Re: Personal issue - friends dropping like flies?

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 23/02/2007 17:10:14 GMT Standard Time,

AngInfoHound@... writes:

What the hell is this all about?

I can only say what it was about when it happened to me .

It was about me giving too much in relationships so that there was an

imbalance, I g ave - they took.

It only became really obvious to me when I became very ill and everyone

disappeared. I had changed the unspoken rules of the game i.e. that I was a

caregiver and they the receivers of care.

It hurt like hell so I can understand what you are going through.

I isolated myself for years after this and only relatively recently have

started back into the world of relationships.

What I did was start to look at my behaviour and change what I was doing.

This meant having to take some serious risks and show my vulnerability and learn

to ask for help and learn to receive it without cringing.

It is stilla work in progress for me but I have come a long along. And, as

if by magic, once I had worked on and changed myself, well then people who

wanted to support me (like you for one) came into my life and everything has

started to change.

Phew!

Mo

www.NOVACounselling.com

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 23/02/2007 17:10:14 GMT Standard Time,

AngInfoHound@... writes:

What the hell is this all about?

I can only say what it was about when it happened to me .

It was about me giving too much in relationships so that there was an

imbalance, I g ave - they took.

It only became really obvious to me when I became very ill and everyone

disappeared. I had changed the unspoken rules of the game i.e. that I was a

caregiver and they the receivers of care.

It hurt like hell so I can understand what you are going through.

I isolated myself for years after this and only relatively recently have

started back into the world of relationships.

What I did was start to look at my behaviour and change what I was doing.

This meant having to take some serious risks and show my vulnerability and learn

to ask for help and learn to receive it without cringing.

It is stilla work in progress for me but I have come a long along. And, as

if by magic, once I had worked on and changed myself, well then people who

wanted to support me (like you for one) came into my life and everything has

started to change.

Phew!

Mo

www.NOVACounselling.com

[Guest guest]

this is one reason i am SO alone here. It is scary how

self-centered people that are well are! Ifind my best friends right on

these groups as they understand what we are going through, and have time

to worry about each other through our own troubles. Even family has a

tendency ot disapear when you are ill. Mine sure has.

--

Artistic Grooming- Hurricane WV

http://www.stopthethyroidmadness.com/

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/NaturalThyroidHormonesADRENALS/

[Guest guest]

this is one reason i am SO alone here. It is scary how

self-centered people that are well are! Ifind my best friends right on

these groups as they understand what we are going through, and have time

to worry about each other through our own troubles. Even family has a

tendency ot disapear when you are ill. Mine sure has.

--

Artistic Grooming- Hurricane WV

http://www.stopthethyroidmadness.com/

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/NaturalThyroidHormonesADRENALS/

[Guest guest]

Yes I feel your pain been sick over 23 yrs. the more Dr.'s I see the less anyone

can care. It is so bad with friends and family I don't talk about it anymore.

And I do think when I die I will leave all my money to the birds in my yard.

I can't believe people they stub there toe and go on about it all day. Not

long ago I get real sick I told my wife and got that look so I just got up and

drove myself to the ER. Never was missed come home and went to bed no one said

anything. Not long ago I told my wife if you ever get sick and need my help

good luck. In all the yrs. I have been sick my job would harass me to no end

because my Dr. had me on sick leave. I had sick pay and would not get the

checks until I had a lawyer call them.

Phil

angesc2001 wrote:

Hi, Y'all,

I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience...have

any of you noticed that your friends (and possibly family) dropped

like flies when you got really ill?

As I've started to get better, I've been a bit boggled by how certain

individuals reacted to me being sick.

A couple of examples...

One friend who heard about my whole thyroid journey, then we both

moved to different states, and when I wrote about how I became deathly

ill & bedridden for a month & then only slow recovery, I received a

quick e-mail with " sorry about your troubles " & then on to " all about

her " . I didn't respond since I wasn't feeling well, and I haven't

heard back from her since the end of October. I would have thought

maybe a call or e-mail to see if I was alive...

A friend who suffered with Epstein-Barr & chronic fatigue 20 years

ago...recently e-mailed her to " check in " and her response was about

this & that and never even asked how I was...

Another friend who has MAJOR thyroid issues & suspects adrenal...I

called her after I got on HC to tell her how bad I had gotten & how

much I had improved on HC & how I was finally able to tolerate

reasonable doses of thyroid hormones. She & I always exchanged info &

I specifically called her to encourage her to start really

researching the adrenal issue, because I didn't want to chance the

same thing happening to her. Never heard from her again, since October.

Now, of course I now know that they weren't *really* friends, or at

the least were totally incapable of looking outside themselves, but

it's still pretty mind blowing!

I just don't get it. I don't have a history of bull$h!tt!ng, so it's

not as if it's not believeable. And even if they were tired of

hearing me b!tch!ing about my health, isn't it just common courtesy to

ask how someone is when they are REALLY ill?

Similar crap from my family, but that's not surprising...I already

knew how they were.

Anybody else experience this?

I'm looking at this pragmatically, like NOW I'm going to find some

REAL friends! But it's still pretty weird to feel as if people don't

really care if you're dead or alive.

What the hell is this all about?

Warmly,

---------------------------------

Be a PS3 game guru.

Get your game face on with the latest PS3 news and previews at Yahoo! Games.

[Guest guest]

Yes I feel your pain been sick over 23 yrs. the more Dr.'s I see the less anyone

can care. It is so bad with friends and family I don't talk about it anymore.

And I do think when I die I will leave all my money to the birds in my yard.

I can't believe people they stub there toe and go on about it all day. Not

long ago I get real sick I told my wife and got that look so I just got up and

drove myself to the ER. Never was missed come home and went to bed no one said

anything. Not long ago I told my wife if you ever get sick and need my help

good luck. In all the yrs. I have been sick my job would harass me to no end

because my Dr. had me on sick leave. I had sick pay and would not get the

checks until I had a lawyer call them.

Phil

angesc2001 wrote:

Hi, Y'all,

I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience...have

any of you noticed that your friends (and possibly family) dropped

like flies when you got really ill?

As I've started to get better, I've been a bit boggled by how certain

individuals reacted to me being sick.

A couple of examples...

One friend who heard about my whole thyroid journey, then we both

moved to different states, and when I wrote about how I became deathly

ill & bedridden for a month & then only slow recovery, I received a

quick e-mail with " sorry about your troubles " & then on to " all about

her " . I didn't respond since I wasn't feeling well, and I haven't

heard back from her since the end of October. I would have thought

maybe a call or e-mail to see if I was alive...

A friend who suffered with Epstein-Barr & chronic fatigue 20 years

ago...recently e-mailed her to " check in " and her response was about

this & that and never even asked how I was...

Another friend who has MAJOR thyroid issues & suspects adrenal...I

called her after I got on HC to tell her how bad I had gotten & how

much I had improved on HC & how I was finally able to tolerate

reasonable doses of thyroid hormones. She & I always exchanged info &

I specifically called her to encourage her to start really

researching the adrenal issue, because I didn't want to chance the

same thing happening to her. Never heard from her again, since October.

