Re: Stress- family, work & its effects

[Guest guest]

Dalannne,

I can see why your stressing so much. I can imagine how much you

worry for your hubby. Men tend to be stubborn at times. I hope you

can get him to the doc, he really needs to be seen. Are you on a

blood pressure med? I was having bp problems awhile back, it was very

high. I am now on a bp med, and it's down, thank God. We all have

problems, but were all here for each other. Just know were always

here for you to vent anytime, hugs Tawny

[Guest guest]

Dalanne,

I am so sorry to hear about what is going on. I just lost my

grandmother who helped raise me. I had to file for SSDI because of my

RA/fibro. Before that, I was doing admin work for a local hospital.

I was not allowed to take my MS Contin and percocet while I was

working. I could take it before I went to work. You have to do what

is best for you and your family.

It's hard...even just venting on this web board helps tremenously. I

would check into seeing a therapist. It helps me tremendously. One

thing that she told me on my first visit is that pain is a feeling

it's not who YOU are. I have said that a few times on here, but it's

something that helps me especially when I am having a flare.

We are here if you need us and you and your family will be in my

prayers. Hang in there!!

>

> My name is Dalanne. Last time I forgot to put my name in it.

> Realizing that this will look like a major whine I am listing my

> major stress issues to see if anyone has any better ideas to help

me

> get my blood pressure down or to help me let go of some of this

> stress. Here goes...

>

> I drive a dump truck for a local township. I am really taking a

> beating driving these rough country roads. At days end I feel like

> somebody has taken a sledgehammer to me. I hurt so bad at night. I

> have a CDL so I can't take my oxycontin 20mgs- I would be driving

> illegally. I have nothing else that helps with the pain at night.

>

> Then a friend of ours was killed in a car crash a week ago. My

> husband isn't taking it well at all. They grew up next door to each

> other. He has a " defect of the central nervous system " that causes

> his heart to get a shot of adrenaline without warning which

exhausts

> him and his heart beats so so hard and irregular. Stress will

trigger

> it and he was home all day today with his heart acting up all day.

> The jerk won't go to the Dr or the emergency room. If it is still

> doing this tomorrow morning he will call our Dr. and go in there.

He

> isn't happy but he promised me and at least he keeps his

promises...

> He is sleeping and I've checked on him about every 3 hours and he's

> still breathing. Gah....I dearly love the big jerk but jeez...

>

> We have three kids that are at each other's throats- a 14 yr girl,

11

> yr boy and 7 yr girl. Enough said there. :0

>

> Two days ago my husband realized he may well face losing his job in

> the next 4 months which would leave us with no health insurance, no

> income, etc....

>

> On the 19th I went for my 3rd Orencia infusion, which does seem to

be

> helpingt, and my few issues here minus the death had caused my

blood

> pressure to register at 138 over 102. I'm guessing from the nurses

> reaction that it was a bit high. Now with the death added in and my

> hubbys heart I hate to see what it is. My ears have probably

doubled

> in size.... or my head may well pop off in my sleep.

>

> I know that all this stress is NOT helping my RA. I've been telling

> myself that I can't worry about things that I have no control over.

> That has helped a bit. I zone out to relax my breathing, try to get

> plenty of sleep, exercise isn't helping as it makes me more tight,

> I've even tried crying myself to sleep as crying sometimes lets my

> tension out but it hasn't worked this time.

>

> What else can I do? I just don't know. I started a " fun " personal

> enrichment college class to escape " home stuff " - German language 1-

> but my brain hurts so much that I can't concentrate. I know that

> sounds dumb but it is a fog that just won't let me gather my wits

to

> study and remember!

>

> I'm lost. I have no control over whether my truck or it's load is

> going to cause me physical problems. The death is something that I

> can only cry over. The kids are an ongoing issue but at least the

> teenager is helping me with the house when she gets home from

school.

> That is a major blessing!

>

> I know that so many men and women have problems that are far worse

> than mine but my techniques to relieve stress/tension simply are

not

> working anymore. I am so overloaded mentally that I feel lost here.

