Feeling down

[Guest guest]

Good morning, Roseanne......

>>>>>>>>> " I am a christian so I understand your scripture direction

but I as well as

my church have a very different view on biblical marriage. In our

religious

beliefs, both husband and wife support, love, and honor each

other. " <<<<<<<<<<<<<

First, I say AMEN to your quote above!!!!!!!! When I read the reply

to you yesterday. I was too upset to answer...It really disgusted me.

You were courageous enough to share your feelings, and in my book,

feelings are NOT to to be judged....only accepted.

We have NOT walked in your shoes, and can't possibly have

understanding of all both you and your hubby are experiencing. You

did the right thing by trying to share your feelings....that, at

times, can help us sort out the pros and cons.

If at anytime, you would like to e-mail me personally....PLEASE do

so. We are here for you, and do care!!!!!

Love, Barb

[Guest guest]

Good morning, Roseanne......

I posted this before and lost it...If it went to you in e-mail, I am

so sorry...didn't intend for that to happen as I know you requested

no e-mails....

>>>>>>>> " I am a christian so I understand your scripture direction

but I as well as

my church have a very different view on biblical marriage. In our

religious

beliefs, both husband and wife support, love, and honor each

other. " <<<<<<<<<

First, I want to say " AMEN " to your quote.

I am so sorry you had to receive that very negative post. When I

read it yesterday, I was so upset, I couldn't respond...It disgusted

me!!!!

It was very courageous on your part to share your feelings. I

have always been taught that feelings are NOT to be judged....just

accepted.

No one has the right to judge you or your hubby....we have not

walked in your shoes.....

Please know, we are here for you and do care. If you want to e-mail

me, please do so.

Love, Barb

[Guest guest]

Dear Roseanne

Please don't feel you made a mistake in coming to the group to seek

comfort and sensible advice with your present difficulties. There

will always be a male chauvinist out there who can't abide a woman

who so much as dares to criticise her husband's treatment of

her....no matter how bad and unjustifiable it is. There will always

be one who leaps to his defence and attempts to put all the blame

for his bad behaviour on to the woman. It is a sign of insecurity.

Your situation reminds me of one that I had to put up with from my

ex husband. When we were going through the break up of our marriage

I would wait until the children were in their rooms at night before

trying to calmly and rationally discuss our problems (namely, his

mid life crisis resulting in his affair with a younger woman). He

would quietly push my buttons by saying the cruelest of things until

I could stand it no longer and launch an attack on him. Hey presto!

the kids would hear the commotion, come running into the room and

see mum in full flight, and round up on me for attacking their poor

father. He even had the audacity to admit to me that he did it on

purpose so that he could sit there looking the innocent victim.

He was always careful never to hit me as that would leave a mark,

instead he would wait until I was deeply upset and sobbing and then

while I was in this highly emotional, he would come behind me and

place his hand over my nose and mouth to suffocate me. As you can

imagine, my lungs were empty to begin with because I was sobbing and

several times I nearly passed out. What a control freak! Basically

he was a coward and his idea of ultimate control was to take my

breath away....simple as that!

He accused me of being too strong for him and said that he wished

he'd married a 'timid librarian'. The truth is, he was too weak to

accept a strong woman. He was obviously very insecure in himself

otherwise he wouldn't have felt so threatened. In the end I threw

him out and am happy to report that today I am even stronger than I

was before. In retrospect, he did me a favour. What's the best

form of revenge a woman can have on her husband's mistress?...let

her keep him! LOL

On a more serious note: I sincerely hope that you manage to sort out

your difficulties. But please don't let one ignorant person in the

group make you feel you can't come here for help and support from

your friends.

Take care

Lindy

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

I have been following your thread Roseanne. You will survive this challenge,

because you want to!

As for that pre-historic garbage that Geoff sent you.....please don't let it

get you down. It was nonsense.

Anyone, in this day and age, who thinks that a successful and happy marriage

operates in the way Geoff has outlined, has their head in a time warp.

You have every right to be upset about losing your health insurance. It is a

huge financial obligation and a very necessary need to keep you stable and

well.

It sounds like your husband needs to see a councillor alone, and the two of

you need to see a marriage councillor. There seems to be allot of anger on

both sides, and this anger will need to be addressed before you can move

forward.

I wish you much strength and resolve to deal with your marriage problems.

And please don't let Geoff's message get you down. You have our support.

Kim

[Guest guest]

Hi Barb. We are very much alike in our desire to keep our independence,

and we do things we really

shouldn't do in order to try keeping our independence. Asking for help

is the last thing I do, only after

I can't find a way to do it myself. I don't know if it is a fault of

mine or if it's a good thing. The times I've

hurt myself have made me stop and think how foolish I am. But I've been

independent since I was a young

girl and there really isn't any changing my personality.

Accepting our limitations to protect our health, yet not becoming

dependent is a balancing act.

We have to learn to do what we can do and graciously enjoy what others

are willing to do.

If we hurt ourselves more, it only means that we could loose yet

another piece of our independence.

You have a very wise daughter.

a

On Aug 8, 2005, at 7:41 AM, Barb wrote:

> I don't write much but this time my daughter knew that I needed to talk

> to someone that probably goes through the same feelings as I am.

