My Mother - Rosemary, Diagnosed 3/4/10 and now is in final stage and medicare is running out!

[Guest guest]

Dear Infinite Wisdom of this Group,

I don't write often, because I wane between being lost in the shuffle of life,

as I have a terrible support system, no spouse, significant other, a sister who

is irresponsible and cannot be there for me, a father who is ill himself both

physically and otherwise, and I have a Grandmother in my care, of 92 years old,

my maternal Grandmother.

I lost my job in December, due to a boss who was afraid that I was " too good "

were his words, and he was Long Island's CEO of the year no less at the company

that I worked at, and then he promised me a raise and reneged on it after he

milked me for all that I was worth. He calls himself a Christian and then tells

everyone that he graduated from Chaminade HS and is going to become a Pastor one

day, and honestly, I sometimes just lose faith intermittantly. On tope of

everything, I am in the process of bringing this matter to justice with the EEOC

as a woman over 40 who was denied a promotion by an all male company in power.

He also knew everything I was dealing with with caregiver stress at home and

that I was in therapy. I now have no benefits, have debt collectors calling me

at all hours of the day and night, and to boot, I am fighting an uphill battle

for Mom to try and get her Medicaid.

My Mother in life had money. I lived with my parents as, I never was married and

had bought the house with them. I now put the house in my name and the house is

safe anyway bc of the caregiver child clause w/the house. The bigger problem is

that, I went to a fair hearing already and my first lawyer I had already fired,

due to the fact that she milked me for the $5000 for my Mom's application and

then, abandoned me with not knowing how to complete the section with showing

" where the assets went. " There were a lot of assets and accounts, but, within

the last 5-10 years, with the economy and not knowing my mother was losing her

mind, as all the money and assets were in her name and her name alone,

everything disappeared. My parents used the money, as, they live on Long Island,

taxes are high, they always drove fancy cars, fixed the house up nice, always

spent a ton on groceries a week and money went constantly to creditors and

bills. My parents were also generous with my sister's kids and other people who

sponged off of them. Now that I have to track this money, I went to this very

good law firm that was recommended to me by someone at medicaid, and, Genser and

Dubow told me it would cost $15 - $20k to do my application! I told the woman I

am broke -did you not hear me? They honestly don't care, bc they see all the

money that existed at one time and think somehow it is being hidden perhaps? Now

I am in a pickle because Daleview, the Nursing home that finally has my Mom

stable, as she has not been stable for a long time, called me to tell me, Mom is

running out of a skilled need as of May 4th and you will have to start paying

$400 per day for the Nursing Home unless your application is pending with a

lawfirm. I thought it over and said to myself, I cannot afford to pay $15k for

another lawyer that will apply but, the chances are really chances that it will

get approved. Also, in the last 4 years that I have been on and off with

employment due to caregiving for both my Father with heart disease and then my

Mother with LBD, I also had money " gifted " to me from my parents to cover my

bills as a means of taking care of them, as, I couldn't work to cover my own

bills. This all means, I would have to account for this money too, and, could be

penalized for this and have to pay Medicaid back for caring for my parents

" pro-bono. " It is outrageous how the system works. You cannot win anyway you

turn, as, they are looking in your pockets to take the nickle and quarter from

you or honestly, would rather see your parent die than survive in a nursing

home. By the time this is all said and done, we the caregivers are taking a

beating, and no one gives a dang for us. Our families turn their backs, churches

just offer a prayer and that's about all, friends listen a little and then, at

the end of the day, if we are not sane and strong, we cave in and die in the

midst of this insanity. Some days I cannot bear another minute of this nightmare

that I am stuck in. I now am at the point where, I am being convinced to take my

mother home, who was a combative person, peeing and defecating improperly in the

house, lost in the rooms, crying, walking out the front door, taking her clothes

off, all because America turned into a real 3rd world country that doesn't give

a crap for us! It just treats us like garbage and sets our elders out to pasture

- the people that created this great country go out like pariahs. I guess I am

angry, and it is coming across this way because, I just want to make sure I am

doing the right thing. The Nursing Home is telling me they will put her into a

day care program and then get us an aide in the afternoon and that we will apply

for comunity medicaid which we will have a better shot at getting. I just don't

want to get my 79 year old father sick again with heart failure from caring from

a woman who cannot bathe or go to the bathroom alone. Its a lot of work! I still

have to find a job and honestly, no one is coming to our rescue so, its on my

back along with my Dad.

Any well-thought out advice appreciated. Best, , Long Island, NY (living

the nightmare since 2010)