Re: Things are getting more and more difficult (to Kate)

April 12, 2012

You know Kate, I thought about doing that very thing myself (filming a doco

about Dad's condition) but I don't think he would appreciate it. He's quite a

private person. But yes, you're right, my brother is a 'photo journalist'. He

works for a program called Foreign Correspondent. Unfortunately all their

stories are internationally-based. None are filmed here in Australia.

But...having said that, he has worked on other, domestic-based current affairs

programs here, so that could very well be a possibility. My background is also

in television and my brother and I both worked for the ABC at the same time, so

I too have contacts there. I've given this idea much thought in recent times

and I feel that my work in this area (ie. bringing more awareness to LBD/PDD)

will come after the inevitable happens and Dad is gone. I feel that anything I

do right now would be taking away time with him. Does that make sense?

Where getting Mum away for a break is concerned, I've tried and she won't hear

of it. The doctor tried to put her on sleeping tablets recently but she flat out

refused because she wants to be able to wake up when Dad does during the night,

not only to help him out of bed but in case something happens, she wants to have

her wits about her. I can understand that. So she won't spend even one night

away from him. I've offered to have Dad stay here or I stay at my parents'

house but she insists it's ok. She has started some anti-anxiety drugs recently

and I believe they are just starting to kick in as she's not 'reacting' to

everything as she normally does. And Mum has never been the kind of person to

venture too much out of the norm so heading out of town without Dad, etc, just

wouldn't happen.

I know my parents are really grateful to have me back in town and helping where

I can. I also know we need to take things day-by-day and not predict the

unpredictable.

Thanks for all your great ideas Kate, they're so appreciated

Tania.

>

> > **

> >

> > Hi Kate.

> >

> > Mum openly admits to loving having the kids around. She loves them so much

> > and it allows her to nurture, something she enjoys. I always encourage her

> > to say 'no' which is something she's not great at. She gets a small amount

> > ($120) a fortnight for taking care of the kids and doing my brother's

> > business' bookkeeping. He is financially well-off and in a position to pay

> > her triple that amount, and more, but doesn't. It's the same rate he's been

> > paying her for years.

> >

> > My eldest brother does get time off but he either spends it renovating

> > properties he owns, skiing or just being at home in Sydney. This makes him

> > sound very selfish but he's actually not. He has offered on many an

> > occasion to pay for any medical costs for Dad (and Mum) so I guess that's

> > where he feels his strength lies, rather than in being 'around' more often.

> > Having said that, he has also taken us (my parents and I) out to dinner

> > many times. I know all of my brothers really well - where their

> > strengths/weaknesses, courage/fears lie and I'm hoping that when the times

> > get tougher, they'll step up to the plate. They're integrity-driven but I

> > think it'll take a little more to draw it out of them further, if that

> > makes sense!?

> >

> > Thanks for all of your great words of wisdom and I will definitely give

> > Mum a hug for you - she'll love that

> >

> > I'll keep you posted.

> >

> > Tania.

April 16, 2012

Your mom sounds so much like the women in my mother's family. They will

crawl before they ask someone to help them walk. It took me many years,

not just with caregiving, but with the rest of my life, too, to realize

that you are doing someone a favor - even an honor - when you let them help

you. I will never forget a pastor who very sincerely thanked me for

letting him help me. It was a turning point. I thought it was just

Minnesota, but I see that it is also Australia where (according to radio

personality and writer Garrison Keillor) " the women are strong, the men are

good looking and all of the children are above average. "

These years in your dad's life are so important, so special. I hope that

your brothers understand that before it is too late and try to spend more

time with him. A couple of my sisters only understood it after we moved

my mom into a nursing home. Do their children a favor, if you get the

chance, and gather as many stories of their past and their families as

possible. One of them is likely to become very interested in family

history and the stories your parents can tell will help them connect. For

some parents, it helps them to tell the stories, too. It helps them

remember who they are and what they've done. And just telling the stories

brings them some satisfaction.

I'm glad you and your mother have each other at this time. Keep watching

out for each other (I'm sure she's watching you, too). Hugs to you and Mum.

Kate

> **

>

> Hey Kate.

>

> Mum more or less reached crisis mode in late January when she had surgery

> on four prolapses which came from lifting Dad. Even then, as soon as she

> was out of hospital she was back to her old self but thankfully they were

> both staying with me, so I took over the reigns for a month.

>

> I'm definitely watching her closely. I keep a close eye on both of them

> because they're both naughty at times!

>

> We've been getting Dad out most days, walking up and down the ramp that

> was built out the front of their house. He protests but I think it helps

> his confidence. He seems pleased with himself once he finishes his 'walk'.

>

> Thanks so much Kate. I'll let Mum know you're looking out for her from

> 'over there'. She'll be so pleased

>

> Hugs from Oz, Tania

>

> > > >

> > > > > **

> > >

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi Kate.

> > > > >

> > > > > Mum openly admits to loving having the kids around. She loves them

> so

> > > much

> > > > > and it allows her to nurture, something she enjoys. I always

> encourage

> > > her

> > > > > to say 'no' which is something she's not great at. She gets a small

> > > amount

> > > > > ($120) a fortnight for taking care of the kids and doing my

> brother's

> > > > > business' bookkeeping. He is financially well-off and in a

> position to

> > > pay

> > > > > her triple that amount, and more, but doesn't. It's the same rate

> he's

> > > been

> > > > > paying her for years.

> > > > >

> > > > > My eldest brother does get time off but he either spends it

> renovating

> > > > > properties he owns, skiing or just being at home in Sydney. This

> makes

> > > him

> > > > > sound very selfish but he's actually not. He has offered on many an

> > > > > occasion to pay for any medical costs for Dad (and Mum) so I guess

> > > that's

> > > > > where he feels his strength lies, rather than in being 'around'

> more

> > > often.

> > > > > Having said that, he has also taken us (my parents and I) out to

> dinner

> > > > > many times. I know all of my brothers really well - where their

> > > > > strengths/weaknesses, courage/fears lie and I'm hoping that when

> the

> > > times

> > > > > get tougher, they'll step up to the plate. They're integrity-driven

> > > but I

> > > > > think it'll take a little more to draw it out of them further, if

> that

> > > > > makes sense!?

> > > > >

> > > > > Thanks for all of your great words of wisdom and I will definitely

> give

> > > > > Mum a hug for you - she'll love that

> > > > >

> > > > > I'll keep you posted.

> > > > >

> > > > > Tania.

> > >

> >

> > --

> > Kate Knapp, OIT

> > University of Minnesota

> >

> > You were born with certain gifts and talents.

> > In kindergarten you were taught to share.

> > The world needs all of the gifts it can get.

> > Don't be shy.

> >

April 16, 2012