Re: ranting

April 29, 2002

I think your irritability is not entirely unexplained. You are a psoriatic

in pain if that is not justifyable cause for irritation I dont know what

is. The thing that made me respond to your post was your comment about

leaving copious amounts of DNA evidence behind. I didnt think anyone else

besides me would ever consider that. I dont feel quite so paranoid now ha ha

Orin

In a message dated 4/30/02 12:05:25 AM Central Daylight Time,

alicat1976@... writes:

> Does anyone else have unexplained irritability? I have been teed off most

> of the day today even before my appt with my rheumy. Of course my rheumy

> having his usualy holier than though attitude did nothing to help matters.

> I brought my mother along with me because I thought he was just like that

> towards me due to my age but I guess not. AT least he's a consisten SOB I

> guess. The trouble is I think he probably really does know his stuff and

> has excellent credentials so I guess I shall grin and bear it. He said

> thzt if I don't get on a treatment soon then I will be crippled and have to

> have joint replacement on both knees and my right ankle before too many

> more years. He suggested remicade but unless I can get it for free from

> the company (which his nurse feels sure that I can) then I don't know what

> to do. He told me that the NSAIDS I have been taking is too little too

> late. He compared it to putting out a house on fire with a dixie cup of

> water. Then my mom and I went and got a handicap tag for my Kia and it

> just made me feel belittled to finally relent and get the tag that I have

> probably needed for half a year or more. I used to be so independent, so

> full of life, energetic, and almost always happy. I do my best to cope but

> today I don't know I seem to have almost lost it. I usually try to find

> the good in everything but it's just like watching the news the other night

> and hearing about tornadoes. It made me wonder if there really is a just

> God or not. I mean tornadoes usually strike trailer parks (or so it seems)

> and these people are usually living hand to mouth anyway, so why punish

> those that have already been punished by the hand they were dealt anyway?

> Ok I do runeth on a tangent back to pa stuff....I mean my boyfriend has

> been wonderful to me today and I just want to bite his head off. Every

> little thing ticks me off. I even got mad at my cat and threw a cotton

> jacket at her to get her to shut up. My back has been hurting all day. I

> took a three hour nap when I got home which helped some but not enough. I

> will try to go to bed again soon but wanted to vent out my frustrations

> first. It just seems so unfair. My doc suggested I try to file for ssi

> but I read so many people on the sight that have it far worse than I do

> that keep getting denied. I really don't want to be on ssi anyway. I want

> to beat this damned thing and work, get on with my life. I think, hope,

> pray that remicade is the way to do this and that I will be given the

> opportunity to do so. I also want to get a job at the library as a library

> assistant but not sure if they would even consider me if I am still moving

> about as poorly as I am now if given a chance for interview. I will apply

> anyway but it's so depressing. I know you are supposed to have a cheery

> attitude and that everything supposedly has a silver lining but why can't

> people that really need humbling get this disease instead of everyday

> people? I know that's not really nice either because I don't wish this

> disease on anyone save maybe murderers or child molesters because I think

> they need to be in pain. I guess on a silly note....people with p are

> probably a tad bit more honest in the felony dept.....we flake too much

> leaving behind far too much accessible DNA to ever get away with anything

> heinous....so to my honest and straightlaced friends on this site I wish to

> thank you for reading this long tirade of a day gone bad from one young

> lady in NC. here's wishing you all the best there is in life. take care.

> hugs,

> ali

>

April 29, 2002

Ali,

I know exactly what you mean!!! Some days I feel that I should have stayed

in bed, but of course it hurts tooooo much!!! :-(((

Regards,

Craig Coote

P.S. Always look on the bright side of life.

[ ] Ranting

> Does anyone else have unexplained irritability? I have been teed off most

of the day today even before my appt with my rheumy. Of course my rheumy

having his usualy holier than though attitude did nothing to help matters.

