RE: Power of Attorney problems

[Guest guest]

My comments below, separated by ***

>

> Hi all:

>

> An update on Mom. She broke her hip on March 17th and is still in the hospital

because she's confused. Then there was a strike threatened, the unit she was in

was closed. They moved her on Tuesday from her private room to a ward in another

unit, three roommates. *sigh* She's more confused than ever now. I still don't

know if LBD is what the problem is, but sure seems like it. < snip

***Sorry to learn this! Change is not good for our loved ones. I think Mom

spent a lot of time trying to remember everything when a change occurred. I

hope she gets settled in soon and can relax. ***

>

snip < > But NO! They first have to send the POA to their legal department to

approve, which will take several days. Then once it's OK'd, they want to TALK to

her, to make sure it's OK by her that I'm using the POA. WHAT? I was like, why

the heck do you think I'm here with this POA, she is no longer competent to make

decisions for herself! Oh, then we'll need a letter from her doctor stating

that.

***I remember having to get a letter from Mom's doctor, too. It was so long

ago, I can't now remember what prompted that, though.***

>

snip< > Does anyone have any insight on this? Am I being led down the garden

path?

***I found that each entity needing the POA was different. My mother had a

credit card account. She never used it. I never found the credit card in her

papers. But, she would get updates on terms from the credit card company.

There was never a contact person on any of those letters, either. I finally

figured out what company it was and called to see what it would take to cancel

the credit card. After a series of conversations, I was finally told that they

would not cancel it without the ORIGINAL POA! Needless to say, that was not

going to happen and they refused to cancel her account. I sent a certified

letter to them stating that neither my mother or I would be responsible if any

of the blank checks, etc., that were sent out were stolen by another person.

[Guest guest]

My comments below, separated by ***

>

> Hi all:

>

> An update on Mom. She broke her hip on March 17th and is still in the hospital

because she's confused. Then there was a strike threatened, the unit she was in

was closed. They moved her on Tuesday from her private room to a ward in another

unit, three roommates. *sigh* She's more confused than ever now. I still don't

know if LBD is what the problem is, but sure seems like it. < snip

***Sorry to learn this! Change is not good for our loved ones. I think Mom

spent a lot of time trying to remember everything when a change occurred. I

hope she gets settled in soon and can relax. ***

>

snip < > But NO! They first have to send the POA to their legal department to

approve, which will take several days. Then once it's OK'd, they want to TALK to

her, to make sure it's OK by her that I'm using the POA. WHAT? I was like, why

the heck do you think I'm here with this POA, she is no longer competent to make

decisions for herself! Oh, then we'll need a letter from her doctor stating

that.

***I remember having to get a letter from Mom's doctor, too. It was so long

ago, I can't now remember what prompted that, though.***

>

snip< > Does anyone have any insight on this? Am I being led down the garden

path?

***I found that each entity needing the POA was different. My mother had a

credit card account. She never used it. I never found the credit card in her

papers. But, she would get updates on terms from the credit card company.

There was never a contact person on any of those letters, either. I finally

figured out what company it was and called to see what it would take to cancel

the credit card. After a series of conversations, I was finally told that they

would not cancel it without the ORIGINAL POA! Needless to say, that was not

going to happen and they refused to cancel her account. I sent a certified

letter to them stating that neither my mother or I would be responsible if any

of the blank checks, etc., that were sent out were stolen by another person.

[Guest guest]

My comments below, separated by ***

>

> Hi all:

>

> An update on Mom. She broke her hip on March 17th and is still in the hospital

because she's confused. Then there was a strike threatened, the unit she was in

was closed. They moved her on Tuesday from her private room to a ward in another

unit, three roommates. *sigh* She's more confused than ever now. I still don't

know if LBD is what the problem is, but sure seems like it. < snip

***Sorry to learn this! Change is not good for our loved ones. I think Mom

spent a lot of time trying to remember everything when a change occurred. I

hope she gets settled in soon and can relax. ***

>

snip < > But NO! They first have to send the POA to their legal department to

approve, which will take several days. Then once it's OK'd, they want to TALK to

her, to make sure it's OK by her that I'm using the POA. WHAT? I was like, why

the heck do you think I'm here with this POA, she is no longer competent to make

decisions for herself! Oh, then we'll need a letter from her doctor stating

that.

***I remember having to get a letter from Mom's doctor, too. It was so long

ago, I can't now remember what prompted that, though.***

>

snip< > Does anyone have any insight on this? Am I being led down the garden

path?

***I found that each entity needing the POA was different. My mother had a

credit card account. She never used it. I never found the credit card in her

papers. But, she would get updates on terms from the credit card company.

There was never a contact person on any of those letters, either. I finally

figured out what company it was and called to see what it would take to cancel

the credit card. After a series of conversations, I was finally told that they

would not cancel it without the ORIGINAL POA! Needless to say, that was not

going to happen and they refused to cancel her account. I sent a certified

letter to them stating that neither my mother or I would be responsible if any

of the blank checks, etc., that were sent out were stolen by another person.

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure how it works in Canada, but I found out that not everyone has

to recognize POA here in Minnesota. For example, the Veterans'

Administration, a federal agency, doesn't recognize POA and I had to go

through total strangers to get Mom's application for benefits through.

Though you see an attorney, in our circumstances one of the best in

Minneapolis according to a few sources, it doesn't have to be recognized

and each organization may do as they please with it. Emergency rooms

generally ignore POA. I was almost ready to file for guardianship, as it

has the court's blessing and I believe it therefore has to be recognized.

