Guest guest Posted April 1, 2012 Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 My name is Shanon and I have lived in SF since 1990. In July 2010 my mom got very sick and ended up in a psych ward in Glendale , CA I flew down there and to my surprise the mom that I had just talked to 2 days before was completely different. She didn't know where she was, what state we were in and thought that she worked at the hospital..I was in shock! in Dec of that your 5 days before Christmas my mom was diagnosed with LBD. I had never heard of it before and didn't know what to expect or do, all I know was I had to be there for her. I went back home put my stuff in storage and came back and was there when she was released from the hospital and have been her sole caregiver 24/7 since July 30th 2010. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and not in a millions years did I think something like this could happen to my mom. She was a very healthy out going person. A massage therapist as well. It's been almost 2 years that I've been in LA and it's taking it's toll on me and unfortunately if your not rich, you pretty much screwed when it comes to help. I thought that my " so called family " would be there, but they haven't done a thing. My brother and sister who I haven't talked to in 20 years( they dis-owned me because I'm gay) hasn't called her in months and on Xmas didn't call or even send a card... " what kind of person does that? I'm so disappointed in how people acted it still to this day I just don't get it, How do you abandon your own mother? that's sick! I've been looking for a nursing home for my mom because I can't keep this up to much longer and I need to get my life back on track or I'll be in big trouble. Neither one of us has money and I feel terrible having to put her in a home but I have no choice, I'm all she has and if I don't take care of myself I'll end up sick and homeless. I try to stay positive but it's becoming more and more hard to do, that's why I joined this group in hopes that reading other peoples stories well give me strength. I had no idea there was such a group until a few days ago. I now know that I'm not alone. I wish the best to all of you in your journey and prayer for us all. Peaces Shanon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2012 Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 Welcome Shanon, I'm sorry you had to come here but glad you did . You do sound exhausted. But you don't have to feel guilty. Nursing homes have a negative reputation, and some are deserving of that, but there ARE good ones out there, and sometimes the professionals can provide care and routine to your mom that you simply can't. This is the case with my mom, she has absolutely THRIVED with the expert care that she's received these last 4 years and is doing so much better than any of us expected! There's no way I could have given her the care and the kind of help that she needed, but they did and she is so much better for it! Obviously the choice of homes is key - but getting professional help for your mom is not a bad thing, you are getting her the help that she - and you - need. I can't speak to your family issues, we can't change people or make them do the right thing - it is what it is. But for doing the right thing and being there for your mom you will be the one that is better off for it . -- His, Sherry daughter/guardian of , dx 4/09 with LBD, living in a nearby NH > My name is Shanon and I have lived in SF since 1990. In July 2010 my mom got very sick and ended up in a psych ward in Glendale , CA I flew down there and to my surprise the mom that I had just talked to 2 days before was completely different. She didn't know where she was, what state we were in and thought that she worked at the hospital..I was in shock! in Dec of that your 5 days before Christmas my mom was diagnosed with LBD. I had never heard of it before and didn't know what to expect or do, all I know was I had to be there for her. I went back home put my stuff in storage and came back and was there when she was released from the hospital and have been her sole caregiver 24/7 since July 30th 2010. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and not in a millions years did I think something like this could happen to my mom. She was a very healthy out going person. A massage therapist as well. It's been almost 2 years that > I've been in LA and it's taking it's toll on me and unfortunately if your not rich, you pretty much screwed when it comes to help. > > I thought that my " so called family " would be there, but they haven't done a thing. My brother and sister who I haven't talked to in 20 years( they dis-owned me because I'm gay) hasn't called her in months and on Xmas didn't call or even send a card... " what kind of person does that? I'm so disappointed in how people acted it still to this day I just don't get it, How do you abandon your own mother? that's sick! I've been looking for a nursing home for my mom because I can't keep this up to much longer and I need to get my life back on track or