I brought my mother along with me because I thought he was just like that

towards me due to my age but I guess not. AT least he's a consisten SOB I

guess. The trouble is I think he probably really does know his stuff and

has excellent credentials so I guess I shall grin and bear it. He said thzt

if I don't get on a treatment soon then I will be crippled and have to have

joint replacement on both knees and my right ankle before too many more

years. He suggested remicade but unless I can get it for free from the

company (which his nurse feels sure that I can) then I don't know what to

do. He told me that the NSAIDS I have been taking is too little too late.

He compared it to putting out a house on fire with a dixie cup of water.

Then my mom and I went and got a handicap tag for my Kia and it just made me

feel belittled to finally relent and get the tag that I have probably needed

for half a year or more. I used to be so independent, so full of life,

energetic, and almost always happy. I do my best to cope but today I don't

know I seem to have almost lost it. I usually try to find the good in

everything but it's just like watching the news the other night and hearing

about tornadoes. It made me wonder if there really is a just God or not. I

mean tornadoes usually strike trailer parks (or so it seems) and these

people are usually living hand to mouth anyway, so why punish those that

have already been punished by the hand they were dealt anyway? Ok I do

runeth on a tangent back to pa stuff....I mean my boyfriend has been

wonderful to me today and I just want to bite his head off. Every little

thing ticks me off. I even got mad at my cat and threw a cotton jacket at

her to get her to shut up. My back has been hurting all day. I took a

three hour nap when I got home which helped some but not enough. I will try

to go to bed again soon but wanted to vent out my frustrations first. It

just seems so unfair. My doc suggested I try to file for ssi but I read so

many people on the sight that have it far worse than I do that keep getting

denied. I really don't want to be on ssi anyway. I want to beat this

damned thing and work, get on with my life. I think, hope, pray that

remicade is the way to do this and that I will be given the opportunity to

do so. I also want to get a job at the library as a library assistant but

not sure if they would even consider me if I am still moving about as poorly

as I am now if given a chance for interview. I will apply anyway but it's

so depressing. I know you are supposed to have a cheery attitude and that

everything supposedly has a silver lining but why can't people that really

need humbling get this disease instead of everyday people? I know that's not

really nice either because I don't wish this disease on anyone save maybe

murderers or child molesters because I think they need to be in pain. I

guess on a silly note....people with p are probably a tad bit more honest in

the felony dept.....we flake too much leaving behind far too much accessible

DNA to ever get away with anything heinous....so to my honest and

straightlaced friends on this site I wish to thank you for reading this long

tirade of a day gone bad from one young lady in NC. here's wishing you all

the best there is in life. take care.

> hugs,

> ali

>

April 30, 2002

Ali - who wouldn't be grumpy in constant pain all the time? But ... are you

on prednisone? Holy cow, does that make me a witch!! So aggressive and

ready to pick a fight with anyone, anytime. My poor husband!

I'm off it now and not nearly so moody. (Well, in my opinion anyhow!)

And yeah, I still think there is a God. Sometimes I wonder if He has a clue,

but I know He's there - I actually read a great article by someone with MS

who talked about how God blessed her with the gifts of MS - especially after

she found out she was pregnant with twins! But what she learned was a great

understanding of what really matters in life - I try to keep that in mind on

the bad days.

Take care,

April 30, 2002

Hi Ali

Do not feel alone about the irritability. I feel that way a lot of times.

One day I will be sad all day, cry real easy then the next day no one had

better even talk to me sideways. I bite their head off. Being tired and

being in pain all the time is what I contribute this too. I usually try to

sleep most of the time when I feel these emotions coming on. It is the best

way for me to handle it. Good luck to you, and Take care!!

Sherry

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April 30, 2002

As a relative " newbie " to PA,(recently diagnosed, but various daily

pain for 18 months) I can only say that I am frequently irritable

for no reason. It seems I just wake up that way. I do try to fight

it off and turn my mood around, but sometimes it just doesn't help.

The only real thing I can attribute it to is the daily constant pain,

fatigue I go through each day. Am I stressed? definately. In pain?

yes. Depressed? sometimes. It seems like a recipe for irritabilty to

me. I hope that I am not just rationalizing my horrible moods. At any

rate, you aren't " the only one " . I would also like to hear from

others who may experience the same.