But Mom was still aware of things around her and this would have devastated

her.

A word to the wise - if the hospital is going through labor issues, be

there as much as you can and participate in her care as much as you are

allowed. When my mom broke her shoulders, the hospital went through a huge

lay-off and almost all of the staff on the unit she was in was laid off.

So nurses and aides with no orthopedic experience and with no understanding

of dementia were caring her. (Most of them came from Pediatrics and

OB/GYN.) They gave her aides that were the tiniest people I've ever seen

and those aides thought it was OK to lift her without a hoist - and dropped

her. This was also the incident in which Mom was given Haldol in the

middle of the night with none of her family there, despite my insisting on

having the LBDA fact sheet placed in her chart and informing all I could

see of the dangers of this drug. So, if you can do it, make sure someone

is with her 24x7 and watches her care closely. Someone the hospital has to

listen to.

Good luck.

Kate

> **

>

>

> Hi all:

>

> An update on Mom. She broke her hip on March 17th and is still in the

> hospital because she's confused. Then there was a strike threatened, the

> unit she was in was closed. They moved her on Tuesday from her private room

> to a ward in another unit, three roommates. *sigh* She's more confused than

> ever now. I still don't know if LBD is what the problem is, but sure seems

> like it.

>

> Meanwhile, I've started the process to get her into long term care. Here

> in Canada many of these facilities are subsidized, but you need to provide

> a tax return to prove income. Of course the taxes hadn't been done in

> several years. Grr!

>

> So I faxed my POA to Canada Revenue and that was that, they will now speak

> with me about her accounts, send me what I need. Social Security, I called

> and asked if they'd send materials from the last couple of years to the

> address they have on file for her. No problem.

>

> Last stop, the bank. I need some tax receipts from her investments to

> complete her tax return. Can I just fax the document to them? No, I have to

> make an appointment to come in and meet with them. Fine, did that, got

> there last night and expected to leave with the documents I needed.

>

> But NO! They first have to send the POA to their legal department to

> approve, which will take several days. Then once it's OK'd, they want to

> TALK to her, to make sure it's OK by her that I'm using the POA. WHAT? I

> was like, why the heck do you think I'm here with this POA, she is no

> longer competent to make decisions for herself! Oh, then we'll need a

> letter from her doctor stating that.

>

> What the hell? I've never had to use a Power of Attorney document before,

> but does it make sense you'd have to ask permission to make use of it, or

> prove that the person is no longer competent? That permission was given

> when she signed the damned thing 15 years ago, one of the reasons why you

> don't give POA to someone you can't trust with your affairs.

>

> Does anyone have any insight on this? Am I being led down the garden path?

>

> Thanks!

>

>

>

--

Kate Knapp, OIT

University of Minnesota

You were born with certain gifts and talents.

In kindergarten you were taught to share.

The world needs all of the gifts it can get.

Don’t be shy.

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure how it works in Canada, but I found out that not everyone has

to recognize POA here in Minnesota. For example, the Veterans'

Administration, a federal agency, doesn't recognize POA and I had to go

through total strangers to get Mom's application for benefits through.

Though you see an attorney, in our circumstances one of the best in

Minneapolis according to a few sources, it doesn't have to be recognized

and each organization may do as they please with it. Emergency rooms

generally ignore POA. I was almost ready to file for guardianship, as it

has the court's blessing and I believe it therefore has to be recognized.

But Mom was still aware of things around her and this would have devastated

her.

A word to the wise - if the hospital is going through labor issues, be

there as much as you can and participate in her care as much as you are

allowed. When my mom broke her shoulders, the hospital went through a huge

lay-off and almost all of the staff on the unit she was in was laid off.

So nurses and aides with no orthopedic experience and with no understanding

of dementia were caring her. (Most of them came from Pediatrics and

OB/GYN.) They gave her aides that were the tiniest people I've ever seen

and those aides thought it was OK to lift her without a hoist - and dropped

her. This was also the incident in which Mom was given Haldol in the

middle of the night with none of her family there, despite my insisting on

having the LBDA fact sheet placed in her chart and informing all I could

see of the dangers of this drug. So, if you can do it, make sure someone

is with her 24x7 and watches her care closely. Someone the hospital has to

listen to.

Good luck.

Kate

> **

>

>

> Hi all:

>

> An update on Mom. She broke her hip on March 17th and is still in the

> hospital because she's confused. Then there was a strike threatened, the

> unit she was in was closed. They moved her on Tuesday from her private room

> to a ward in another unit, three roommates. *sigh* She's more confused than

> ever now. I still don't know if LBD is what the problem is, but sure seems

> like it.

>

> Meanwhile, I've started the process to get her into long term care. Here

> in Canada many of these facilities are subsidized, but you need to provide

> a tax return to prove income. Of course the taxes hadn't been done in

> several years. Grr!

>

> So I faxed my POA to Canada Revenue and that was that, they will now speak

> with me about her accounts, send me what I need. Social Security, I called

> and asked if they'd send materials from the last couple of years to the

> address they have on file for her. No problem.

>

> Last stop, the bank. I need some tax receipts from her investments to

> complete her tax return. Can I just fax the document to them? No, I have to

> make an appointment to come in and meet with them. Fine, did that, got

> there last night and expected to leave with the documents I needed.

