new here, frustrated, feeling insane with a new baby

[Guest guest]

Hello, i am amber, 32 years old, momma of 5 kiddos and i work outside

the home as a nurse in a long term care facility. My kids are 12,6,

4, 16 months and 5 WEEKS old......all very dear to me. I am married

to the love of my life donald.

I have been very frustrated lately with the inablity to do things

that was so simple before. i feel like i am going insane lately and

neglecting the family i started looking for more information on the

internet and came upon this group...... anyway my story is such:

a few years ago (about 5) i was pregnant with my first daughter (had

2 boys before and no problems), while i was pregnant with her i

became very very sick, i actually LOST 50 pounds while pregnant and

was in bad shape. I had a crappy ob who thought as long as the baby

was ok it was ok for me to be that sick. While pregnant with her i

started having this awful foot pain, i complained about it, i got the

pregnant feet explaination, but it got worse, and worse...finally the

ob sent me to a orthopedic who checked me out (actually pretty well

even did an xray) and said there was nothing wrong with my bones he

suggest i see someone else, maybe a reg doc or go back to the ob for

a different referral ... i even ended up at the er one night in

misery, they pretty much thought i was a whining pregnant lady with

achey feet, told me to get good sneakers. The ob sent me to a reg doc

since he did not know what to do, the reg doc who checked my b12 and

ended up giving me b12 injections, In misery i tried any and every

doctor i could think of....i also tried a chiropractor who could not

do anything for me due to my insurance...but got me into physical

therapy to try to help with the pain since i was miserable. Meanwhile

i ended back at the er several times finally being referred to a

neurologist ...I went to the one they referred me to, all the

neurologist did was look me over once and gave me drugs, drugs and

more drugs....meanwhile i went to several podiatrist who all gave me

BS diagnosis .... the reg doc suggested i see a rheumatoid doc after

the b12 shots did not seem to make a difference. he set me up with

him. by the time i had taken tylenol 3 for pain but not else could be

given due to being pregnant. the rheum doc was very nice, asked lots

of question, actually touched my feet when he looked at them....some

of the other docs never even touched them. I had seen soo many

doctors who all brushed me off and acted like i was a whinny pregnant

lady or a drug seeking insane person....the rhuem doc started me on

several NSAIDS after i had the baby, i was also takign tegretol,

neurontin, percocet and anything else they gave me to try to stop the

pain.....nothing seemed to help. I gave up all the meds (feeling like

a druggie myself) except the different ones the rheumtoid doc gave me

to try (all nsaids and ultram).... he wanted me to see a different

neurologist and have a test done with him. he also wanted me to have

101 blood test done......then it struck, my insurance ran out (i was

on medicaid after being fired from my job while pregnant) so i

stopped going to the doc and never had my test done......i survived,

got better and ended up back at work, got married, got insurance

through hubby......but never went back to the doctor since things

were fairly normal, the " flare up " was gone.

i have had minor problems since then, usually rest and motrin help. I

learned to deal with it, i could not wear nice shoes, just clogs and

slippers, etc. i even had another baby girl in 2006.

But i just had a baby 5 weeks ago (beautiful boy) and about 2 weeks

after i had him it hit, i have had severe foot pain again, even into

my ankles, i can barely walk sometimes, yet when i lay in bed they

hurt and drive me crazy. It is an awful aching feeling but has times

when it feels like someone is sticking needles into my joints. NOW my

hands have started, i have noticed over times my hands " weakening "

but not they are extremely sore, i cannot open most things with

out " my little helper " (jar opener thing) ... i have been soo stiff,

so tired, sooooo cranky and miserable. i have been mean to my family,

yelling at my kids, snapping at my husband who has tried so hard to

help me (cleaning, cooking etc)...i do not know what to do. i got a

reg doctor to see me in april (one my mom and sil goes to) but i have

no idea how to make it until then, i have been soo miserable i sit

and cry most days. I feel like i am neglecting the kids, i have

struggled just to keep them fed, diapered, and such lately. i called

the rheum doc but since it has been a over 4 and half years i would

need a referral to see him (not sure why but i think the office lady

was blowing me off)....i have thought about trying an urgent care or

something to see if they can refer me to someone but i am at my wits

end, i need help and have no idea where to get it fast. I am

emotionally drained and physically a mess. I am starting to get

scared of the joint damage and am i going to be able to keep caring

for my kids, will i be able to participate in their lives as they get

older if my joints are being ruined....i just do not know what to do

next....

Anyway, thanks for having me vent, thanks for having me in the group,

i hope to learn a lot of ways to deal with the changes happening to

me from the group

amber