> I'm sorry this was such a long post but things had been going so

> incredibly well before last week. My but how fortunes change.

>

[Guest guest]

Dalanne,

Honey, no wonder you are so stressed. I am so sorry for your grief

and pain.

I know that it is easier said than done, but the most stressful

period in my life was when I was divorcing. Bills, rejection,

children, I totaled my car, my auto insurance doubled and I HAD to

sell my home! This is the only way that I could handle it. Each day

I would imagine a stove top with each problem in a pot. The things

that I could not do anything about that day, I would move to the

back burners. I knew that they were there and they were stewing, but

I just let them cook. The things that I had to confront that day

were in the front so that I could tend to them.

Each time anxiety came up over an item, I would place them in the

pot they should be in. It took some practice, but it was the only

way that I could survive mentally. It didn't pay the bills that were

mounting and didn't bring back my spouse and childrens father, it

did give me a way to take a break from worry over some items.

I don't know if this would work for you, but I sure hope you find a

way to deal with this before you develope high BP.

I pray that your husband will be alright and that his job is going

to be secure. Hang in Honey, it sounds like you are the cornerstone

in this madness.

Shirley

>

> My name is Dalanne. Last time I forgot to put my name in it.

> Realizing that this will look like a major whine I am listing my

> major stress issues to see if anyone has any better ideas to help

me

> get my blood pressure down or to help me let go of some of this

> stress. Here goes...

>

> I drive a dump truck for a local township. I am really taking a

> beating driving these rough country roads. At days end I feel like

> somebody has taken a sledgehammer to me. I hurt so bad at night. I

> have a CDL so I can't take my oxycontin 20mgs- I would be driving

> illegally. I have nothing else that helps with the pain at night.

>

> Then a friend of ours was killed in a car crash a week ago. My

> husband isn't taking it well at all. They grew up next door to

each

> other. He has a " defect of the central nervous system " that causes

> his heart to get a shot of adrenaline without warning which

exhausts

> him and his heart beats so so hard and irregular. Stress will

trigger

> it and he was home all day today with his heart acting up all day.

> The jerk won't go to the Dr or the emergency room. If it is still

> doing this tomorrow morning he will call our Dr. and go in there.

He

> isn't happy but he promised me and at least he keeps his

promises...

> He is sleeping and I've checked on him about every 3 hours and

he's

> still breathing. Gah....I dearly love the big jerk but jeez...

>

> We have three kids that are at each other's throats- a 14 yr girl,

11

> yr boy and 7 yr girl. Enough said there. :0

>

> Two days ago my husband realized he may well face losing his job

in

> the next 4 months which would leave us with no health insurance,

no

> income, etc....

>

> On the 19th I went for my 3rd Orencia infusion, which does seem to

be

> helpingt, and my few issues here minus the death had caused my

blood

> pressure to register at 138 over 102. I'm guessing from the nurses

> reaction that it was a bit high. Now with the death added in and

my

> hubbys heart I hate to see what it is. My ears have probably

doubled

> in size.... or my head may well pop off in my sleep.

>

> I know that all this stress is NOT helping my RA. I've been

telling

> myself that I can't worry about things that I have no control

over.

> That has helped a bit. I zone out to relax my breathing, try to

get

> plenty of sleep, exercise isn't helping as it makes me more tight,

> I've even tried crying myself to sleep as crying sometimes lets my

> tension out but it hasn't worked this time.

>

> What else can I do? I just don't know. I started a " fun " personal

> enrichment college class to escape " home stuff " - German language 1-

> but my brain hurts so much that I can't concentrate. I know that

> sounds dumb but it is a fog that just won't let me gather my wits

to

> study and remember!

>

> I'm lost. I have no control over whether my truck or it's load is

> going to cause me physical problems. The death is something that I

> can only cry over. The kids are an ongoing issue but at least the

> teenager is helping me with the house when she gets home from

school.

> That is a major blessing!