>

> But NO! They first have to send the POA to their legal department to

> approve, which will take several days. Then once it's OK'd, they want to

> TALK to her, to make sure it's OK by her that I'm using the POA. WHAT? I

> was like, why the heck do you think I'm here with this POA, she is no

> longer competent to make decisions for herself! Oh, then we'll need a

> letter from her doctor stating that.

>

> What the hell? I've never had to use a Power of Attorney document before,

> but does it make sense you'd have to ask permission to make use of it, or

> prove that the person is no longer competent? That permission was given

> when she signed the damned thing 15 years ago, one of the reasons why you

> don't give POA to someone you can't trust with your affairs.

>

> Does anyone have any insight on this? Am I being led down the garden path?

>

> Thanks!

>

>

>

--

Kate Knapp, OIT

University of Minnesota

You were born with certain gifts and talents.

In kindergarten you were taught to share.

The world needs all of the gifts it can get.

Don’t be shy.

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure how it works in Canada, but I found out that not everyone has

to recognize POA here in Minnesota. For example, the Veterans'

Administration, a federal agency, doesn't recognize POA and I had to go

through total strangers to get Mom's application for benefits through.

Though you see an attorney, in our circumstances one of the best in

Minneapolis according to a few sources, it doesn't have to be recognized

and each organization may do as they please with it. Emergency rooms

generally ignore POA. I was almost ready to file for guardianship, as it

has the court's blessing and I believe it therefore has to be recognized.

But Mom was still aware of things around her and this would have devastated

her.

A word to the wise - if the hospital is going through labor issues, be

there as much as you can and participate in her care as much as you are

allowed. When my mom broke her shoulders, the hospital went through a huge

lay-off and almost all of the staff on the unit she was in was laid off.

So nurses and aides with no orthopedic experience and with no understanding

of dementia were caring her. (Most of them came from Pediatrics and

OB/GYN.) They gave her aides that were the tiniest people I've ever seen

and those aides thought it was OK to lift her without a hoist - and dropped

her. This was also the incident in which Mom was given Haldol in the

middle of the night with none of her family there, despite my insisting on

having the LBDA fact sheet placed in her chart and informing all I could

see of the dangers of this drug. So, if you can do it, make sure someone

is with her 24x7 and watches her care closely. Someone the hospital has to

listen to.

Good luck.

Kate

> **

>

>

> Hi all:

>

> An update on Mom. She broke her hip on March 17th and is still in the

> hospital because she's confused. Then there was a strike threatened, the

> unit she was in was closed. They moved her on Tuesday from her private room

> to a ward in another unit, three roommates. *sigh* She's more confused than

> ever now. I still don't know if LBD is what the problem is, but sure seems

> like it.

>

> Meanwhile, I've started the process to get her into long term care. Here

> in Canada many of these facilities are subsidized, but you need to provide

> a tax return to prove income. Of course the taxes hadn't been done in

> several years. Grr!

>

> So I faxed my POA to Canada Revenue and that was that, they will now speak

> with me about her accounts, send me what I need. Social Security, I called

> and asked if they'd send materials from the last couple of years to the

> address they have on file for her. No problem.

>

> Last stop, the bank. I need some tax receipts from her investments to

> complete her tax return. Can I just fax the document to them? No, I have to

> make an appointment to come in and meet with them. Fine, did that, got

> there last night and expected to leave with the documents I needed.

>

> But NO! They first have to send the POA to their legal department to

> approve, which will take several days. Then once it's OK'd, they want to

> TALK to her, to make sure it's OK by her that I'm using the POA. WHAT? I

> was like, why the heck do you think I'm here with this POA, she is no

> longer competent to make decisions for herself! Oh, then we'll need a

> letter from her doctor stating that.

>

> What the hell? I've never had to use a Power of Attorney document before,

> but does it make sense you'd have to ask permission to make use of it, or

> prove that the person is no longer competent? That permission was given

> when she signed the damned thing 15 years ago, one of the reasons why you

> don't give POA to someone you can't trust with your affairs.

>

> Does anyone have any insight on this? Am I being led down the garden path?

>

> Thanks!

>

>

>

--

Kate Knapp, OIT

University of Minnesota

You were born with certain gifts and talents.

In kindergarten you were taught to share.

The world needs all of the gifts it can get.

Don’t be shy.

[Guest guest]

My sister and I also ran into issues with the POA when it came to

financial matters. Several of our mom's financial connections wouldn't

accept a POA. Guardianship (which was actually quite easy to get) means

that, rather than acting on a person's BEHALF, you are acting AS that

person. It is has always been accepted without question by banks, IRS,

pension funds, etc. that wouldn't accept the POA.

--

His,

Sherry

daughter/guardian of , dx 4/09 with LBD, living in a nearby NH

> What the hell? I've never had to use a Power of Attorney document before, but

does it make sense you'd have to ask permission to make use of it, or prove that

the person is no longer competent? That permission was given when she signed the

damned thing 15 years ago, one of the reasons why you don't give POA to someone

you can't trust with your affairs.

>

> Does anyone have any insight on this? Am I being led down the garden path?

[Guest guest]

My sister and I also ran into issues with the POA when it came to

financial matters. Several of our mom's financial connections wouldn't

accept a POA. Guardianship (which was actually quite easy to get) means

that, rather than acting on a person's BEHALF, you are acting AS that

person. It is has always been accepted without question by banks, IRS,

pension funds, etc. that wouldn't accept the POA.

