Re: Dad's in a nursing home

[Guest guest]

Ida: May you and your mother get some much needed rest! Lord please be

with Ida and her mother as they deal with Dad's care! Please give him

peace, guide the staff as they make adjustments for him. Keep this family

and staff in your loving hands! Amen

Vivian

> **

>

>

> --Haven't posted in awhile to keep anyone updated. Dad's LBD kept a steady

> downward spiral over the last month. We tried in-home help, but the caliber

> of aide was WAY too unpredictable. He was mostly delusional, uncooperative,

> or sleeping. Last Friday he became unresponsive, even refusing to swallow

> anything. Wouldn't open his mouth. Wouldn't look at us, speak at all, very

> odd. Neuro doc advised an ambulance. He spent his 3 midnights there, with a

> 24/7 sitter who made sure he didn't try to get anywhere himself.

> Stabilizing him for a transfer to the nursing home was their goal.

>

> Now he is in a nursing home running the staff ragged. Not sleeping much,

> wandering, escaping cleverly, getting himself in predicaments. They are

> working on a plan, adjusting meds and increasing alarm installations...

> He's not really trying to leave to " get home " or anything... he's trying to

> conduct business meetings and meet shipments on a loading dock...

>

> My mom and I are spent. We visited for lengthy time periods his first 4

> days, but it didn't help. In fact, it seemed to add to the confusion of

> things. So, we are now staying away of our own accord. She is emotionally

> exhausted and I feel mostly very sad and numb. Can't think, can't solve

> little problems... Housework appeals to me and it's about all I can handle.

>

> Ida

>

> I'm not completely sure they will keep him, though there aren't many if

> any lockdown facilities that accept Medicaid in this area. We'll see. He

> is, thank God, in His hands, ultimately, we know --so whatever unfolds...

> we will deal with it, accept it.

>

>

>

--

Vivian

[Guest guest]

Ida: May you and your mother get some much needed rest! Lord please be

with Ida and her mother as they deal with Dad's care! Please give him

peace, guide the staff as they make adjustments for him. Keep this family

and staff in your loving hands! Amen

Vivian

> **

>

>

> --Haven't posted in awhile to keep anyone updated. Dad's LBD kept a steady

> downward spiral over the last month. We tried in-home help, but the caliber

> of aide was WAY too unpredictable. He was mostly delusional, uncooperative,

> or sleeping. Last Friday he became unresponsive, even refusing to swallow

> anything. Wouldn't open his mouth. Wouldn't look at us, speak at all, very

> odd. Neuro doc advised an ambulance. He spent his 3 midnights there, with a

> 24/7 sitter who made sure he didn't try to get anywhere himself.

> Stabilizing him for a transfer to the nursing home was their goal.

>

> Now he is in a nursing home running the staff ragged. Not sleeping much,

> wandering, escaping cleverly, getting himself in predicaments. They are

> working on a plan, adjusting meds and increasing alarm installations...

> He's not really trying to leave to " get home " or anything... he's trying to

> conduct business meetings and meet shipments on a loading dock...

>

> My mom and I are spent. We visited for lengthy time periods his first 4

> days, but it didn't help. In fact, it seemed to add to the confusion of

> things. So, we are now staying away of our own accord. She is emotionally

> exhausted and I feel mostly very sad and numb. Can't think, can't solve

> little problems... Housework appeals to me and it's about all I can handle.

>

> Ida

>

> I'm not completely sure they will keep him, though there aren't many if

> any lockdown facilities that accept Medicaid in this area. We'll see. He

> is, thank God, in His hands, ultimately, we know --so whatever unfolds...

> we will deal with it, accept it.

>

>

>

--

Vivian

[Guest guest]

Thank you, Vivien. We appreciate your prayers! Today's visit did not go well;

we will stay away now, for at least another week. Without us, he is compliant,

manageable, and participates in activities. With us, he devises elaborate plans

for escape, claims he is being mistreated, and leaving caused a heart-wrenching

scene.