Now, of course I now know that they weren't *really* friends, or at

the least were totally incapable of looking outside themselves, but

it's still pretty mind blowing!

I just don't get it. I don't have a history of bull$h!tt!ng, so it's

not as if it's not believeable. And even if they were tired of

hearing me b!tch!ing about my health, isn't it just common courtesy to

ask how someone is when they are REALLY ill?

Similar crap from my family, but that's not surprising...I already

knew how they were.

Anybody else experience this?

I'm looking at this pragmatically, like NOW I'm going to find some

REAL friends! But it's still pretty weird to feel as if people don't

really care if you're dead or alive.

What the hell is this all about?

Warmly,

---------------------------------

Be a PS3 game guru.

Get your game face on with the latest PS3 news and previews at Yahoo! Games.

[Guest guest]

Yes I feel your pain been sick over 23 yrs. the more Dr.'s I see the less anyone

can care. It is so bad with friends and family I don't talk about it anymore.

And I do think when I die I will leave all my money to the birds in my yard.

I can't believe people they stub there toe and go on about it all day. Not

long ago I get real sick I told my wife and got that look so I just got up and

drove myself to the ER. Never was missed come home and went to bed no one said

anything. Not long ago I told my wife if you ever get sick and need my help

good luck. In all the yrs. I have been sick my job would harass me to no end

because my Dr. had me on sick leave. I had sick pay and would not get the

checks until I had a lawyer call them.

Phil

angesc2001 wrote:

Hi, Y'all,

I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience...have

any of you noticed that your friends (and possibly family) dropped

like flies when you got really ill?

As I've started to get better, I've been a bit boggled by how certain

individuals reacted to me being sick.

A couple of examples...

One friend who heard about my whole thyroid journey, then we both

moved to different states, and when I wrote about how I became deathly

ill & bedridden for a month & then only slow recovery, I received a

quick e-mail with " sorry about your troubles " & then on to " all about

her " . I didn't respond since I wasn't feeling well, and I haven't

heard back from her since the end of October. I would have thought

maybe a call or e-mail to see if I was alive...

A friend who suffered with Epstein-Barr & chronic fatigue 20 years

ago...recently e-mailed her to " check in " and her response was about

this & that and never even asked how I was...

Another friend who has MAJOR thyroid issues & suspects adrenal...I

called her after I got on HC to tell her how bad I had gotten & how

much I had improved on HC & how I was finally able to tolerate

reasonable doses of thyroid hormones. She & I always exchanged info &

I specifically called her to encourage her to start really

researching the adrenal issue, because I didn't want to chance the

same thing happening to her. Never heard from her again, since October.

Now, of course I now know that they weren't *really* friends, or at

the least were totally incapable of looking outside themselves, but

it's still pretty mind blowing!

I just don't get it. I don't have a history of bull$h!tt!ng, so it's

not as if it's not believeable. And even if they were tired of

hearing me b!tch!ing about my health, isn't it just common courtesy to

ask how someone is when they are REALLY ill?

Similar crap from my family, but that's not surprising...I already

knew how they were.

Anybody else experience this?

I'm looking at this pragmatically, like NOW I'm going to find some

REAL friends! But it's still pretty weird to feel as if people don't

really care if you're dead or alive.

What the hell is this all about?

Warmly,

---------------------------------

Be a PS3 game guru.

Get your game face on with the latest PS3 news and previews at Yahoo! Games.

[Guest guest]

I know what you are going through. My family pretty much gave up on me when they

realized I had problems, and treated me with contempt too, like it was my fault.

My family doctor who should have helped me told me to my face I wasn't worth his

valuable time. I've been sick since Jr High at least, so I've always been at the

bottom of the pecking order. Its instinctive. Animals often will reject a sick

member of their group and even start bullying them. I suppose it has its

purpose. By concentrating all the energy on the strong and the fittest, a group

of individuals is more likely to survive. The groups that survive are more

likely to pass its behavior patterns on to the next generation. But remember

this Universe is only the Beta test. The Carpenter is building us a better one.

just as the International Space Station was built, just as New York City was

built, just as Disney World was built, that too will be built. We've got

nothing better to do with the next five to ten billion years. Even if all Heaven

is, is self fulfilling prophesy it WILL be built! Ideas become reality. Dreamers

dream it and " Carpenters " build it. That's how things work. Verne dreamed of a

huge submarine powered by a mysterious power source that could go 20th thousand

Leagues under the sea, named Nautilus. The Navy built it. Verne dreamed of a

space ship named Colombia that could go to the Moon. NASA built it.

dreamed, or had a vision of a 15 mile by 15 mile long cube full of the

souls/operating systems of multitudes of people, filled with plants and light,

and rivers of water, and precious stones and beauty. That too will be built.

Remember, God loves you and always will, no matter what. Remembering that is

what helps me handle it.

1Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His

disciples came to him, 2and he began to teach them saying:

3 " Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted.

5Blessed are the meek,

for they will inherit the earth.

6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they will be filled.

7Blessed are the merciful,

for they will be shown mercy.

8Blessed are the pure in heart,

for they will see God.

9Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they will be called sons of God.

10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 " Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all

kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is

your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were

before you.

Salt and Light

Personal issue - friends dropping like flies?

Hi, Y'all,

I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience...have

any of you noticed that your friends (and possibly family) dropped

like flies when you got really ill?

As I've started to get better, I've been a bit boggled by how certain

individuals reacted to me being sick.

A couple of examples...

One friend who heard about my whole thyroid journey, then we both

moved to different states, and when I wrote about how I became deathly

ill & bedridden for a month & then only slow recovery, I received a

quick e-mail with " sorry about your troubles " & then on to " all about

her " . I didn't respond since I wasn't feeling well, and I haven't

heard back from her since the end of October. I would have thought

maybe a call or e-mail to see if I was alive...

A friend who suffered with Epstein-Barr & chronic fatigue 20 years

ago...recently e-mailed her to " check in " and her response was about

this & that and never even asked how I was...

Another friend who has MAJOR thyroid issues & suspects adrenal...I

called her after I got on HC to tell her how bad I had gotten & how

much I had improved on HC & how I was finally able to tolerate

reasonable doses of thyroid hormones. She & I always exchanged info &

I specifically called her to encourage her to start really

researching the adrenal issue, because I didn't want to chance the

same thing happening to her. Never heard from her again, since October.

Now, of course I now know that they weren't *really* friends, or at

the least were totally incapable of looking outside themselves, but

it's still pretty mind blowing!

I just don't get it. I don't have a history of bull$h!tt!ng, so it's

not as if it's not believeable. And even if they were tired of

hearing me b!tch!ing about my health, isn't it just common courtesy to

ask how someone is when they are REALLY ill?

Similar crap from my family, but that's not surprising...I already

knew how they were.

Anybody else experience this?

I'm looking at this pragmatically, like NOW I'm going to find some

REAL friends! But it's still pretty weird to feel as if people don't

really care if you're dead or alive.

