Re: Re: Dad is at peace

[Guest guest]

Thank you for your response, ! It sounds like we are similar! I had spent

my life vowing that my parents would never end up in a nursing home either, but

there was genuinely no choice. I hadn’t realized until this happened that

there could BE no choice! So sure, there’s guilt, absolutely. And any day

that I did not go to see him, I felt guilty even though I knew it was healthier

to take care of my own life and family as well. Our travel to see Dad was

nearly a half hour each way, and of course with just gas alone that wasn’t

even close to convenient! The amazing thing too is that Dad was maintaining

overall well enough that Mom was beginning to look into the possibility of

selling the house and moving to a condo closer to the nursing home he was in!!

So this was very much unexpected! Devastated is indeed a fitting word.

We are taking a four day trip to Canada this weekend; we do it annually but

usually make it longer as we are 14 hours away with all the potty stops. It is

a dog gathering; we have three dogs (unable to have kids) and they are of this

breed and go along. And I’m coming home with the gift of a puppy!! So I’m

hoping that will bring lots of smiles and joy to our home. Dad absolutely loved

dogs, and I had told him about this pup and shown him photos even, so he would

be prepared for me being home more and visiting a bit less. He was fine with

it; we clearly share this love for dogs. So I’m hoping the distraction will

bring smiles like I say, and also will present a time that I can look up and

talk to Dad about this pup as it grows and learns. He would enjoy that.

Lori

From:

Sent: Wednesday, August 22, 2012 3:14 PM

To: LBDcaregivers

Subject: Re: Dad is at peace

Dear Lori,

I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your dad. You remind me a lot of what we

went through. I, too, was very close to my dad. My dad's passing was also

unexpectedly. They had placed a breathing tube and just the day before of him

passing his doctor told me he was doing so well they were thinking of removing

the tube in a few days. Imagine my shock! I was devastated!!!

I'm not sure if you went through the same remorse as I did, but I had no choice

but to put my dad in a nursing home because my mom is up there in age and has

her own health issues. She couldn't care for him, physically. I was full of

guilt! I always said I would never put my parents in a nursing home, but I

really didn't have a choice. I work full time. Medicare/Medicaid would only pay

for a nurse to be at their home for 4 hours, but were willing to pay a nursing

home, full time. Go figure! Aarrrgggghhhh! I would travel over an hour, both

directions, every day after work and stay with him until evening and spent all

day Saturdays and Sundays so I do understand how exhausting it can be!

Please take time for yourself now. It will be hard at the beginning, but it does

get a little easier with time. Soon you'll be remembering the good, funny, happy

times and the bad onesÂ….. not so much.

Sending you heartfelt hugs!

from NYC

Daughter of Celestino (Tino) Suarez

Misdiagnosed for years. Diagnosed with LBD March 2009, but we now know he's had

it for at least 4-5 years.

God called him home on October 27, 2009. Rest in peace, Daddy.

(January 29, 1930 - October 27, 2009)

>

> I just wanted to share with you all that Dad passed away on August 9th. We

didn’t have a great deal of warning, other than two to three days of

minimal responsiveness. One day he was sleeping very hard and completely

non-responsive, but that evening he responded to us some and asked for fluid. At

that point, his swallowing had gotten so bad that we could only swab his mouth

for him. Thank God we had gotten hospice involved in the last few weeks; we

expected this to go on many more years, but were concerned about end of life

issues without hospice so we had him involved on a month long ‘trial’,

where they listed him as ‘failure to thrive’ rather than as having

dementia; unbelievably they could not have him in hospice for dementia because

he could speak more than six words. That shocked me as a very strange

contingency. He had been losing weight and having trouble eating, but we really

didn’t expect this loss as he was only diagnosed two years ago. I am

experiencing very mixed feelings; such intense relief that Dad is not suffering

with this beastly disease, but it is still the loss, or the final loss, of my

father. We were quite close. Although he was in a nursing home most of the time

since January, Mom was there pretty much daily, and I was there very close to

daily, for hours at a time each occasion; he didn’t expect a visit, he

expected you to entertain him each day. He had horrible hallucinations that were

very violent and we were working on medication management for that, so he was

genuinely suffering terribly. So many people assume that if your loved one is in

a nursing home, you aren’t really dealing with them any more to the extent

of other people, but I can tell you that if you spend 3-4 hours there per day,

feeding and tending to that loved one, and then going home only to wait for

phone calls that he is causing disturbances, it is exhausting to say the least.

I remain somewhat numb but it is getting better, although I have a lot of

physical symptoms from the stress. Mom is holding up well, but has been ill and

requiring strong antibiotics as well. So I continue to pray for her, as well as

Dad.

>

> Thank you all for all the information you offer and the support. I

haven’t written often but have taken in all that has been said.

>

> Sincerely,

> Lori

>

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with

them, and every new dog that comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their

heart. If I live long enough all of the components of my heart will be dog, and

I will become as generous and loving as they are. ~Anonymous~

>

>

> www.aldf.org

> www.ifaw.org

> www.fundforanimals.org

> www.oceanconservancy.org

> www.aspca.org

> www.ddal.org

> www.greenpeace.org

> www.nrdc.org

> www.pcrm.org

> www.edf.org

> www.ncpa.org

> www.audobon.org

> www.bestfriends.org

> www.nwf.org

> www.wwf.org

> www.defenders.org

> www.nature.org

> www.nhes.org

> www.wolf.org

>

>