Re: Worrying occomplishes nothing good....BARBARA

[Guest guest]

{{{{{BARBARA}}}}} - When it rains, it pours, doesn't it?! I am so

sorry to hear you are going through so much now that you're home after

having gone through so much while you were away.

I wonder if your husband is feeling guilty for not having anything to

do with his brother for those 22 years. His anger is certainly

something to be concerned about and I pray that he isn't starting down

the same path as his brother. There isn't much you can do about his

feelings right now. He has to make up his own mind and come to terms

with his brother's and your health and his feelings about it all. It

all could be a matter of facing his own mortality, too. The thought of

illness/death/dying can be overwhelming for the most secure of people.

Perhaps counseling would be a good thing, but if he refuses to go,

then go for yourself. If he won't get healthy minded for you, then you

can do it for yourself.

Please know that I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in

there, dear one. We're all here for you. One day at a time...one hour

at a time...one minute at a time. May God Bless you.....Doreen

>

>

> Hi Clora and Tawny:

>

> Here I am at 3 a.m. wide awake, and can't sleep either. I am going

> through a situation at home with my husband, and I am either crying

> or worrying myself sick. He is thinking of leaving me after 28

> years of marriage. He told me this 3 weeks ago while I was still

> in the hospital recovering from my fall. Right now my life is

> upside down, and my future is dismal. I think this came about

> between my fall, and the fact I have RA. I think he doesn't want

> to be a caretaker in the future if I get much, much worse. He has

> sure blindsided me with all this. I can't believe he feels this

> way. I know I was in the hosp. for 7 weeks up North, but that had

> to be. He has an identical twin brother who is in a nursing home

> with Dementia/Alzheimers, goes 3 days a week for 9 hrs. at a time.

> He said he will go anytime, for as long as he wants, until his

> brother dies. They are both 64. He told me he has chosen his

> brother over me. To say I am devistated, is putting it mildly.

> When my husband found his brother in this state, we took him into

> our home for 3 years, where I nutured and cared and bathed him,

> etc. Took him to a Neuro, had Brain scans, etc. to confirm the

> diag. He smoked, drank heavily, and wouldn't take blood pressure

> meds, etc., causing him to have many strokes, and fry his brain.

> Prior to all this, they had nothing to do with each other for 22

> years, even though we lived a mile apart. His twin was a fowl

> mouth drunk, always looking for a fight, etc. We did not live like

> that, so they parted ways. My husband has given up his life to be

> a slave to him now.

>

> I am 68, and never thought this would happen to me. I have read

> illnesses, diseases, etc. put a big strain on a marriage, causing

> them to fall apart.

>

> I am stressed beyond stressed. I want us to go see a Priest,

> marriage councelor, or dr., someone impartial, to help us. He

> refuses to go.

>

> So here I am, telling all of you what hell I am living in. Our dr.

> sent him for a MRI of his Brain Sun. to see if he is starting with

> the same disease. He gets the results next week.

>

> All of our family and friends are very angry with him, and he is

> angry with me because I told them. I need my family and friends so

> much.

>

> What a mess this is, and all I need right now is for my RA to

> flare! I am trying to go forward, but it is so hard.

>

> Please pray for me and my marriage and that he gets his head on

> straight. I can't go through anymore trauma..

>

> Hugs,

> Barbara

[Guest guest]

Hi Doreen: I agree, when it rains it pours. Such is life.

I so appreciate your letter and your kind and caring words. I too,

believe what you say about my husband. His mind is on overload and

facing lots of issues, regarding me and his brother. Guilt can destroy

a person, unless they can come to turns with why they feel as they do.

He is very confused about what to do. Stay or go. He has to decide

that for himself, but I do want us to see an impartial person. I will

go even if he doesn't.

This has stressed me so much, but I am trying to get through each day as

best as I can. I try to put better thoughts in my mind, and that is

hard for me, but I do try. I also try talking in a calm easy manner,

but sometimes I just feel like yelling and screaming at him. If I do

that, we will accomplish nothing. I told him I will not lie down like a

passive dog, as this is my life and future we are talking about. I

can't even begin to think about that!!!! Scares the hell out of me!!!

You are right about day by day, moment by moment. That is just what I

can handle right now. I thank God I have the love and support from this

wonderful group of people. You all have been there for me, and I love

you for it.

Thanks for your love and support. Wishing you pain free days. May God

keep you in his loving care.

Hugs,

Barbara

> >

> >

> > Hi Clora and Tawny:

> >

> > Here I am at 3 a.m. wide awake, and can't sleep either. I am going

> > through a situation at home with my husband, and I am either crying

> > or worrying myself sick. He is thinking of leaving me after 28

> > years of marriage. He told me this 3 weeks ago while I was still

> > in the hospital recovering from my fall. Right now my life is

> > upside down, and my future is dismal. I think this came about

> > between my fall, and the fact I have RA. I think he doesn't want

> > to be a caretaker in the future if I get much, much worse. He has

> > sure blindsided me with all this. I can't believe he feels this

> > way. I know I was in the hosp. for 7 weeks up North, but that had

> > to be. He has an identical twin brother who is in a nursing home

> > with Dementia/Alzheimers, goes 3 days a week for 9 hrs. at a time.

> > He said he will go anytime, for as long as he wants, until his

> > brother dies. They are both 64. He told me he has chosen his

> > brother over me. To say I am devistated, is putting it mildly.

> > When my husband found his brother in this state, we took him into

> > our home for 3 years, where I nutured and cared and bathed him,

> > etc. Took him to a Neuro, had Brain scans, etc. to confirm the

> > diag. He smoked, drank heavily, and wouldn't take blood pressure

> > meds, etc., causing him to have many strokes, and fry his brain.

> > Prior to all this, they had nothing to do with each other for 22

> > years, even though we lived a mile apart. His twin was a fowl

> > mouth drunk, always looking for a fight, etc. We did not live like

> > that, so they parted ways. My husband has given up his life to be

> > a slave to him now.

> >

> > I am 68, and never thought this would happen to me. I have read

> > illnesses, diseases, etc. put a big strain on a marriage, causing

> > them to fall apart.

> >

> > I am stressed beyond stressed. I want us to go see a Priest,

> > marriage councelor, or dr., someone impartial, to help us. He

> > refuses to go.

> >

> > So here I am, telling all of you what hell I am living in. Our dr.

> > sent him for a MRI of his Brain Sun. to see if he is starting with

> > the same disease. He gets the results next week.

> >

> > All of our family and friends are very angry with him, and he is

> > angry with me because I told them. I need my family and friends so

> > much.

> >

> > What a mess this is, and all I need right now is for my RA to

> > flare! I am trying to go forward, but it is so hard.

> >

> > Please pray for me and my marriage and that he gets his head on

> > straight. I can't go through anymore trauma..

> >

> > Hugs,

> > Barbara

>