What the hell is this all about?

Warmly,

[Guest guest]

I know what you are going through. My family pretty much gave up on me when they

realized I had problems, and treated me with contempt too, like it was my fault.

My family doctor who should have helped me told me to my face I wasn't worth his

valuable time. I've been sick since Jr High at least, so I've always been at the

bottom of the pecking order. Its instinctive. Animals often will reject a sick

member of their group and even start bullying them. I suppose it has its

purpose. By concentrating all the energy on the strong and the fittest, a group

of individuals is more likely to survive. The groups that survive are more

likely to pass its behavior patterns on to the next generation. But remember

this Universe is only the Beta test. The Carpenter is building us a better one.

just as the International Space Station was built, just as New York City was

built, just as Disney World was built, that too will be built. We've got

nothing better to do with the next five to ten billion years. Even if all Heaven

is, is self fulfilling prophesy it WILL be built! Ideas become reality. Dreamers

dream it and " Carpenters " build it. That's how things work. Verne dreamed of a

huge submarine powered by a mysterious power source that could go 20th thousand

Leagues under the sea, named Nautilus. The Navy built it. Verne dreamed of a

space ship named Colombia that could go to the Moon. NASA built it.

dreamed, or had a vision of a 15 mile by 15 mile long cube full of the

souls/operating systems of multitudes of people, filled with plants and light,

and rivers of water, and precious stones and beauty. That too will be built.

Remember, God loves you and always will, no matter what. Remembering that is

what helps me handle it.

1Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His

disciples came to him, 2and he began to teach them saying:

3 " Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted.

5Blessed are the meek,

for they will inherit the earth.

6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they will be filled.

7Blessed are the merciful,

for they will be shown mercy.

8Blessed are the pure in heart,

for they will see God.

9Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they will be called sons of God.

10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 " Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all

kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is

your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were

before you.

Salt and Light

Personal issue - friends dropping like flies?

Hi, Y'all,

I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience...have

any of you noticed that your friends (and possibly family) dropped

like flies when you got really ill?

As I've started to get better, I've been a bit boggled by how certain

individuals reacted to me being sick.

A couple of examples...

One friend who heard about my whole thyroid journey, then we both

moved to different states, and when I wrote about how I became deathly

ill & bedridden for a month & then only slow recovery, I received a

quick e-mail with " sorry about your troubles " & then on to " all about

her " . I didn't respond since I wasn't feeling well, and I haven't

heard back from her since the end of October. I would have thought

maybe a call or e-mail to see if I was alive...

A friend who suffered with Epstein-Barr & chronic fatigue 20 years

ago...recently e-mailed her to " check in " and her response was about

this & that and never even asked how I was...

Another friend who has MAJOR thyroid issues & suspects adrenal...I

called her after I got on HC to tell her how bad I had gotten & how

much I had improved on HC & how I was finally able to tolerate

reasonable doses of thyroid hormones. She & I always exchanged info &

I specifically called her to encourage her to start really

researching the adrenal issue, because I didn't want to chance the

same thing happening to her. Never heard from her again, since October.

Now, of course I now know that they weren't *really* friends, or at

the least were totally incapable of looking outside themselves, but

it's still pretty mind blowing!

I just don't get it. I don't have a history of bull$h!tt!ng, so it's

not as if it's not believeable. And even if they were tired of

hearing me b!tch!ing about my health, isn't it just common courtesy to

ask how someone is when they are REALLY ill?

Similar crap from my family, but that's not surprising...I already

knew how they were.

Anybody else experience this?

I'm looking at this pragmatically, like NOW I'm going to find some

REAL friends! But it's still pretty weird to feel as if people don't

really care if you're dead or alive.

What the hell is this all about?

Warmly,

[Guest guest]

I know what you are going through. My family pretty much gave up on me when they

realized I had problems, and treated me with contempt too, like it was my fault.

My family doctor who should have helped me told me to my face I wasn't worth his

valuable time. I've been sick since Jr High at least, so I've always been at the

bottom of the pecking order. Its instinctive. Animals often will reject a sick

member of their group and even start bullying them. I suppose it has its

purpose. By concentrating all the energy on the strong and the fittest, a group

of individuals is more likely to survive. The groups that survive are more

likely to pass its behavior patterns on to the next generation. But remember

this Universe is only the Beta test. The Carpenter is building us a better one.

just as the International Space Station was built, just as New York City was

built, just as Disney World was built, that too will be built. We've got

nothing better to do with the next five to ten billion years. Even if all Heaven

is, is self fulfilling prophesy it WILL be built! Ideas become reality. Dreamers

dream it and " Carpenters " build it. That's how things work. Verne dreamed of a

huge submarine powered by a mysterious power source that could go 20th thousand

Leagues under the sea, named Nautilus. The Navy built it. Verne dreamed of a

space ship named Colombia that could go to the Moon. NASA built it.

dreamed, or had a vision of a 15 mile by 15 mile long cube full of the

souls/operating systems of multitudes of people, filled with plants and light,

and rivers of water, and precious stones and beauty. That too will be built.

Remember, God loves you and always will, no matter what. Remembering that is

what helps me handle it.

1Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His

disciples came to him, 2and he began to teach them saying:

3 " Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted.

5Blessed are the meek,

for they will inherit the earth.

6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they will be filled.

7Blessed are the merciful,

for they will be shown mercy.

8Blessed are the pure in heart,

for they will see God.

9Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they will be called sons of God.

10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 " Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all

kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is

your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were

before you.

Salt and Light

Personal issue - friends dropping like flies?

Hi, Y'all,

I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience...have

any of you noticed that your friends (and possibly family) dropped

like flies when you got really ill?

As I've started to get better, I've been a bit boggled by how certain

individuals reacted to me being sick.

A couple of examples...

One friend who heard about my whole thyroid journey, then we both

moved to different states, and when I wrote about how I became deathly

ill & bedridden for a month & then only slow recovery, I received a

quick e-mail with " sorry about your troubles " & then on to " all about

her " . I didn't respond since I wasn't feeling well, and I haven't

heard back from her since the end of October. I would have thought

maybe a call or e-mail to see if I was alive...

A friend who suffered with Epstein-Barr & chronic fatigue 20 years

ago...recently e-mailed her to " check in " and her response was about

this & that and never even asked how I was...

Another friend who has MAJOR thyroid issues & suspects adrenal...I

called her after I got on HC to tell her how bad I had gotten & how

much I had improved on HC & how I was finally able to tolerate

reasonable doses of thyroid hormones. She & I always exchanged info &

I specifically called her to encourage her to start really

researching the adrenal issue, because I didn't want to chance the

same thing happening to her. Never heard from her again, since October.

Now, of course I now know that they weren't *really* friends, or at

the least were totally incapable of looking outside themselves, but

it's still pretty mind blowing!

I just don't get it. I don't have a history of bull$h!tt!ng, so it's

not as if it's not believeable. And even if they were tired of

hearing me b!tch!ing about my health, isn't it just common courtesy to

ask how someone is when they are REALLY ill?

