Re: Re: Dad's in a nursing home

[Guest guest]

For the first month or two, I had a hard time leaving Mom at the end of the

visit. The staff had to even counsel me to try to relax, because my worry

was agitating Mom. I got to a point at which I would sit in my car doing

breathing exercises for a few minutes before I went in to see Mom. (I have

a pretty stressful workplace, too, and would go directly from work to the

SNF.) Smartest thing I ever did.

I often compare it now to dropping a child off at daycare. There's crying,

screaming, " Mommy don't leave me " and all that. Then, once you are gone,

things settle down. Once your dad recognizes that you will come back and

you aren't abandoning him, it'll get easier.

But it is important to note that, if you or your mom is apprehensive and

tense, he will pick up on that and become tense and upset, too. The more

you treat the situation as " normal " the better for all concerned.

Best wishes.

Kate

> **

>

>

> Great ideas, Kate, thanks! I'm a little afraid to even go and be seen by

> him after the scene on Sunday. On the other hand, the most difficult

> trigger might be largely my mom's presence. And she walks with a cane, so

> she can't make a quick exit. I told her next time we were borrowing a

> wheelchair right out the front door!

>

> I'll definitely look into these ideas...

>

> Ida

>

>

>

> >

> > > **

>

> > >

> > >

> > > --Haven't posted in awhile to keep anyone updated. Dad's LBD kept a

> steady

> > > downward spiral over the last month. We tried in-home help, but the

> caliber

> > > of aide was WAY too unpredictable. He was mostly delusional,

> uncooperative,

> > > or sleeping. Last Friday he became unresponsive, even refusing to

> swallow

> > > anything. Wouldn't open his mouth. Wouldn't look at us, speak at all,

> very

> > > odd. Neuro doc advised an ambulance. He spent his 3 midnights there,

> with a

> > > 24/7 sitter who made sure he didn't try to get anywhere himself.

> > > Stabilizing him for a transfer to the nursing home was their goal.

> > >

> > > Now he is in a nursing home running the staff ragged. Not sleeping

> much,

> > > wandering, escaping cleverly, getting himself in predicaments. They are

> > > working on a plan, adjusting meds and increasing alarm installations...

> > > He's not really trying to leave to " get home " or anything... he's

> trying to

> > > conduct business meetings and meet shipments on a loading dock...

> > >

> > > My mom and I are spent. We visited for lengthy time periods his first 4

> > > days, but it didn't help. In fact, it seemed to add to the confusion of

> > > things. So, we are now staying away of our own accord. She is

> emotionally

> > > exhausted and I feel mostly very sad and numb. Can't think, can't solve

> > > little problems... Housework appeals to me and it's about all I can

> handle.

> > >

> > > Ida

> > >

> > > I'm not completely sure they will keep him, though there aren't many if

> > > any lockdown facilities that accept Medicaid in this area. We'll see.

> He

> > > is, thank God, in His hands, ultimately, we know --so whatever

> unfolds...

> > > we will deal with it, accept it.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> > --

> > Kate Knapp

> > UMN - OIT

> >

> > *

> > " What's past is prologue. " The Tempest, W.S.*

>

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

HI: Is there any way to observe him and him not see you? Vivian

> For the first month or two, I had a hard time leaving Mom at the end of the

> visit. The staff had to even counsel me to try to relax, because my worry

> was agitating Mom. I got to a point at which I would sit in my car doing

> breathing exercises for a few minutes before I went in to see Mom. (I have

> a pretty stressful workplace, too, and would go directly from work to the

> SNF.) Smartest thing I ever did.

>

> I often compare it now to dropping a child off at daycare. There's crying,

> screaming, " Mommy don't leave me " and all that. Then, once you are gone,

> things settle down. Once your dad recognizes that you will come back and

> you aren't abandoning him, it'll get easier.

>

> But it is important to note that, if you or your mom is apprehensive and

> tense, he will pick up on that and become tense and upset, too. The more

> you treat the situation as " normal " the better for all concerned.

>

> Best wishes.

>

> Kate

>

>

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > Great ideas, Kate, thanks! I'm a little afraid to even go and be seen by

> > him after the scene on Sunday. On the other hand, the most difficult

> > trigger might be largely my mom's presence. And she walks with a cane, so

> > she can't make a quick exit. I told her next time we were borrowing a

> > wheelchair right out the front door!

> >

> > I'll definitely look into these ideas...

> >

> > Ida

> >

> >

> >

> > >

> > > > **

> >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > --Haven't posted in awhile to keep anyone updated. Dad's LBD kept a

> > steady

> > > > downward spiral over the last month. We tried in-home help, but the

> > caliber

> > > > of aide was WAY too unpredictable. He was mostly delusional,

> > uncooperative,

> > > > or sleeping. Last Friday he became unresponsive, even refusing to

> > swallow

> > > > anything. Wouldn't open his mouth. Wouldn't look at us, speak at all,

> > very

> > > > odd. Neuro doc advised an ambulance. He spent his 3 midnights there,

> > with a

> > > > 24/7 sitter who made sure he didn't try to get anywhere himself.

> > > > Stabilizing him for a transfer to the nursing home was their goal.

> > > >

> > > > Now he is in a nursing home running the staff ragged. Not sleeping

> > much,

> > > > wandering, escaping cleverly, getting himself in predicaments. They

> are

> > > > working on a plan, adjusting meds and increasing alarm

> installations...

> > > > He's not really trying to leave to " get home " or anything... he's

> > trying to

> > > > conduct business meetings and meet shipments on a loading dock...

