Re: 10 Things Assisted-Living Homes Won't Tell You - Rita

[Guest guest]

Hi, Rita. I can't speak for facilities everywhere but I can share, in a

nutshell, my own experiences. When I read this article, I got more of a tone of

a nursing home than an assisted living facility but that could be wrong...

First, I have managed a church group for the past 16-or-so years. Over most of

that time, outreach to two local nursing homes was part of our work. When that

first began about 14 years ago, the homes were little more than a hell-hole.

They smelled of urine as soon as we entered the door. Patients were left in bed

for prolonged periods of time and some were fairly unkempt. As oversight and

ombudsmen came into the picture, gradually these homes changed hands several

times and changes became very evident. While our outreach focus has changed and

we haven't visited regularly in the past two years, they are now places where

few remain in bed, where there is life in the faces of the residents, where

staff greet visitors with a smile on their face, where " pets " roam the hallways,

providing comfort for the residents. We are comfortable shifting our focus

because the community has become more involved in outreach. Is there still an

occasional problem? I'm certain, given the nature of the care that must be

provided and the challenges of various medical conditions.

Second, my mother lived in an ALF for six years, covering all stages of LBD from

beginning to end. Were the six years totally smooth? Not at all! I was there

daily for several hours each time during her last three years so I saw a lot. I

saw a few bad employees and, if their care involved my mother, I made sure to

make a statement to management, in a nice way. (I cannot nor should not speak on

behalf of others for whom I did not have POA.) I only recall doing that for

three employees over the six years. However, I did see my mother receiving care

that I would be unable to provide at home on a continuing basis. I saw my

mother on the receiving end of so much love from those who cared for her. And,

I saw a management team that (as long as it was a local decision and not a

corporate one) was responsive to concerns that were reasonable. I also saw

family members who were not unreasonable in their demands or expectations.

Those who expected their loved one to never fall. Family members who seemed to

have made a choice not to be involved in the care of their loved one (and

possibly be ignorant of the challenges of dementia) complained over the

slightest thing, feeling like their payment to the facility entitled their loved

one receive to special handling, ignoring the challenges of the disease process.

The facility in which my mother lived exceeded state requirements for staffing.

Yet, in Mom's neighborhood, there were two care managers for 12-13 people.

Those two care managers were charged with the safety of all 12-13...feeding

three meals each day, ensuring they were dry and clean (that includes showers),

doing laundry for each resident along with linen changes, and general oversight.

With all of the hours I spent with Mom, I can confidently say that I rarely saw

any of the care managers sit down during their shift, outside of their breaks.

I think the article might be in a time warp of some sense. Or, it might be the

product of someone who expected too much from staff members. Long term care is

expensive to manage. It is difficult to accomplish for those who provide

hands-on care. I do know that as Mom entered her final days late this past

February, there was a constant parade of those who cared for her going into her

room to pray for her, to sing to her, to hold her hand during their breaks.

When Mom passed, staff tears flowed, in some instances, much as mine did. I

will forever be grateful to them for their love, kindness, care and support as

we took that six-year journey. Certainly, the author of that article was not

fair in their assessment.

My advice to you...stay in touch with your Dad and those who care for him. Keep

open dialogue going with them. If a problem does arise, speak to those who are

involved to get a better understanding of what is happening and arrive at a

solution that benefits your dad and those caring for him. Over Mom's residency

at the ALF, bonds developed between my family and staff. I still visit each

week because of those bonds, stopping to visit briefly with other residents with

whom a bond was also formed. I continue to see a level of care that is

comforting. And, I still see the ravages of a relentless disease that

challenges the staff to constantly adapt and give of themselves. I, personally,

don't know how they do it, both physically and emotionally.

Long-term care does not have to be contentious. It can be loving. With

dementias, it will never be a smooth journey, though, and that needs to be

considered when evaluating any situation.

My apologies for such a long message. I hope it helps a little...

Best wishes,

Lynn in Florida

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Omgosh ... I'm shocked at this. My Dad, who was dx'd with LBD a little over a

year ago moved into a supportive living facility in February of this year.

Admittedly, it's not perfect - but I think it has improved the quality of his

life in that he now has much more social interaction than he had while living

alone. Dad's LBD is progressing, but he is still very capable of " living safely

behind a closed door " (the supportive living facility's requirement) and he does

receive assistance when he calls for it (staffed by CNAs).

>

> Was this supposed to be something amusing or is it a serious warning?

>

> We depend a great deal on what we read here on the LBD Caregivers board. I

don't post often, but I read everything.

>

> Rita

> Daughter of Jack, 86, dx'd LBD in 2011.

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the comforting words for those of us who have not yet needed to make

some painful decisions. Your honest words are heartwarming. Thank you for taking

time to share.

Janet