I'll be in big trouble. Neither one of us has money and I feel terrible having to put her in a home but I have no choice, I'm all she has and if I don't take care of myself I'll end up sick and homeless. I try to stay positive but it's becoming more and more hard to do, that's why I joined this group in hopes that reading other peoples stories well give me strength. I had no idea there was such a group until > a few days ago. I now know that I'm not alone. I wish the best to all of you in your journey and prayer for us all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2012 Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 Good Evening Vivian, Thank you for taking the time to read it, I appreciate that. it's been a long hard road and I know it's not going to get any easier as I get closer to putting my mom in a home, I just pray that I find a place for her where people will love her. I have so much respect for all the people who do what were doing ..I never thought that I would be in this position..but I am. I wish you all the best as well, hang in there.... Shanon ________________________________ To: LBDcaregivers Sent: Sunday, April 1, 2012 6:24 PM Subject: Re: MY FIRST POST Dear Shanon: Thank you for sharing your story. Reading these posts I know that I am not alone in this journey. The journey is not fun, but having each other and God make this journey possible. I have put both of my in-laws in a nursing home. Those 2 days were the hardest I have been through. You doubt what you are doing, doubt if it right thing to do, etc. My heart was heavy, but I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do for both of them when the time came. I am not sure of distances if moving her to a NH out where you live would be an option. I hope that you find the best for your mother. I wish you all the best!!!! Vivian (husband dx with PD, then LBD in 2010, but something going in for at least 8 years) > ** > > > My name is Shanon and I have lived in SF since 1990. In July 2010 my mom > got very sick and ended up in a psych ward in Glendale , CA I flew down > there and to my surprise the mom that I had just talked to 2 days before > was completely different. She didn't know where she was, what state we were > in and thought that she worked at the hospital..I was in shock! in Dec of > that your 5 days before Christmas my mom was diagnosed with LBD. I had > never heard of it before and didn't know what to expect or do, all I know > was I had to be there for her. I went back home put my stuff in storage and > came back and was there when she was released from the hospital and have > been her sole caregiver 24/7 since July 30th 2010. This has been the > hardest thing I have ever done in my life and not in a millions years did I > think something like this could happen to my mom. She was a very healthy > out going person. A massage therapist as well. It's been almost 2 years that > I've been in LA and it's taking it's toll on me and unfortunately if your > not rich, you pretty much screwed when it comes to help. > > I thought that my " so called family " would be there, but they haven't done > a thing. My brother and sister who I haven't talked to in 20 years( they > dis-owned me because I'm gay) hasn't called her in months and > on Xmas didn't call or even send a card... " what kind of person does that? > I'm so disappointed in how people acted it still to this day I just don't > get it, How do you abandon your own mother? that's sick! I've been looking > for a nursing home for my mom because I can't keep this up to much longer > and I need to get my life back on track or I'll be in big trouble. Neither > one of us has money and I feel terrible having to put her in a home but I > have no choice, I'm all she has and if I don't take care of myself I'll end > up sick and homeless. I try to stay positive but it's becoming more and > more hard to do, that's why I joined this group in hopes that reading other > peoples stories well give me strength. I had no idea there was such a group > until > a few days ago. I now know that I'm not alone. I wish the best to all of > you in your journey and prayer for us all. > > Peaces Shanon > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 2, 2012 Report Share Posted April 2, 2012 Hi, . Recognizing the need for a nursing home is a huge first step. For me, it took some medical Drama and a lot of support before I could accept it. Before anything else, go to www.medicare.gov and click on Facilities and Doctors, then on Compare Nursing Homes. Medicare conducts yearly (or is it semi yearly) inspections of all nursing facilities and scores them in several different areas. You can find those that are considered the best in you area, and you can determine who is the best in the areas you are most concerned with. The best often have waiting lists, so it is important to get your mom's name in ASAP in as many as you would find acceptable. Moving someone with dementia isn't always a good idea, but if you end up with a nursing home that you really don't like, you can move to another if