Guest guest Posted September 30, 2008 Report Share Posted September 30, 2008 --- In , " chrbcktt " <penguinpanties@...> wrote: > > Hi everyone, > > I very rarely post, as I just don't have time. But I do read most > of the posts. My husband is the one with RA, and I joined several > months ago in an attempt to arm him with the best information > possible. I learn something new here every day, and I thank you all > for allowing me to participate, even if I do mostly lurk. > > Here is my very uncomfortable question: My husband was diagnosed > about 6 months ago, and has been taking methotrexate and plaquenil > since the beginning. Although the Dr. is not yet willing to say it, > it would appear that he is in remission. He is about as pain-free > as anyone without RA or any other painful disease can be. But > something has changed since he began taking the meds. His libido is > almost non-existent. Have any of the men on here ever experienced > this problem in relation to RA or the meds? I really don't mean to > pry, I know this is an awkward question, but I am concerned for my > husband. > > Thanks very much for any info anyone can provide. If you need more > info, just let me know. I'll be glad to answer any questions. > > Cherie > I am glad you posted about this. My own Libido or interest in sex has dropped drastically since I was diagnosed and put on the meds. That part of my life just does not exist any more. I have a very understanding husband, we have both come to to terms with this problem. Our personal life will never be what is once was, however to this day he is my very best friend and supporter. He goes to all of my Dr visits with me. I just keep holding on to the thought that one day there will be a cure, so we all live painless days and nights. I feel a little awkward my self here as no one has actually posted back to me, and I don;t know anyone, so if my posts sound a little strange it is because I hold back alot of myself until I get to know people. ' In Friendship Vicki Iowa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 30, 2008 Report Share Posted September 30, 2008 I think this is normal for many RA patients. If you hurt, you don't want to have sex...medication side effects may make you less amorous...and if you are dealing ineffectively with the disease (anxiety, depression, etc.) the last thing you want is sex. Not to offend any of our men (or ladies for that matter) on the list, but given the stereotypical man, a diagnosis of RA might be more difficult on them emotionally. Shandi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 30, 2008 Report Share Posted September 30, 2008 I'm also glad you posted this. What Vicki wrote, its like reading my story. My sex life went down the drain, when RA came into my life. Its not talked about very often here, but I am one of the victims of lost libido, and just not interested anymore. With all the pain we have, but I believe the meds are the main factor. Not a lot we can do. Thank goodness, most of us have spouses who understand. Tawny > > > > Hi everyone, > > > > I very rarely post, as I just don't have time. But I do read most > > of the posts. My husband is the one with RA, and I joined several > > months ago in an attempt to arm him with the best information > > possible. I learn something new here every day, and I thank you > all > > for allowing me to participate, even if I do mostly lurk. > > > > Here is my very uncomfortable question: My husband was diagnosed > > about 6 months ago, and has been taking methotrexate and plaquenil > > since the beginning. Although the Dr. is not yet willing to say > it, > > it would appear that he is in remission. He is about as pain-free > > as anyone without RA or any other painful disease can be. But > > something has changed since he began taking the meds. His libido > is > > almost non-existent. Have any of the men on here ever experienced > > this problem in relation to RA or the meds? I really don't mean to > > pry, I know this is an awkward question, but I am concerned for my > > husband. > > > > Thanks very much for any info anyone can provide. If you need more > > info, just let me know. I'll be glad to answer any questions. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 30, 2008 Report Share Posted September 30, 2008 add me to the " lost libido " list.... Even with the success I have been seeing from Humira, I have no desire whatsoever in the bedroom... or anywhere else! ****~**** Kami ****~**** [ ] Re: very awkward question I'm also glad you posted this. What Vicki wrote, its like reading my story. My sex life went down the drain, when RA came into my life. Its not talked about very often here, but I am one of the victims of lost libido, and just not interested anymore. With all the pain we have, but I believe the meds are the main factor. Not a lot we can do. Thank goodness, most of us have spouses who understand. Tawny . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 30, 2008 Report Share Posted September 30, 2008 I'm sorry for everyone going through this, but glad I'm not alone. I thought something was wrong with me. I have thought about bringing up this question, but was just too embarrassed. Tawny > > add me to the " lost libido " list.... Even with the success I have been seeing from Humira, I have no desire whatsoever in the bedroom... or anywhere else! > > > ****~**** Kami ****~**** > > ----- Original Message ----- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2008 Report Share Posted October 1, 2008 Thanks for your posts on this. I've been pondering more about taking meds for my RA, but hmmm... a new thing to consider. My wife is enjoying a newfound voracity for our love life and I certainly don't want to mar that in any way. We've learned different positions allow for my joints to take a break. If the meds do that for certain, it adds a whole new variable in my decision to take or not take DMARDS...though I should mention that it is not the only variable. Brad --- In , " S. Pruitt " <seriouslysanibel@...> wrote: > > > I think this is normal for many RA patients. If you hurt, you don't want to have sex...medication side effects may make you less amorous...and if you are dealing ineffectively with the disease (anxiety, depression, etc.) the last thing you want is sex. > > Not to offend any of our men (or ladies for that matter) on the list, but given the stereotypical man, a diagnosis of RA might be more difficult on them emotionally. > > Shandi > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2008 Report Share Posted October 1, 2008 A brave group to bring up an awkward but very real issue. Ladies. It goes pretty much the same on the other side of the fence. Never thought that would be possible, but it just is what it is. Fortunately, I have a great wife of 38 years and our foundation is built on much more than this part of our life. We're finding, like anything else, it just takes a bit more patience and understanding. I'm not ready to throw in the towel just yet. Bob > > > > add me to the " lost libido " list.... Even with the success I have been > seeing from Humira, I have no desire whatsoever in the bedroom... or > anywhere else! > > > > > > ****~**** Kami ****~**** > > > > ----- Original Message ----- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2008 Report Share Posted October 1, 2008 Thanks to everyone for being so candid. It sounds to me like my husband's problem may have less to do with his meds, and more to do with the burden of the disease itself. He feels pretty good these days, far better than he did before his meds, but I think he may still be having difficulty dealing with the uncertainty of the future. Maybe he's a bit depressed. It's just hard to get him to open up. Cherie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2008 Report Share Posted October 1, 2008 Add me to that list of " lost libidos " . Mine went away a long time ago. I just thought it was me - or our trials at the time - or our marriage - or the pain - and the meds - and on and on. It used to be a very sore subject, but we have (I hope) come to an understanding. I would if I could, but I can't so I don't. And it doesn't mean I love my husband any less than I did when we first met. In fact, I KNOW that I love him more than ever. We have been together for over 18 years - third marriage for both of us - and I know for a fact that none of the others would have stood up to this test of time. I can honestly say that I really believe we are married - til death do us part. I think between the constipation questions and now the libido questions, this awesome group has entered into the " anything goes " phase. There are so many things that this disease affects. And obviously its no longer just a matter of meds and pain, but how it affects our everyday life. I am grateful to you all.....Doreen PS - My humblest of apologies to those whose spouses couldn't weather this storm of disease. May God Bless us all... > > > I'm sorry for everyone going through this, but glad I'm not alone. > I thought something was wrong with me. I have thought about > bringing up this question, but was just too embarrassed. Tawny > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2008 Report Share Posted October 1, 2008 Cherie, You really said a lot that rang true with me. Particularly about the uncertainty of the future. I've heard of people having recurring dreams or recurring themes in dreams and up until these last two months I have never had that issue. Lately I had been having the recurring dream of having my beloved truck stolen always followed by a tremendous sense of helplessness and loss. I'm not Freud but it didn't take much to figure out that I was reacting to being in a situation where I was feeling