Re: Hitting, behaviors, etc

[Guest guest]

Always check for a UTI if behavior  changes that much in a short time.

Hugs,

Donna R

Hitting, behaviors, etc

 

Wow. What a difference a couple of weeks makes. My brother in law took my sister

to their summer home in upstate Maine for a week and I had not seen her in two

weeks. When I saw her yesterday and today, I have seen an increase in negative

behaviors. Hitting, getting in faces and yelling, getting up against a car when

she doesn't want you to leave without her. She has lost a sense of propriety,

and I know she would be mortified if she 'knew'. Thoughts?

Donna

[Guest guest]

Always check for a UTI if behavior  changes that much in a short time.

Hugs,

Donna R

Hitting, behaviors, etc

 

Wow. What a difference a couple of weeks makes. My brother in law took my sister

to their summer home in upstate Maine for a week and I had not seen her in two

weeks. When I saw her yesterday and today, I have seen an increase in negative

behaviors. Hitting, getting in faces and yelling, getting up against a car when

she doesn't want you to leave without her. She has lost a sense of propriety,

and I know she would be mortified if she 'knew'. Thoughts?

Donna

[Guest guest]

Always check for a UTI if behavior  changes that much in a short time.

Hugs,

Donna R

Hitting, behaviors, etc

 

Wow. What a difference a couple of weeks makes. My brother in law took my sister

to their summer home in upstate Maine for a week and I had not seen her in two

weeks. When I saw her yesterday and today, I have seen an increase in negative

behaviors. Hitting, getting in faces and yelling, getting up against a car when

she doesn't want you to leave without her. She has lost a sense of propriety,

and I know she would be mortified if she 'knew'. Thoughts?

Donna

[Guest guest]

I agree with Donna regarding a possible uti but also think uprooting your sister

from home to a different, although used to be familiar routine, could be playing

on her. Your bil is lucky they travelled safely as she could have started the

behaviour directed at him while driving or tried getting out of the car while

travelling! Change in routine like that can elicit increased behaviours and

hopefully she will settle back into who she had become with return home and the

familiar. Yes, we often have to think how " mortified " our loved ones would be

if they were aware of their LBD behaviours. This condition is so demeaning.

>

> Wow. What a difference a couple of weeks makes. My brother in law took my

sister to their summer home in upstate Maine for a week and I had not seen her

in two weeks. When I saw her yesterday and today, I have seen an increase in

negative behaviors. Hitting, getting in faces and yelling, getting up against a

car when she doesn't want you to leave without her. She has lost a sense of

propriety, and I know she would be mortified if she 'knew'. Thoughts?

> Donna

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with Donna regarding a possible uti but also think uprooting your sister

from home to a different, although used to be familiar routine, could be playing

on her. Your bil is lucky they travelled safely as she could have started the

behaviour directed at him while driving or tried getting out of the car while

travelling! Change in routine like that can elicit increased behaviours and

hopefully she will settle back into who she had become with return home and the

familiar. Yes, we often have to think how " mortified " our loved ones would be

if they were aware of their LBD behaviours. This condition is so demeaning.

>

> Wow. What a difference a couple of weeks makes. My brother in law took my

sister to their summer home in upstate Maine for a week and I had not seen her

in two weeks. When I saw her yesterday and today, I have seen an increase in

negative behaviors. Hitting, getting in faces and yelling, getting up against a

car when she doesn't want you to leave without her. She has lost a sense of

propriety, and I know she would be mortified if she 'knew'. Thoughts?

> Donna

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with Donna regarding a possible uti but also think uprooting your sister

from home to a different, although used to be familiar routine, could be playing

on her. Your bil is lucky they travelled safely as she could have started the

behaviour directed at him while driving or tried getting out of the car while

travelling! Change in routine like that can elicit increased behaviours and

hopefully she will settle back into who she had become with return home and the

familiar. Yes, we often have to think how " mortified " our loved ones would be

if they were aware of their LBD behaviours. This condition is so demeaning.

>

> Wow. What a difference a couple of weeks makes. My brother in law took my

sister to their summer home in upstate Maine for a week and I had not seen her

in two weeks. When I saw her yesterday and today, I have seen an increase in

negative behaviors. Hitting, getting in faces and yelling, getting up against a

car when she doesn't want you to leave without her. She has lost a sense of

propriety, and I know she would be mortified if she 'knew'. Thoughts?

> Donna

>

[Guest guest]

I also agree with the possible UTI check. But both Donna and are

right about changes in routine, too.