necessary. If you are concerned about paying for it, check into Medicaid or other assistance right away. My mom's Medicaid application took 6 months, but the nursing home was patient about it and waited for reimbursement (it was retroactive to the date that Mom entered the facility). Start by checking the medicare.gov listings and then call the county senior services ASAP to talk about help. Best wishes. Kate > ** > > > My name is Shanon and I have lived in SF since 1990. In July 2010 my mom > got very sick and ended up in a psych ward in Glendale , CA I flew down > there and to my surprise the mom that I had just talked to 2 days before > was completely different. She didn't know where she was, what state we were > in and thought that she worked at the hospital..I was in shock! in Dec of > that your 5 days before Christmas my mom was diagnosed with LBD. I had > never heard of it before and didn't know what to expect or do, all I know > was I had to be there for her. I went back home put my stuff in storage and > came back and was there when she was released from the hospital and have > been her sole caregiver 24/7 since July 30th 2010. This has been the > hardest thing I have ever done in my life and not in a millions years did I > think something like this could happen to my mom. She was a very healthy > out going person. A massage therapist as well. It's been almost 2 years that > I've been in LA and it's taking it's toll on me and unfortunately if your > not rich, you pretty much screwed when it comes to help. > > I thought that my " so called family " would be there, but they haven't done > a thing. My brother and sister who I haven't talked to in 20 years( they > dis-owned me because I'm gay) hasn't called her in months and > on Xmas didn't call or even send a card... " what kind of person does that? > I'm so disappointed in how people acted it still to this day I just don't > get it, How do you abandon your own mother? that's sick! I've been looking > for a nursing home for my mom because I can't keep this up to much longer > and I need to get my life back on track or I'll be in big trouble. Neither > one of us has money and I feel terrible having to put her in a home but I > have no choice, I'm all she has and if I don't take care of myself I'll end > up sick and homeless. I try to stay positive but it's becoming more and > more hard to do, that's why I joined this group in hopes that reading other > peoples stories well give me strength. I had no idea there was such a group > until > a few days ago. I now know that I'm not alone. I wish the best to all of > you in your journey and prayer for us all. > > Peaces Shanon > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 3, 2012 Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 The list is at www.medicare.gov then (on the left side) click on Facilities and Doctors and then on the next page click on Compare Nursing Homes (in the center of the page). The next page that comes up has a very small font, but the important thing is to click in the middle of the page Find and Compare Nursing Homes. Then you will be asked how you want to search. I found that by county or zip code (within a distance you select) works the best, but use what you are most comfortable with. The next page that comes up is also small font, but just click on Continue and your listings will come up. Medicare is the government health plan for people over 65. It's been around since the 60s and the administration. Your mom might also have a supplemental health provider, like Blue Cross Blue Shield's Senior Gold or something closer to home. If she can't tell you, check her wallet for insurance cards or, if that fails, enlist the help of her doctor's office. The business office should know who covers her bills. Medicaid is the same as Medical Assistance, covering health care for people in severe financial straits. If your mom has less than $3000 (might be a different number in CA), she qualifies for Medicaid. Many people in my parents' generation are skittish about this because it sounds too much like " the dole. " (What they called welfare.) My response to many of them, and it seems to help, is that they have paid taxes all of their lives and this is what they have been paying them for. They aren't getting a handout. They are getting back some of the investment they made when they paid their taxes. Even if she isn't down to $3000, call your county Senior Services (usually part of Family Services). There are a number of steps in assistance for people who aren't quite at the financial guideline for Medicaid. Be aware that a nursing home is going to get your mother there pretty quickly, though. My mother received assistance to lower the cost of senior daycare while she was at home. We lived together and I had to go to work, but couldn't leave her alone. So the county helped with something called Alternative Care (here in MN) that had her pay for her daycare, but on a sliding scale that really only cost her a very small percentage of the total cost. But it is critical that you *contact