helpless over losing something that I valued. Things such as my health and even potentially my financial security. I think accepting that is something that's affecting me is in someway making me feel like I have regained some control. Your husband may still be feeling he's lost that control in his life and it's going to take time for him to come around. This is a tough disease for anyone to learn to live with. Losing our health causes a natural grieving process and whether we like it or not, we find ourselves going through the stages of grief. Sounds like you and your husband have a lot of good things going and having you there to support him will go a long way towards helping him to accept this disease and make the necessary adjustments. Best wishes. Bob --- In , " chrbcktt " <penguinpanties@...> wrote: > > Thanks to everyone for being so candid. It sounds to me like my > husband's problem may have less to do with his meds, and more to do > with the burden of the disease itself. He feels pretty good these > days, far better than he did before his meds, but I think he may still > be having difficulty dealing with the uncertainty of the future. Maybe > he's a bit depressed. It's just hard to get him to open up. > > Cherie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2008 Report Share Posted October 1, 2008 Ditto- My doc says the Cymbalta has a lot to do with it. I just think my fun box is broken and I dont care! :-) On Tue, Sep 30, 2008 at 9:40 PM, ~ Kami ~ <kamilleon@...> wrote: > add me to the " lost libido " list.... Even with the success I have been > seeing from Humira, I have no desire whatsoever in the bedroom... or > anywhere else! > > ****~**** Kami ****~**** > > [ ] Re: very awkward question > > I'm also glad you posted this. What Vicki wrote, its like reading my > story. My sex life went down the drain, when RA came into my life. Its > not talked about very often here, but I am one of the victims of lost > libido, and just not interested anymore. With all the pain we have, but > I believe the meds are the main factor. Not a lot we can do. Thank > goodness, most of us have spouses who understand. Tawny > > . > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2008 Report Share Posted October 1, 2008 Hi Bob - Praise God for a man like you who recognizes the TOTAL value of your wife and not focusing on just the one aspect. You are a blessing..............Doreen > > A brave group to bring up an awkward but very real issue. Ladies. > It goes pretty much the same on the other side of the fence. Never > thought that would be possible, but it just is what it is. > Fortunately, I have a great wife of 38 years and our foundation is > built on much more than this part of our life. We're finding, like > anything else, it just takes a bit more patience and > understanding. > I'm not ready to throw in the towel just yet. > Bob > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2008 Report Share Posted October 1, 2008 > > Hi Bob - Praise God for a man like you who recognizes the TOTAL value > of your wife and not focusing on just the one aspect. You are a > blessing..............Doreen Bob---->>Blushing..... Ahh Schucks...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2008 Report Share Posted October 1, 2008 In my opinion if you have been married for more that a few years I don't think it's fair to blame RA. That's just what happens. And that's why I'm is favor of gay marriage, why do they get to be excluded from the God given misery the rest of us have to endure! LOL Stan --------- [ ] Re: very awkward question I'm also glad you posted this. What Vicki wrote, its like reading my story. My sex life went down the drain, when RA came into my life. Its not talked about very often here, but I am one of the victims of lost libido, and just not interested anymore. With all the pain we have, but I believe the meds are the main factor. Not a lot we can do. Thank goodness, most of us have spouses who understand. Tawny .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2008 Report Share Posted October 1, 2008 Just a suggestion. My boyfriend suggested a thing called a wedge for people with arthritis. It should help with range of motion and joint stability. It moves with the couple and supports the joints so people don't have to work as hard. Just a thought to help make things easier . I think they are kind of expensive, but maybe an exercise ball or something could help, and those are around $15 and can be used for great workouts without stressing the joints. ~Autumn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2008 Report Share Posted October 1, 2008 Boy this subject got the light ball turned on...I agree with what everybody is saying...My biggest thing is my husband doesnt seem to completely understand..I ask myself How could this man still want sex after all Im going through!! But I know its not fair to him..besides that pain . somebody said " the depression, anxiety and the why me syndrome " ...and even gina comes up with research on it!!! Just my 2 cents worth...diane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2008 Report Share Posted October 1, 2008 Me too...I thought a lot about it because I have absolutely no interest. My spouse takes it personally so it makes it difficult at best. smf > > > > add me to the " lost libido " list.... Even with the success I have been > seeing from Humira, I have no desire whatsoever in the bedroom... or > anywhere else! > > > > > > ****~**** Kami ****~**** > > > > ----- Original Message ----- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 1, 2008 Report Share Posted October 1, 2008 I know what you mean, its nobody's fault. I still feel guilty though. Having a chronic condition, is very hard on a relationship. Its bad on our spouse's too, cause they just don't understand, and for me I still feel guilty. What can we do though? Its a task for me to get through the day, then when its time for bed, I'm just done. My body hurts, and I'm just tired. I think fatigue plays a lot for me. So, your not alone, Tawny > > > > > > add me to the " lost libido " list.... Even with the success I have > been > > seeing from Humira, I have no desire whatsoever in the bedroom... or > > anywhere else! > > > > > > > > > ****~**** Kami ****~**** > > > > > > ----- Original Message ----- > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2008 Report Share Posted October 2, 2008 HA! That made me chuckle! Me neither! ****~**** Kami ****~**** [ ] Re: very awkward question > > I'm also glad you posted this. What Vicki wrote, its like reading my > story. My sex life went down the drain, when RA came into my life. Its > not talked about very often here, but I am one of the victims of lost > libido, and just not interested anymore. With all the pain we have, but > I believe the meds are the main factor. Not a lot we can do. Thank > goodness, most of us have spouses who understand. Tawny > > . > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2008 Report Share Posted October 2, 2008 Maybe I am a rare bread but I took the vows of " Better or worse, richer or poorer and in sickness and in health " as not just suggestions. Sex drive and libido are primarily just the reactions to chemical changes in our bodies. Love on the other hand goes well beyond that. There are times in my life now where just holding each other or a gentle hug is all I need and I know my wife feels the same way. That doesn't mean we're totally without the rest. It just makes it more special when it is possible. Maybe more men should learn about " spooning " and " cuddling " . It doesn't mean I have to hand in my " Man " membership card. It's my life and our relationship and it's worked for us for 38 years. I pray for you women you have to settle for anything less. Bob -----> Off my soapbox. > > I know what you mean, its nobody's fault. I still feel guilty > though. Having a chronic condition, is very hard on a relationship. > Its bad on our spouse's too, cause they just don't understand, and > for me I still feel guilty. > What can we do though? Its a task for me to get through the day, > then when its time for bed, I'm just done. My body hurts, and I'm > just tired. I think fatigue plays a lot for me. > So, your not alone, Tawny > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2008 Report Share Posted October 2, 2008 I think Bob brings up an important point, as long as both parties are happy with the level of physical intimacy, there is no problem. My soapbox is about the importance of intimacy overall and how it can be helpful to have a variety of sexual behaviors that both parties find rewarding. Frequency is something the couple has to negotiate and again, if everyone is happy, then there's no problem. However, too often physical intimacy is equated with intercourse and if someone isn't able to do this, then all intimacy is taken totally off the table because of pain, fatigue, disinterest, etc and before you know it, weeks, months, and years have gone by and married/partnered couples start living more as roommates. Low libido can be a sign of worsening depression or even resentment. Addressing the underlying cause of low libido is good for the person and for the relationship. Kate F [ ] Re: very awkward question Maybe I am a rare bread but I took the vows of " Better or worse, richer or poorer and in sickness and in health " as not just suggestions. Sex drive and libido are primarily just the reactions to chemical changes in our bodies. Love on the other hand goes well beyond that. There are times in my life now where just holding each other or a gentle hug is all I need and I know my wife feels the same way. That doesn't mean we're totally without the rest. It just makes it more special when it is possible. Maybe