In the last year of Mom's life, though she was in an SNF, we tried to get

Mom out often - just to the mall or one of her daughter's homes (not the

one I shared with her, though). This encouraged me to believe that I could

take her on a short (90 mile) trip to see her brother, but it didn't work

out. Now I'm glad it didn't. This brother is a year younger and my guess

is that he is about a year or two behind Mom in the development of his

dementia. We visited my uncle and aunt a couple of weeks ago and now I

realize that such a visit, and the travel involved, would have been too

much for both of them. Better they should remember the healthy brother and

sister they were 5 years before.

Actually, large groups in his own home may be an issue for my uncle. I

know Mom didn't want to have visitors. But 3 adult nieces descended on

him, plus his two daughters, and I think that was too much of a crowd for

him. A lot of people would have believed he was fine - just out of sorts.

But after caregiving for Mom and having watched dementia overwhelm their

parents, I saw how he was getting nervous. (He actually displayed more

behaviors that I had seen in my grandfather than in my mom.) My experience

with Mom, and more my experience with other residents of the SNF, helped me

help him, I think. I engaged him in one-on-one conversation about his past

- WW2 in the navy, the farm he and my mom grew up on and the Great

Depression, his college years and the story of how he and my aunt met. I

think it helped his comfort level and, eventually, his conversation drew

the attention of the rest of the room and he got a moment of positive

attention focused on what he was saying, which, though I think it tired

him, also let him feel like he still had something to say that people

wanted to hear (we learned a lot Mom didn't tell us).

My point is this, I think that visits and road trips lose their importance

when the surroundings change for the person with dementia. They need to be

in their comfort zone. And a place that may have been their comfort zone

(vacation home, etc) is not as important as where they are comfortable

today - and remaining in today's comfort zone.

Fear has to be a big part of dementia. We, as caregivers, watch them

crumble. How much worse and terrifying must it be to be the person

crumbling, especially in the " aware " moments and especially when the

surroundings they were in and got used to yesterday have become something

completely different today.

I think we have no choice but to expect some behaviors, mostly born of fear

and discomfort, when what our loved one did yesterday and the people they

were with and the place they were in yesterday is not the same today. I'm

not saying we can't take them places or visit with people. I'm just saying

we need to watch for the pre-behavior signals and have coping strategies.

In the case of my uncle, talking about himself and the things in his life

that make him proud is something he loves to do (and he has a lot to be

proud of). So drawing his attention away from the crowd and asking him to

have a conversation directly with me about those things he loves to share

helped him calm down. For Mom, it would have been flowers, quilting and

her childhood on the farm in the 1920s.

It is less important for a person with dementia to see loved places, family

and friends than it is to remember them with him. When it gets to the

later stages of dementia, they don't need to see how they each are

crumbling. They need to remember themselves and their friends as they were

when they were healthy and happy and felt they were doing something of

great importance.

Boy, I went from a discussion about UTI to delivering a sermon on the need

for routine and how changes can be disturbing, etc. Sorry. Once I get

going it is hard to stop. But I'm leaving it all in because I hope someone

can get some coping strategies out of it. (I talk too much in meetings,

too.)

Best wishes,

Kate

> **

>

>

> I agree with Donna regarding a possible uti but also think uprooting your

> sister from home to a different, although used to be familiar routine,

> could be playing on her. Your bil is lucky they travelled safely as she

> could have started the behaviour directed at him while driving or tried

> getting out of the car while travelling! Change in routine like that can

> elicit increased behaviours and hopefully she will settle back into who she

> had become with return home and the familiar. Yes, we often have to think

> how " mortified " our loved ones would be if they were aware of their LBD

> behaviours. This condition is so demeaning.

>

>

>

>

> >

> > Wow. What a difference a couple of weeks makes. My brother in law took

> my sister to their summer home in upstate Maine for a week and I had not

> seen her in two weeks. When I saw her yesterday and today, I have seen an

> increase in negative behaviors. Hitting, getting in faces and yelling,

> getting up against a car when she doesn't want you to leave without her.

> She has lost a sense of propriety, and I know she would be mortified if she

> 'knew'. Thoughts?

> > Donna

> >

>

>

>

--

Kate Knapp

UMN - OIT

*

" What's past is prologue. " The Tempest, W.S.*

[Guest guest]

I also agree with the possible UTI check. But both Donna and are

right about changes in routine, too.

