SIBLINGS!!!

December 10, 2008

well my last post was about the appointment, this one is about

's sister.

She is driving me up the wall and stepping on my toes. She called

here on the Sunday before and I saw the dr asking if

still was thinking about surgery and if it was for himself or his

family. Then she phone the night of the dr appointment, shhh

and I were BUSY. LOL. Anyways after I told she was just

calling to see what the dr said and that she was coming over the next

day so why can she not wait. That all she wanted to dicuss was the

appointment. He said no she must be calling for another reason. I

was right she asked him about his appointment and questioned his

decission. OOOOHHHH I was really starting to steam up.

The night she came over she got into the discussion with about

his appointment and said to me " I know you love but bottom line

is it is his body and he makes the final decission. " Well

kicked me to try to keep me calm. I said " no I need to say

this to her. Look Dolores the Dr has told him that before he makes

his decission final to take his family into concideration cause what

ever he decides also affects us. He has a family. He has a wife. It

is not just HIS decission. Yes his body but I sleep and I am with him

all the time and have to live with his outcome. If he did not want

teh surgery I cannot force him. And if was single I know his

decission would be differnt. But he has me and the kids and our

future and mental states to concider. "

She then dropped it cause she knew I was getting upset. But she had

to bring up some imaginary artical in the winnipeg sun that stated

women are having surgery when it is not needed and that the article

said the same about prostate cancer. But convienantly she forgot the

article in her van. I nearly lost it. gave me a kick and bit my

tounge. managed to change the subject right away.

Then she got into it again, I told her the dr that sugested Active

Survalaince had only graduated in 2004. And he had a thing against

women, and that I had a bad vibe with him before he even sat in his

chair. She said " yes I was told. You also had a temper

tantrum. " ...WTF!!!!!!! Ohhh I went red and heated up. I told he it

was a nervious breakdown. She said no Marla whatever you want to

call it, it was a temper tantrum.... I nearly asked her to leave at

that point. That was uncalled for and disrespectful towards me.

Then she went into the date and said she would come to Manitoba, she

is in ontario, for the 9th till the 15th.

Well surprise I have talked to the hospital and nurses, there will be

NO ONE seeing the day of his surgery and no medical info will

be given to anyone but myself and . If there is something we

feel she should know we will tell her. She is way to nosey. And my

friends and family agree that the day has surgery he will be in

no condition for visits anyways and that should be the time I am with

him.

I am not looking forward to x-mas cause we are going to his sisters.

I swear if she talks about it, (will be 2 just over weeks before

surgery and I will be a wreck) I will lose it on her. I do not care

who is there. says he will talk to her and tell her it is not

up for discussion while he is there and that what she did at our

house was disrespectful towards me. He will tell her to back down.

Yes it is her brother, yes she loves and cares about him. I get and

understand that. But she has to back off and stop stepping into my

space. is my husband. She doesn't have to live with him day

in and day out. She does not sleep with him, I do. She has to

respect me and learn to back down a bit. I am the one that will have

to live with 's emotional and physical state after the surgery.

NOT HER.

I just had to blow off some steam. This has been bugging me for days.

~Marla~

December 10, 2008

Marla,As a pastor and one who had DaVinci surgery this past August, I fully agree that 's sister should butt out. The 2 of you have made your decision and it is not her decision. My cancer was caught very early. I am not a "wait and see" person. I investigated all of the options and my wife and I prayed about it and discussed it together after each appointment. She saw both of the urologists, the radiation oncologist, and the medical oncologist. Her statement to me was, "I do not think the radiation is what you need. I know there is a possibility of impotence, but if it happens, so be it!" I strongly advise that begin doing Kegel exerciss now to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. It will help with the continence and erectile function. I had problems because of back surgery

last December and was unable to do much exercise. Even clamping the anal muscles and pelvic muscles caused me discomfort. Walking was out of the question. I can do a little now. I have just about become continent again (about 90% of the time or 2 pads a day). Erctile function is starting very weakly. My HMO will not approve the penile rehab. I have my 3rd meeting next month.Stand your ground. If sister-in-law decides to approach the subject, has to be the one to tell her that it is off limits. That will help take some of the pressure off of you. ["Sis, I know that you love me and are concerned about my well-being, but Marla and I have been to the doctors and studied the possibilities and WE have decided this is the way to go for us. End of discussion." Steve S in ArkansasTo: ProstateCancerSupport Sent: Wednesday, December 10, 2008 11:16:03 AMSubject: SIBLINGS!!!