--

His,

Sherry

daughter/guardian of , dx 4/09 with LBD, living in a nearby NH

> What the hell? I've never had to use a Power of Attorney document before, but

does it make sense you'd have to ask permission to make use of it, or prove that

the person is no longer competent? That permission was given when she signed the

damned thing 15 years ago, one of the reasons why you don't give POA to someone

you can't trust with your affairs.

>

> Does anyone have any insight on this? Am I being led down the garden path?

[Guest guest]

My sister and I also ran into issues with the POA when it came to

financial matters. Several of our mom's financial connections wouldn't

accept a POA. Guardianship (which was actually quite easy to get) means

that, rather than acting on a person's BEHALF, you are acting AS that

person. It is has always been accepted without question by banks, IRS,

pension funds, etc. that wouldn't accept the POA.

--

His,

Sherry

daughter/guardian of , dx 4/09 with LBD, living in a nearby NH

> What the hell? I've never had to use a Power of Attorney document before, but

does it make sense you'd have to ask permission to make use of it, or prove that

the person is no longer competent? That permission was given when she signed the

damned thing 15 years ago, one of the reasons why you don't give POA to someone

you can't trust with your affairs.

>

> Does anyone have any insight on this? Am I being led down the garden path?

[Guest guest]

The only people I had a problem with during my husband's illness were in the

offices of his health care provider, Secure Horizons. I finally got an address

and mailed a POA to their main office and, after a lot of crap from them, the

problem was solved.

As for our bank, all I had to do was show them the original POA, which they made

a copy of, and I had no problems from that point on. The same was true of our

local medical group. All of the doctors required only a copy of his POA for

their files.

I might add that when it became apparent that my husband's health was failing, I

made sure my name was on each and every account we had, including his safe

deposit box at the bank. That made things much easier. My 89-year-old Mom has

put either mine or my brother's name on all of her accounts for the same reason.

She has money put aside for her burial expenses and she wants us to be able to

access it easily when the time comes. Of course, my brother and I have no

problems between us on these issues. I imagine in some families this might be

problematic, but it sure makes things easier if a son or daughter has their name

on account(s) in the event of death.

Cassie

To: LBDcaregivers

From: upnorth@...

Date: Thu, 26 Apr 2012 10:14:48 -0400

Subject: Re: Power of Attorney problems

My sister and I also ran into issues with the POA when it came to

financial matters. Several of our mom's financial connections wouldn't

accept a POA. Guardianship (which was actually quite easy to get) means

that, rather than acting on a person's BEHALF, you are acting AS that

person. It is has always been accepted without question by banks, IRS,

pension funds, etc. that wouldn't accept the POA.

--

His,

Sherry

daughter/guardian of , dx 4/09 with LBD, living in a nearby NH

> What the hell? I've never had to use a Power of Attorney document before, but

does it make sense you'd have to ask permission to make use of it, or prove that

the person is no longer competent? That permission was given when she signed the

damned thing 15 years ago, one of the reasons why you don't give POA to someone

you can't trust with your affairs.

>

> Does anyone have any insight on this? Am I being led down the garden path?

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry you are going through all that. Years ago when I started using my

POA for Mom in Ont it was just a matter of showing (maybe giving) them the

document. However, I had been joint on both her bank accounts for years so

perhaps that made the difference. Her investments were through an investment

adviser outside of the bank and he too just accepted the POA. This was back in

the 90s.

Just yesterday my husband had to go through much more than I ever did to become

joint on his mother's bank accounts. We live in BC now but the bank is the same

as I dealt with with Mom. Perhaps more care is being taken than used to happen.

With all the stress involved with care giving, making life decisions for our

loved ones and then dealing with post death in a perfect world things would be

made as quick and easy as possible. All the best as you jump all the hurdles

they are presenting you

>

> Hi all:

>

> An update on Mom. She broke her hip on March 17th and is still in the hospital

because she's confused. Then there was a strike threatened, the unit she was in

was closed. They moved her on Tuesday from her private room to a ward in another

unit, three roommates. *sigh* She's more confused than ever now. I still don't

know if LBD is what the problem is, but sure seems like it.

>

> Meanwhile, I've started the process to get her into long term care. Here in

Canada many of these facilities are subsidized, but you need to provide a tax

return to prove income. Of course the taxes hadn't been done in several years.

Grr!

>

> So I faxed my POA to Canada Revenue and that was that, they will now speak

with me about her accounts, send me what I need. Social Security, I called and

asked if they'd send materials from the last couple of years to the address they

have on file for her. No problem.

>

> Last stop, the bank. I need some tax receipts from her investments to complete

her tax return. Can I just fax the document to them? No, I have to make an

appointment to come in and meet with them. Fine, did that, got there last night

and expected to leave with the documents I needed.

>

> But NO! They first have to send the POA to their legal department to approve,

which will take several days. Then once it's OK'd, they want to TALK to her, to

make sure it's OK by her that I'm using the POA. WHAT? I was like, why the heck

do you think I'm here with this POA, she is no longer competent to make

decisions for herself! Oh, then we'll need a letter from her doctor stating

that.

>

> What the hell? I've never had to use a Power of Attorney document before, but

does it make sense you'd have to ask permission to make use of it, or prove that

the person is no longer competent? That permission was given when she signed the

damned thing 15 years ago, one of the reasons why you don't give POA to someone

you can't trust with your affairs.

>

> Does anyone have any insight on this? Am I being led down the garden path?

>

> Thanks!

