i need to know there is someone out there like me

[Guest guest]

this is my first time joining or even looking up a support group. i

am 20 years old and i was diagnosed with JRA when i was 12 but i

started having symptoms when i was 10. i have never really been able

to expain how frustrating it is to anyone because they wouldn't

understand and nobody really wants to know. it's too painful for them

to even talk about. it almost as if they are in denial but i don't

really help because i act like i don't have it even when i am not

feelng well. i find myself disconnecting from reality at times

because it is so hard to do some of the simplest of things. now its

not everyday that i am in pain that i cannot bear but i still have

restrictions. i don't even remeber what it is like to bend my wrists

or do things normally. i usually have to find an alternative to get

simple tasks done. i usually put my strong face on and i get through

it but lately it has been alot worse. i have been having terrible

flare ups and sometime i cannot even open my mouth all the way to

eat, so i have lost a significant amount of weight. i never looked

sick before so that is another thing that helped me get through the

day but now i do. i'm too skinny and it's scary. i am so afraid of

the future and what it holds for me. i have a boyfriend that is very

supportive but sometimes he also gets frustrated and gets mad. not at

me though, i think it is at the fact that i have it but he never

tells me why he is mad. noone really likes to talk about it and i

have gotten up to the point where i need to because if i don't i will

become depressed and i need to be positive because that is what has

gotten me this far. i just feel like right now i need a push to help

me get along.