OT: Fwd: COLONSCOPY BY DAVE BARRY FUNNEEE!

[Guest guest]

Hi,

This was just sent to me by a friend of mine, and given our recent

" conversation " I thought this was perfect!!! We can never have enough humor

flushing

through our systems....LOL, that was bad huh? Oh well, read on....

Hugs and smiles,

Heidi in Mass....

____________________________________

____________________________________

I know we can all relate to this!

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy

journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to

make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy

showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go

all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then

Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and

patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he

said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000

FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions,

and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,'

which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.

I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we

must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around

being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I

began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any

solid food that day; all I had was

chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less

flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of

powder together in a one-liter

plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For

those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about

32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes

about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am

being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser,withjust a hint

of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great

sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement

may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you

may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too

graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle

launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with

you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the

commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty

much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You

eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty,

you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep,at which point, as far as I can

tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you

have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not

only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional

return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on

Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something

like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and

totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a

room full of other

colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took

off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist

perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked

than

when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in

my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie

was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also

told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At

first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this

is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to

make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode.

You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the

procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist.

I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around

there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over

on

my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the

needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the

song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that,

of all the songs that could be playing during this

particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the

least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from

somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it

was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a

decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I

am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it

was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment,

ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the

tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the

other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was

looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt

excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me

that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with

flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal

organ.

On the subject of Colonoscopies...

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the

exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the

following are actual comments made by his patients

(predominately male) while he was performing their

colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no

man has gone before!

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there

yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally

married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand

out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't

you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all....

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my

head is not up there?

____________________________________________________________

_Reduce your business expense. Click here to find products for your small

business._

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9sVPldjpuFThjwvthq2/)

____________________________________

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[Guest guest]

That's hilarious, Heidi.

After reading Barry's essay and all the other threads on

colonoscopies, I've decided to never have one done.

Not an MD

On Thu, Oct 16, 2008 at 8:41 PM, <sposy@...> wrote:

> Hi,

>

> This was just sent to me by a friend of mine, and given our recent

> " conversation " I thought this was perfect!!! We can never have enough humor

> flushing

> through our systems....LOL, that was bad huh? Oh well, read on....

>

> Hugs and smiles,

>

> Heidi in Mass....

>

>

>

>

> ____________________________________

>

> ____________________________________

>

>

> I know we can all relate to this!

> Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

> This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy

> journal:

> I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to

> make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy

> showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go

> all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then

> Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and

> patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he

> said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE

> 17,000

> FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

> I left Andy's office with some written instructions,

> and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,'

> which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.

> I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we

> must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

> I spent the next several days productively sitting around

> being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I

> began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any

> solid food that day; all I had was

> chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less

> flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of

> powder together in a one-liter

> plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For

> those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about

> 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes

> about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am

> being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser,withjust a hint

> of lemon.

> The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great

> sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel

> movement

> may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof,

> you

> may experience contact with the ground.

> MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too

> graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle

> launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with

> you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the

> commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty

> much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You

> eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty,

> you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep,at which point, as far as I can

> tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you

> have not even eaten yet.

> After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

> The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not

> only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing

> occasional

> return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on

> Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something

> like that? Flowers would not be enough.

> At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and

> totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a

> room full of other

> colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took

> off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist

> perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked

> than

> when you are actually naked.

> Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in

> my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie

> was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also

> told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At

> first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this

> is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to

> make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose

> Mode.

> You would have no choice but to burn your house.

> When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the

> procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist.

> I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around

> there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll

> over on

> my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the

> needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that

> the

> song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that,

> of all the songs that could be playing during this

> particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the

> least appropriate.

> 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from

> somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it

> was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a

> decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I

> am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it

> was like.

> I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment,

> ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the

> tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the

> other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was

> looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt

> excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me

> that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with

> flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal

> organ.

> On the subject of Colonoscopies...

> Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the

> exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the

> following are actual comments made by his patients

> (predominately male) while he was performing their

> colonoscopies:

> 1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no

> man has gone before!

> 2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

> 3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

> 4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there

> yet?'

> 5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally

> married.'

> 6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

> 7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand

> out...'

> 8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

> 9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

> 10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

> 11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't

> you?'

> 12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

> And the best one of all....

> 13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my

> head is not up there?

[Guest guest]

Heidi,

Thanks for this belly laugh!

Shirley

>

> Hi,

>

> This was just sent to me by a friend of mine, and given our

recent

> " conversation " I thought this was perfect!!! We can never have

enough humor flushing

> through our systems....LOL, that was bad huh? Oh well, read

on....