In the last year of Mom's life, though she was in an SNF, we tried to get

Mom out often - just to the mall or one of her daughter's homes (not the

one I shared with her, though). This encouraged me to believe that I could

take her on a short (90 mile) trip to see her brother, but it didn't work

out. Now I'm glad it didn't. This brother is a year younger and my guess

is that he is about a year or two behind Mom in the development of his

dementia. We visited my uncle and aunt a couple of weeks ago and now I

realize that such a visit, and the travel involved, would have been too

much for both of them. Better they should remember the healthy brother and

sister they were 5 years before.

Actually, large groups in his own home may be an issue for my uncle. I

know Mom didn't want to have visitors. But 3 adult nieces descended on

him, plus his two daughters, and I think that was too much of a crowd for

him. A lot of people would have believed he was fine - just out of sorts.

But after caregiving for Mom and having watched dementia overwhelm their

parents, I saw how he was getting nervous. (He actually displayed more

behaviors that I had seen in my grandfather than in my mom.) My experience

with Mom, and more my experience with other residents of the SNF, helped me

help him, I think. I engaged him in one-on-one conversation about his past

- WW2 in the navy, the farm he and my mom grew up on and the Great

Depression, his college years and the story of how he and my aunt met. I

think it helped his comfort level and, eventually, his conversation drew

the attention of the rest of the room and he got a moment of positive

attention focused on what he was saying, which, though I think it tired

him, also let him feel like he still had something to say that people

wanted to hear (we learned a lot Mom didn't tell us).

My point is this, I think that visits and road trips lose their importance

when the surroundings change for the person with dementia. They need to be

in their comfort zone. And a place that may have been their comfort zone

(vacation home, etc) is not as important as where they are comfortable

today - and remaining in today's comfort zone.

Fear has to be a big part of dementia. We, as caregivers, watch them

crumble. How much worse and terrifying must it be to be the person

crumbling, especially in the " aware " moments and especially when the

surroundings they were in and got used to yesterday have become something

completely different today.

I think we have no choice but to expect some behaviors, mostly born of fear

and discomfort, when what our loved one did yesterday and the people they

were with and the place they were in yesterday is not the same today. I'm

not saying we can't take them places or visit with people. I'm just saying

we need to watch for the pre-behavior signals and have coping strategies.

In the case of my uncle, talking about himself and the things in his life

that make him proud is something he loves to do (and he has a lot to be

proud of). So drawing his attention away from the crowd and asking him to

have a conversation directly with me about those things he loves to share

helped him calm down. For Mom, it would have been flowers, quilting and

her childhood on the farm in the 1920s.

It is less important for a person with dementia to see loved places, family

and friends than it is to remember them with him. When it gets to the

later stages of dementia, they don't need to see how they each are

crumbling. They need to remember themselves and their friends as they were

when they were healthy and happy and felt they were doing something of

great importance.

Boy, I went from a discussion about UTI to delivering a sermon on the need

for routine and how changes can be disturbing, etc. Sorry. Once I get

going it is hard to stop. But I'm leaving it all in because I hope someone

can get some coping strategies out of it. (I talk too much in meetings,

too.)

Best wishes,

Kate

> **

>

>

> I agree with Donna regarding a possible uti but also think uprooting your

> sister from home to a different, although used to be familiar routine,

> could be playing on her. Your bil is lucky they travelled safely as she

> could have started the behaviour directed at him while driving or tried

> getting out of the car while travelling! Change in routine like that can

> elicit increased behaviours and hopefully she will settle back into who she

> had become with return home and the familiar. Yes, we often have to think

> how " mortified " our loved ones would be if they were aware of their LBD

> behaviours. This condition is so demeaning.

>

>

>

>

> >

> > Wow. What a difference a couple of weeks makes. My brother in law took

> my sister to their summer home in upstate Maine for a week and I had not

> seen her in two weeks. When I saw her yesterday and today, I have seen an

> increase in negative behaviors. Hitting, getting in faces and yelling,

> getting up against a car when she doesn't want you to leave without her.

> She has lost a sense of propriety, and I know she would be mortified if she

> 'knew'. Thoughts?

> > Donna

> >

>

>

>

--

Kate Knapp

UMN - OIT

*

" What's past is prologue. " The Tempest, W.S.*

[Guest guest]

Superb sermon.

[Guest guest]

Superb sermon.

[Guest guest]

Well its been a couple weeks and we have been very successful in changing some

of the behaviors. BIL took her back tothe neuro. and they upped her

antidepressant as well as tweeked the times. She is also taking her meds crushed

which is improving her compliance. I know this is a temporary improvement but I

will take every ray of sunshine I can get. Now, showering issues and constant

eating are still a pain in my keister. And they did test for UTI and she was

clean.

Thank you to everyone who added thoughts and advice! You're all amazing!