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for all the replies. Clearly there are a lot of differences in what's

acceptable here, depending on where you live!

I'm so frustrated with this whole process. Between the bank and the tax

preparer, I'm about to clobber someone with a chair, or my bare hands if

necessary. I had a couple of conversations with the bank today, they will not

change their stance, they have to either speak to her giving permission, or get

a letter from her doctor saying she's incompetent. So I can't get the tax papers

I need until this happens.

The letter required from the doctor won't happen until next week, they're busy

mopping up after the strike that didn't happen. Meanwhile, the tax preparer

hasn't answered my voicemails or faxes, so I'm going to reclaim the papers I do

have there from him tomorrow and they sure BETTER be ready for me to pick up!

I'm bringing them elsewhere. Taxes have to be done to prove income before she

can get on a wait list for a nursing home.

And from the strike that didn't happen, Mom got moved in preparation for it,

from a private room to a ward of four. She spent two nights there (one of which

she didn't sleep), then today got moved to another room, this time with a single

confused roommate. And I'm told she can expect another move by Monday, when they

reopen the unit she came from.

Today when I went to visit she wasn't so bad, a bit confused, but OK. I started

to think, what if I'm making a mistake? What if she COULD come home with the 56

hours of home care they offered instead of going to a nursing home, and she'd

pay for the other hours not covered? By this evening though, she'd convinced me

again that I'm doing the right thing. She can't come home, even aside from all

the stairs we have in our house. Depending on the day, she often just doesn't

remember where/when she is or that she can't get up on her own.

But some days she almost makes sense again. I don't like roller coasters. I wish

it would stop.

>

> Hi all:

>

> An update on Mom. She broke her hip on March 17th and is still in the hospital

because she's confused. Then there was a strike threatened, the unit she was in

was closed. They moved her on Tuesday from her private room to a ward in another

unit, three roommates. *sigh* She's more confused than ever now. I still don't

know if LBD is what the problem is, but sure seems like it.

>

> Meanwhile, I've started the process to get her into long term care. Here in

Canada many of these facilities are subsidized, but you need to provide a tax

return to prove income. Of course the taxes hadn't been done in several years.

Grr!

>

> So I faxed my POA to Canada Revenue and that was that, they will now speak

with me about her accounts, send me what I need. Social Security, I called and

asked if they'd send materials from the last couple of years to the address they

have on file for her. No problem.

>

> Last stop, the bank. I need some tax receipts from her investments to complete

her tax return. Can I just fax the document to them? No, I have to make an

appointment to come in and meet with them. Fine, did that, got there last night

and expected to leave with the documents I needed.

>

> But NO! They first have to send the POA to their legal department to approve,

which will take several days. Then once it's OK'd, they want to TALK to her, to

make sure it's OK by her that I'm using the POA. WHAT? I was like, why the heck

do you think I'm here with this POA, she is no longer competent to make

decisions for herself! Oh, then we'll need a letter from her doctor stating

that.

>

> What the hell? I've never had to use a Power of Attorney document before, but

does it make sense you'd have to ask permission to make use of it, or prove that

the person is no longer competent? That permission was given when she signed the

damned thing 15 years ago, one of the reasons why you don't give POA to someone

you can't trust with your affairs.

>

> Does anyone have any insight on this? Am I being led down the garden path?

>

> Thanks!

>

[Guest guest]

Ah, K. I've heard other stories of frustration with the medical system in

Canada. Yet, a good friend had incredible maternity care 20 years ago. Is

it better for some things and at some ages than at others? And how

frustrating is that bank!? I'd be ready to throw a chair, too.

Maybe it is a matter of being worn down, but when I gave up trying to make

sense of things, the applications, phone calls and meetings became a little

less frustrating and some people were even helpful. It would have been

nice for me to have someone mentor me through all of the hoops I had to

jump through. I'm so lucky to be employed where I am and be able to handle

things during the day when the people I need to reach are in their

offices. I know that isn't the case for everyone.

It sounds to me like you need some more help from inside Canada.

has indicated that she is in BC. Do things differ from one province to

another, like they do in the US from one state to another? If so, could

you tell us where you are? Maybe there is someone nearby or at least in

the same province in our group who can help you through all of this.

I do know that it is hard to care for someone at home, even with 56 hours

of care. I had Mom at senior daycare during my workday and also had the

help of one of my sisters so Mom didn't have to be there any longer than

necessary. But the rest of the home care was on me and, especially at

night, it was hard. Especially when Mom started wandering in our split

level townhouse. I was terrified that she would fall down the stairs. I

would stay awake most of the night and then go to work during the day.

Shortly after she started wandering, she ended up in the hospital with a

blood sugar well over 600 and that was the final straw. My family

convinced me it was time to move her. Thank God for my family! I found

out that I had done serious damage to my health. It's amazing what a

difference a good night's sleep can make.

As soon as you can get her in a nursing home, do it. You're a lot more

help for your mom when you can think and drive without dozing.

*

EVERYONE IN CANADA - is it better for k to just get legal guardianship

right away? Would that make things any easier? Would that settle things

when k needs to handle financial and legal affairs for her mom?*

k, again, if things differ from one province to another, telling us which

one you are in may help find you someone who has been through the legal and

financial hoops and knows what works locally.

Take care of yourself first. Try to walk away from the worst stressors

when you get overwhelmed. They'll be there tomorrow and you may be in

better shape to face them after a bit of a break. Stress is deadly for

caregivers. You won't be much help to anyone if you let it get to you too

much.

