Re: Update on my mother - for

[Guest guest]

Hi, . I've given some thought to your message and can, hopefully, answer a

few questions correctly. Each patient is so different as is the way this

disease can affect them.

My mother seems very comfortable. She was put on oxygen Friday so her

respiration is not at all labored. She does have a skin breakdown due to her

extreme weight loss and pressure with no padding. When dressing changes are

done, she is given a tiny amount of morphine to eliminate the possibility of

pain. She is still aware, opening her eyes and making sounds as if trying to

speak with us. So, I don't see what you describe. However, I would imagine the

panting would be a reaction to either pain or fear, as you suspect.

I don't know if your mother has a strong faith or belief. A friend of my

mother's passed some years ago. He had no faith. A near death experience

before passing was not pleasant for him. However, when he did pass, it was

peaceful. So, whether he gained some peace after the near death, I don't know.

But, I do feel that a faith does help the possibility of fear. Have you spoken

with a pastor? Perhaps they can provide added insight.

With regard to pain, is there a nurse with whom you feel comfortable? Perhaps

you could approach him/her to discuss options or solutions to pain. I'm certain

that there is something that can be done to help. Do you have Hospice helping

you? Your mother would assuredly qualify for Hospice oversight. Her doctor

would have to begin that process but, if it hasn't been done, it should be done

asap.

With regard to any guilt you may have, it is time to put that behind you. What

happened in the past, whether it was within your control or not, cannot be

undone. Allowing the guilt to overwhelm you now only works to the detriment of

your mother. You can control what happens from now moving forward and be there

for her in the best way possible.

With regard to the health care system, it can be as good as we expect it to be.

But, we have to be confident and educated about what choices are there for us.

That's where this group is so effective...in educating us about the disease and

empowering us, with that education, to act with confidence. Are we ever totally

confident with the many decisions that have to be made? No! But, if we make an

educated decision and act like we're confident, we gain more respect among the

professionals. You know about the stiff upper lip? It's necessary.

My suggestion would be to ask a question to the group if you are uncertain about

an impending decision. That will help with both education and confidence.

Then, approach the medical staff to solve whatever issue is of concern.

It can be a lonely journey. But, it doesn't have to be. The staff where my

mother lives is wonderful. My heart has been touched by staff members who have

not worked with her in years stopping by to have a private moment with her.

While I feel alone because I am the one charged with the decisions that need to

be made, I am surrounded by others who are supportive of those decisions. And,

you have this group who will walk this journey with you.

Please speak with the medical staff about getting Hospice care...do that today.

They offer so much for you as well as your mother.

Best wishes to you...peace, too.

Lynn in Florida

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>

> God bless you Lynn.

>

> I am responding to you this morning as I feel I am reading where my Mom is at

right now.

> She is starting to pant with her breathing and eating is starting to not be as

enjoyable for her, she is only drinking so far.

> When she was recently hospitalized they gave her morphine to calm her

breathing down. I just dont understand the breathing part.

> What is that about? Is that fear of death? I know my Mom is consumed by fear

and pain which frightens me. <snip