> Does anyone else have unexplained irritability? I have been teed

off most of the day today even before my appt with my rheumy. Of

course my rheumy having his usualy holier than though attitude did

nothing to help matters. I brought my mother along with me because I

thought he was just like that towards me due to my age but I guess

not. AT least he's a consisten SOB I guess. The trouble is I think

he probably really does know his stuff and has excellent credentials

so I guess I shall grin and bear it. He said thzt if I don't get on

a treatment soon then I will be crippled and have to have joint

replacement on both knees and my right ankle before too many more

years. He suggested remicade but unless I can get it for free from

the company (which his nurse feels sure that I can) then I don't know

what to do. He told me that the NSAIDS I have been taking is too

little too late. He compared it to putting out a house on fire with

a dixie cup of water. Then my mom and I went and got a handicap tag

for my Kia and it just made me feel belittled to finally relent and

get the tag that I have probably needed for half a year or more. I

used to be so independent, so full of life, energetic, and almost

always happy. I do my best to cope but today I don't know I seem to

have almost lost it. I usually try to find the good in everything

but it's just like watching the news the other night and hearing

about tornadoes. It made me wonder if there really is a just God or

not. I mean tornadoes usually strike trailer parks (or so it seems)

and these people are usually living hand to mouth anyway, so why

punish those that have already been punished by the hand they were

dealt anyway? Ok I do runeth on a tangent back to pa stuff....I mean

my boyfriend has been wonderful to me today and I just want to bite

his head off. Every little thing ticks me off. I even got mad at my

cat and threw a cotton jacket at her to get her to shut up. My back

has been hurting all day. I took a three hour nap when I got home

which helped some but not enough. I will try to go to bed again soon

but wanted to vent out my frustrations first. It just seems so

unfair. My doc suggested I try to file for ssi but I read so many

people on the sight that have it far worse than I do that keep

getting denied. I really don't want to be on ssi anyway. I want to

beat this damned thing and work, get on with my life. I think, hope,

pray that remicade is the way to do this and that I will be given the

opportunity to do so. I also want to get a job at the library as a

library assistant but not sure if they would even consider me if I am

still moving about as poorly as I am now if given a chance for

interview. I will apply anyway but it's so depressing. I know you

are supposed to have a cheery attitude and that everything supposedly

has a silver lining but why can't people that really need humbling

get this disease instead of everyday people? I know that's not really

nice either because I don't wish this disease on anyone save maybe

murderers or child molesters because I think they need to be in

pain. I guess on a silly note....people with p are probably a tad

bit more honest in the felony dept.....we flake too much leaving

behind far too much accessible DNA to ever get away with anything

heinous....so to my honest and straightlaced friends on this site I

wish to thank you for reading this long tirade of a day gone bad from

one young lady in NC. here's wishing you all the best there is in

life. take care.

> hugs,

> ali

May 6, 2002

Ali, we have many things in common. I used to be such a happy person. Nothing

fazed me. I was always in a good mood. I used to live a very active life too.

That has been one of the hardest changes - accepting that I can no longer live

that kind of lifestyle. Especially at my age. I see my husband, friends all

doing things that I wish I could. Sometimes I can't stand watching them do

things that I long to do. That used to be so easy and thoughtless and now I

worry how I will feel afterward and how much I will hurt. At first I tried to

keep it up. I tried to still go out and have fun, do things I shouldn't. I

should have listened to my body b/c I always paid for it the next day, and the

days to follow. Lack of sleep and immune suppressing drugs would leave me sick

for days, sometimes weeks. Little things such as walking for long periods of

time, staying on my feet too long, even cleaning my house, etc. would overexert

my body and cause me severe pain that would last for days. Even silly things I

used to take for granted like sleeping over (if I didn't have my special

pillows, etc. I would certainly pay for it). I can't feel comfortable anywhere

but at my own home. This is coming from a girl that spent 7 months living in a

hostel in London sharing a mattress on the floor with her boyfriend (who is now

my husband). Oh, how we change. I hate having to change when I don't want to.