BTW, I learned all of this the hard way, which is why I recognize the place

you are in and know that you need to be your own caregiver first.

Take care. Deep breath and let it out slowly. If that doesn't work, walk

away and come back when you feel better.

Kate

> **

>

>

> Thank you for all the replies. Clearly there are a lot of differences in

> what's acceptable here, depending on where you live!

>

> I'm so frustrated with this whole process. Between the bank and the tax

> preparer, I'm about to clobber someone with a chair, or my bare hands if

> necessary. I had a couple of conversations with the bank today, they will

> not change their stance, they have to either speak to her giving

> permission, or get a letter from her doctor saying she's incompetent. So I

> can't get the tax papers I need until this happens.

>

> The letter required from the doctor won't happen until next week, they're

> busy mopping up after the strike that didn't happen. Meanwhile, the tax

> preparer hasn't answered my voicemails or faxes, so I'm going to reclaim

> the papers I do have there from him tomorrow and they sure BETTER be ready

> for me to pick up! I'm bringing them elsewhere. Taxes have to be done to

> prove income before she can get on a wait list for a nursing home.

>

> And from the strike that didn't happen, Mom got moved in preparation for

> it, from a private room to a ward of four. She spent two nights there (one

> of which she didn't sleep), then today got moved to another room, this time

> with a single confused roommate. And I'm told she can expect another move

> by Monday, when they reopen the unit she came from.

>

> Today when I went to visit she wasn't so bad, a bit confused, but OK. I

> started to think, what if I'm making a mistake? What if she COULD come home

> with the 56 hours of home care they offered instead of going to a nursing

> home, and she'd pay for the other hours not covered? By this evening

> though, she'd convinced me again that I'm doing the right thing. She can't

> come home, even aside from all the stairs we have in our house. Depending

> on the day, she often just doesn't remember where/when she is or that she

> can't get up on her own.

>

> But some days she almost makes sense again. I don't like roller coasters.

> I wish it would stop.

>

>

> >

> > Hi all:

> >

> > An update on Mom. She broke her hip on March 17th and is still in the

> hospital because she's confused. Then there was a strike threatened, the

> unit she was in was closed. They moved her on Tuesday from her private room

> to a ward in another unit, three roommates. *sigh* She's more confused than

> ever now. I still don't know if LBD is what the problem is, but sure seems

> like it.

> >

> > Meanwhile, I've started the process to get her into long term care. Here

> in Canada many of these facilities are subsidized, but you need to provide

> a tax return to prove income. Of course the taxes hadn't been done in

> several years. Grr!

> >

> > So I faxed my POA to Canada Revenue and that was that, they will now

> speak with me about her accounts, send me what I need. Social Security, I

> called and asked if they'd send materials from the last couple of years to

> the address they have on file for her. No problem.

> >

> > Last stop, the bank. I need some tax receipts from her investments to

> complete her tax return. Can I just fax the document to them? No, I have to

> make an appointment to come in and meet with them. Fine, did that, got

> there last night and expected to leave with the documents I needed.

> >

> > But NO! They first have to send the POA to their legal department to

> approve, which will take several days. Then once it's OK'd, they want to

> TALK to her, to make sure it's OK by her that I'm using the POA. WHAT? I

> was like, why the heck do you think I'm here with this POA, she is no

> longer competent to make decisions for herself! Oh, then we'll need a

> letter from her doctor stating that.

> >

> > What the hell? I've never had to use a Power of Attorney document

> before, but does it make sense you'd have to ask permission to make use of

> it, or prove that the person is no longer competent? That permission was

> given when she signed the damned thing 15 years ago, one of the reasons why

> you don't give POA to someone you can't trust with your affairs.

> >

> > Does anyone have any insight on this? Am I being led down the garden

> path?

> >

> > Thanks!

> >

>

>

>

--

Kate Knapp, OIT

University of Minnesota

You were born with certain gifts and talents.

In kindergarten you were taught to share.

The world needs all of the gifts it can get.

Don’t be shy.

[Guest guest]

Ah, K. I've heard other stories of frustration with the medical system in

Canada. Yet, a good friend had incredible maternity care 20 years ago. Is

it better for some things and at some ages than at others? And how

frustrating is that bank!? I'd be ready to throw a chair, too.

Maybe it is a matter of being worn down, but when I gave up trying to make

sense of things, the applications, phone calls and meetings became a little

less frustrating and some people were even helpful. It would have been

nice for me to have someone mentor me through all of the hoops I had to

jump through. I'm so lucky to be employed where I am and be able to handle

things during the day when the people I need to reach are in their

offices. I know that isn't the case for everyone.

It sounds to me like you need some more help from inside Canada.

has indicated that she is in BC. Do things differ from one province to

another, like they do in the US from one state to another? If so, could

you tell us where you are? Maybe there is someone nearby or at least in

the same province in our group who can help you through all of this.

I do know that it is hard to care for someone at home, even with 56 hours

of care. I had Mom at senior daycare during my workday and also had the

help of one of my sisters so Mom didn't have to be there any longer than

necessary. But the rest of the home care was on me and, especially at

night, it was hard. Especially when Mom started wandering in our split

level townhouse. I was terrified that she would fall down the stairs. I

would stay awake most of the night and then go to work during the day.

Shortly after she started wandering, she ended up in the hospital with a

blood sugar well over 600 and that was the final straw. My family

convinced me it was time to move her. Thank God for my family! I found

out that I had done serious damage to my health. It's amazing what a

difference a good night's sleep can make.

