Re: Personal issue - friends dropping like flies?

February 24, 2007

THANK YOU, ANDREA! I am thankful for this forum daily because we can vent here

when we need to and be understood, or so I thought! I didn't think for one

second that anyone was on a pity pot! Sometimes we need to vent. A little

kindness, and not judgment, goes a long way and actually creates understanding

where there was none. All most of us are asking from friends and family is to

give us a break now and then and stop expecting us to do everything with nothing

in return! And then to have people disappear when you are in need? How selvish

is that? Need I say more?

C.

<<<<<< I've been thinking about your post since last night & had to add a few

thoughts...

You said the following...

OH POOR ME

but I don't blame the rest of the world.

get off the pity pot

....all of these things are very HARSH and JUDGMENTAL.

I find it hard to believe that YOU believe what you are saying about

acceptance & forgiveness if you have to resort to such CRITICAL

comments to get your point across.

You said...

So if you choose to focus on your illness and all the

> friends you've lost, and how awful you've been treated and " how can

> they be that way " and OH POOR ME, then you will just get more of it

> and make your self sicker in the meantime.

What do YOU know about what WE focus on? This was one post out of

probably a zillion that I've posted. Not necessarily what I or the

rest of us focus on day & night.

You said many good things in your post, but they were obliterated by

all of the JUDGMENT! Who are YOU to judge any of us? So far as I can

tell, you're pretty new to this forum, so how can you KNOW from one

thread WHAT it is that ANY of us focus on or have been through or how

we've dealt with it?

And what RIGHT do you have to tell ANYONE to get off their pity pot?

A little compassion for others would have gone a long way here, Ginger.

You said...

This is my life and I've been sick so why wouldn't everyone else go on

with their life.

Because they have COMPASSION. Perhaps if people had a bit of

compassion, they could still share their lives with you & make their

lives & your life a bit better. I'm not asking anyone to devote their

life to you, but it wouldn't hurt for someone to be kind & share some

of their time & life. It actually feels good to be kind to others &

give to others. It makes a very positive difference in the world.

You said...

Yes, I've been angry at my children but I've also come to realize that

the anger I felt was only stressing my body out and didn't make

anything better. So I chose to forgive them and ease the stress in my

body in an effort to continue toward health -- not sickness. After

all my expectation about how they should act was what caused my anger.

They really didn't do anything - it was what I thought they should do

that I was angry about.

Perhaps your expectations were actually on target, Ginger. Perhaps

your kids lack compassion as well - many people do. Choosing to

forgive them is the only logical answer, but it doesn't mean that they

shouldn't have acted differently. You're their mother, for God's sake.

I don't expect my kids to take care of me, but I do want to teach them

compassion. I know it's a fine line between compassion & dysfunction,

but I would at least like them to be human. Compassion & caring are a

couple of the only things that define us & differentiate us from the

animals. Unfortunately, too few human beings learned compassion & caring.

You said...

Hell, 90% of the doctors don't understand them so how can we expect

our friends and relatives to understand?

It's not necessary for them to understand. A simple " I'm sorry you're

not feeling well, " goes a long, long way - even if they think we're

full of crap! It's called giving a little something.

You said...

I really don't want to be a part of a group of victims!

If you feel that way about this thread, perhaps this isn't the right

forum for you.

Actually, I've been pleasantly surprised by how much NTH & NTHA is NOT

a group of victims. On other forums that I've been on, the members

just wait & wait for some dr to make it better for them. Here, most

just take action.

And I agree with Val - this is a support group. If I can't be honest

about my feelings & hope for POSITIVE ENCOURAGEMENT rather than

JUDGMENT, then what's the point?

I see no need to cut someone to the core after they've bared their

soul in honesty. A little kindness & compassion is in order.

>>>>>>

February 24, 2007

My holistic vet said the same thing, a rabies shot last for 10 yrs or more

in a cat....it is insane that we HAVE to do this to them.

My cats growing up all lived into their 20's...now most cats only live to be

15 or so....because we have/had been trained to trot them to the vet each

year and get all those shots.

Now I only have them get a shot when I absolutely have to take them to the

vet, because unfortunately my holistic vet closed his practice....but some

of my cats, they are all feral have only had 1 shot when they were captured

and " fixed " .

I guess someday I will have to try and get them in for new shots...but I've

got a few years yet...