Similar crap from my family, but that's not surprising...I already

knew how they were.

Anybody else experience this?

I'm looking at this pragmatically, like NOW I'm going to find some

REAL friends! But it's still pretty weird to feel as if people don't

really care if you're dead or alive.

What the hell is this all about?

Warmly,

[Guest guest]

Well, unfortunately, I think that what you're saying is true. People

can be very immature & self-centered.

I guess the one that surprised me the most in the friends department

was the one with major thyroid & probable adrenal issues. Don't know

if she just doesn't want to face the possibility of getting that sick

herself or maybe she *needs* to be the sickest. I have no idea, but

either way, I'm waving goodbye. Just disappointing.

Now family has been their own Pandora's box. My bio-dad has always

been a jerk & very self-centered, so it came as no surprise that he

didn't call me even when I told him I was bedridden.

I have a huge (supposedly close) extended family on my dad's side. My

dad didn't say a word to anyone. Guess he just needs to be the center

of attention & keep up appearances. A couple of cousins knew, but

they're full of crap as well, because didn't do or say anything

either, I suppose because it wasn't " public knowledge " . I recently

had a cousin who had angioplasty which *was* public knowledge & the

e-mails were flying with everyone *publicly* wishing her well (with

reply all, of course).

My mom became pretty passive. Her I can always forgive, because she's

my mom & I know she was pretty scared. But it was frustrating

nonetheless. My husband called her back in October to ask her to come

down to stay for a couple of days when I was doing pretty badly

because he had taken a couple of days off work & had to go back. I

had to drag my a$$ out of BED to make dinner, because she was just

sitting, waiting I guess. Any other time, she would have been happy

to order pizza or whatever, but it was like she was too paralyzed to

make a decision.

With family like this, it's not surprising that I've chosen friends

poorly.

My husband did a lot, but did fall short in the emotional support

department. That's a whole another Oprah, but he did his best. But,

I think that it's made me see that he & I look at life VERY differently.

While I don't necessarily feel that my family & friends *caused* my

adrenal fatigue, they certainly haven't helped.

When I get going like this, I know that I sound pi$$ed...I am! One

time, people, just one time that they needed to put me first & they

couldn't. That's a pretty sobering realization about the people who

are supposed to care about me.

That being said, this illness has really been an amazing blessing in

my life when I shine a positive light on it.

My sister did a lot - a much as she could with 3 kids (one a baby), a

full-time job, plus a husband who works opposite hours from her.

We've gotten much closer and have talked & cried about much of this

family crap, and it's helped to realize their limitations & that it's

NOT personal, it's just who they are.

And it's taught me to slow the hell down. I used to push myself so

damn hard, and I'm just NOT going to do that anymore.

But mostly, it's made me realize that I so desperately want to be

healthy & alive & and I am striving toward that & no one will stand in

my way. And I want to experience all of the joys that life has to

offer, and maybe that means leaving some of these people behind. Some

are harder to leave than others, and maybe some will come around as I

change & grow. But I AM going to live my life fully!

I also realized that I was living someone else's life for YEARS! Not

doing what I wanted to do, not being who I wanted to be & that is

OVER! I'm done with that. I'm finally living MY life & I'm SO much

happier!

OK, enough with the waxing philosphical! LOL!

Warmly,

>

> this is one reason i am SO alone here. It is scary how

> self-centered people that are well are! Ifind my best friends right on

> these groups as they understand what we are going through, and have

time

> to worry about each other through our own troubles. Even family has a

> tendency ot disapear when you are ill. Mine sure has.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Well, unfortunately, I think that what you're saying is true. People

can be very immature & self-centered.

I guess the one that surprised me the most in the friends department

was the one with major thyroid & probable adrenal issues. Don't know

if she just doesn't want to face the possibility of getting that sick

herself or maybe she *needs* to be the sickest. I have no idea, but

either way, I'm waving goodbye. Just disappointing.

Now family has been their own Pandora's box. My bio-dad has always

been a jerk & very self-centered, so it came as no surprise that he

didn't call me even when I told him I was bedridden.

I have a huge (supposedly close) extended family on my dad's side. My

dad didn't say a word to anyone. Guess he just needs to be the center

of attention & keep up appearances. A couple of cousins knew, but

they're full of crap as well, because didn't do or say anything

either, I suppose because it wasn't " public knowledge " . I recently

had a cousin who had angioplasty which *was* public knowledge & the

e-mails were flying with everyone *publicly* wishing her well (with

reply all, of course).

My mom became pretty passive. Her I can always forgive, because she's

my mom & I know she was pretty scared. But it was frustrating

nonetheless. My husband called her back in October to ask her to come

down to stay for a couple of days when I was doing pretty badly

because he had taken a couple of days off work & had to go back. I

had to drag my a$$ out of BED to make dinner, because she was just

sitting, waiting I guess. Any other time, she would have been happy

to order pizza or whatever, but it was like she was too paralyzed to

make a decision.

With family like this, it's not surprising that I've chosen friends

poorly.

My husband did a lot, but did fall short in the emotional support

department. That's a whole another Oprah, but he did his best. But,

I think that it's made me see that he & I look at life VERY differently.

While I don't necessarily feel that my family & friends *caused* my

adrenal fatigue, they certainly haven't helped.

When I get going like this, I know that I sound pi$$ed...I am! One

time, people, just one time that they needed to put me first & they

couldn't. That's a pretty sobering realization about the people who

are supposed to care about me.

That being said, this illness has really been an amazing blessing in

my life when I shine a positive light on it.

My sister did a lot - a much as she could with 3 kids (one a baby), a

full-time job, plus a husband who works opposite hours from her.

We've gotten much closer and have talked & cried about much of this

family crap, and it's helped to realize their limitations & that it's

NOT personal, it's just who they are.

And it's taught me to slow the hell down. I used to push myself so

damn hard, and I'm just NOT going to do that anymore.

But mostly, it's made me realize that I so desperately want to be

healthy & alive & and I am striving toward that & no one will stand in

my way. And I want to experience all of the joys that life has to

offer, and maybe that means leaving some of these people behind. Some

are harder to leave than others, and maybe some will come around as I

change & grow. But I AM going to live my life fully!

I also realized that I was living someone else's life for YEARS! Not

doing what I wanted to do, not being who I wanted to be & that is

OVER! I'm done with that. I'm finally living MY life & I'm SO much

happier!

OK, enough with the waxing philosphical! LOL!

Warmly,

>

> this is one reason i am SO alone here. It is scary how

> self-centered people that are well are! Ifind my best friends right on

> these groups as they understand what we are going through, and have

time

> to worry about each other through our own troubles. Even family has a

> tendency ot disapear when you are ill. Mine sure has.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Well, unfortunately, I think that what you're saying is true. People

can be very immature & self-centered.

I guess the one that surprised me the most in the friends department

was the one with major thyroid & probable adrenal issues. Don't know

if she just doesn't want to face the possibility of getting that sick

herself or maybe she *needs* to be the sickest. I have no idea, but

either way, I'm waving goodbye. Just disappointing.