As soon as you can get her in a nursing home, do it. You're a lot more

help for your mom when you can think and drive without dozing.

*

EVERYONE IN CANADA - is it better for k to just get legal guardianship

right away? Would that make things any easier? Would that settle things

when k needs to handle financial and legal affairs for her mom?*

k, again, if things differ from one province to another, telling us which

one you are in may help find you someone who has been through the legal and

financial hoops and knows what works locally.

Take care of yourself first. Try to walk away from the worst stressors

when you get overwhelmed. They'll be there tomorrow and you may be in

better shape to face them after a bit of a break. Stress is deadly for

caregivers. You won't be much help to anyone if you let it get to you too

much.

BTW, I learned all of this the hard way, which is why I recognize the place

you are in and know that you need to be your own caregiver first.

Take care. Deep breath and let it out slowly. If that doesn't work, walk

away and come back when you feel better.

Kate

> **

>

>

> Thank you for all the replies. Clearly there are a lot of differences in

> what's acceptable here, depending on where you live!

>

> I'm so frustrated with this whole process. Between the bank and the tax

> preparer, I'm about to clobber someone with a chair, or my bare hands if

> necessary. I had a couple of conversations with the bank today, they will

> not change their stance, they have to either speak to her giving

> permission, or get a letter from her doctor saying she's incompetent. So I

> can't get the tax papers I need until this happens.

>

> The letter required from the doctor won't happen until next week, they're

> busy mopping up after the strike that didn't happen. Meanwhile, the tax

> preparer hasn't answered my voicemails or faxes, so I'm going to reclaim

> the papers I do have there from him tomorrow and they sure BETTER be ready

> for me to pick up! I'm bringing them elsewhere. Taxes have to be done to

> prove income before she can get on a wait list for a nursing home.

>

> And from the strike that didn't happen, Mom got moved in preparation for

> it, from a private room to a ward of four. She spent two nights there (one

> of which she didn't sleep), then today got moved to another room, this time

> with a single confused roommate. And I'm told she can expect another move

> by Monday, when they reopen the unit she came from.

>

> Today when I went to visit she wasn't so bad, a bit confused, but OK. I

> started to think, what if I'm making a mistake? What if she COULD come home

> with the 56 hours of home care they offered instead of going to a nursing

> home, and she'd pay for the other hours not covered? By this evening

> though, she'd convinced me again that I'm doing the right thing. She can't

> come home, even aside from all the stairs we have in our house. Depending

> on the day, she often just doesn't remember where/when she is or that she

> can't get up on her own.

>

> But some days she almost makes sense again. I don't like roller coasters.

> I wish it would stop.

>

>

> >

> > Hi all:

> >

> > An update on Mom. She broke her hip on March 17th and is still in the

> hospital because she's confused. Then there was a strike threatened, the

> unit she was in was closed. They moved her on Tuesday from her private room

> to a ward in another unit, three roommates. *sigh* She's more confused than

> ever now. I still don't know if LBD is what the problem is, but sure seems

> like it.

> >

> > Meanwhile, I've started the process to get her into long term care. Here

> in Canada many of these facilities are subsidized, but you need to provide

> a tax return to prove income. Of course the taxes hadn't been done in

> several years. Grr!

> >

> > So I faxed my POA to Canada Revenue and that was that, they will now

> speak with me about her accounts, send me what I need. Social Security, I

> called and asked if they'd send materials from the last couple of years to

> the address they have on file for her. No problem.

> >

> > Last stop, the bank. I need some tax receipts from her investments to

> complete her tax return. Can I just fax the document to them? No, I have to

> make an appointment to come in and meet with them. Fine, did that, got

> there last night and expected to leave with the documents I needed.

> >

> > But NO! They first have to send the POA to their legal department to

> approve, which will take several days. Then once it's OK'd, they want to

> TALK to her, to make sure it's OK by her that I'm using the POA. WHAT? I

> was like, why the heck do you think I'm here with this POA, she is no

> longer competent to make decisions for herself! Oh, then we'll need a

> letter from her doctor stating that.

> >

> > What the hell? I've never had to use a Power of Attorney document

> before, but does it make sense you'd have to ask permission to make use of

> it, or prove that the person is no longer competent? That permission was

> given when she signed the damned thing 15 years ago, one of the reasons why

> you don't give POA to someone you can't trust with your affairs.

> >

> > Does anyone have any insight on this? Am I being led down the garden

> path?

> >

> > Thanks!

> >

>

>

>

--

Kate Knapp, OIT

University of Minnesota

You were born with certain gifts and talents.

In kindergarten you were taught to share.

The world needs all of the gifts it can get.

Don’t be shy.

[Guest guest]

Ah, K. I've heard other stories of frustration with the medical system in

Canada. Yet, a good friend had incredible maternity care 20 years ago. Is

it better for some things and at some ages than at others? And how

frustrating is that bank!? I'd be ready to throw a chair, too.

Maybe it is a matter of being worn down, but when I gave up trying to make

sense of things, the applications, phone calls and meetings became a little

less frustrating and some people were even helpful. It would have been

nice for me to have someone mentor me through all of the hoops I had to

jump through. I'm so lucky to be employed where I am and be able to handle

things during the day when the people I need to reach are in their

offices. I know that isn't the case for everyone.