SeaLady

February 24, 2007

Thank you Liz. To me this is just like all the docs who told me it is all in

your mind. Blech! It is physiological and physical, being hypoT is NOT in my

mind. I am severely sleep deprived myself and no one understands how depleting

it is. I never asked to be this way and I have been this way since baby hood and

please, I really don't think I set myself up as an infant to have insomnia. I

really understand the stress b/c I am there. I was just telling a group that I

had a meltdown the other night; I was watching stupid Grey's Anatomy and crying

and it was not about the dumb show - I was so tired I would have cried at just

about anything. I was yelling that I just want to sleep, that is all. Is that

asking so much? So I do understand about the stress from lack of sleep. Heck, it

is almost 1 a.m. here and while I am very very very very tired, I am NOT sleepy.

This sucks.

C.

<<<<< The stress that brought on my adrenal fatigue was undiagnosed

obstructive and central sleep apnea as well as Hashiomotos thyroidis. And I

could not get these problems diagnosed. I knew I had sleep apnea for decades but

doctors would not take me seriously. Unfortunately I look weird. My eyes don't

focus right and I have Asperger's syndrome. I can't read and respond to facial

expressions correctly so when this strange, teenaged girl claimed her breathing

was stopping on her in her sleep she got labeled a psychiatric patient. They

used to think only overweight, middle aged men could get that problem and I was

skinny, young and female. I was severely sleep deprived for a very, very long

time. No amount of positive thinking can overcome stress damage from long term,

severe sleep deprivation, and looking back, I can't think how in any way

possible I could have done things any differently. I just was not believed by

anyone. It took years to get a diagnosis and proper

treatment and there still isn't really good treatment for central apnea so I'm

still under stress from sleep deprivation. So in some cases it really

isn't our fault. Not all stress can be avoided by changing how we relate to

people. I couldn't walk away from needing sleep. Some of us are in that kind of

stress; no way out, no way to walk away or fight for an end to it. I'm glad you

were able to solve your stress by changing how you reacted to people, but with

some of us, it isn't people, its our own body. >>>>>

February 25, 2007

>

Now I keep an eye on my kids and keep

> telling them to live their lives in balance and don't take !#% & from

> anyone.

> >

Me too, but I'm afraid that my kids have been engrained by their

parents' examples.

But I guess that we do the best we can do, try to change & go, and

then some of it becomes their journey.

I never used to understand how people had regret. But now I

understand that regret is one of those things that happens as we learn

& grow.

Warmly,

February 25, 2007

> >

> Now I keep an eye on my kids and keep

> > telling them to live their lives in balance and don't take !#% &

from

> > anyone.

> > >

>

> Me too, but I'm afraid that my kids have been engrained by their

> parents' examples.

>

> But I guess that we do the best we can do, try to change & go, and

> then some of it becomes their journey.

>

> I never used to understand how people had regret. But now I

> understand that regret is one of those things that happens as we

learn

> & grow.

>

> Warmly,

>

Janis: Regret is something we all have from time to time, and when

we feel this way we try to make changes so as not to feel this

painful emotion again, but we must always remember that at the time

we made the choice, we did the best we knew how to do. This takes

the blame out of the equation, for if we had known that we would one

day regret our choice, we obviously wouldn't have made it. There is

great wisdom in the saying: In hindsight our vision is 20/20.

>

February 25, 2007

HI,

Yes, I sure do know what you're talkinga about.. This has happened

to me and I was shocked too. Have still not found good friends,

ones that hang with you even if you get sick.. I have found the

problems seems to be they have their lives and I kind of hold them

back.. Their healthy and can do a lot more than me. So, I have

found that people with about the same problems as me seems to work

better than someone that is completely healthy and nothing holds

them back.. So, I have friends like that now. But we'er still not

friends like I would like to have.. They are friends that I swim

with or work out around at the Y but I have only did something with

one of them one time and I have been there since 1995.. And my

family (sisters, I have 4 of them) all smoke and they won't come to

visit me because I won't have smoking in my house and stepping

outside is just too much for them.. And I go to visit them but can

only stay for a few minutes because I get an awful sore throat from

the smoke.. and I just don't want to have that or be around it any

more, I gave it up and don't want it any more. and the same thing

goes with them as far as going somewhere with me, they have to have

their smokes. Now thanks goodness my kids don't smoke... well my

daughter does a little bit,,not as much as my sister do.. she will

not smoke around her kids or me or anybody that don't want it...so

at least she's respectful of others feelings.

good luck

Bev

>

> Hi, Y'all,

>

> I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a similar

experience...have

> any of you noticed that your friends (and possibly family) dropped

> like flies when you got really ill?

>

> As I've started to get better, I've been a bit boggled by how

certain

> individuals reacted to me being sick.

>

> A couple of examples...

