Finding Best Facility and Care for Loved One

[Guest guest]

I have not posted for a year or more but do keep up with the Board. I am the

caregiver for my brother who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's type Dementia four

years ago. He has been in Assisted Living for 1 1/2 years. It is not memory

specific but the majority of the residents have memory issues of various levels.

Today while signing in I over heard a conversation between a manager and family

of a resident. I did not intentionally listen but being 2 feet away it is easy

to hear. The manager was telling the couple that the mother was a controller

and to not let her get by with it. The son was not comfortable with that but

the DIL was all into it. After hearing the manager tell them several times that

Mom was controlling I probably over stepped but couldn't take it. I politely

apologized and said, I'm sorry but if you are talking about a parent with

dementia you need to realize that what appears to be control on their part is

the disease. I explained how my first experience with the same dilemma was with

my Mom and I felt she was controlling but after time and learning more of the

disease realize she couldn't control herself let alone me or any family member.

The manager stood up and said she had 10 years of experience working with

seniors and I didn't know this person and that she was definitely controlling

the son and DIL.

I was so sadden to hear her opinion of an 80+ dementia person and in the process

create more ill feelings between the family against her I just backed off. The

son had enough going on.

I am however in the process of looking for another facility that has a better

and more professional understanding of our loved ones living with Dementia.

What staff do or feel about one resident they will of any.

Thank You

Marilyn