Not dead... Really.

[Guest guest]

Heya all!

Rod and I are back. Here's what kept us away. Two things, actually. There is

some humor in this tale, so please don't say I'm being insensitive, when I am

only meaning to tell my tale, and have a bit of fun at the same time. The tale

is written by Dewey, the story-writing dog. Why? Cause I don't want to claim

it!

It all began last Tuesday, but I'll start a little further back.

Once upon a time, in Dodge and Rodland, a hurricane decided to sweep across the

land, because everyone was tired of Dodge complaining about the summer heat and

lack of rain. It could rain every day in Dodge and Rodland and Dodge would

still complain it wasn't raining enough. The weather gods decided to call this

hurricane Ike. Now, Dodge was both happy and unhappy about Ike's presence.

Happy because it meant he'd get to help people and do things he loved, and

unhappy because lives could be lost and homes would be lost and it would

generally make a wreck out of Dodge and Rodland -- something Dodge would

undoubtedly have to clean up in one way or another... So, he approached Ike

with mixed feelings.

The all-knowing, omnippitent National Weather Service predicted that Ike would

leave destruction in his wake, and Dodge felt the adrenaline and the fear kick

up a few notches. Rod, as ever, was cool as a block of antarctic ice and Dodge

was ultimately convinced that he was not afraid, never has been afraid and never

will be afraid.

Then, the hurricane came. It swept across Dodge and Rodland and Dodge and Rod

were set to work -- doing what they do best. They bandaged people, transported

people, bossed people around, did paperwork, bossed people around, took care of

evacuees, bossed people around, took their dogs out to search for bodies both

dead and living, did more paperwork, boss more people around, ate little and

slept even less.

Then came last Monday when Dodge and Rod's voodoo doctor, (he's a good one, I

promise), told them that their monthly voodoo spells and magic potions against

pain would be ready on Tuesday. This meant that Dodge and Rod would have to

leave the area in which they were working, four hours to the south, drive up to

the voodoo doctor's, (Doctor Harney),office, get their scripts, get them

filled via a magic mirror, then drive all the way back to where they happened to

be at work. Now, you see, Dodge and Rod usually fly around Dodge and Rodland,

using some kind of a cross between a transporter and a time-machine, but it got

broken in the storm and Dodge is trying to draft a brief so he'll be ready when

he goes to court to sue the weather gods for breaking it. So, he must act

like a mere mortal and drive.

Actually, Rod must drive. Noone, and I mean noone, in Dodge and Rodland would

want Dodge to drive anything, not even a remote controled car. I promise!

Tuesday morning came, and Dodge and Rod rose at four AM like Farmer and got

in their super sonic at the speed-of-light truck, and drove all the way back to

the part of their land called The Metroplex. I don't know why it has that name,

but it does... I don't want to know.

While Dodge and Rod were in the voodoo doctor's candle and incense burning

office, the voodoo doctor saw fit to come out and talk to them -- a great

honor since neither one of them had an appointment to see him. He wanted to

discuss Dodge's MRI. The news was not good. Dodge had a lateral pattellar

subluxation with tilt and all the ligaments in his left knee were torn. The

same thing is beginning in the right, although it is not quite severe... This,

the voodoo doctor said, would require open surgery and could not be put off.

This, unfortunately annoyed Dodge some, and left him in a state of depression.

He stormed out of the Voodoo Hippy's office, down the hall and to the elevator.

He pushed the button... No elevator. Pushed it again... Nothing. He then

decided to take the stairs...

In his fury, haste, confusion and anger at his body failing him yet once again,

he ran down the flights of stairs. At the bottom, he ran outside, jumped down

the steps outside and fell... Bad karma?

When Rod finally caught up with him, he could not move, let alone speak for the

pain. He ended up having to be taken to a hospital and fixed. And I do mean

fixed. Not only did he have open knee surgery to put things back together

again, he also had a major skin graft as when he fell, his skin was, well, it

needed grafting even more then. He rebroke his elbow and his left wrist, so

hasn't been able to do anything since he got out of the hospital, but sit at

home reading Dean Koontz novels while eating strawberry ice cream, Gardettos,

chocolate chip cookies and brownies... In no particular order.

He finally feels well enough to get back on the computer, but is still facing a

deep anxiety and depression that even the voodoo doctor's magic potions, pills

and powders cannot cure. Why? Because he is not working, and like any good and

respectable workaholic worth his paycheck, he lives for his work...

So, now he is back, but will have to mass delete a lot of email, too bad he

doesn't have a charm for that.

What of Rod? Rod and their friend, Minias, (don't ask me to explain the name),

took good care of him, making sure he had plenty of ice cream, Gardettos,

chocolate chip cookies, brownies and most of all, diet coke.

A minor hitch happened that is worth mentioning. While Dodge left the hospital,

his laptop didn't. It was two days before anyone noticed, but it was kept safe

for him, and he got it back when he felt like calling their and asking if it was

still around. He wouldn't have wanted to claim the insurance.

The other thing that happened, happened on Thursday. In Dodge and Rodland lives

Rod's brother, R. The letter R is used to protect the guilty, although I don't

know why he's worth protecting. R has two boys, Cash, age 10 and Gauge, age 12.

R decided to go out and get drunk and R decided to do something he shouldn't

that will end him up in a dungeon under the palace of King's Dodge and Rod for a

long time, that is, unless they decide to bannish him to that lesser place...

The one they call jail. At any rate, he'll probably be there for a long, long,

long time. If Rod and Dodge are lucky, probably the rest of his life. We can

only hope. He was and is, not a nice man.

Since both Rod's folks are gone, and since there are no other family members,

Dodge and Rod had to take custody of the two boys. Dodge almost had a heart

attack when he heard... That annoyed him some, too. The boys, having lived

with the Evil R, are not in the best shape mentally and physically. In fact,

they are malnurrished, and have deep psychological trauma that will take years

to heal.

It looks like Dodge and Rod will be keeping the boys, as the court jester wishes

it to be so. They hope to adopt them, although they both feel that they are in

some alternate universe and that someone is playing a cruel joke on them.

Still, for all that, they do care for the boys, even love them, but have no idea

of how to parent children. Dr. Spock, anyone? Oh yeah, he went out of fashion

in the seventies. Siggie the Fraud... Er, I mean Freud? Nope, to macabre.

So, Dodge and Rod are muddling through this having kids in the house thing,

making a lot of mistakes, but I'm sure they'll get better with time...

Well, if this story hasn't entertained, at least it's told you where he and Rod

have been.

Dewey, the Story Writing Curly-Tailed Anatolian Shepherd Service Dog

--

Dodge

" I make the living, my dog makes the living worthwhile. "

Read my blog at:

http://jumpthis.wordpress.com