I feel completely helpless and wish we hadn't gone. It cost my mom all of the

progress she had made in recovering from it all. It cost the staff the progress

they had made with him, I think. And seemed to accomplish nothing except to

confirm to us that staying away seems to be best for now. Maybe that was the

point.

Ida

>

> Ida: May you and your mother get some much needed rest! Lord please be

> with Ida and her mother as they deal with Dad's care! Please give him

> peace, guide the staff as they make adjustments for him. Keep this family

> and staff in your loving hands! Amen

> Vivian

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you, Vivien. We appreciate your prayers! Today's visit did not go well;

we will stay away now, for at least another week. Without us, he is compliant,

manageable, and participates in activities. With us, he devises elaborate plans

for escape, claims he is being mistreated, and leaving caused a heart-wrenching

scene.

I feel completely helpless and wish we hadn't gone. It cost my mom all of the

progress she had made in recovering from it all. It cost the staff the progress

they had made with him, I think. And seemed to accomplish nothing except to

confirm to us that staying away seems to be best for now. Maybe that was the

point.

Ida

>

> Ida: May you and your mother get some much needed rest! Lord please be

> with Ida and her mother as they deal with Dad's care! Please give him

> peace, guide the staff as they make adjustments for him. Keep this family

> and staff in your loving hands! Amen

> Vivian

>

[Guest guest]

Ida, don't worry about whether they will keep him. A nursing home, as

opposed to a residential home, is better able (I think) to handle the

wandering escape artist and the uncooperative. The one my mom was in even

had an alarm system that would lock a door approached by someone with a

monitor bracelet/anklet on. Mom kept trying to leave for the first few

months, too. It took awhile, but she eventually accepted the situation.

We took her out on weekends and at first she was upset to return to the

SNF. But even that became a relief to her when we really tired her out.

Get to know the staff as well as you can. Developing those relationships

helps in getting your dad the attention he needs. Talk with the activities

staff and the OT staff about things that your dad would like doing.

Sometimes they can come up with something that resembles what he did in

business. They seem to be better at this with women than men (all that

folding didn't fool the ladies that much, either). So if you can help them

work out something that resembles his career or makes use of his talents,

it will help him adjust. Maybe they could have him " inventory " the number

of towels and sheets in the linen carts and place (fake) orders for

adjustments. My observation at the SNF Mom was at was that the residents

needed to feel valuable and doing things they did during their career goes

a long way toward self esteem. The more they can make it feel " real " for

your dad, the better. Maybe even letting him move linens from one cart to

another to keep the " inventory " up.

Good luck!

Kate

> **

>

>

> --Haven't posted in awhile to keep anyone updated. Dad's LBD kept a steady

> downward spiral over the last month. We tried in-home help, but the caliber

> of aide was WAY too unpredictable. He was mostly delusional, uncooperative,

> or sleeping. Last Friday he became unresponsive, even refusing to swallow

> anything. Wouldn't open his mouth. Wouldn't look at us, speak at all, very

> odd. Neuro doc advised an ambulance. He spent his 3 midnights there, with a

> 24/7 sitter who made sure he didn't try to get anywhere himself.

> Stabilizing him for a transfer to the nursing home was their goal.

>

> Now he is in a nursing home running the staff ragged. Not sleeping much,

> wandering, escaping cleverly, getting himself in predicaments. They are

> working on a plan, adjusting meds and increasing alarm installations...

> He's not really trying to leave to " get home " or anything... he's trying to

> conduct business meetings and meet shipments on a loading dock...

>

> My mom and I are spent. We visited for lengthy time periods his first 4

> days, but it didn't help. In fact, it seemed to add to the confusion of

> things. So, we are now staying away of our own accord. She is emotionally

> exhausted and I feel mostly very sad and numb. Can't think, can't solve

> little problems... Housework appeals to me and it's about all I can handle.

>

> Ida

>

> I'm not completely sure they will keep him, though there aren't many if

> any lockdown facilities that accept Medicaid in this area. We'll see. He

> is, thank God, in His hands, ultimately, we know --so whatever unfolds...