I know there is the whole growing up issue but I am not growing up, I am growing

prematurely old! I really hate when I hear my mother or another older person

says, " Well you will understand when you get to be my age and your body starts

wearing down. Your muscles are sore, your bones ache, blah, blah, blah. " What

do you mean when I get older? I already feel like that! (sorry this is your

rant, I will refrain)

Now I am so moody. I can be such a $itch sometimes. I get frustrated so

easily. I lose my patience and sometime take out my frustrations on other

people. I don't mean to, it just happens. When your in constant pain it

leaves you in a bad mood. I think that is enough to make you irritable. I am

not saying that I never was irritable before PA but I was no where near this.

My husband has to tell me to calm down and relax. I have my good days and bad

days. Sometimes it seems like I have constant PMS. LOL. I know my

irritability has to do with how I feel. When I am feeling better I am in a good

mood and nothing really bothers me. I am that happy, fun girl I used to be.

But, when I am in a lot of pain I turn into a total brat. Nothing pleases me,

I am mad at the world, I don't want to be bothered and nothing can appease me.

And then there is the in between. I am tolerable. Not really angry at any

particular thing but not exactly my happy, cheerful self. My husband says that

I don't need a reason to be in a bad mood. I just get that way. Problem is

that lately I have been feeling more crappy than okay. It is frustrating for

both of us b/c I used to not be so irritable, pessimistic, grumpy, etc. I could

go on and on. We both wish the old would return but neither of us know

how to make that happen. PA has turned me into an entirely different person. I

didn't know it could affect my personality so much. I just hope I can find

myself again. Lately I have been feeling so lost.

Don't know what to say about your Dr. I have had the worst luck with them. I

have gone through 3 of them. I should be looking for my 4th but I just don't

have the time or energy. I guess that I am naive for thinking that the doctors

should be sympathetic to your situation and actually work with you. I have yet

to find a rheumy that actually listens to my needs. Although, I have to admit

that I am much better off than where I began. I know a lot of people love

their doctor so I am trying to be optimistic. I know one day I will find one

that will work with me. Your lucky yours has such good credentials. I suppose

it is worth putting up with his bad attitude. Getting the best treatment is

what matters most. And, I have to agree on bringing your mother to the appt.

Doctors, in general, seem to treat us younger PA'ers different. I always get

that condescending tone and I never feel as though the doctors believe me when I

tell them something is wrong. Actually, I know they don't. I had stomach pains

for months while on NSAIDS. Dr. kept brushing me off, like it was all in my

head. Treated me like a hypochondriac. I got my GP to test me for H Pylori and

even he was surprised when it came up positive. He thought I was " too young. "

Too far gone though. By then I had a full blown ulcer. Now no

antiflammatories. Not even celebrex or vioxx. Then this carpal tunnel issue.

I have been complaining of wrist pain for 6 months now. I have lost all my

trust for doctors. I don't doubt that there aren't good ones. I just have bad

luck in finding one.

I really hope you get the remicade Ali. I think you should talk to your doctor

(GP or rheumy) about going on prednisone for a while until you can get the

remicade. You already have permanent damage to your joints. If you get on

prednisone it can calm things down. That is what is most important now.

Prednisone is cheap and it can work wonders on PA. In your case since your PA

is so aggressive the benefits would outweigh the risks. That is my opinion. I

am not a doctor. I hope you can get the remicade soon.

take care of yourself,

>>> alicat1976@... 04/30/02 12:00AM >>>

Does anyone else have unexplained irritability? I have been teed off most of

the day today even before my appt with my rheumy. Of course my rheumy having

his usualy holier than though attitude did nothing to help matters. I brought

my mother along with me because I thought he was just like that towards me due

to my age but I guess not. AT least he's a consisten SOB I guess. The trouble

is I think he probably really does know his stuff and has excellent credentials

so I guess I shall grin and bear it. He said thzt if I don't get on a treatment

soon then I will be crippled and have to have joint replacement on both knees

and my right ankle before too many more years. He suggested remicade but unless

I can get it for free from the company (which his nurse feels sure that I can)