social services today* and get things started. If you do nothing else today, make that call, even if you end up on hold for an hour! At least get your mom into the system. One note, I found that suburban offices of Social Services are much easier to deal with. If you have such offices in the suburbs near you, I'd suggest starting there. Again, don't let your mom balk at Social Services. This is what the taxes she has paid over the years are for and she has every right to use it. This is a rough journey. If the nursing home you find has a social worker that you can form a working relationship with, that's half the battle (the other half is the nursing staff). Build relationships with the staff wherever you go. Decades ago, we had to get my grandmother into a nursing home quickly and we were never all that happy with the one she ended up in. That was back when they drugged patients to make them more manageable. (Recent experience has demonstrated to me that this is not always bad. NH staff gets screamed at, kicked, punched and in general abused and other residents can be frightened when someone really goes off. It isn't often that bad, but every time I saw this, I considered quitting my job and taking Mom out of the NH, which would have been a REALLY BAD IDEA.) One thing that never occurred to us was that we could have, after getting her into the one nursing home quickly, taken the time to find one that was better and moved grandma to it. Remember that, even if you have to take what you can get immediately, it can buy you time to find a place that you really want your mom in. (And moving her to SF is a great excuse for this without offending anybody.) A number of people here will attest to how hard it is to be a caregiver at a distance. You don't have to keep your mom in the county she lives in now just to get assistance. If you want to go back to SF, find a place for your mom there. Especially as it seems this is all falling on your shoulders. The idea of staying close to her friends, etc., is nice but in reality many friends will still be unable to visit and she is unlikely to notice their absence. The important thing is for you to have your life back in a place (like SF) that you consider home and still are able to visit her often. And you will need to be calm in order for your mom to be calm, so it is important for you to have your life, too. Good luck with Social Services. It's a lot of paperwork, much of which repeats itself. You'll become really good at jumping through hoops. Kate > ** > > > Thanks so much for the tips Kate, I have to put her in a home by next week > and I'm freaking out! Just curious is medicare the same as medicaid? and > where would I find the listing that medicare inspects? is it on their > website...thanks so much > Shanon > > > > ________________________________ > > To: LBDcaregivers > Sent: Monday, April 2, 2012 6:41 AM > > Subject: Re: MY FIRST POST > > Hi, . > > Recognizing the need for a nursing home is a huge first step. For me, it > took some medical Drama and a lot of support before I could accept it. > > Before anything else, go to www.medicare.gov and click on Facilities and > Doctors, then on Compare Nursing Homes. Medicare conducts yearly (or is it > semi yearly) inspections of all nursing facilities and scores them in > several different areas. You can find those that are considered the best > in you area, and you can determine who is the best in the areas you are > most concerned with. The best often have waiting lists, so it is important > to get your mom's name in ASAP in as many as you would find acceptable. > Moving someone with dementia isn't always a good idea, but if you end up > with a nursing home that you really don't like, you can move to another if > necessary. If you are concerned about paying for it, check into Medicaid > or other assistance right away. My mom's Medicaid application took 6 > months, but the nursing home was patient about it and waited for > reimbursement (it was retroactive to the date that Mom entered the > facility). Start by checking the medicare.gov listings and then call the > county senior services ASAP to talk about help. > > Best wishes. > > Kate > > > > > ** > > > > > > > My name is Shanon and I have lived in SF since 1990. In July 2010 my mom > > got very sick and ended up in a psych ward in Glendale , CA I flew down > > there and to my surprise the mom that I had just talked to 2 days before > > was completely different. She didn't know where she was, what state we > were > > in and thought that she worked at the hospital..I was in shock! in Dec of > > that your 5 days before Christmas my mom was diagnosed with LBD. I had > > never heard of it before and didn't know what to expect or do, all I know > > was I had to be there for her. I went back home put my stuff in storage > and > > came back and was there when she was released from the hospital and have > > been her sole caregiver 24/7 since July 30th 2010. This has been the > > hardest thing I have ever done in my life and not in a millions years > did I > > think something