> > > >

> > > > My mom and I are spent. We visited for lengthy time periods his

> first 4

> > > > days, but it didn't help. In fact, it seemed to add to the confusion

> of

> > > > things. So, we are now staying away of our own accord. She is

> > emotionally

> > > > exhausted and I feel mostly very sad and numb. Can't think, can't

> solve

> > > > little problems... Housework appeals to me and it's about all I can

> > handle.

> > > >

> > > > Ida

> > > >

> > > > I'm not completely sure they will keep him, though there aren't many

> if

> > > > any lockdown facilities that accept Medicaid in this area. We'll see.

> > He

> > > > is, thank God, in His hands, ultimately, we know --so whatever

> > unfolds...

> > > > we will deal with it, accept it.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > --

> > > Kate Knapp

> > > UMN - OIT

> > >

> > > *

> > > " What's past is prologue. " The Tempest, W.S.*

> >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

I didn't need to do this, but I know of people who have. They have set up

computer cameras or video monitors in their LO's room. If the SNF has

wireless network service, you should be able (with the SNF's cooperation)

to set up a camera in the room to see what is happening fairly subtly. If

no network, there are cameras that can record the day or parts of the day

on a tape or DVD. Doing this outside of the room gets into privacy issues,

so you need the permission and collaboration of the SNF. And, if your LO

has a roommate, you have to be very careful of the direction the cam is

pointed and, if possible, talk with the roommate's family about what you

are doing.

Or, you could just ask the staff to take some video (you might need to

supply the camcorder) or snapshots of your dad during the day. I suspect

you will see him improve in comfort over time.

Kate

On Tue, Jun 26, 2012 at 9:24 PM, Vivian DeWalt wrote:

> **

>

>

> HI: Is there any way to observe him and him not see you? Vivian

>

>

>

>

> > For the first month or two, I had a hard time leaving Mom at the end of

> the

> > visit. The staff had to even counsel me to try to relax, because my worry

> > was agitating Mom. I got to a point at which I would sit in my car doing

> > breathing exercises for a few minutes before I went in to see Mom. (I

> have

> > a pretty stressful workplace, too, and would go directly from work to the

> > SNF.) Smartest thing I ever did.

> >

> > I often compare it now to dropping a child off at daycare. There's

> crying,

> > screaming, " Mommy don't leave me " and all that. Then, once you are gone,

> > things settle down. Once your dad recognizes that you will come back and

> > you aren't abandoning him, it'll get easier.

> >

> > But it is important to note that, if you or your mom is apprehensive and

> > tense, he will pick up on that and become tense and upset, too. The more

> > you treat the situation as " normal " the better for all concerned.

> >

> > Best wishes.

> >

> > Kate

> >

> > On Mon, Jun 25, 2012 at 11:17 PM, Angel Covers

> wrote:

> >

> > > **

>

> > >

> > >

> > > Great ideas, Kate, thanks! I'm a little afraid to even go and be seen

> by

> > > him after the scene on Sunday. On the other hand, the most difficult

> > > trigger might be largely my mom's presence. And she walks with a cane,

> so

> > > she can't make a quick exit. I told her next time we were borrowing a

> > > wheelchair right out the front door!

> > >

> > > I'll definitely look into these ideas...

> > >

> > > Ida

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > >

> > > > > **

> > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > --Haven't posted in awhile to keep anyone updated. Dad's LBD kept a

> > > steady

> > > > > downward spiral over the last month. We tried in-home help, but the

> > > caliber

> > > > > of aide was WAY too unpredictable. He was mostly delusional,

> > > uncooperative,

> > > > > or sleeping. Last Friday he became unresponsive, even refusing to

> > > swallow

> > > > > anything. Wouldn't open his mouth. Wouldn't look at us, speak at

> all,

> > > very

> > > > > odd. Neuro doc advised an ambulance. He spent his 3 midnights

> there,

> > > with a

> > > > > 24/7 sitter who made sure he didn't try to get anywhere himself.

> > > > > Stabilizing him for a transfer to the nursing home was their goal.

> > > > >

> > > > > Now he is in a nursing home running the staff ragged. Not sleeping

> > > much,

> > > > > wandering, escaping cleverly, getting himself in predicaments. They

> > are

> > > > > working on a plan, adjusting meds and increasing alarm

> > installations...

> > > > > He's not really trying to leave to " get home " or anything... he's

> > > trying to

> > > > > conduct business meetings and meet shipments on a loading dock...

> > > > >

> > > > > My mom and I are spent. We visited for lengthy time periods his

> > first 4

> > > > > days, but it didn't help. In fact, it seemed to add to the

> confusion

> > of

> > > > > things. So, we are now staying away of our own accord. She is

> > > emotionally

> > > > > exhausted and I feel mostly very sad and numb. Can't think, can't

> > solve

> > > > > little problems... Housework appeals to me and it's about all I can

> > > handle.

> > > > >

> > > > > Ida

> > > > >

> > > > > I'm not completely sure they will keep him, though there aren't

> many

> > if

> > > > > any lockdown facilities that accept Medicaid in this area. We'll

> see.

> > > He

> > > > > is, thank God, in His hands, ultimately, we know --so whatever

> > > unfolds...

> > > > > we will deal with it, accept it.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > --

> > > > Kate Knapp

> > > > UMN - OIT

> > > >

> > > > *

> > > > " What's past is prologue. " The Tempest, W.S.*

> > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >