sad news from NY

[Guest guest]

Hello all,

I am writing to let you know that my Mom has won her battle with LBD at her home

in the Bronx (NY) on Saturday morning, August 18th. She died peacefully in her

sleep, and for that we are grateful. It had gotten to the point where chewing

was often something that did not happen, and sometimes swallowing was an issue,

but we were still able to get food into her. I am grateful for that as well.

I am numb... but with every day it gets a bit easier. It is a very surreal

feeling.

My mom was this little woman (literally - not more than 4 foot 10), who endured

so much in her lifetime, yet worried about everyone around her before she

worried about herself. She fought the good fight with every breath she took. She

didn't have many physical posessions, but that didn't matter to her. She was

most proud of the family that she created and supported with her love, and yes,

her criticisms (what Jewish mother doesn't do that?!). She left behind a rich

legacy - children and grandchildren that are good and decent human beings.

When we got home from the cemetary, I lit my 7 day candle, what I call the

candle of misery. With my family around me, I told God how angry I was that my

Mom had to suffer at the beginning of her life during the Holocaust, and at the

end of her life, having been stricken with Lewy Body Dementia (LBD) at about 66

years old, for at least the last 12 years. The accompanying Parkinsons added

insult to injury.

For many many years, I've been doing cooking on Fridays, and going up to take

care of Mom on Saturdays. I've had to take off from work many times to get stuff

done. We've had to run up to the Bronx some evenings just to make sure that the

phone was put back in the cradle, so she could receive calls. We live on Long

Island, and the ride took anywhere from 35 minutes to over an hour, depending on

traffic and the time of day. Those of you that live in NY know what a pain in

the neck the Whitestone and Throgs Neck bridge can be, particularly during rush

hour. We are also dealing with my father in law's advancing Alzheimer's - he is

92 years old, and is probably mid-stage. He is not at home, but in a senior

hotel with an aide, and it is working out very well for him.

We lost touch with a lot of people, simply because we weren't free to go out, or

when we didn't have to be anywhere, we were happy to just be at home to recoup

our strength - mental more than physical. One person got very angry with me

because I wouldn't bring her to visit my Mom in her late stage of this disease.

My Mom wouldn't have wanted anyone to see her like that.

When I reflect back on these last 12 or so years, I realize that I would do it

all again for my Mom (and my aunt) in a heartbeat. My Mom wanted to stay at home

until the very end, and I am grateful we were able to grant her wish. My aunt

was the primary caregiver, but we had aides in the house for most of the day for

quite a while now. I had Calvary at the house for the last few months, and they

were really a Godsend; if you need hospice in NY, they are the people to call.

They have a wound care center, too, that is just incredible -staffed with

wonderful, knowledgeable people that are so kind and caring. Feel free to

contact me individually if you want information.

I am grateful that she was able to die in peace, in her sleep, 26 years to the

day after her own mother passed away. I like to think that my Grandma came to

get her and bring her home.

Thank you and Donna R, for all the work that you do. Thank you to all

the wonderful people who contributed to this yahoo group, and helped me in so

many ways in my efforts to help my Mom get through this. From information to

emotional support, I always knew I could come here and ask a question, or vent

my feelings.

And, a special thanks to Norma Loeb, the NY/LI support group leader. What a

godsend you have been, Norma, and I am lucky to consider you a friend, too.

Sorry for the length of this email.....

Sending love to you all,

Helene in NY