>

> I know that so many men and women have problems that are far worse

> than mine but my techniques to relieve stress/tension simply are

not

> working anymore. I am so overloaded mentally that I feel lost

here.

> I'm sorry this was such a long post but things had been going so

> incredibly well before last week. My but how fortunes change.

>

[Guest guest]

I really like the stove & cooking analogy! Last night I slept pretty

well for a change. My hubby got up at 4:30am to go sell hogs (he

works on a farm) and came home. He actually asked me for the

checkbook and what time the Dr. office opens as his heart is still

acting up. He IS going, he said so. That helped me a lot today.

As for me being the cornerstone of the family, I have heard that

before. When I'm down the kids pitch in more and fight less but the

house goes to pot and nothing gets done. My hubby, when well, puts in

80-90 hours a week so while I do see him at night i still feel like I

am a single parent taking care of the house, kids and bills.

Thanks for the prayers and good vibrations. REALLY. i made a list

this morning of all the 'stuff' that is going on and separated them

into what i can affect and the things that i have no control over. I

plan on looking at that list when i get tightened up to remind myself

that there is very little that i can take care of. That has helped

this morning. That idea of the list came to me when my alarm woke me

up. i think somebodys prayers are getting through!

Venting and asking for help does help and it is helping here. I have

two friends with pysch backgrounds that I sometimes talk with but I

didn't want to burden them with all this. perhaps it is time to bury

my pride and talk a little more.

Thanks folks! This group is helping, more than you know.

Dalanne

[Guest guest]

Wow, Dalanne - you certainly have a lot on your plate! First and

foremost are my heartfelt condolences to you and hubby on the loss of

your friend. That in and of itself would be enough to send me into a

flare! Hubby's heart issues are scary - please don't delay. The heart

is a muscle and can only take so much. As far as his job goes, you

can't stress over that which hasn't happened yet. Federal law

requires employers to offer 18 months of COBRA insurance - I know its

expensive, but better than no coverage as a lapse in coverage could

make for uninsurability with your health issues. Can you cover the

family with insurance from your job IF his ends? Prepare for the

worst, be grateful for the best and turn it over to God. He will give

you the strength to get through this. Meditation is a good way for

you to relieve your HBP, but see a doctor if it continues as that

places a strain on the vessels of the body - especially the heart.

Congratulations on being a woman driving a dump truck!! How cool!

Although I should know that in this day and age that its not so

uncommon, but I still think its cool. As for the truck itself - do

you have one of those special seats that are supposed to cushion the

bumps or can the township help you out by purchasing one? I've heard

of tractor trailer drivers using that kind of thing all the time.

Just because you have three kids aged 14, 11 and 7 doesn't

automatically mean that its expected for them to be at each others'

throats all the time. Perhaps Super Nanny? *lol* Yank 'em up by their

chains and let them know enough is enough! Not literally, of course.

There has to be a reward/consequence in place for this kind of

behavior. Now would be a great time to teach conflict resolution.

They don't need to be adding to the stresses with petty arguements.

Perhaps you could give up the German college class and focus on

this " home stuff " . Things won't get better by themselves.

I hope this all didn't sound too harsh. Aside from the dump truck and

your hubby's heart issues, I've been there/done/bought the T-shirt.

We have no health insurance - I am uninsurable. Thank God I only have

1 of the 5 heathens still left at home; my hubby is self employed,

the only income and a constant worry if there will be enough to keep

him busy with enough money coming in to make ends meet. Address one

issue at a time. Change what you can, turn the rest over to God. Keep

us posted, Dalanne. We really do care........Doreen

>

> My name is Dalanne. Last time I forgot to put my name in it.

> Realizing that this will look like a major whine I am listing my

> major stress issues to see if anyone has any better ideas to help

me

> get my blood pressure down or to help me let go of some of this

> stress. Here goes...

>

> I drive a dump truck for a local township. I am really taking a

> beating driving these rough country roads. At days end I feel like

> somebody has taken a sledgehammer to me. I hurt so bad at night. I

> have a CDL so I can't take my oxycontin 20mgs- I would be driving

> illegally. I have nothing else that helps with the pain at night.