> we will deal with it, accept it.

>

>

>

--

Kate Knapp

UMN - OIT

*

" What's past is prologue. " The Tempest, W.S.*

[Guest guest]

Ida, don't worry about whether they will keep him. A nursing home, as

opposed to a residential home, is better able (I think) to handle the

wandering escape artist and the uncooperative. The one my mom was in even

had an alarm system that would lock a door approached by someone with a

monitor bracelet/anklet on. Mom kept trying to leave for the first few

months, too. It took awhile, but she eventually accepted the situation.

We took her out on weekends and at first she was upset to return to the

SNF. But even that became a relief to her when we really tired her out.

Get to know the staff as well as you can. Developing those relationships

helps in getting your dad the attention he needs. Talk with the activities

staff and the OT staff about things that your dad would like doing.

Sometimes they can come up with something that resembles what he did in

business. They seem to be better at this with women than men (all that

folding didn't fool the ladies that much, either). So if you can help them

work out something that resembles his career or makes use of his talents,

it will help him adjust. Maybe they could have him " inventory " the number

of towels and sheets in the linen carts and place (fake) orders for

adjustments. My observation at the SNF Mom was at was that the residents

needed to feel valuable and doing things they did during their career goes

a long way toward self esteem. The more they can make it feel " real " for

your dad, the better. Maybe even letting him move linens from one cart to

another to keep the " inventory " up.

Good luck!

Kate

> **

>

>

> --Haven't posted in awhile to keep anyone updated. Dad's LBD kept a steady

> downward spiral over the last month. We tried in-home help, but the caliber

> of aide was WAY too unpredictable. He was mostly delusional, uncooperative,

> or sleeping. Last Friday he became unresponsive, even refusing to swallow

> anything. Wouldn't open his mouth. Wouldn't look at us, speak at all, very

> odd. Neuro doc advised an ambulance. He spent his 3 midnights there, with a

> 24/7 sitter who made sure he didn't try to get anywhere himself.

> Stabilizing him for a transfer to the nursing home was their goal.

>

> Now he is in a nursing home running the staff ragged. Not sleeping much,

> wandering, escaping cleverly, getting himself in predicaments. They are

> working on a plan, adjusting meds and increasing alarm installations...

> He's not really trying to leave to " get home " or anything... he's trying to

> conduct business meetings and meet shipments on a loading dock...

>

> My mom and I are spent. We visited for lengthy time periods his first 4

> days, but it didn't help. In fact, it seemed to add to the confusion of

> things. So, we are now staying away of our own accord. She is emotionally

> exhausted and I feel mostly very sad and numb. Can't think, can't solve

> little problems... Housework appeals to me and it's about all I can handle.

>

> Ida

>

> I'm not completely sure they will keep him, though there aren't many if

> any lockdown facilities that accept Medicaid in this area. We'll see. He

> is, thank God, in His hands, ultimately, we know --so whatever unfolds...

> we will deal with it, accept it.

>

>

>

--

Kate Knapp

UMN - OIT

*

" What's past is prologue. " The Tempest, W.S.*

[Guest guest]

Great ideas, Kate, thanks! I'm a little afraid to even go and be seen by him

after the scene on Sunday. On the other hand, the most difficult trigger might

be largely my mom's presence. And she walks with a cane, so she can't make a

quick exit. I told her next time we were borrowing a wheelchair right out the

front door!

I'll definitely look into these ideas...

Ida

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > --Haven't posted in awhile to keep anyone updated. Dad's LBD kept a steady

> > downward spiral over the last month. We tried in-home help, but the caliber

> > of aide was WAY too unpredictable. He was mostly delusional, uncooperative,

> > or sleeping. Last Friday he became unresponsive, even refusing to swallow

> > anything. Wouldn't open his mouth. Wouldn't look at us, speak at all, very

> > odd. Neuro doc advised an ambulance. He spent his 3 midnights there, with a

> > 24/7 sitter who made sure he didn't try to get anywhere himself.