more men should learn about " spooning " and " cuddling " . It doesn't mean I have to hand in my " Man " membership card. It's my life and our relationship and it's worked for us for 38 years. I pray for you women you have to settle for anything less. Bob -----> Off my soapbox. > > I know what you mean, its nobody's fault. I still feel guilty > though. Having a chronic condition, is very hard on a relationship. > Its bad on our spouse's too, cause they just don't understand, and > for me I still feel guilty. > What can we do though? Its a task for me to get through the day, > then when its time for bed, I'm just done. My body hurts, and I'm > just tired. I think fatigue plays a lot for me. > So, your not alone, Tawny > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2008 Report Share Posted October 2, 2008 THat is a very brave and true post . So important to express.Communication is all. UK From: Fair <kalfoley@...> Subject: Re: [ ] Re: very awkward question Date: Thursday, 2 October, 2008, 6:17 PM I think Bob brings up an important point, as long as both parties are happy with the level of physical intimacy, there is no problem. My soapbox is about the importance of intimacy overall and how it can be helpful to have a variety of sexual behaviors that both parties find rewarding. Frequency is something the couple has to negotiate and again, if everyone is happy, then there's no problem. However, too often physical intimacy is equated with intercourse and if someone isn't able to do this, then all intimacy is taken totally off the table because of pain, fatigue, disinterest, etc and before you know it, weeks, months, and years have gone by and married/partnered couples start living more as roommates. Low libido can be a sign of worsening depression or even resentment. Addressing the underlying cause of low libido is good for the person and for the relationship. Kate F [ ] Re: very awkward question Maybe I am a rare bread but I took the vows of " Better or worse, richer or poorer and in sickness and in health " as not just suggestions. Sex drive and libido are primarily just the reactions to chemical changes in our bodies. Love on the other hand goes well beyond that. There are times in my life now where just holding each other or a gentle hug is all I need and I know my wife feels the same way. That doesn't mean we're totally without the rest. It just makes it more special when it is possible. Maybe more men should learn about " spooning " and " cuddling " . It doesn't mean I have to hand in my " Man " membership card. It's my life and our relationship and it's worked for us for 38 years. I pray for you women you have to settle for anything less. Bob -----> Off my soapbox. > > I know what you mean, its nobody's fault. I still feel guilty > though. Having a chronic condition, is very hard on a relationship. > Its bad on our spouse's too, cause they just don't understand, and > for me I still feel guilty. > What can we do though? Its a task for me to get through the day, > then when its time for bed, I'm just done. My body hurts, and I'm > just tired. I think fatigue plays a lot for me. > So, your not alone, Tawny > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2008 Report Share Posted October 2, 2008 I also have no sex drive in me. > add me to the " lost libido " list.... Even with the success I have been > seeing from Humira, I have no desire whatsoever in the bedroom... or > anywhere else! > > ****~**** Kami ****~**** > > [ ] Re: very awkward question > > I'm also glad you posted this. What Vicki wrote, its like reading my > story. My sex life went down the drain, when RA came into my life. Its > not talked about very often here, but I am one of the victims of lost > libido, and just not interested anymore. With all the pain we have, but > I believe the meds are the main factor. Not a lot we can do. Thank > goodness, most of us have spouses who understand. Tawny > > . > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 2, 2008 Report Share Posted October 2, 2008 I read often but don't post. I am glad to hear I am not the only one with 0 libido. And the RA is fairly well controlled with Humira and MTX. Strange > add me to the " lost libido " list.... Even with the success I have been > seeing from Humira, I have no desire whatsoever in the bedroom... or > anywhere else! > > ****~**** Kami ****~**** > > [ ] Re: very awkward question > > I'm also glad you posted this. What Vicki wrote, its like reading my > story. My sex life went down the drain, when RA came into my life. Its > not talked about very often here, but I am one of the victims of lost > libido, and just not interested anymore. With all the pain we have, but > I believe the meds are the main factor. Not a lot we can do. Thank > goodness, most of us have spouses who understand. Tawny > > . > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.