>

> One friend who heard about my whole thyroid journey, then we both

> moved to different states, and when I wrote about how I became

deathly

> ill & bedridden for a month & then only slow recovery, I received a

> quick e-mail with " sorry about your troubles " & then on to " all

about

> her " . I didn't respond since I wasn't feeling well, and I haven't

> heard back from her since the end of October. I would have thought

> maybe a call or e-mail to see if I was alive...

>

> A friend who suffered with Epstein-Barr & chronic fatigue 20 years

> ago...recently e-mailed her to " check in " and her response was

about

> this & that and never even asked how I was...

>

> Another friend who has MAJOR thyroid issues & suspects adrenal...I

> called her after I got on HC to tell her how bad I had gotten & how

> much I had improved on HC & how I was finally able to tolerate

> reasonable doses of thyroid hormones. She & I always exchanged

info &

> I specifically called her to encourage her to start really

> researching the adrenal issue, because I didn't want to chance the

> same thing happening to her. Never heard from her again, since

October.

>

> Now, of course I now know that they weren't *really* friends, or at

> the least were totally incapable of looking outside themselves, but

> it's still pretty mind blowing!

>

> I just don't get it. I don't have a history of bull$h!tt!ng, so

it's

> not as if it's not believeable. And even if they were tired of

> hearing me b!tch!ing about my health, isn't it just common

courtesy to

> ask how someone is when they are REALLY ill?

>

> Similar crap from my family, but that's not surprising...I already

> knew how they were.

>

> Anybody else experience this?

>

> I'm looking at this pragmatically, like NOW I'm going to find some

> REAL friends! But it's still pretty weird to feel as if people

don't

> really care if you're dead or alive.

>

> What the hell is this all about?

>

> Warmly,

>

February 25, 2007

Hi Phil,

I know exactly where you're coming from. I have a similar thing

happen with my life.

How much of what thyroid meds and adrenal meds. are you on?

first thing first,,, " take care of yourself "

Bev

>

> It is a long story so I will keep it short.

> I got sick after a drink hit me in the rear end of my little car

at a stop light. He was driving a big 4 weel drive Truck. I hit my

head in to the roof of the car when I was slamed into the car in

front of me. This gut out of his truck with a can of beer in his

hand telling me he tried to go around me.

>

> I sued him and because of this not one Dr. would treat me head

injurys. After all kinds of tests they told me I am suffering from

Major Depression at the time I was on sick leave and had to go along

with this or lose my sick pay and job.

>

> Five yrs. later not any better my BCBS called my Dr.'s on the

capret wanting to know why I was not getting better. This dam Dr.

told them I liked being sick and depressed and would not get better

that he has tried every kind of AD drug on me and nothiing is going

to work unless I want it to.

>

> After being sick and on sick leave my wife turned in to a

monster. And this Dr. saying what he said was the last straw with

her. She lashed out at me saying I was not sick but lazy and did

not want to take care of her and took a knife and through it on the

bed I was in and told me to just kill myself. She packed her things

and left thinking this would get me to see the light. I changed the

locks on the doors and filed for a divorce.

>

> Some months late I was put on Prozac when it came out this made

me so dam sick and I could not void it was dam slow. I got a bad

bladder infection and was sent to see a Uro this Dr. talked to me

and told me he feels he knows what is wrong with me. Did some blood

test and told me I am not depressed but have low testosterone. He

said my testis are not making testosterone and this has me dam

sick. He treated me and I was beck to work. My wifes lawyer called

my lawyer saying she did not want to get a divorce and wanted to

know what she could do to get back together. I said see needed to

go into therapy that I feel she has a problem. She did and we are

still together but I don't feel the same way about her as I did

before all of this.

>

> I still had heath problems and was on sick leave more then I was

at work. One day going back to work from sick leave they locked me

out of work and stopped my Sick Pay. I had not money and this got

my wife started again but this time I told there is the door. This

is not my falt and I don't need anything from her but support. She

checked her self. I went to the Gov. and filed a complant with the

EEOC they took my work to court and I won. I got an early out

retirement at age 55 and a big settlement.

>

> Now just last yr. I found out my self that the auto accident was

the cause of my bad health. That bad head injury did something to

my pituitary and this is way I don't make hormones. Looking back

all my blood work was screaming this yet not one Dr. seen this. Now

I am treating my low cortisol levels and Thyriod along with my low

DHEA.

>

> I still have a long way to go I am very fatigued all I do is get

up in the morning and sit here on the web. Can't do much more this

this to fatigued.

> Phil

>

February 25, 2007

I know what you are talking about with the smoking too. I had to drop out of

college twice and vo tech school once because of second hand smoke. They have

banned it now, but too late for me. I am not healthy or wealthy enough to go to

college now and my memory is shot.