like this could happen to my mom. She was a very healthy > > out going person. A massage therapist as well. It's been almost 2 years > that > > I've been in LA and it's taking it's toll on me and unfortunately if your > > not rich, you pretty much screwed when it comes to help. > > > > I thought that my " so called family " would be there, but they haven't > done > > a thing. My brother and sister who I haven't talked to in 20 years( they > > dis-owned me because I'm gay) hasn't called her in months and > > on Xmas didn't call or even send a card... " what kind of person does that? > > I'm so disappointed in how people acted it still to this day I just don't > > get it, How do you abandon your own mother? that's sick! I've been > looking > > for a nursing home for my mom because I can't keep this up to much longer > > and I need to get my life back on track or I'll be in big trouble. > Neither > > one of us has money and I feel terrible having to put her in a home but I > > have no choice, I'm all she has and if I don't take care of myself I'll > end > > up sick and homeless. I try to stay positive but it's becoming more and > > more hard to do, that's why I joined this group in hopes that reading > other > > peoples stories well give me strength. I had no idea there was such a > group > > until > > a few days ago. I now know that I'm not alone. I wish the best to all of > > you in your journey and prayer for us all. > > > > Peaces Shanon > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 3, 2012 Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 The list is at www.medicare.gov then (on the left side) click on Facilities and Doctors and then on the next page click on Compare Nursing Homes (in the center of the page). The next page that comes up has a very small font, but the important thing is to click in the middle of the page Find and Compare Nursing Homes. Then you will be asked how you want to search. I found that by county or zip code (within a distance you select) works the best, but use what you are most comfortable with. The next page that comes up is also small font, but just click on Continue and your listings will come up. Medicare is the government health plan for people over 65. It's been around since the 60s and the administration. Your mom might also have a supplemental health provider, like Blue Cross Blue Shield's Senior Gold or something closer to home. If she can't tell you, check her wallet for insurance cards or, if that fails, enlist the help of her doctor's office. The business office should know who covers her bills. Medicaid is the same as Medical Assistance, covering health care for people in severe financial straits. If your mom has less than $3000 (might be a different number in CA), she qualifies for Medicaid. Many people in my parents' generation are skittish about this because it sounds too much like " the dole. " (What they called welfare.) My response to many of them, and it seems to help, is that they have paid taxes all of their lives and this is what they have been paying them for. They aren't getting a handout. They are getting back some of the investment they made when they paid their taxes. Even if she isn't down to $3000, call your county Senior Services (usually part of Family Services). There are a number of steps in assistance for people who aren't quite at the financial guideline for Medicaid. Be aware that a nursing home is going to get your mother there pretty quickly, though. My mother received assistance to lower the cost of senior daycare while she was at home. We lived together and I had to go to work, but couldn't leave her alone. So the county helped with something called Alternative Care (here in MN) that had her pay for her daycare, but on a sliding scale that really only cost her a very small percentage of the total cost. But it is critical that you *contact social services today* and get things started. If you do nothing else today, make that call, even if you end up on hold for an hour! At least get your mom into the system. One note, I found that suburban offices of Social Services are much easier to deal with. If you have such offices in the suburbs near you, I'd suggest starting there. Again, don't let your mom balk at Social Services. This is what the taxes she has paid over the years are for and she has every right to use it. This is a rough journey. If the nursing home you find has a social worker that you can form a working relationship with, that's half the battle (the other half is the nursing staff). Build relationships with the staff wherever you go. Decades ago, we had to get my grandmother into a nursing home quickly and we were never all that happy with the one she ended up in. That was back when they drugged patients to make them more manageable. (Recent experience has demonstrated to me that this is not always bad. NH staff gets screamed at, kicked, punched and in general abused and other residents can be frightened when someone really goes off. It isn't often that bad, but every time I saw this, I considered quitting my job and