then I don't know what to do. He told me that the NSAIDS I have been taking is

too little too late. He compared it to putting out a house on fire with a dixie

cup of water. Then my mom and I went and got a handicap tag for my Kia and it

just made me feel belittled to finally relent and get the tag that I have

probably needed for half a year or more. I used to be so independent, so full

of life, energetic, and almost always happy. I do my best to cope but today I

don't know I seem to have almost lost it. I usually try to find the good in

everything but it's just like watching the news the other night and hearing

about tornadoes. It made me wonder if there really is a just God or not. I

mean tornadoes usually strike trailer parks (or so it seems) and these people

are usually living hand to mouth anyway, so why punish those that have already

been punished by the hand they were dealt anyway? Ok I do runeth on a tangent

back to pa stuff....I mean my boyfriend has been wonderful to me today and I

just want to bite his head off. Every little thing ticks me off. I even got

mad at my cat and threw a cotton jacket at her to get her to shut up. My back

has been hurting all day. I took a three hour nap when I got home which helped

some but not enough. I will try to go to bed again soon but wanted to vent out

my frustrations first. It just seems so unfair. My doc suggested I try to file

for ssi but I read so many people on the sight that have it far worse than I do

that keep getting denied. I really don't want to be on ssi anyway. I want to

beat this damned thing and work, get on with my life. I think, hope, pray that

remicade is the way to do this and that I will be given the opportunity to do

so. I also want to get a job at the library as a library assistant but not sure

if they would even consider me if I am still moving about as poorly as I am now

if given a chance for interview. I will apply anyway but it's so depressing. I

know you are supposed to have a cheery attitude and that everything supposedly

has a silver lining but why can't people that really need humbling get this

disease instead of everyday people? I know that's not really nice either because

I don't wish this disease on anyone save maybe murderers or child molesters

because I think they need to be in pain. I guess on a silly note....people with

p are probably a tad bit more honest in the felony dept.....we flake too much

leaving behind far too much accessible DNA to ever get away with anything

heinous....so to my honest and straightlaced friends on this site I wish to

thank you for reading this long tirade of a day gone bad from one young lady in

NC. here's wishing you all the best there is in life. take care.

hugs,

ali

March 20, 2008

Is there anyway you can appeal their decision to let you go? If you have been

with them for awhile and have good evaluations on all others aspects of your

work maybe they will reconsider. After all I know in our area is is really hard

to get good employees because of the demands of that kind of work. It's

rewarding work but very hard work also both physically and mentally. Hopes

somethings opens up for you soon. lb

Massey <renandstimpy3@...> wrote: Last week was a heck

of a week for me. I worked with adults who have developmental disabilities. it

all started Wednesday, I was driving a 15 passenger van and backed it up into

the wall at the agency and was reported speeding (which I wasn't). So i did the

drug test and so forth and then friday i get called into the HR office almost at

the end of the day and they tell me because of my actions on wednesday I was

terminated on friday. What a lousy week I had. I came home and got on the

computer and started looking for a job. Well, I had an interview today that went

well but its a pay cut. I was making 11.20 an hour and the one I interviewed for

was for 8.50. I'm still searching. We are on our last bit of cash flow in the

house. On monday I went to social services and the intake social worker was such

a witch to us. I don't see how I'm going to afford my meds or anything else. I'm

depressed about it and trying to

look up. My boyfriend who lives with me and my 2 kids is not working as well.

He is a small engine mechanic and his job is seasonal, hope the season breaks

soon. it is harder for him to find a job due to he is visually impaired (blind).

Makes me wonder if I have made some bad choices for me and my kids. I loved my

job and would do anything to get back into working with developmental

disabilities. It was challenging work but rewarding. I loved teaching some of

them how to do things they could never do before.