>

> Then a friend of ours was killed in a car crash a week ago. My

> husband isn't taking it well at all. They grew up next door to each

> other. He has a " defect of the central nervous system " that causes

> his heart to get a shot of adrenaline without warning which

exhausts

> him and his heart beats so so hard and irregular. Stress will

trigger

> it and he was home all day today with his heart acting up all day.

> The jerk won't go to the Dr or the emergency room. If it is still

> doing this tomorrow morning he will call our Dr. and go in there.

He

> isn't happy but he promised me and at least he keeps his

promises...

> He is sleeping and I've checked on him about every 3 hours and he's

> still breathing. Gah....I dearly love the big jerk but jeez...

>

> We have three kids that are at each other's throats- a 14 yr girl,

11

> yr boy and 7 yr girl. Enough said there. :0

>

> Two days ago my husband realized he may well face losing his job in

> the next 4 months which would leave us with no health insurance, no

> income, etc....

>

> On the 19th I went for my 3rd Orencia infusion, which does seem to

be

> helpingt, and my few issues here minus the death had caused my

blood

> pressure to register at 138 over 102. I'm guessing from the nurses

> reaction that it was a bit high. Now with the death added in and my

> hubbys heart I hate to see what it is. My ears have probably

doubled

> in size.... or my head may well pop off in my sleep.

>

> I know that all this stress is NOT helping my RA. I've been telling

> myself that I can't worry about things that I have no control over.

> That has helped a bit. I zone out to relax my breathing, try to get

> plenty of sleep, exercise isn't helping as it makes me more tight,

> I've even tried crying myself to sleep as crying sometimes lets my

> tension out but it hasn't worked this time.

>

> What else can I do? I just don't know. I started a " fun " personal

> enrichment college class to escape " home stuff " - German language 1-

> but my brain hurts so much that I can't concentrate. I know that

> sounds dumb but it is a fog that just won't let me gather my wits

to

> study and remember!

>

> I'm lost. I have no control over whether my truck or it's load is

> going to cause me physical problems. The death is something that I

> can only cry over. The kids are an ongoing issue but at least the

> teenager is helping me with the house when she gets home from

school.

> That is a major blessing!

>

> I know that so many men and women have problems that are far worse

> than mine but my techniques to relieve stress/tension simply are

not

> working anymore. I am so overloaded mentally that I feel lost here.

> I'm sorry this was such a long post but things had been going so

> incredibly well before last week. My but how fortunes change.

>

[Guest guest]

Dalanne,

Having a good night sleep does help so much. I'm glad your hubby is

going to the doctor, that is good news. Please, keep us posted on how

how it goes. Will keep you, and your family in my prayers. Try to

pamper yourself, Tawny

[Guest guest]

My hubby went to the Dr. yesterday. They were unable to get the

erratic rhythym recorded but he goes to have a Holt monitor (portable

ekg i think) put on Tuesday morning. It will record for 7 days so I

feel good that it will catch an event. The Dr. also gave him serious

pain pills to get him thru till Wednesday when I take him to see his

pain mgmt Dr. and he actually slept last night for a change.

Last night I sat the kids down and had a heart to heart talk and

fielded questions from them. It was an eye opener for them as Daddy

and I are usually rather private with our health problems. We

discussed their fighting and whining and they talked to each other

about their issues. I think change for the good is in the air

regarding the older kids' attitudes. We are going to have sit-downs

on Tuesday nights from now on so they can air problems.

I only work part time- as needed- during the summer when we seal

roads with tar/rock chips. I will NOT push snow in winter! I

have " significant damage " from the RA in my hands/wrists. My orencia

IS helping....I realized that none of my other joints are hurting to

the degree that they had been. My hands are another story. It's

really hard to hold the steering wheel. The truck does have an air-

ride seat which is nice and an Air-gate. That allows me to open the

tailgate by pulling up on a handle and to close all i have to do is

push that handle back down.