Now family has been their own Pandora's box. My bio-dad has always

been a jerk & very self-centered, so it came as no surprise that he

didn't call me even when I told him I was bedridden.

I have a huge (supposedly close) extended family on my dad's side. My

dad didn't say a word to anyone. Guess he just needs to be the center

of attention & keep up appearances. A couple of cousins knew, but

they're full of crap as well, because didn't do or say anything

either, I suppose because it wasn't " public knowledge " . I recently

had a cousin who had angioplasty which *was* public knowledge & the

e-mails were flying with everyone *publicly* wishing her well (with

reply all, of course).

My mom became pretty passive. Her I can always forgive, because she's

my mom & I know she was pretty scared. But it was frustrating

nonetheless. My husband called her back in October to ask her to come

down to stay for a couple of days when I was doing pretty badly

because he had taken a couple of days off work & had to go back. I

had to drag my a$$ out of BED to make dinner, because she was just

sitting, waiting I guess. Any other time, she would have been happy

to order pizza or whatever, but it was like she was too paralyzed to

make a decision.

With family like this, it's not surprising that I've chosen friends

poorly.

My husband did a lot, but did fall short in the emotional support

department. That's a whole another Oprah, but he did his best. But,

I think that it's made me see that he & I look at life VERY differently.

While I don't necessarily feel that my family & friends *caused* my

adrenal fatigue, they certainly haven't helped.

When I get going like this, I know that I sound pi$$ed...I am! One

time, people, just one time that they needed to put me first & they

couldn't. That's a pretty sobering realization about the people who

are supposed to care about me.

That being said, this illness has really been an amazing blessing in

my life when I shine a positive light on it.

My sister did a lot - a much as she could with 3 kids (one a baby), a

full-time job, plus a husband who works opposite hours from her.

We've gotten much closer and have talked & cried about much of this

family crap, and it's helped to realize their limitations & that it's

NOT personal, it's just who they are.

And it's taught me to slow the hell down. I used to push myself so

damn hard, and I'm just NOT going to do that anymore.

But mostly, it's made me realize that I so desperately want to be

healthy & alive & and I am striving toward that & no one will stand in

my way. And I want to experience all of the joys that life has to

offer, and maybe that means leaving some of these people behind. Some

are harder to leave than others, and maybe some will come around as I

change & grow. But I AM going to live my life fully!

I also realized that I was living someone else's life for YEARS! Not

doing what I wanted to do, not being who I wanted to be & that is

OVER! I'm done with that. I'm finally living MY life & I'm SO much

happier!

OK, enough with the waxing philosphical! LOL!

Warmly,

>

> this is one reason i am SO alone here. It is scary how

> self-centered people that are well are! Ifind my best friends right on

> these groups as they understand what we are going through, and have

time

> to worry about each other through our own troubles. Even family has a

> tendency ot disapear when you are ill. Mine sure has.

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Yes I feel your pain been sick over 23 yrs.

Phil, I'm sorry that you've been going through this for so long. I

can't imagine how hard that must be.

the more Dr.'s I see the less anyone can care. It is so bad with

friends and family I don't talk about it anymore.

I've recently decided that I need to stop talking about it. This is

particularly hard for me, because it's not just bitching that I do,

but I'm also very excited about things that I've learned that may

improve my life or possible even cure my ills. Everyone just glazes

over, and I'm thinking, I know that they're bored to death with me

talking about it, but wouldn't they be excited if I were better?!

Not long ago I get real sick I told my wife and got that look so I

just got up and drove myself to the ER. Never was missed come home

and went to bed no one said anything. Not long ago I told my wife if

you ever get sick and need my help good luck. I

Phil, I'm going to ask you a very personal question that you don't

need to answer if you don't want to. Why do you stay with your wife?

I don't just ask out of noseyness, but also with regard to my

situation as well. I truly believe that my husband has done his best,

but his abilities are limited in this department, and I think I want

more out of life than someone who can only lean on me...but that's a

very difficult decision/thought process.

Warmly,

[Guest guest]

>

> Yes I feel your pain been sick over 23 yrs.

Phil, I'm sorry that you've been going through this for so long. I

can't imagine how hard that must be.

the more Dr.'s I see the less anyone can care. It is so bad with

friends and family I don't talk about it anymore.

I've recently decided that I need to stop talking about it. This is

particularly hard for me, because it's not just bitching that I do,

but I'm also very excited about things that I've learned that may

improve my life or possible even cure my ills. Everyone just glazes

over, and I'm thinking, I know that they're bored to death with me

talking about it, but wouldn't they be excited if I were better?!

Not long ago I get real sick I told my wife and got that look so I

just got up and drove myself to the ER. Never was missed come home

and went to bed no one said anything. Not long ago I told my wife if

you ever get sick and need my help good luck. I

Phil, I'm going to ask you a very personal question that you don't

need to answer if you don't want to. Why do you stay with your wife?

I don't just ask out of noseyness, but also with regard to my

situation as well. I truly believe that my husband has done his best,

but his abilities are limited in this department, and I think I want

more out of life than someone who can only lean on me...but that's a

very difficult decision/thought process.

Warmly,

[Guest guest]

>

> Yes I feel your pain been sick over 23 yrs.

Phil, I'm sorry that you've been going through this for so long. I

can't imagine how hard that must be.

the more Dr.'s I see the less anyone can care. It is so bad with

friends and family I don't talk about it anymore.

I've recently decided that I need to stop talking about it. This is

particularly hard for me, because it's not just bitching that I do,

but I'm also very excited about things that I've learned that may

improve my life or possible even cure my ills. Everyone just glazes

over, and I'm thinking, I know that they're bored to death with me

talking about it, but wouldn't they be excited if I were better?!

Not long ago I get real sick I told my wife and got that look so I

just got up and drove myself to the ER. Never was missed come home

and went to bed no one said anything. Not long ago I told my wife if

you ever get sick and need my help good luck. I

Phil, I'm going to ask you a very personal question that you don't

need to answer if you don't want to. Why do you stay with your wife?

I don't just ask out of noseyness, but also with regard to my

situation as well. I truly believe that my husband has done his best,

but his abilities are limited in this department, and I think I want

more out of life than someone who can only lean on me...but that's a

very difficult decision/thought process.

Warmly,

[Guest guest]

>

> I know what you are going through. My family pretty much gave up on

me when they realized I had problems, and treated me with contempt

too, like it was my fault.

That's so sad! Makes me feel good that as a mom I have been like a

dog with a bone regarding my daughter's thyroid & adrenal issues...as

much as I can do to change it, I won't tolerate her going through the

same health issues that I have!

My family doctor who should have helped me told me to my face I wasn't

worth his valuable time.

What a jerk!

I've been sick since Jr High at least, so I've always been at the

bottom of the pecking order. Its instinctive. Animals often will

reject a sick member of their group and even start bullying them. I

suppose it has its purpose. By concentrating all the energy on the

strong and the fittest, a group of individuals is more likely to

survive. The groups that survive are more likely to pass its behavior

patterns on to the next generation.