>

> Hugs and smiles,

>

> Heidi in Mass....

>

>

>

>

> ____________________________________

>

> ____________________________________

>

>

> I know we can all relate to this!

> Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the

Miami Herald.

> This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy

> journal:

[Guest guest]

THank you for this.  I laughed OUT LOUD!

 

[ ] OT: Fwd: COLONSCOPY BY DAVE BARRY FUNNEEE!

Hi,

This was just sent to me by a friend of mine, and given our recent

" conversation " I thought this was perfect!!! We can never have enough humor

flushing

through our systems....LOL, that was bad huh? Oh well, read on....

Hugs and smiles,

Heidi in Mass....

____________ _________ _________ ______

____________ _________ _________ ______

I know we can all relate to this!

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy

journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to

make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy

showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go

all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then

Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and

patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he

said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000

FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions,

and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,'

which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.

I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we

must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around

being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I

began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any

solid food that day; all I had was

chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less

flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of

powder together in a one-liter

plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For

those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about

32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes

about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am

being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser,withjust a hint

of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great

sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement

may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you

may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too

graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle

launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with

you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the

commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty

much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You

eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty,

you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep,at which point, as far as I can

tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you

have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not

only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional

return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on

Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something

like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and

totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a

room full of other

colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took

off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist

perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than

when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in

my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie

was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also

told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At

first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this

is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to

make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode.

You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the

procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist.

I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around

there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on

my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the

needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the

song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that,

of all the songs that could be playing during this

particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the

least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from

somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it

was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a

decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I

am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it

was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment,

ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the

tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the

other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was

looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt

excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me

that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with

flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal

organ.

On the subject of Colonoscopies. ..

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the

exam were quite humorous.... . A physician claimed that the

following are actual comments made by his patients

(predominately male) while he was performing their

colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no

man has gone before!

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there

yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally

married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand

out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't

you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all....

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my

head is not up there?

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

_Reduce your business expense. Click here to find products for your small

business._

(http://thirdpartyof fers.juno. com/TGL2142/ fc/Ioyw6i3m7tDVg KOVABNC55Pf8rniC

vLvWIz9sVPldjpuF Thjwvthq2/)

____________ _________ _________ ______

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[Guest guest]

OMG haaaaaaaaa Hee hee haahahah CANT TAKE IT

READ POST BELOW IF YOU HAVENT AND LAUGH TOO

HAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAA

yes thats how it exactly is

Clora

************************************************************

>

> ____________________________________

>

> ____________________________________

>

>

> I know we can all relate to this!

> Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the

Miami Herald.

> This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy

> journal:

> I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to

> make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his

office, Andy

> showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that

appears to go

> all over the place, at one point passing briefly through

Minneapolis. Then

> Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough,

reassuring and

> patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear

anything he

> said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK

A TUBE 17,000

> FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

> I left Andy's office with some written instructions,

> and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,'

> which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.

> I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say

that we

> must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

> I spent the next several days productively sitting around

> being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I

> began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't

eat any

> solid food that day; all I had was

> chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less

> flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two

packets of

> powder together in a one-liter

> plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For

> those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about

> 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes

> about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am

> being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal

cleanser,withjust a hint

> of lemon.

> The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a

great

> sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery

bowel movement

> may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off

your roof, you

> may experience contact with the ground.

> MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too

> graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle

> launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with

> you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the

> commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty

> much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You

> eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be

totally empty,

> you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep,at which point, as far

as I can

> tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating

food that you

> have not even eaten yet.

> After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

> The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very

nervous. Not

> only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been

experiencing occasional

> return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I

spurt on

> Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something

> like that? Flowers would not be enough.

> At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I

understood and

> totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they

led me to a

> room full of other

> colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space

and took

> off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed

by sadist

> perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even

more naked than

> when you are actually naked.

> Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in

> my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie

> was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also

> told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At

> first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this

> is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too

tipsy to

> make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full

Fire Hose Mode.

> You would have no choice but to burn your house.

> When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the

> procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an

anesthesiologist.

> I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden

around

> there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had

me roll over on

> my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up

to the

> needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I

realized that the

> song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that,

> of all the songs that could be playing during this

> particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the

> least appropriate.

> 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from

> somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it

> was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a

> decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I

> am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it

> was like.

> I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment,

> ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the

> tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the

> other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was

> looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt

> excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me

> that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with

> flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal

> organ.

> On the subject of Colonoscopies...

> Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the

> exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the

> following are actual comments made by his patients

> (predominately male) while he was performing their

> colonoscopies:

> 1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no

> man has gone before!

> 2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

> 3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

> 4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there

> yet?'

> 5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally

> married.'

> 6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

> 7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand

> out...'

> 8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

> 9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

> 10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

> 11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't

> you?'

> 12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

> And the best one of all....

> 13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my

> head is not up there?

>

>

> ____________________________________________________________

> _Reduce your business expense. Click here to find products for

your small

> business._

>

(http://thirdpartyoffers.juno.com/TGL2142/fc/Ioyw6i3m7tDVgKOVABNC55Pf8

rniCvLvWIz9sVPldjpuFThjwvthq2/)

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ____________________________________

> New MapQuest Local shows what's happening at your destination.

Dining,

> Movies, Events, News & more. _Try it out! _

> (http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100000075x1211031713x1200669822/aol?

redir=http://local.mapquest.com/?ncid=emlcntnew00

> 000002)

> **************New MapQuest Local shows what's happening at your

destination.

> Dining, Movies, Events, News & more. Try it out

> (http://local.mapquest.com/?ncid=emlcntnew00000002)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Absolutely hilarious! Thanks for the laughs, you've made my day

better!

>

> Hi,

>

> This was just sent to me by a friend of mine, and given our recent

> " conversation " I thought this was perfect!!! We can never have

enough humor flushing

> through our systems....LOL, that was bad huh? Oh well, read on....

>

> Hugs and smiles,

>

> Heidi in Mass....

>

>

>

>

> ____________________________________

>

> ____________________________________

>

>

> I know we can all relate to this!

> Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the

Miami Herald.

> This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy

> journal:

> I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to

>

>

[Guest guest]

I read this while sitting at my desk at work. People around me were

wondering why I was sitting there laughing out loud. Of course, it's

not something that's appropriate to share with just anyone, but I

thought it was hysterical. Thanks! I needed a good laugh.

> > Hi,

> >

> > This was just sent to me by a friend of mine, and given our recent

> > " conversation " I thought this was perfect!!! We can never have

enough humor

> > flushing

> > through our systems....LOL, that was bad huh? Oh well, read on....

> >

> > Hugs and smiles,

> >

> > Heidi in Mass....

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ____________________________________

> >

> > ____________________________________

> >

> >

> > I know we can all relate to this!

> > Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the

Miami Herald.

> > This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy

> > journal:

> > I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to

> > make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his

office, Andy

> > showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that

appears to go

> > all over the place, at one point passing briefly through

Minneapolis. Then

> > Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough,

reassuring and

> > patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear

anything he

> > said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK

A TUBE

> > 17,000

> > FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

> > I left Andy's office with some written instructions,

> > and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,'

> > which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.

> > I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say

that we

> > must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

> > I spent the next several days productively sitting around

> > being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I

> > began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't

eat any

> > solid food that day; all I had was

> > chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less

> > flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two

packets of

> > powder together in a one-liter

> > plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For

> > those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about

> > 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes

> > about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am

> > being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal

cleanser,withjust a hint

> > of lemon.

> > The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a

great

> > sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel

> > movement

> > may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off

your roof,

> > you

> > may experience contact with the ground.

> > MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too

> > graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle

> > launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with

> > you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the

> > commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty

> > much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You

> > eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be

totally empty,

> > you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep,at which point, as far

as I can

> > tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating

food that you

> > have not even eaten yet.

> > After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

> > The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very

nervous. Not

> > only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing

> > occasional

> > return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on

> > Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something

> > like that? Flowers would not be enough.

> > At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I

understood and

> > totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they

led me to a

> > room full of other

> > colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space

and took

> > off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed

by sadist

> > perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even

more naked

> > than

> > when you are actually naked.

> > Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in

> > my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie

> > was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also

> > told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At

> > first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this

> > is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too

tipsy to

> > make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full

Fire Hose

> > Mode.

> > You would have no choice but to burn your house.

> > When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the

> > procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an

anesthesiologist.

> > I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden

around

> > there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had

me roll

> > over on

> > my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up

to the

> > needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I

realized that

> > the

> > song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that,

> > of all the songs that could be playing during this

> > particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the

> > least appropriate.

> > 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from

> > somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it

> > was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a

> > decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I

> > am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it

> > was like.

> > I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment,

> > ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the

> > tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the

> > other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was

> > looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt

> > excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me

> > that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with

> > flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal

> > organ.

> > On the subject of Colonoscopies...

> > Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the

> > exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the

> > following are actual comments made by his patients

> > (predominately male) while he was performing their

> > colonoscopies:

> > 1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no

> > man has gone before!

