Guest guest Posted January 12, 2004 Report Share Posted January 12, 2004 I wouldn't fret too much about it, you got your veggies in didn't ya! Next time I might just tell her, " No thanks, we just ate " or explain to her why you can't eat it. Hopefully she will understand if she knows it's not her cooking you don't like, just that you have something else you need to eat instead! You can always use the old standby, " I'm not feeling so well, I think I'll pass " and then sneak a protein bar when she's not looking! > When I was at my dad's last night my step mom was in the kitchen for > a few minutes & came out with 2 plates of food & handed them to DH & > me. Pork chops, stove top, veg-all cooked in butter & cheesy garlic > bread. She didn't ask us, she just handed it to us. We didn't want to > be rude so we ate. The meat & veg were both about a portion & the > carbs were about 1.5 potion. But the FAT! Yikes. She made the stove > top & then put it in a cassarole dish & cooked the pork on top in the > oven so that the fat from the chops drained into the stove top. We > only ate 5 meals anyway so maybe if I added the # they would be ok. > > Dani W. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2008 Report Share Posted August 24, 2008 Hi all: My ISPs webmail is still running really slow, so I'm sorry I haven't been able to get back to each one of you who have so thoughtfully answered my questions. I will, just give me time. Now, I don't know if this is a question, a vent, a ramble or what. If you have comments, feel free to give them... I have a friend, a good friend that I've had for twenty years or thereabouts. This friend is also a friend of Rod's through me, of course. She is considerably older than me, and even a bit older than Rod who is fifteen years my senior. She has been quite ill for some time. Among her complaints are asthma, COPD, " chronic intractable pain of know known cause " chronic celulitis, an ulcer, memory impairments, glaucoma, and the list goes on... Right now, she is living in a not-so-great board and care home in California. At a time in the long distant past, Rod and I had discussed with her bringing her to TX and letting her live with us so that we could take care of her. Her doctors recommended that she go into a home when she was having trouble remembering which medicaitons to take when, was constantly getting lost in familiar areas, and was forgetting to feed her guide dog. Her memory problems have since stabilized, she doesn't have the dog anymore, (she gave him up because she didn't feel it was fair to keep him if she couldn't care for him properly), and she's doing ok in this home except for one thing... She hates it. She's on medi-cal/medicare and SSDI, and the home isn't the best. The caregiver isn't abusive, but she is far from nice. The other people in the home are rude and not exactly easy to live with. Rod and I had talked about letting her come to live with us... She is our friend, after all, and that's what you do -- you help your friends. With my burns, and one thing and another, things kept getting put off. We kept asking for more time, and she kept saying, " Ok, I understand. " We were talking on the telephone tonight and she made a comment like she does every now and again, " When I get to TX... " It was then that I realized something. I realized that it wouldn't work. I can barely take care of myself, and I work three jobs! Rod has AI diseases plus a bad back, and he is my full-time 24-7, live-in caregiver, and he also works three jobs! I have already been thinking about giving up park rangering, as I just don't feel I can continue to be consistently in the backcountry, away from medical care, and it's getting harder and harder on me anyway... I'm thinking there's no way... No way I'll be able to do it. No way Rod will be able to do it. I'm afraid it would strain are already tenuous financial situation. My medical expenses, *with insurance*, are already in the neighborhood of $7000 every month. This upsets me. I feel like I've gone back on my word. She was so looking forward to getting out of that situation, and I know, deep in my heart, that I'm not going to be able to make that happen. I asked Rod if we still couldn't try anyway. Rod says it's not fair to do that. It's not fair to uproot someone, bring them all the way across the country, try for a few months knowing it won't work out, and then have to shove them off on someone else. I argue that she has no family and we're the closest thing to family she has. Rod argues she's fine where she is. I know he's right... I know it won't work and we can't do it, and i know I'm going to have to tell her. I know it's going to break her heart. And it makes me incredibly, incredibly sad. I just don't know if I can find the words...the words to say " I'm sorry. " . It's not that I don't want to... It's that... I can't. Ok, well, thanks for reading... -- Dodge From acquaintances we conceal our real selves. To our friends we reveal our weaknesses. --Basil Hume Read my blog at: http://jumpthis.wordpress.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2008 Report Share Posted August 24, 2008 Hi, I'm and I pretty much just read the blogs and move on.... After reading your post I realize that you and Rod seem to have huge hearts and want desperately to help this lady....First consider the ramifications of moving her... What I mean is could she honestly tolerate any change in her climate environment....next could you find a facility that would take her on with the limitations of her " income " . You might be lucky in finding a place that could and would.... I don't know if you believe in God and/or the power of Prayer....but I know it works especially when prayers are prayed with an honest and fervent heart.....I've had plenty of answered prayers in my lifetime - most of which were not answered the way I either hoped or expected them to be..... You're right in not wanting to add to either you, Rod's or her misery....and