>

> Am I the only one that gets so frustrated about not being able to do

> things around the house. I've had over a dozen surgeries because of my

> RA. I am severely limited to what I can do because even though I had

> knuckle replacements on both hands, limited fusion on both hands then

> a

> total fusion on one hand. That doesn't even count the knee and ankle

> surgeries I've had. My family doesn't think I know my own limitations

> just because a few times I over did things.  My problem, so I have

> been

> told is that I don't ask for help enough. I find it hard to ask for

> help because I feel I am losing my independance, but my family doesn't

> understand that.  My daughter who was diagnosed with Lupus in January

> told me that this group would tell me frankly and to the point what to

> do and where to go for help. I am 51 and have had Severe RA for 33

> years. My daughter Kris (kukukris82@...) got some needed answers

> from the group so I am hoping for the same.   Barb in Illinois

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Barb,

This is a great place to come for support,friendship, and

information. We all go through the same thing, and its so nice to

talk to others that understand. Were always here, Tawny

> I don't write much but this time my daughter knew that I needed to

talk

> to someone that probably goes through the same feelings as I am.

>

> Am I the only one that gets so frustrated about not being able to

do

> things around the house. I've had over a dozen surgeries because of

my

> RA. I am severely limited to what I can do because even though I

had

> knuckle replacements on both hands, limited fusion on both hands

then a

> total fusion on one hand. That doesn't even count the knee and

ankle

> surgeries I've had. My family doesn't think I know my own

limitations

> just because a few times I over did things. My problem, so I have

been

> told is that I don't ask for help enough. I find it hard to ask for

> help because I feel I am losing my independance, but my family

doesn't

> understand that. My daughter who was diagnosed with Lupus in

January

> told me that this group would tell me frankly and to the point what

to

> do and where to go for help. I am 51 and have had Severe RA for 33

> years. My daughter Kris (kukukris82@y...) got some needed answers

> from the group so I am hoping for the same. Barb in Illinois

[Guest guest]

Barb, I have had the same problem. I don't give myself to the

limitations. I just want to keep doing and keep going just like I did

before the RA. Sometimes I just break down and cry and just avoid

people all together. Your daughter was right, coming here will help

you. This is a great group to get support from. 33 years is a long

time to have gone through this. Don't feel that you are weak because

you need help at times. It's just being realistic. Do what you can

and do no more. You don't want to put yourself into a flare. Anytime

you need to talk or vent, please feel free to write on this site or

email me privately if you prefer. We are all here for each other. We

are like each others life lines. We can be that for you as

well.......Marina

[Guest guest]

What I want to add, is our daughter wants to be around, and

near other kids, but when she has had her fill, she will go off and do

something on her own.

Regina

[Guest guest]

and that's OK, right? That's the balance I " m trying to find with Owen - that he needs to be with others someo f the time, and when he's had enough to recognize that and do something quietly for a little while. But not to just isolate himself 100 % of the time.

On 7/18/08, genasu <genasu@...> wrote:

What I want to add, is our daughter wants to be around, and near other kids, but when she has had her fill, she will go off and do something on her own.

Regina

[Guest guest]

On Mar 16, 5:11pm, genasu wrote:

}

} What I want to add, is our daughter wants to be around, and near other kids=

} , but when she has had her fill, she will go off and do something on her ow=

} n.

Bam is like this too, and it does make it harder to maintain a

friendship, I think. They come over to play and he doesn't play.

I wouldn't mind any of this if he was truly just asocial, but

he actually is very social. He just prefers his dad and me, I think

because we know how to play just how he likes and he can control

things.

Willa

[Guest guest]

Sorry....I would be having a pity party too. Not right that you have to

suffer with the r.a but can't find something that will work for you.

How long do you have to be in the hospital?

How long did you try the enbrel?

That's hard to work and try to cope with r/a and the sides, medications. and

then to add insult to injury a huge hospital bill. Do you have any

insurance? Try to speak to a hospital advocate...maybe they can help with this

bill

after your stay is over with.

Hope you can get some help with another med.

Hugs..a

Still trying to come to terms with having to stay in the hospital after

a bad reaction to my second remicade. Tried Humira, made my eyelids

swell. Enbrel did nothing.  Can't try Orencia because of copd.  My body

will only allow 7.5 mg of metho. anymore than that I get mouth sores. 

I never post but I'm still trying to work full-time & I'm just really

tired, the bill for the hospital was over $10,000.

Sorry for the pity party.

**************

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[Guest guest]

My son too has a bad habit of poking you on the arm to get your attention...but he has basically grown out of it. I kept working on him to stop and telling him how "annoying"it was and how would he like it if I constantly did it to him.....he never realized he was doing it.

And, looking back now, I realized that when he was in 1st grade our neighbor boy complained to his father that my son kept hitting him....so his seat was moved. My son was told to keep his hands to himself....but what he was doing was the poking thing...he just wanted his attention...it was his way of getting your full attention ...especially when he was excited about something and wanted to show you.

There is hope...my son rarely does it now.....but it took a while...and he use to flap his arm/hands when he was really excited or he would wring his hands ....i use to think it was "cute". And, you always knew when he was Excited...it was mainly done when he was playing video games or watching an exciting movie.

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: <@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Feeling Down Date: Thursday, April 23, 2009, 10:50 PM

Hi, my son used to walk up to others and sort of punch them on the arm, etc. Got on others' nerves after a while, that he always did that. One kid was feeling like he would maybe punch if he did it "one more time." He was just getting tired of it. So I heard about it. And I talked to about it, more than once. It was something he had to work on NOT doing, trying to remind himself not to do it, etc. Oh, he didn't quit right away, it took time for it to become "habit" not to. So your son can pick one or two impulses he has and wishes he would stop and try to work on it/them. We all (parents too) have some habits, impulses, etc., we try to change at times in our lives. That's normal! Sigh, growing up is so hard! >> We had a bad time last night. My DS went to Boy Scouts and because he always wants to first hit in the back another kid. The kid turned around and started punshing him. I was not there so I am just going by what he said to me when I went looking for him and he came out of a dark room. I knew something was up.> > My son went into a full meltdown on why he cannot control his impulses, why he has to touch others and hit. That he cannot controlled himself; he does not deserve friends; he is bad and he