OK, I get that with the animals, but we're supposed to be different!

We're supposed to care for our young & sick!

You're SO right about the groups that survive passing their behavior

on to the next generation! My family is the perfect [negative]

example of that!

>

> Remember, God loves you and always will, no matter what.

Remembering that is what helps me handle it.

>

Thanks for reminding me that there's a greater plan here. I'm not

really a religious person, but I definitely believe that God has had a

hand in my life (too many " coincidences " that are almost unbelievable

- makes me feel that some things were " planned " for me).

Even if the only " purpose " for my illness is to help my daughter, then

that's good enough for me. But I've seen even more than that already.

Although my family is tired of listening to my rap, they DO send

people my way who have thyroid problems & need to learn more. So

something is making an impact, and hopefully I am able to help them to

feel better & not have to go through all of the crap that I have (much

of which could have been prevented with competent medical treatment!)

Thanks, Liz!

Warmly,

[Guest guest]

>

> I know what you are going through. My family pretty much gave up on

me when they realized I had problems, and treated me with contempt

too, like it was my fault.

That's so sad! Makes me feel good that as a mom I have been like a

dog with a bone regarding my daughter's thyroid & adrenal issues...as

much as I can do to change it, I won't tolerate her going through the

same health issues that I have!

My family doctor who should have helped me told me to my face I wasn't

worth his valuable time.

What a jerk!

I've been sick since Jr High at least, so I've always been at the

bottom of the pecking order. Its instinctive. Animals often will

reject a sick member of their group and even start bullying them. I

suppose it has its purpose. By concentrating all the energy on the

strong and the fittest, a group of individuals is more likely to

survive. The groups that survive are more likely to pass its behavior

patterns on to the next generation.

OK, I get that with the animals, but we're supposed to be different!

We're supposed to care for our young & sick!

You're SO right about the groups that survive passing their behavior

on to the next generation! My family is the perfect [negative]

example of that!

>

> Remember, God loves you and always will, no matter what.

Remembering that is what helps me handle it.

>

Thanks for reminding me that there's a greater plan here. I'm not

really a religious person, but I definitely believe that God has had a

hand in my life (too many " coincidences " that are almost unbelievable

- makes me feel that some things were " planned " for me).

Even if the only " purpose " for my illness is to help my daughter, then

that's good enough for me. But I've seen even more than that already.

Although my family is tired of listening to my rap, they DO send

people my way who have thyroid problems & need to learn more. So

something is making an impact, and hopefully I am able to help them to

feel better & not have to go through all of the crap that I have (much

of which could have been prevented with competent medical treatment!)

Thanks, Liz!

Warmly,

[Guest guest]

>

> I know what you are going through. My family pretty much gave up on

me when they realized I had problems, and treated me with contempt

too, like it was my fault.

That's so sad! Makes me feel good that as a mom I have been like a

dog with a bone regarding my daughter's thyroid & adrenal issues...as

much as I can do to change it, I won't tolerate her going through the

same health issues that I have!

My family doctor who should have helped me told me to my face I wasn't

worth his valuable time.

What a jerk!

I've been sick since Jr High at least, so I've always been at the

bottom of the pecking order. Its instinctive. Animals often will

reject a sick member of their group and even start bullying them. I

suppose it has its purpose. By concentrating all the energy on the

strong and the fittest, a group of individuals is more likely to

survive. The groups that survive are more likely to pass its behavior

patterns on to the next generation.

OK, I get that with the animals, but we're supposed to be different!

We're supposed to care for our young & sick!

You're SO right about the groups that survive passing their behavior

on to the next generation! My family is the perfect [negative]

example of that!

>

> Remember, God loves you and always will, no matter what.

Remembering that is what helps me handle it.

>

Thanks for reminding me that there's a greater plan here. I'm not

really a religious person, but I definitely believe that God has had a

hand in my life (too many " coincidences " that are almost unbelievable

- makes me feel that some things were " planned " for me).

Even if the only " purpose " for my illness is to help my daughter, then

that's good enough for me. But I've seen even more than that already.

Although my family is tired of listening to my rap, they DO send

people my way who have thyroid problems & need to learn more. So

something is making an impact, and hopefully I am able to help them to

feel better & not have to go through all of the crap that I have (much

of which could have been prevented with competent medical treatment!)

Thanks, Liz!

Warmly,

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I can definitely relate to what you have been going through.

Since my illness, going on 11 years, I have not been taken seriously

by my husband or children. They use to laugh at some of my symtoms

(like myofacial pain and dizziness), not realizing how debilitating

this illness really has been. It's not hard to understand why I'm

divorced now. Well, that's what caused my adrenal burnout; a

husband with a critical spirit. I think part of the reason why my

children have distanced themselves is because they don't know how to

help, and it doesn't feel good to feel helpless while I am

CONSTANTLY complaining. I don't mean to complain all the time but I

don't feel good and I have a great need to express to them why I am

homebound and not the productive mother they wished they had. I

think they might feel that I am so self-absorbed that I have lost

interest in them, which is absolutely not true but that's their

perception. Even my son who just became a doctor has sort of given

up because he can't fix me. He thinks I need an antidepressent and

when I disagree, we argue. It's not healthy for our relationship

for him to play the role of doctor to his mother. Friends don't

want to hear it either because it's difficult to be on the listening

end (with no end in sight), and also because it takes the limelight

off of them. I know this illness has taken a toll on me but it's

also hurt those who love me the most. When my kids don't call I get

angry and want to let them know but that will only make things

worse. I must try to forgive them because they are entitled to a

happy vibrant life and when they are with me it brings them down. I

do believe the saying that a mother can take care of 20 children,

but 20 children cannot take care of one mother. Another saying

comes to mind: When you smile, the world smiles with you, but when

you cry, you cry alone. I am trying to envision the day when I am

well. I need to lean on God because He is always there. I know

there is a reason for everything, even if it's to learn to surrender

and trust in a higher power. Until then, I am trying to forgive

everyone including myself for being only human.

>

> Hi, Y'all,

>

> I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a similar

experience...have

> any of you noticed that your friends (and possibly family) dropped

> like flies when you got really ill?

>

> As I've started to get better, I've been a bit boggled by how

certain

> individuals reacted to me being sick.

>

> A couple of examples...

>

> One friend who heard about my whole thyroid journey, then we both

> moved to different states, and when I wrote about how I became

deathly

> ill & bedridden for a month & then only slow recovery, I received a

> quick e-mail with " sorry about your troubles " & then on to " all

about

> her " . I didn't respond since I wasn't feeling well, and I haven't

> heard back from her since the end of October. I would have thought

> maybe a call or e-mail to see if I was alive...

>

> A friend who suffered with Epstein-Barr & chronic fatigue 20 years

> ago...recently e-mailed her to " check in " and her response was

about

> this & that and never even asked how I was...