> > Stabilizing him for a transfer to the nursing home was their goal.

> >

> > Now he is in a nursing home running the staff ragged. Not sleeping much,

> > wandering, escaping cleverly, getting himself in predicaments. They are

> > working on a plan, adjusting meds and increasing alarm installations...

> > He's not really trying to leave to " get home " or anything... he's trying to

> > conduct business meetings and meet shipments on a loading dock...

> >

> > My mom and I are spent. We visited for lengthy time periods his first 4

> > days, but it didn't help. In fact, it seemed to add to the confusion of

> > things. So, we are now staying away of our own accord. She is emotionally

> > exhausted and I feel mostly very sad and numb. Can't think, can't solve

> > little problems... Housework appeals to me and it's about all I can handle.

> >

> > Ida

> >

> > I'm not completely sure they will keep him, though there aren't many if

> > any lockdown facilities that accept Medicaid in this area. We'll see. He

> > is, thank God, in His hands, ultimately, we know --so whatever unfolds...

> > we will deal with it, accept it.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

> --

> Kate Knapp

> UMN - OIT

>

> *

> " What's past is prologue. " The Tempest, W.S.*

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Great ideas, Kate, thanks! I'm a little afraid to even go and be seen by him

after the scene on Sunday. On the other hand, the most difficult trigger might

be largely my mom's presence. And she walks with a cane, so she can't make a

quick exit. I told her next time we were borrowing a wheelchair right out the

front door!

I'll definitely look into these ideas...

Ida

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > --Haven't posted in awhile to keep anyone updated. Dad's LBD kept a steady

> > downward spiral over the last month. We tried in-home help, but the caliber

> > of aide was WAY too unpredictable. He was mostly delusional, uncooperative,

> > or sleeping. Last Friday he became unresponsive, even refusing to swallow

> > anything. Wouldn't open his mouth. Wouldn't look at us, speak at all, very

> > odd. Neuro doc advised an ambulance. He spent his 3 midnights there, with a

> > 24/7 sitter who made sure he didn't try to get anywhere himself.

> > Stabilizing him for a transfer to the nursing home was their goal.

> >

> > Now he is in a nursing home running the staff ragged. Not sleeping much,

> > wandering, escaping cleverly, getting himself in predicaments. They are

> > working on a plan, adjusting meds and increasing alarm installations...

> > He's not really trying to leave to " get home " or anything... he's trying to

> > conduct business meetings and meet shipments on a loading dock...

> >

> > My mom and I are spent. We visited for lengthy time periods his first 4

> > days, but it didn't help. In fact, it seemed to add to the confusion of

> > things. So, we are now staying away of our own accord. She is emotionally

> > exhausted and I feel mostly very sad and numb. Can't think, can't solve

> > little problems... Housework appeals to me and it's about all I can handle.

> >

> > Ida

> >

> > I'm not completely sure they will keep him, though there aren't many if

> > any lockdown facilities that accept Medicaid in this area. We'll see. He

> > is, thank God, in His hands, ultimately, we know --so whatever unfolds...

> > we will deal with it, accept it.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

> --

> Kate Knapp

> UMN - OIT

>

> *

> " What's past is prologue. " The Tempest, W.S.*

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the discussion, friends. If we did want to observe him, we would

have to supply the idea, equipment, get permission, etc. (No, I don't see a way

in which we could observe and not be seen.) The idea of asking for photos or

videos of him through the day is fun. I might be able to get that simply by

establishing a relationship with the regular staff and aides,etc. We'll think

about that. Cute idea, really, also for my mom and for distant siblings of

mine.

I used email successfully, once, to get some attention to his adjustment issues

and his meds adjusted. Now I've used email again, to initiate some sort of

conversation regarding the care plan they would have developed for him this

week. I'm hopeful that it is again an efficient mode of communication. I don't

mind dropping in at different times of the week and day, but I don't like

calling at random times and taking my chances on someone worthwhile having the

time for a phone chat. That seems like it would be an intrusion on the day if I

were in their shoes...Thanks again, Ida