Re: Down as I've ever been/DODGE

October 22, 2008

I guess I should have read a little further. ((((BIG HUG)))))

Dodge... I have been where you are now. It sucks. I equate mine to a form of

" grieving " .... You know, however many stages there are. At first I was in

denial, then hatred, and around 6 months after RA diagnosis I hit rock bottom

worst ever depression..... (And I have been living with depression a looooong

time) When I get depressed, I retreat to my bedroom and isolate. I am learning

that is not a good thing... I will not allow chronic pain to suck the life out

of me. I am so grateful for and this group. If anything, I no longer feel

alone. I hate the fact that all of you are on this sucky ride with me however,

in a sense, I couldn't have asked for nicer people to be on this bumpy ride.

I don't have much else to offer however hope you take comfort in knowing that

you aren't alone...... ((((HUG)))

*~ Kami ~*

[ ] Down as I've ever been

Ok, so I thought I was depressed, and I was...but this... This is... Torture.

Don't know why. Don't know what it is... Don't know the reason or the rhyme of

it. All I know is that it is and I'm, I think, as down as I've ever been or

could be. Because of some rather interesting psych symptoms, antidepressants are

not an option for me... You don't want to see me on them, believe me.

Am I suicidal? Nope. Don't believe in it. But I can say that my will to live,

my zest for life has deserted me. And in this time, when all hope for me seems

to have been lost, or at least misplaced, and where my will to live seems to

have gone south, I am doing the only thing I know to do...reaching out to those

who care about me, to those who know me best.

don't worry. I'm not expecting you to have the magic answer, the magic pill or

even the magic bullet, I'm too wise for that. I don't know what I seek, really.

Caring, compassion, wisdom...

Anyway, you are all in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that your days and

nights are, at least better than mine.

I know that this will pass just like it always does. I just wish It'd hurry up

and get it over with. I have a life to live.

With Love,

--

Dodge

Let me deal with honor. Let me act with courage. Let me achieve humility.

Read my blog at:

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