it's sad that she doesn't have any family that you or she knows of that could help....especially in this day and age....but uprooting her without a plan and a backup plan would be a bad decision....However, if you were to find a local facility there in Texas that she could apply to and get into...it might prove a good thing for her ailing health....sometimes a change in climate is just what the " doctor " ordered.... My suggestion is this...Find out if there's anyone at all with any kind of medical power of attorney.. If not make a few inquiries as to what type of " contract " she may have with her current care facility, then make some local care facility inquiries....If she's not " locked in " and a local facility would be able & willing to take her on, then make sure she really does want to move before moving her..... As I'm sure you know sometimes it's easier to wish for a change than to really want it.... As for you - I don't know enough about RA, Fibro or any other types of arthritis as I'm not even sure if I've got any of them....all I know is I'm tired of always being tired, fatigued and feeling like I've got the flu all the time.....That's why I read the blogs..... My prayers are with you, Rod and your friend... Jules [ ] What do ya do? Hi all: My ISPs webmail is still running really slow, so I'm sorry I haven't been able to get back to each one of you who have so thoughtfully answered my questions. I will, just give me time. Now, I don't know if this is a question, a vent, a ramble or what. If you have comments, feel free to give them... I have a friend, a good friend that I've had for twenty years or thereabouts. This friend is also a friend of Rod's through me, of course. She is considerably older than me, and even a bit older than Rod who is fifteen years my senior. She has been quite ill for some time. Among her complaints are asthma, COPD, " chronic intractable pain of know known cause " chronic celulitis, an ulcer, memory impairments, glaucoma, and the list goes on... Right now, she is living in a not-so-great board and care home in California. At a time in the long distant past, Rod and I had discussed with her bringing her to TX and letting her live with us so that we could take care of her. Her doctors recommended that she go into a home when she was having trouble remembering which medicaitons to take when, was constantly getting lost in familiar areas, and was forgetting to feed her guide dog. Her memory problems have since stabilized, she doesn't have the dog anymore, (she gave him up because she didn't feel it was fair to keep him if she couldn't care for him properly), and she's doing ok in this home except for one thing... She hates it. She's on medi-cal/medicare and SSDI, and the home isn't the best. The caregiver isn't abusive, but she is far from nice. The other people in the home are rude and not exactly easy to live with. Rod and I had talked about letting her come to live with us... She is our friend, after all, and that's what you do -- you help your friends. With my burns, and one thing and another, things kept getting put off. We kept asking for more time, and she kept saying, " Ok, I understand. " We were talking on the telephone tonight and she made a comment like she does every now and again, " When I get to TX... " It was then that I realized something. I realized that it wouldn't work. I can barely take care of myself, and I work three jobs! Rod has AI diseases plus a bad back, and he is my full-time 24-7, live-in caregiver, and he also works three jobs! I have already been thinking about giving up park rangering, as I just don't feel I can continue to be consistently in the backcountry, away from medical care, and it's getting harder and harder on me anyway... I'm thinking there's no way... No way I'll be able to do it. No way Rod will be able to do it. I'm afraid it would strain are already tenuous financial situation. My medical expenses, *with insurance*, are already in the neighborhood of $7000 every month. This upsets me. I feel like I've gone back on my word. She was so looking forward to getting out of that situation, and I know, deep in my heart, that I'm not going to be able to make that happen. I asked Rod if we still couldn't try anyway. Rod says it's not fair to do that. It's not fair to uproot someone, bring them all the way across the country, try for a few months knowing it won't work out, and then have to shove them off on someone else. I argue that she has no family and we're the closest thing to family she has. Rod argues she's fine where she is. I know he's right... I know it won't work and we can't do it, and i know I'm going to have to tell her. I know it's going to break her heart. And it makes me incredibly, incredibly sad. I just don't know if I can find the words...the words to say " I'm sorry. " . It's not that I don't want to... It's that... I can't. Ok, well, thanks for reading... -- Dodge From acquaintances we conceal our real selves. To our friends we reveal our weaknesses. --Basil Hume Read my blog at: http://jumpthis. wordpress. com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 25, 2008 Report Share Posted August 25, 2008 {{{Dodge}}} I know this can't be easy for you. You have always come across as a man of your word and I can just imagine how torn up you are about all of this. All you can do is be honest with her. Let her know you and Rod love her, but due to the declining condition of your health since your burns, it wouldn't be fair to her to bring her to TX as you and Rod are not able to take care of her in the way she deserves. See where I'm going here? Word it all in " her best interest " . You're telling the truth, but letting her know that it wouldn't be fair to her. Her memory impairments could very well have stabilized in the home she is at and to uproot her at this point could set her back. The difficulties she speaks of with the staff could also have to do with a possible Alzheimers condition and things might