> > 2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

> > 3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

> > 4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there

> > yet?'

> > 5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally

> > married.'

> > 6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

> > 7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand

> > out...'

> > 8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

> > 9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

> > 10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

> > 11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't

> > you?'

> > 12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

> > And the best one of all....

> > 13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my

> > head is not up there?

>

[Guest guest]

Haaaaaaaaa

still laughing over

WAIT

colons

Haaaaaaaaaaa

Oh God,, Now I know why i'm not gay

just a few to start with

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I have to laugh

Clora

[Guest guest]

Funny, funny. I laughed so hard I peed my pants!!!!!! Always good to

have a good laugh.

Hugs,

Barbara

>

> OMG haaaaaaaaa Hee hee haahahah CANT TAKE IT

> READ POST BELOW IF YOU HAVENT AND LAUGH TOO

> HAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAA

>

> yes thats how it exactly is

> Clora

>

> ************************************************************

> >

> > ____________________________________

> >

> > ____________________________________

> >

> >

> > I know we can all relate to this!

> > Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the

> Miami Herald.

> > This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy

> > journal:

> > I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to

> > make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his

> office, Andy

> > showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that

> appears to go

> > all over the place, at one point passing briefly through

> Minneapolis. Then

> > Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough,

> reassuring and

> > patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear

> anything he

> > said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK

> A TUBE 17,000

> > FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

> > I left Andy's office with some written instructions,

> > and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,'

> > which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.

> > I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say

> that we

> > must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

> > I spent the next several days productively sitting around

> > being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I

> > began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't

> eat any

> > solid food that day; all I had was

> > chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less

> > flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two

> packets of

> > powder together in a one-liter

> > plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For

> > those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about

> > 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes

> > about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am

> > being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal

> cleanser,withjust a hint

> > of lemon.

> > The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a

> great

> > sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery

> bowel movement

> > may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off

> your roof, you

> > may experience contact with the ground.

> > MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too

> > graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle

> > launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with

> > you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the

> > commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty

> > much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You

> > eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be

> totally empty,

> > you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep,at which point, as far

> as I can

> > tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating

> food that you

> > have not even eaten yet.

> > After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

> > The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very

> nervous. Not

> > only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been

> experiencing occasional

> > return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I

> spurt on

> > Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something

> > like that? Flowers would not be enough.

> > At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I

> understood and

> > totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they

> led me to a

> > room full of other

> > colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space

> and took

> > off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed

> by sadist

> > perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even

> more naked than

> > when you are actually naked.

> > Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in

> > my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie

> > was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also

> > told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At

> > first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this

> > is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too

> tipsy to

> > make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full

> Fire Hose Mode.

> > You would have no choice but to burn your house.

> > When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the

> > procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an

> anesthesiologist.

> > I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden

> around

> > there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had

> me roll over on

> > my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up

> to the

> > needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I

> realized that the

> > song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that,

> > of all the songs that could be playing during this

> > particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the

> > least appropriate.

> > 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from

> > somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it

> > was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a

> > decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I

> > am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it

> > was like.

> > I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment,

> > ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the

> > tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the

> > other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was

> > looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt

> > excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me

> > that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with

> > flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal

> > organ.

> > On the subject of Colonoscopies...

> > Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the

> > exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the

> > following are actual comments made by his patients

> > (predominately male) while he was performing their

> > colonoscopies:

> > 1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no

> > man has gone before!

> > 2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

> > 3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

> > 4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there

> > yet?'

> > 5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally

> > married.'

> > 6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

> > 7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand

> > out...'

> > 8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

> > 9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

> > 10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

> > 11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't

> > you?'

> > 12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

> > And the best one of all....

> > 13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my

> > head is not up there?

> >

> >

> > ____________________________________________________________

> > _Reduce your business expense. Click here to find products for

> your small

> > business._

> >

> (http://thirdpartyoffers.juno.com/TGL2142/fc/Ioyw6i3m7tDVgKOVABNC55Pf8

> rniCvLvWIz9sVPldjpuFThjwvthq2/)

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ____________________________________

> > New MapQuest Local shows what's happening at your destination.

> Dining,

> > Movies, Events, News & more. _Try it out! _

> > (http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100000075x1211031713x1200669822/aol?

> redir=http://local.mapquest.com/?ncid=emlcntnew00

> > 000002)

> > **************New MapQuest Local shows what's happening at your

> destination.

> > Dining, Movies, Events, News & more. Try it out

> > (http://local.mapquest.com/?ncid=emlcntnew00000002)

> >

> >

> >