> but if you are talking about a parent with dementia you need to realize

> that what appears to be control on their part is the disease. I explained

> how my first experience with the same dilemma was with my Mom and I felt

> she was controlling but after time and learning more of the disease realize

> she couldn't control herself let alone me or any family member. The

> manager stood up and said she had 10 years of experience working with

> seniors and I didn't

> know this person and that she was definitely controlling the son and DIL.

>

> I was so sadden to hear her opinion of an 80+ dementia person and in the

> process create more ill feelings between the family against her I just

> backed off. The son had enough going on.

>

> I am however in the process of looking for another facility that has a

> better and more professional understanding of our loved ones living with

> Dementia. What staff do or feel about one resident they will of any.

>

> Thank You

> Marilyn

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

>

February 29, 2012