Afraid of my drug-switch

[Guest guest]

I don't post much, though I read the posts and appreciate so many of

you.

I have been on Mtx shots, hydroxychloriquin, and sulfasalazine. I have

just felt so sick and tired for the year I have been on them, and my

blood tests were not coming back completely normal. So my doctor has

had me stop the hydorxychloroquin and sufasalazine, and keep the mtx

shots once a week. I have had, off and on, a cough but no shortness of

breath or anything. He is adding Enbrel. I just got the Enbrel

yesterday, I've had to stay off the other drugs and can take my first

shot tomorrow.

I have felt scared, especially with the minor cough, but excited as I

have read the things some of you have said about getting a new life

with this drug! I don't want to feel sick and tired anymore.

I haven't been able to walk up and down stairs, my hands are always

stiff and in pain... I can't really write anymore, and since I had to

quit the other 2 drugs for a week, I see my RA has actually spread. It

was in my knees, ankles, and hands. Now my hips and shoulders get sore.

And, can you get it in your spine? For a few days my spine hurt! I am

only 5' tall and I am overweight. It has crept up over the years as I

have given birth to 6 children. But since I have been so inactive due

to being sick this past year, I am now 60 pounds overweight. So I have

wondered, is that my problem or is it the drugs/disease? My doctor

tells me it is the disease but I still just feel awful!

So I was telling my adult daughter my fears about the Enbrel... with

the cough and the warnings the pharmacist gave me, will I get sick?I

finally joked, " I don't want to live this way, in fear. I am going to

take it and if it helps, hooray!! If it makes me sick or I die, so be

it! " She expressed much concern. I told her I was exaggerating, the

point is, I just want to move forward and enjoy life again..then I

joked... " And life is chocolate. " She smiled. Then I added, " With each

shot, if you take one chocolate it minimizes the side effects of the

drug " . She wondered if I were serious or pulling her leg, especially

when I suggested that the pharmacist should dispense a bag of Hersheys

kisses with each perscription fill! She caught on and we laughed!

Basically, I just don't want to worry anymore. I just want to LIVE!

I'm tired of fighting this disease... I want to be normal again! Or at

least just LIVE again! I've been depressed, sick, not able to do

anything for a total of 2-3 years. Half the time I have been bedridden.

When I am not, I am exhausted so easily. I want to throw it off, forget

about it, and move on. I'm used to being a mover and a shaker... until

the last few years. So I pin my hopes on the Enbrel.

Thanks for letting me " talk " . This board is nice... I can't talk to

friends and family like you all do here... it isn't pleasant for them

to hear so I don't talk at all, really, except to say, " I need to go

lie down " or, we just went camping and I have been off my drugs, so I

couldn't hike up a mountain with them. I told them they had to find an

easier hike/walk for me. I did let them know I was hurting and my legs

and knees were to stiff to hike uphill. We rented a cabin that had this

really steep stairway up to the bedrooms.... I would laugh everytime I

had to climb them.... because I couldn't! I never thought to tell the

company we rented from that we needed a place that was single-level! I

don't want to say, " Well, I am disabled because I have RA " . I have

never thought of myself as " disabled " before. I still don't. I don't

know what I see myself as.... just a 45 year old woman who is

overweight and has some aches, I guess.

Anyway, thanks again....