Re: new tactic

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Please don't waste your money on a camera. We bought one for my mother - it

sends input wirelessly into her computer and we can watch it remotely from

multiple sites. (It also stores any motion-detected activity.) We got it to

reassure her that no one was going into her apartment, because there's only one

way in. However, whenever she had a paranoid thought or hallucination and we

told her that NO ONE had appeared on the camera, she didn't believe it. In

fact, she came up with some bizarre explanations for why the camera didn't show

anything, including the idea that " people are opening the door and bending down

so that they can't be seen. " First of all, the camera would have shown the door

opening (even if not the people), which it wasn't. Secondly, since the camera

is extremely well disguised as a mantel clock, how would strangers know that it

was a camera? Oh, wait - that's too logical. Logic doesn't work. So now she

still thinks people are coming in, but it includes coming in through the closet

or ceiling, neither of which has an opening to the outside of the apartment.

This is something that we are having a hard time dealing with - that you can't

" logic " a demented person out of their delusions.

>

> I read what everyone said yesterday. I then decided " if I can't beat him,

> join him " (in his reality). I explained how difficult it was that he

> believed I was the only person responsible for taking his things. I pointed

> out a couple items I have misplaced and asked him if he took them, and of

> course he said no. I noted I didn't think he did, but wasn't it odd that we

> were both missing things? He asked me " well who else, but you is here? " I

> pointed out the key in the lock box outside that he has given the code to

> roughly 3 dozen people in the last 10 years, and the fact that the front

> window stays open all the time. I know that no one has broken in, but it

> actually made him stop and think about the possibilities as I mentioned all

> the names of who had access to the key. I offered to purchase a security

> camera for him so he could see who was doing it. He is considering that

> option.

>

>

>

> I am not sure about the long term advantage of his thinking of someone else

> and not me, but he quit yelling at me for a few hours last night. Is it

> wrong to steer him to suspect someone else, who is in no way around? It

> wouldn't take much (I am thinking) to make him believe it is his ex wife

> from 20 years ago. Many of the things he accuses me of are things she

> really did to him, like hiding money, stealing from him and cheating on him

> with another woman, so I believe her actions form the foundation for his

> beliefs about me. In the beginning of his diagnosis of Parkinson's, before

> he got really bad (and his " episodes " as I called them were only about 2-3

> times a year), this was an issue we discussed with the counselor. back when

> he could still reason somewhat. She was able to help him see he was holding

> me responsible for her mistakes. It stopped for about 4 months and started

> back up worse than ever. Since this was about the same time I felt him

> changing in many ways, it is possibly when the LB started to really take

> him. After that, there was no ability to have him reason anything.

>

>

>

> I guess what I really need to know is how long this goes on? I already feel

> as if I can't take anymore of this. Since I work with a mental health

> community of caregivers in a treatment facility for the seriously mentally

> ill, they are wonderful to talk to, so I have used that to my advantage for

> support, but I can't possibly share how bad it really is. But now they are

> noticing the stress on my face and continually asking me if I am okay. I

> can't get away without awful accusations when I return. He pours over all

> the bank statements questioning anything he doesn't agree with or know

> about, even money he spent that is now my expenditure since he doesn't

> remember spending it. If I am away from him, he phones me every 20-30

> minutes.even when I am at work. He just wants to know what I am doing and

> who is with me. When I head home, I call and let him know I am on the way,

> and if I am 1-minutes past when he thinks I should be there, he calls me.

> What I need is a big hug and a long cry and I know many of you have felt

> that way. You have to have if you went through this too. I also want to

> run away and not return. But I can't and I know that.

>

>

>

> So today, perhaps I will head to Frys or Best Buy and get a camera. I have

> to get him off of me, if even for awhile.

>

>

>

> On a change of subject, perhaps someone can help me with the hording thing.

> He has rescued 4 cats and numerous dogs and they are all here. still. I

> cannot get him to part with/share/place any of them, and I don't need to say

> how difficult it is for me to keep up with them as well as him. I also have

> my own pets, but if I mention placing them, they become " his " . We have two

> bedrooms I cannot walk in and two other rooms quickly getting that way, so

> my house is closing in around me. Will the proper medications and treatment

> help with any of this? In light of all the accusations that are now here

> with me taking things and throwing them out I really can't get rid of

> anything. Has anyone else dealt with his? What has worked or not worked?

> And yes, he continues to spend money and drag in more things " we might need "

> or that he really likes. He is particularly into cat statues right now, and

> since the local Goodwill always has something " cat " it is a weekly, or

> multi-weekly thing to purchase. The statues are all over the house and I

> cannot even venture a guess at how many we might have now.

>

>

>

> Thank you so much for listening. I have needed this for far too long. And

> I guess I am here for the long haul. I hope I get to know you all really

> well and that I may consider you my sisters.

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