My blood pressure is still up but it is finally in the 'normal'

range. I sorted out my brain and got my thinking back on track. I

know that my current flare seems to be at the end but i want to reach

my 'happy place'. I want to know that the next flare i have won't be

triggered by me.

Thanks to all who put me and our situation on their prayer list. I

want you to know that it is working. Warm hugs to all!

[Guest guest]

I am so happy to hear that things are a little better. I think it is

wise to let the kids in on what is going on. They may actually have

some positive input.

I will continue to pray for you hubby and you.

Hugs,

Shirley

>

> My hubby went to the Dr. yesterday. They were unable to get the

> erratic rhythym recorded but he goes to have a Holt monitor

(portable

> ekg i think) put on Tuesday morning. It will record for 7 days so

I

> feel good that it will catch an event. The Dr. also gave him

serious

> pain pills to get him thru till Wednesday when I take him to see

his

> pain mgmt Dr. and he actually slept last night for a change.

>

> Last night I sat the kids down and had a heart to heart talk and

> fielded questions from them. It was an eye opener for them as

Daddy

> and I are usually rather private with our health problems. We

> discussed their fighting and whining and they talked to each other

> about their issues. I think change for the good is in the air

> regarding the older kids' attitudes. We are going to have sit-

downs

> on Tuesday nights from now on so they can air problems.

>

> I only work part time- as needed- during the summer when we seal

> roads with tar/rock chips. I will NOT push snow in winter! I

> have " significant damage " from the RA in my hands/wrists. My

orencia

> IS helping....I realized that none of my other joints are hurting

to

> the degree that they had been. My hands are another story. It's

> really hard to hold the steering wheel. The truck does have an air-

> ride seat which is nice and an Air-gate. That allows me to open

the

> tailgate by pulling up on a handle and to close all i have to do

is

> push that handle back down.

>

> My blood pressure is still up but it is finally in the 'normal'

> range. I sorted out my brain and got my thinking back on track. I

> know that my current flare seems to be at the end but i want to

reach

> my 'happy place'. I want to know that the next flare i have won't

be

> triggered by me.

>

> Thanks to all who put me and our situation on their prayer list. I

> want you to know that it is working. Warm hugs to all!

>

[Guest guest]

I am so happy to hear of all the positive steps you have taken since

your original post. Holler anytime. We're all here to support each

other........Doreen

>

> My hubby went to the Dr. yesterday. They were unable to get the

> erratic rhythym recorded but he goes to have a Holt monitor

(portable

> ekg i think) put on Tuesday morning. It will record for 7 days so I

> feel good that it will catch an event. The Dr. also gave him

serious

> pain pills to get him thru till Wednesday when I take him to see

his

> pain mgmt Dr. and he actually slept last night for a change.

>

> Last night I sat the kids down and had a heart to heart talk and

> fielded questions from them. It was an eye opener for them as Daddy

> and I are usually rather private with our health problems. We

> discussed their fighting and whining and they talked to each other

> about their issues. I think change for the good is in the air

> regarding the older kids' attitudes. We are going to have sit-downs

> on Tuesday nights from now on so they can air problems.

>

> I only work part time- as needed- during the summer when we seal

> roads with tar/rock chips. I will NOT push snow in winter! I

> have " significant damage " from the RA in my hands/wrists. My

orencia

> IS helping....I realized that none of my other joints are hurting

to

> the degree that they had been. My hands are another story. It's

> really hard to hold the steering wheel. The truck does have an air-

> ride seat which is nice and an Air-gate. That allows me to open the

> tailgate by pulling up on a handle and to close all i have to do is

> push that handle back down.

>

> My blood pressure is still up but it is finally in the 'normal'

> range. I sorted out my brain and got my thinking back on track. I

> know that my current flare seems to be at the end but i want to

reach

> my 'happy place'. I want to know that the next flare i have won't

be

> triggered by me.

>

> Thanks to all who put me and our situation on their prayer list. I

> want you to know that it is working. Warm hugs to all!

>