>

> Another friend who has MAJOR thyroid issues & suspects adrenal...I

> called her after I got on HC to tell her how bad I had gotten & how

> much I had improved on HC & how I was finally able to tolerate

> reasonable doses of thyroid hormones. She & I always exchanged

info &

> I specifically called her to encourage her to start really

> researching the adrenal issue, because I didn't want to chance the

> same thing happening to her. Never heard from her again, since

October.

>

> Now, of course I now know that they weren't *really* friends, or at

> the least were totally incapable of looking outside themselves, but

> it's still pretty mind blowing!

>

> I just don't get it. I don't have a history of bull$h!tt!ng, so

it's

> not as if it's not believeable. And even if they were tired of

> hearing me b!tch!ing about my health, isn't it just common

courtesy to

> ask how someone is when they are REALLY ill?

>

> Similar crap from my family, but that's not surprising...I already

> knew how they were.

>

> Anybody else experience this?

>

> I'm looking at this pragmatically, like NOW I'm going to find some

> REAL friends! But it's still pretty weird to feel as if people

don't

> really care if you're dead or alive.

>

> What the hell is this all about?

>

> Warmly,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I can definitely relate to what you have been going through.

Since my illness, going on 11 years, I have not been taken seriously

by my husband or children. They use to laugh at some of my symtoms

(like myofacial pain and dizziness), not realizing how debilitating

this illness really has been. It's not hard to understand why I'm

divorced now. Well, that's what caused my adrenal burnout; a

husband with a critical spirit. I think part of the reason why my

children have distanced themselves is because they don't know how to

help, and it doesn't feel good to feel helpless while I am

CONSTANTLY complaining. I don't mean to complain all the time but I

don't feel good and I have a great need to express to them why I am

homebound and not the productive mother they wished they had. I

think they might feel that I am so self-absorbed that I have lost

interest in them, which is absolutely not true but that's their

perception. Even my son who just became a doctor has sort of given

up because he can't fix me. He thinks I need an antidepressent and

when I disagree, we argue. It's not healthy for our relationship

for him to play the role of doctor to his mother. Friends don't

want to hear it either because it's difficult to be on the listening

end (with no end in sight), and also because it takes the limelight

off of them. I know this illness has taken a toll on me but it's

also hurt those who love me the most. When my kids don't call I get

angry and want to let them know but that will only make things

worse. I must try to forgive them because they are entitled to a

happy vibrant life and when they are with me it brings them down. I

do believe the saying that a mother can take care of 20 children,

but 20 children cannot take care of one mother. Another saying

comes to mind: When you smile, the world smiles with you, but when

you cry, you cry alone. I am trying to envision the day when I am

well. I need to lean on God because He is always there. I know

there is a reason for everything, even if it's to learn to surrender

and trust in a higher power. Until then, I am trying to forgive

everyone including myself for being only human.

>

> Hi, Y'all,

>

> I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a similar

experience...have

> any of you noticed that your friends (and possibly family) dropped

> like flies when you got really ill?

>

> As I've started to get better, I've been a bit boggled by how

certain

> individuals reacted to me being sick.

>

> A couple of examples...

>

> One friend who heard about my whole thyroid journey, then we both

> moved to different states, and when I wrote about how I became

deathly

> ill & bedridden for a month & then only slow recovery, I received a

> quick e-mail with " sorry about your troubles " & then on to " all

about

> her " . I didn't respond since I wasn't feeling well, and I haven't

> heard back from her since the end of October. I would have thought

> maybe a call or e-mail to see if I was alive...

>

> A friend who suffered with Epstein-Barr & chronic fatigue 20 years

> ago...recently e-mailed her to " check in " and her response was

about

> this & that and never even asked how I was...

>

> Another friend who has MAJOR thyroid issues & suspects adrenal...I

> called her after I got on HC to tell her how bad I had gotten & how

> much I had improved on HC & how I was finally able to tolerate

> reasonable doses of thyroid hormones. She & I always exchanged

info &

> I specifically called her to encourage her to start really

> researching the adrenal issue, because I didn't want to chance the

> same thing happening to her. Never heard from her again, since

October.

>

> Now, of course I now know that they weren't *really* friends, or at

> the least were totally incapable of looking outside themselves, but

> it's still pretty mind blowing!

>

> I just don't get it. I don't have a history of bull$h!tt!ng, so

it's

> not as if it's not believeable. And even if they were tired of

> hearing me b!tch!ing about my health, isn't it just common

courtesy to

> ask how someone is when they are REALLY ill?

>

> Similar crap from my family, but that's not surprising...I already

> knew how they were.

>

> Anybody else experience this?

>

> I'm looking at this pragmatically, like NOW I'm going to find some

> REAL friends! But it's still pretty weird to feel as if people

don't

> really care if you're dead or alive.

>

> What the hell is this all about?

>

> Warmly,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I can definitely relate to what you have been going through.

Since my illness, going on 11 years, I have not been taken seriously

by my husband or children. They use to laugh at some of my symtoms

(like myofacial pain and dizziness), not realizing how debilitating

this illness really has been. It's not hard to understand why I'm

divorced now. Well, that's what caused my adrenal burnout; a

husband with a critical spirit. I think part of the reason why my

children have distanced themselves is because they don't know how to

help, and it doesn't feel good to feel helpless while I am

CONSTANTLY complaining. I don't mean to complain all the time but I

don't feel good and I have a great need to express to them why I am

homebound and not the productive mother they wished they had. I

think they might feel that I am so self-absorbed that I have lost

interest in them, which is absolutely not true but that's their

perception. Even my son who just became a doctor has sort of given

up because he can't fix me. He thinks I need an antidepressent and

when I disagree, we argue. It's not healthy for our relationship

for him to play the role of doctor to his mother. Friends don't

want to hear it either because it's difficult to be on the listening

end (with no end in sight), and also because it takes the limelight

off of them. I know this illness has taken a toll on me but it's

also hurt those who love me the most. When my kids don't call I get

angry and want to let them know but that will only make things

worse. I must try to forgive them because they are entitled to a

happy vibrant life and when they are with me it brings them down. I

do believe the saying that a mother can take care of 20 children,

but 20 children cannot take care of one mother. Another saying

comes to mind: When you smile, the world smiles with you, but when

you cry, you cry alone. I am trying to envision the day when I am

well. I need to lean on God because He is always there. I know

there is a reason for everything, even if it's to learn to surrender

and trust in a higher power. Until then, I am trying to forgive

everyone including myself for being only human.

>

> Hi, Y'all,

>

> I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a similar

experience...have

> any of you noticed that your friends (and possibly family) dropped

> like flies when you got really ill?

>

> As I've started to get better, I've been a bit boggled by how

certain

> individuals reacted to me being sick.

>

> A couple of examples...

>

> One friend who heard about my whole thyroid journey, then we both

> moved to different states, and when I wrote about how I became

deathly

> ill & bedridden for a month & then only slow recovery, I received a

> quick e-mail with " sorry about your troubles " & then on to " all

about

> her " . I didn't respond since I wasn't feeling well, and I haven't

> heard back from her since the end of October. I would have thought

> maybe a call or e-mail to see if I was alive...