taking Mom out of the NH, which would have been a REALLY BAD IDEA.) One thing that never occurred to us was that we could have, after getting her into the one nursing home quickly, taken the time to find one that was better and moved grandma to it. Remember that, even if you have to take what you can get immediately, it can buy you time to find a place that you really want your mom in. (And moving her to SF is a great excuse for this without offending anybody.) A number of people here will attest to how hard it is to be a caregiver at a distance. You don't have to keep your mom in the county she lives in now just to get assistance. If you want to go back to SF, find a place for your mom there. Especially as it seems this is all falling on your shoulders. The idea of staying close to her friends, etc., is nice but in reality many friends will still be unable to visit and she is unlikely to notice their absence. The important thing is for you to have your life back in a place (like SF) that you consider home and still are able to visit her often. And you will need to be calm in order for your mom to be calm, so it is important for you to have your life, too. Good luck with Social Services. It's a lot of paperwork, much of which repeats itself. You'll become really good at jumping through hoops. Kate > ** > > > Thanks so much for the tips Kate, I have to put her in a home by next week > and I'm freaking out! Just curious is medicare the same as medicaid? and > where would I find the listing that medicare inspects? is it on their > website...thanks so much > Shanon > > > > ________________________________ > > To: LBDcaregivers > Sent: Monday, April 2, 2012 6:41 AM > > Subject: Re: MY FIRST POST > > Hi, . > > Recognizing the need for a nursing home is a huge first step. For me, it > took some medical Drama and a lot of support before I could accept it. > > Before anything else, go to www.medicare.gov and click on Facilities and > Doctors, then on Compare Nursing Homes. Medicare conducts yearly (or is it > semi yearly) inspections of all nursing facilities and scores them in > several different areas. You can find those that are considered the best > in you area, and you can determine who is the best in the areas you are > most concerned with. The best often have waiting lists, so it is important > to get your mom's name in ASAP in as many as you would find acceptable. > Moving someone with dementia isn't always a good idea, but if you end up > with a nursing home that you really don't like, you can move to another if > necessary. If you are concerned about paying for it, check into Medicaid > or other assistance right away. My mom's Medicaid application took 6 > months, but the nursing home was patient about it and waited for > reimbursement (it was retroactive to the date that Mom entered the > facility). Start by checking the medicare.gov listings and then call the > county senior services ASAP to talk about help. > > Best wishes. > > Kate > > > > > ** > > > > > > > My name is Shanon and I have lived in SF since 1990. In July 2010 my mom > > got very sick and ended up in a psych ward in Glendale , CA I flew down > > there and to my surprise the mom that I had just talked to 2 days before > > was completely different. She didn't know where she was, what state we > were > > in and thought that she worked at the hospital..I was in shock! in Dec of > > that your 5 days before Christmas my mom was diagnosed with LBD. I had > > never heard of it before and didn't know what to expect or do, all I know > > was I had to be there for her. I went back home put my stuff in storage > and > > came back and was there when she was released from the hospital and have > > been her sole caregiver 24/7 since July 30th 2010. This has been the > > hardest thing I have ever done in my life and not in a millions years > did I > > think something like this could happen to my mom. She was a very healthy > > out going person. A massage therapist as well. It's been almost 2 years > that > > I've been in LA and it's taking it's toll on me and unfortunately if your > > not rich, you pretty much screwed when it comes to help. > > > > I thought that my " so called family " would be there, but they haven't > done > > a thing. My brother and sister who I haven't talked to in 20 years( they > > dis-owned me because I'm gay) hasn't called her in months and > > on Xmas didn't call or even send a card... " what kind of person does that? > > I'm so disappointed in how people acted it still to this day I just don't > > get it, How do you abandon your own mother? that's sick! I've been > looking > > for a nursing home for my mom because I can't keep this up to much longer > > and I need to get my life back on track or I'll be in big trouble. > Neither > > one of us has money and I feel terrible having to put her in a home but I > > have no choice, I'm all she has and if I don't take care of myself I'll > end > > up sick and homeless. I try to stay positive but it's becoming more and > > more hard to do, that's why I joined this group in hopes that reading > other > > peoples stories well give me strength. I had no idea there was such a > group > > until > > a few days ago. I now know that I'm not alone. I wish the best to all of > > you in your journey and prayer for us all. > > > > Peaces Shanon > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 4, 2012 Report Share Posted April 4, 2012 Hi Shanon: I wish you good luck on finding a good placement for your mother. Going through the " hoops " can be daunting. Ask questions, keep a log on who and what you talked about. Gather up all documents for your mother you can find: any bills she may have, all insurance papers, will, any funeral planning she may have done, birth certificate, if married, divorced, etc, any of those papers. marriage license if it applies. A photo ID, any info on her bank accounts. Any anything you may see that may be important. When you apply, they will make copies of anything they may need, YOU keep all originals. I hope this helps if you have not gathered any important documents. Vivian > ** > > > Hi Shanon, > I haven't been posting much lately, but I did want to welcome you to the > group. Please take care of yourself and allow yourself to rest and heal. > Regards from NY, > Helene > (Mom 78, 12 years with LBD - late stage) > > > > > >> My name is Shanon and I have lived in SF since 1990. In July 2010 my > mom got very sick and ended up in a psych ward in Glendale , CA I flew down > there and to my surprise the mom that I had just talked to 2 days before > was completely different. She didn't know where she was, what state we were > in and thought that she worked at the hospital..I was in shock! in Dec of > that your 5 days before Christmas my mom was diagnosed with LBD. I had > never heard of it before and didn't know what to expect or do, all I know > was I had to be there for her. I went back home put my stuff in storage and > came back and was there when she was released from the hospital and have > been her sole caregiver 24/7 since July 30th 2010. This has been the > hardest thing I have ever done in my life and not in a millions years did I > think something like this could happen to my mom. She was a very healthy > out going person. A massage therapist as well. It's been almost 2 years that > > >> I've been in LA and it's taking it's toll on me and unfortunately if > your not rich, you pretty much screwed when it comes to help. > > >> > > >> I thought that my " so called family " would be there, but they haven't > done a thing. My brother and sister who I haven't talked to in 20 years( > they dis-owned me because I'm gay) hasn't called her in months and on Xmas > didn't call or even send a card... " what kind of person does that? I'm so > disappointed in how people acted it still to this day I just don't get it, > How do you abandon your own mother? that's sick! I've been looking for a > nursing home for my mom because I can't keep this up to much longer and I > need to get my life back on track or I'll be in big trouble. Neither one of > us has money and I feel terrible having to put her in a home but I have no > choice, I'm all she has and if I don't take care of myself I'll end up sick > and homeless. I try to stay positive but it's becoming more and more hard > to do, that's why I joined this group in hopes that reading other peoples > stories well give me strength. I had no idea there was such a group until > > >> a few days ago. I now know that I'm not alone. I wish the best to all > of you in your journey and prayer for us all. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 4, 2012 Report Share Posted April 4, 2012 Hi Shanon: I wish you good luck on finding a good placement for your mother. Going through the " hoops " can be daunting. Ask questions, keep a log on who and what you talked about. Gather up all documents for your mother you can find: any bills she may have, all insurance papers, will, any funeral planning she may have done, birth certificate, if married, divorced, etc, any of those papers. marriage license if it applies. A photo ID, any info on her bank accounts. Any anything you may see that may be important. When you apply, they will make copies of anything they may need, YOU keep all originals. I hope this helps if you have not gathered any important documents. Vivian > ** > > > Hi Shanon, > I haven't been posting much lately, but I did want to welcome you to the > group. Please take care of yourself and allow yourself to rest and heal. > Regards from NY, > Helene > (Mom 78, 12 years with LBD - late stage) > > > > > >> My name is Shanon and I have lived in SF since 1990. In July 2010 my > mom got very sick and ended up in a psych ward in Glendale , CA I flew down > there and to my surprise the mom that I had just talked to 2 days before > was completely different. She didn't know where she was, what state we were > in and thought that she worked at the hospital..I was in shock! in Dec of > that your 5 days before Christmas my mom was diagnosed with LBD. I had > never heard of it before and didn't know what to expect or do, all I know > was I had