Thank you all for listening

March 20, 2008

well, i was only there for 8 months and they don't have an appeal process. I

think they were looking for a way to get rid of me because most of the job

coaches and instructors did not like my style of working with the clients.

jennifer

Re: [ ] ranting

Is there anyway you can appeal their decision to let you go? If you have been

with them for awhile and have good evaluations on all others aspects of your

work maybe they will reconsider. After all I know in our area is is really hard

to get good employees because of the demands of that kind of work. It's

rewarding work but very hard work also both physically and mentally. Hopes

somethings opens up for you soon. lb

Massey <renandstimpy3@...> wrote: Last week was a heck of a

week for me. I worked with adults who have developmental disabilities. it all

started Wednesday, I was driving a 15 passenger van and backed it up into the

wall at the agency and was reported speeding (which I wasn't). So i did the drug

test and so forth and then friday i get called into the HR office almost at the

end of the day and they tell me because of my actions on wednesday I was

terminated on friday. What a lousy week I had. I came home and got on the

computer and started looking for a job. Well, I had an interview today that went

well but its a pay cut. I was making 11.20 an hour and the one I interviewed for

was for 8.50. I'm still searching. We are on our last bit of cash flow in the

house. On monday I went to social services and the intake social worker was such

a witch to us. I don't see how I'm going to afford my meds or anything else. I'm

depressed bout it and trying to

look up. My boyfriend who lives with me and my 2 kids is not working as well.

He is a small engine mechanic and his job is seasonal, hope the season breaks

soon. it is harder for him to find a job due to he is visually impaired (blind).

Makes me wonder if I have made some bad choices for me and my kids. I loved my

job and would do anything to get back into working with developmental

disabilities. It was challenging work but rewarding. I loved teaching some of

them how to do things they could never do before.

Thank you all for listening

March 20, 2008

Boy, guess your employeer's don't appreciate good help, and will I bet

miss you. Not many persons working this field, can say they love there job, as

it is very hard, and a mis-hap of backing into wall, your out? I also work in

healtfield only up until had to give it up did mostly Dimenta/Alzhiemer " s, I

also Loved my work, same reasons as you,I would get asked all the time How can u

do it?,, I just did for 36 yrs. I loved every min of it, and wish I could still

do it, even the hard times looking back were good. I am sorry they let you go.

Are you not able to collect un-employment as I would think you would be eligible

as just because the felt your actions on that day were bad doesn'T mean it was

justified, and you may be able to get it if you don't get another job right

away, as that is a big pay cut. I also have a husband who works seasonal,

fisherman, and his season is march-nov. which has not started yet either, I

think weather and it is getting real scary

around here! Shut-off's on everything. Your boyfriend must also be self

employed so no unemployment either? Well I do have to say he does well to be

able to be in that type of feild being blind?, that is amazing, but as you say,

raising children, mine are grown, there needs to be a paycheck or 2 or even 3

now a day to just stay afloat. Hope you find a job, and things lighten up for

youl. But don't be afraid to challange your ex-employer to pay out for letting

you go unfairly. Sharon

Massey <renandstimpy3@...> wrote:

Last week was a heck of a week for me. I worked with adults who have

developmental disabilities. it all started Wednesday, I was driving a 15

passenger van and backed it up into the wall at the agency and was reported

speeding (which I wasn't). So i did the drug test and so forth and then friday i

get called into the HR office almost at the end of the day and they tell me

because of my actions on wednesday I was terminated on friday. What a lousy week

I had. I came home and got on the computer and started looking for a job. Well,

I had an interview today that went well but its a pay cut. I was making 11.20 an

hour and the one I interviewed for was for 8.50. I'm still searching. We are on

our last bit of cash flow in the house. On monday I went to social services and

the intake social worker was such a witch to us. I don't see how I'm going to

afford my meds or anything else. I'm depressed about it and trying to look up.

My boyfriend who lives with me and my 2 kids

is not working as well. He is a small engine mechanic and his job is seasonal,

hope the season breaks soon. it is harder for him to find a job due to he is

visually impaired (blind). Makes me wonder if I have made some bad choices for

me and my kids. I loved my job and would do anything to get back into working

with developmental disabilities. It was challenging work but rewarding. I loved

teaching some of them how to do things they could never do before.

Thank you all for listening

March 20, 2008

he is truly an amazing person. he does everything by feel, and yes he was

self-employed up until last year when his business failed due to zoning issues.

Re: [ ] ranting

Boy, guess your employeer's don't appreciate good help, and will I bet miss

you. Not many persons working this field, can say they love there job, as it is

very hard, and a mis-hap of backing into wall, your out? I also work in