>

> A friend who suffered with Epstein-Barr & chronic fatigue 20 years

> ago...recently e-mailed her to " check in " and her response was

about

> this & that and never even asked how I was...

>

> Another friend who has MAJOR thyroid issues & suspects adrenal...I

> called her after I got on HC to tell her how bad I had gotten & how

> much I had improved on HC & how I was finally able to tolerate

> reasonable doses of thyroid hormones. She & I always exchanged

info &

> I specifically called her to encourage her to start really

> researching the adrenal issue, because I didn't want to chance the

> same thing happening to her. Never heard from her again, since

October.

>

> Now, of course I now know that they weren't *really* friends, or at

> the least were totally incapable of looking outside themselves, but

> it's still pretty mind blowing!

>

> I just don't get it. I don't have a history of bull$h!tt!ng, so

it's

> not as if it's not believeable. And even if they were tired of

> hearing me b!tch!ing about my health, isn't it just common

courtesy to

> ask how someone is when they are REALLY ill?

>

> Similar crap from my family, but that's not surprising...I already

> knew how they were.

>

> Anybody else experience this?

>

> I'm looking at this pragmatically, like NOW I'm going to find some

> REAL friends! But it's still pretty weird to feel as if people

don't

> really care if you're dead or alive.

>

> What the hell is this all about?

>

> Warmly,

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> I can only say what it was about when it happened to me .

> It was about me giving too much in relationships so that there was an

> imbalance, I g ave - they took.

Well, THAT sounds familiar. That's me alright!

> It only became really obvious to me when I became very ill and

everyone

> disappeared.

I had changed the unspoken rules of the game i.e. that I was a

> caregiver and they the receivers of care.

That's right. I think that's why everyone was so stunned when I got

so sick that I couldn't do anything. My husband didn't know what to

do because I always cared for him. My mom didn't know what to do

because I was always the " strong " one - she and my sister were the

" emotional " ones.

I was always the one accomodating THEIR needs. Now I'm paying

attention to my needs and it's uncomfortable for everyone. Oh well.

My friendships were just plain superficial. To be honest, I knew

that, but I hadn't run into anyone who wanted anything deeper. Seems

like no one " has the time " .

> It hurt like hell so I can understand what you are going through.

It does hurt like hell. It hurts like hell to know that I spent so

much of my time & energy caring for others & that when push comes to

shove, they can't pull out of themselves long enough to care for me

when I really needed it.

> This meant having to take some serious risks and show my

vulnerability and learn

> to ask for help and learn to receive it without cringing.

Yes, very difficult, but necessary.

> It is stilla work in progress for me but I have come a long along.

And, as

> if by magic, once I had worked on and changed myself, well then

people who

> wanted to support me (like you for one) came into my life and

everything has

> started to change.

Well, Mo, I can see that starting to happen in my life as well. It's

just very difficult, because I have some BIG decisions to make. Not

like I have to make them all today, but I know they're looming out

there & will eventually need to happen.

But with my small changes, I have already begun to see people coming

toward me as well, and others just naturally falling away. Maybe in

time the big decisions will become smaller in that way as well.

Mo, it means a lot that you feel that I've been supportive of you.

Thanks for sharing that!

Warmly,

[Guest guest]

>

> I can only say what it was about when it happened to me .

> It was about me giving too much in relationships so that there was an

> imbalance, I g ave - they took.

Well, THAT sounds familiar. That's me alright!

> It only became really obvious to me when I became very ill and

everyone

> disappeared.

I had changed the unspoken rules of the game i.e. that I was a

> caregiver and they the receivers of care.

That's right. I think that's why everyone was so stunned when I got

so sick that I couldn't do anything. My husband didn't know what to

do because I always cared for him. My mom didn't know what to do

because I was always the " strong " one - she and my sister were the

" emotional " ones.

I was always the one accomodating THEIR needs. Now I'm paying

attention to my needs and it's uncomfortable for everyone. Oh well.

My friendships were just plain superficial. To be honest, I knew

that, but I hadn't run into anyone who wanted anything deeper. Seems

like no one " has the time " .

> It hurt like hell so I can understand what you are going through.

It does hurt like hell. It hurts like hell to know that I spent so

much of my time & energy caring for others & that when push comes to

shove, they can't pull out of themselves long enough to care for me

when I really needed it.

> This meant having to take some serious risks and show my

vulnerability and learn

> to ask for help and learn to receive it without cringing.

Yes, very difficult, but necessary.

> It is stilla work in progress for me but I have come a long along.

And, as

> if by magic, once I had worked on and changed myself, well then

people who

> wanted to support me (like you for one) came into my life and

everything has

> started to change.

Well, Mo, I can see that starting to happen in my life as well. It's

just very difficult, because I have some BIG decisions to make. Not

like I have to make them all today, but I know they're looming out

there & will eventually need to happen.

But with my small changes, I have already begun to see people coming

toward me as well, and others just naturally falling away. Maybe in

time the big decisions will become smaller in that way as well.

Mo, it means a lot that you feel that I've been supportive of you.

Thanks for sharing that!

Warmly,

[Guest guest]

>

> I can only say what it was about when it happened to me .

> It was about me giving too much in relationships so that there was an

> imbalance, I g ave - they took.

Well, THAT sounds familiar. That's me alright!

> It only became really obvious to me when I became very ill and

everyone

> disappeared.

I had changed the unspoken rules of the game i.e. that I was a

> caregiver and they the receivers of care.

That's right. I think that's why everyone was so stunned when I got

so sick that I couldn't do anything. My husband didn't know what to

do because I always cared for him. My mom didn't know what to do

because I was always the " strong " one - she and my sister were the

" emotional " ones.

I was always the one accomodating THEIR needs. Now I'm paying

attention to my needs and it's uncomfortable for everyone. Oh well.

My friendships were just plain superficial. To be honest, I knew

that, but I hadn't run into anyone who wanted anything deeper. Seems

like no one " has the time " .

> It hurt like hell so I can understand what you are going through.

It does hurt like hell. It hurts like hell to know that I spent so

much of my time & energy caring for others & that when push comes to

shove, they can't pull out of themselves long enough to care for me

when I really needed it.

> This meant having to take some serious risks and show my

vulnerability and learn

> to ask for help and learn to receive it without cringing.

Yes, very difficult, but necessary.

> It is stilla work in progress for me but I have come a long along.

And, as

> if by magic, once I had worked on and changed myself, well then

people who

> wanted to support me (like you for one) came into my life and

everything has

> started to change.

Well, Mo, I can see that starting to happen in my life as well. It's

just very difficult, because I have some BIG decisions to make. Not

like I have to make them all today, but I know they're looming out

there & will eventually need to happen.

But with my small changes, I have already begun to see people coming

toward me as well, and others just naturally falling away. Maybe in

time the big decisions will become smaller in that way as well.

Mo, it means a lot that you feel that I've been supportive of you.

Thanks for sharing that!

Warmly,