to be there for her. I went back home put my stuff in storage and > came back and was there when she was released from the hospital and have > been her sole caregiver 24/7 since July 30th 2010. This has been the > hardest thing I have ever done in my life and not in a millions years did I > think something like this could happen to my mom. She was a very healthy > out going person. A massage therapist as well. It's been almost 2 years that > > >> I've been in LA and it's taking it's toll on me and unfortunately if > your not rich, you pretty much screwed when it comes to help. > > >> > > >> I thought that my " so called family " would be there, but they haven't > done a thing. My brother and sister who I haven't talked to in 20 years( > they dis-owned me because I'm gay) hasn't called her in months and on Xmas > didn't call or even send a card... " what kind of person does that? I'm so > disappointed in how people acted it still to this day I just don't get it, > How do you abandon your own mother? that's sick! I've been looking for a > nursing home for my mom because I can't keep this up to much longer and I > need to get my life back on track or I'll be in big trouble. Neither one of > us has money and I feel terrible having to put her in a home but I have no > choice, I'm all she has and if I don't take care of myself I'll end up sick > and homeless. I try to stay positive but it's becoming more and more hard > to do, that's why I joined this group in hopes that reading other peoples > stories well give me strength. I had no idea there was such a group until > > >> a few days ago. I now know that I'm not alone. I wish the best to all > of you in your journey and prayer for us all. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 4, 2012 Report Share Posted April 4, 2012 Hi Shanon: I wish you good luck on finding a good placement for your mother. Going through the " hoops " can be daunting. Ask questions, keep a log on who and what you talked about. Gather up all documents for your mother you can find: any bills she may have, all insurance papers, will, any funeral planning she may have done, birth certificate, if married, divorced, etc, any of those papers. marriage license if it applies. A photo ID, any info on her bank accounts. Any anything you may see that may be important. When you apply, they will make copies of anything they may need, YOU keep all originals. I hope this helps if you have not gathered any important documents. Vivian > ** > > > Hi Shanon, > I haven't been posting much lately, but I did want to welcome you to the > group. Please take care of yourself and allow yourself to rest and heal. > Regards from NY, > Helene > (Mom 78, 12 years with LBD - late stage) > > > > > >> My name is Shanon and I have lived in SF since 1990. In July 2010 my > mom got very sick and ended up in a psych ward in Glendale , CA I flew down > there and to my surprise the mom that I had just talked to 2 days before > was completely different. She didn't know where she was, what state we were > in and thought that she worked at the hospital..I was in shock! in Dec of > that your 5 days before Christmas my mom was diagnosed with LBD. I had > never heard of it before and didn't know what to expect or do, all I know > was I had to be there for her. I went back home put my stuff in storage and > came back and was there when she was released from the hospital and have > been her sole caregiver 24/7 since July 30th 2010. This has been the > hardest thing I have ever done in my life and not in a millions years did I > think something like this could happen to my mom. She was a very healthy > out going person. A massage therapist as well. It's been almost 2 years that > > >> I've been in LA and it's taking it's toll on me and unfortunately if > your not rich, you pretty much screwed when it comes to help. > > >> > > >> I thought that my " so called family " would be there, but they haven't > done a thing. My brother and sister who I haven't talked to in 20 years( > they dis-owned me because I'm gay) hasn't called her in months and on Xmas > didn't call or even send a card... " what kind of person does that? I'm so > disappointed in how people acted it still to this day I just don't get it, > How do you abandon your own mother? that's sick! I've been looking for a > nursing home for my mom because I can't keep this up to much longer and I > need to get my life back on track or I'll be in big trouble. Neither one of > us has money and I feel terrible having to put her in a home but I have no > choice, I'm all she has and if I don't take care of myself I'll end up sick > and homeless. I try to stay positive but it's becoming more and more hard > to do, that's why I joined this group in hopes that reading other peoples > stories well give me strength. I had no idea there was such a group until > > >> a few days ago. I now know that I'm not alone. I wish the best to all > of you in your journey and prayer for us all. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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