It sounds to me like you need some more help from inside Canada.

has indicated that she is in BC. Do things differ from one province to

another, like they do in the US from one state to another? If so, could

you tell us where you are? Maybe there is someone nearby or at least in

the same province in our group who can help you through all of this.

I do know that it is hard to care for someone at home, even with 56 hours

of care. I had Mom at senior daycare during my workday and also had the

help of one of my sisters so Mom didn't have to be there any longer than

necessary. But the rest of the home care was on me and, especially at

night, it was hard. Especially when Mom started wandering in our split

level townhouse. I was terrified that she would fall down the stairs. I

would stay awake most of the night and then go to work during the day.

Shortly after she started wandering, she ended up in the hospital with a

blood sugar well over 600 and that was the final straw. My family

convinced me it was time to move her. Thank God for my family! I found

out that I had done serious damage to my health. It's amazing what a

difference a good night's sleep can make.

As soon as you can get her in a nursing home, do it. You're a lot more

help for your mom when you can think and drive without dozing.

*

EVERYONE IN CANADA - is it better for k to just get legal guardianship

right away? Would that make things any easier? Would that settle things

when k needs to handle financial and legal affairs for her mom?*

k, again, if things differ from one province to another, telling us which

one you are in may help find you someone who has been through the legal and

financial hoops and knows what works locally.

Take care of yourself first. Try to walk away from the worst stressors

when you get overwhelmed. They'll be there tomorrow and you may be in

better shape to face them after a bit of a break. Stress is deadly for

caregivers. You won't be much help to anyone if you let it get to you too

much.

BTW, I learned all of this the hard way, which is why I recognize the place

you are in and know that you need to be your own caregiver first.

Take care. Deep breath and let it out slowly. If that doesn't work, walk

away and come back when you feel better.

Kate

> **

>

>

> Thank you for all the replies. Clearly there are a lot of differences in

> what's acceptable here, depending on where you live!

>

> I'm so frustrated with this whole process. Between the bank and the tax

> preparer, I'm about to clobber someone with a chair, or my bare hands if

> necessary. I had a couple of conversations with the bank today, they will

> not change their stance, they have to either speak to her giving

> permission, or get a letter from her doctor saying she's incompetent. So I

> can't get the tax papers I need until this happens.

>

> The letter required from the doctor won't happen until next week, they're

> busy mopping up after the strike that didn't happen. Meanwhile, the tax

> preparer hasn't answered my voicemails or faxes, so I'm going to reclaim

> the papers I do have there from him tomorrow and they sure BETTER be ready

> for me to pick up! I'm bringing them elsewhere. Taxes have to be done to

> prove income before she can get on a wait list for a nursing home.

>

> And from the strike that didn't happen, Mom got moved in preparation for

> it, from a private room to a ward of four. She spent two nights there (one

> of which she didn't sleep), then today got moved to another room, this time

> with a single confused roommate. And I'm told she can expect another move

> by Monday, when they reopen the unit she came from.

>

> Today when I went to visit she wasn't so bad, a bit confused, but OK. I

> started to think, what if I'm making a mistake? What if she COULD come home

> with the 56 hours of home care they offered instead of going to a nursing

> home, and she'd pay for the other hours not covered? By this evening

> though, she'd convinced me again that I'm doing the right thing. She can't

> come home, even aside from all the stairs we have in our house. Depending

> on the day, she often just doesn't remember where/when she is or that she

> can't get up on her own.

>

> But some days she almost makes sense again. I don't like roller coasters.

> I wish it would stop.

>

>

> >

> > Hi all:

> >

> > An update on Mom. She broke her hip on March 17th and is still in the

> hospital because she's confused. Then there was a strike threatened, the

> unit she was in was closed. They moved her on Tuesday from her private room

> to a ward in another unit, three roommates. *sigh* She's more confused than

> ever now. I still don't know if LBD is what the problem is, but sure seems

> like it.

> >

> > Meanwhile, I've started the process to get her into long term care. Here

> in Canada many of these facilities are subsidized, but you need to provide

> a tax return to prove income. Of course the taxes hadn't been done in

> several years. Grr!

> >

> > So I faxed my POA to Canada Revenue and that was that, they will now

> speak with me about her accounts, send me what I need. Social Security, I

> called and asked if they'd send materials from the last couple of years to

> the address they have on file for her. No problem.

> >

> > Last stop, the bank. I need some tax receipts from her investments to

> complete her tax return. Can I just fax the document to them? No, I have to

> make an appointment to come in and meet with them. Fine, did that, got

> there last night and expected to leave with the documents I needed.

> >

> > But NO! They first have to send the POA to their legal department to

> approve, which will take several days. Then once it's OK'd, they want to

> TALK to her, to make sure it's OK by her that I'm using the POA. WHAT? I

> was like, why the heck do you think I'm here with this POA, she is no

> longer competent to make decisions for herself! Oh, then we'll need a

> letter from her doctor stating that.

> >

> > What the hell? I've never had to use a Power of Attorney document

> before, but does it make sense you'd have to ask permission to make use of

> it, or prove that the person is no longer competent? That permission was

> given when she signed the damned thing 15 years ago, one of the reasons why

> you don't give POA to someone you can't trust with your affairs.

> >

> > Does anyone have any insight on this? Am I being led down the garden

> path?

> >

> > Thanks!

> >

>

>

>

--

Kate Knapp, OIT

University of Minnesota

You were born with certain gifts and talents.

In kindergarten you were taught to share.

The world needs all of the gifts it can get.

Don’t be shy.