new tactic

[Guest guest]

I read what everyone said yesterday. I then decided " if I can't beat him,

join him " (in his reality). I explained how difficult it was that he

believed I was the only person responsible for taking his things. I pointed

out a couple items I have misplaced and asked him if he took them, and of

course he said no. I noted I didn't think he did, but wasn't it odd that we

were both missing things? He asked me " well who else, but you is here? " I

pointed out the key in the lock box outside that he has given the code to

roughly 3 dozen people in the last 10 years, and the fact that the front

window stays open all the time. I know that no one has broken in, but it

actually made him stop and think about the possibilities as I mentioned all

the names of who had access to the key. I offered to purchase a security

camera for him so he could see who was doing it. He is considering that

option.

I am not sure about the long term advantage of his thinking of someone else

and not me, but he quit yelling at me for a few hours last night. Is it

wrong to steer him to suspect someone else, who is in no way around? It

wouldn't take much (I am thinking) to make him believe it is his ex wife

from 20 years ago. Many of the things he accuses me of are things she

really did to him, like hiding money, stealing from him and cheating on him

with another woman, so I believe her actions form the foundation for his

beliefs about me. In the beginning of his diagnosis of Parkinson's, before

he got really bad (and his " episodes " as I called them were only about 2-3

times a year), this was an issue we discussed with the counselor. back when

he could still reason somewhat. She was able to help him see he was holding

me responsible for her mistakes. It stopped for about 4 months and started

back up worse than ever. Since this was about the same time I felt him

changing in many ways, it is possibly when the LB started to really take

him. After that, there was no ability to have him reason anything.

I guess what I really need to know is how long this goes on? I already feel

as if I can't take anymore of this. Since I work with a mental health

community of caregivers in a treatment facility for the seriously mentally

ill, they are wonderful to talk to, so I have used that to my advantage for

support, but I can't possibly share how bad it really is. But now they are

noticing the stress on my face and continually asking me if I am okay. I

can't get away without awful accusations when I return. He pours over all

the bank statements questioning anything he doesn't agree with or know

about, even money he spent that is now my expenditure since he doesn't

remember spending it. If I am away from him, he phones me every 20-30

minutes.even when I am at work. He just wants to know what I am doing and

who is with me. When I head home, I call and let him know I am on the way,

and if I am 1-minutes past when he thinks I should be there, he calls me.

What I need is a big hug and a long cry and I know many of you have felt

that way. You have to have if you went through this too. I also want to

run away and not return. But I can't and I know that.

So today, perhaps I will head to Frys or Best Buy and get a camera. I have

to get him off of me, if even for awhile.

On a change of subject, perhaps someone can help me with the hording thing.

He has rescued 4 cats and numerous dogs and they are all here. still. I

cannot get him to part with/share/place any of them, and I don't need to say

how difficult it is for me to keep up with them as well as him. I also have

my own pets, but if I mention placing them, they become " his " . We have two

bedrooms I cannot walk in and two other rooms quickly getting that way, so

my house is closing in around me. Will the proper medications and treatment

help with any of this? In light of all the accusations that are now here

with me taking things and throwing them out I really can't get rid of

anything. Has anyone else dealt with his? What has worked or not worked?

And yes, he continues to spend money and drag in more things " we might need "

or that he really likes. He is particularly into cat statues right now, and

since the local Goodwill always has something " cat " it is a weekly, or

multi-weekly thing to purchase. The statues are all over the house and I

cannot even venture a guess at how many we might have now.

Thank you so much for listening. I have needed this for far too long. And

I guess I am here for the long haul. I hope I get to know you all really

well and that I may consider you my sisters.