actually be just fine there. Its best you both let her know soon. Don't let her hang her hopes any longer on something that is just physically impossible to do now. If her board and care home is really that bad, perhaps you and Rod could see about moving her to another home. Don't feel bad about having to go back on your word. Its not your fault. There are circumstances that are beyond your control. You know that if you were healthy, you would follow through on your word in a heartbeat. Just be kind, but firm when telling her and let it go at that. She may be upset, but my guess is her mental status is impaired and no matter what you did for her, there would be a complaint. My prayers are with you for God to guide your tongues when you talk to her. He will give you the right words to say. And follow it up with love. May God bless you in this difficult situation....Doreen > > Hi all: > > My ISPs webmail is still running really slow, so I'm sorry I haven't been able to get back to each one of you who have so thoughtfully answered my questions. I will, just give me time. > > Now, I don't know if this is a question, a vent, a ramble or what. If you have comments, feel free to give them... > > I have a friend, a good friend that I've had for twenty years or thereabouts. This friend is also a friend of Rod's through me, of course. She is considerably older than me, and even a bit older than Rod who is fifteen years my senior. She has been quite ill for some time. Among her complaints are asthma, COPD, " chronic intractable pain of know known cause " chronic celulitis, an ulcer, memory impairments, glaucoma, and the list goes on... > > Right now, she is living in a not-so-great board and care home in California. At a time in the long distant past, Rod and I had discussed with her bringing her to TX and letting her live with us so that we could take care of her. Her doctors recommended that she go into a home when she was having trouble remembering which medicaitons to take when, was constantly getting lost in familiar areas, and was forgetting to feed her guide dog. Her memory problems have since stabilized, she doesn't have the dog anymore, (she gave him up because she didn't feel it was fair to keep him if she couldn't care for him properly), and she's doing ok in this home except for one thing... She hates it. > > She's on medi-cal/medicare and SSDI, and the home isn't the best. The caregiver isn't abusive, but she is far from nice. The other people in the home are rude and not exactly easy to live with. Rod and I had talked about letting her come to live with us... She is our friend, after all, and that's what you do -- you help your friends. > > With my burns, and one thing and another, things kept getting put off. We kept asking for more time, and she kept saying, " Ok, I understand. " We were talking on the telephone tonight and she made a comment like she does every now and again, " When I get to TX... " > > It was then that I realized something. I realized that it wouldn't work. I can barely take care of myself, and I work three jobs! Rod has AI diseases plus a bad back, and he is my full-time 24-7, live-in caregiver, and he also works three jobs! I have already been thinking about giving up park rangering, as I just don't feel I can continue to be consistently in the backcountry, away from medical care, and it's getting harder and harder on me anyway... > > I'm thinking there's no way... No way I'll be able to do it. No way Rod will be able to do it. I'm afraid it would strain are already tenuous financial situation. My medical expenses, *with insurance*, are already in the neighborhood of $7000 every month. > > This upsets me. I feel like I've gone back on my word. She was so looking forward to getting out of that situation, and I know, deep in my heart, that I'm not going to be able to make that happen. I asked Rod if we still couldn't try anyway. Rod says it's not fair to do that. It's not fair to uproot someone, bring them all the way across the country, try for a few months knowing it won't work out, and then have to shove them off on someone else. I argue that she has no family and we're the closest thing to family she has. Rod argues she's fine where she is. > > I know he's right... I know it won't work and we can't do it, and i know I'm going to have to tell her. I know it's going to break her heart. And it makes me incredibly, incredibly sad. I just don't know if I can find the words...the words to say " I'm sorry. " . It's not that I don't want to... It's that... I can't. > > Ok, well, thanks for reading... > -- > Dodge > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 25, 2008 Report Share Posted August 25, 2008 Dear Dodge: First...You're in TX? Whereabouts? Second: Print out your post to us and mail it to her. Entitle it: How I let my big heart and big mouth override my brain and common sense. It is my theory b/c we suffer as we do we become more empathetic to others and we want to help MORE b/c we actually do know what others are going thru. sort of a misery loves company thing. But the LAST thing you and ROD needs is one more person, place or thing to care for. Personally I can't imagine someone thinking you could take on any more responsibility. She's a big girl. She'll get over it. I don't understand (OK OK I do, it's a guy thing) why you're still working at all. To my way of thinking you should have applied for SSDI long ago and devoted all your strength and energy to caring for yourself and your partner. You can still work a limited amount of time on SSDI. You can still earn a limited amount of $$ on SSDI. You should listen up here kid. When I was finally diagnosed at 17 after eight years of misery and mystery I went straight into denial. Abused prednisone and painkillers for years. Did more damage than the disease itself. Slow down and plant that garden. Good Luck, Shauna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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