Guest guest Posted August 13, 2002 Report Share Posted August 13, 2002 Sometimes, we don't have a choice at the time. How are you feeling today? Better I hope! in MI DD 4/91 DD 6/94 TL 6/94 TR 4/02 EDD 3/03 feeling guilty Today about 2 pm I started to have chest pain. BAD Now I have asthma but I wasn't having trouble breathing so I didn't think it was that But I took my inhaler anyway. Well about 6 I couldnt take the pain anymore, I called my Dr who was concerned about Bloodclots since we had just drove so far??? ok whatever don't get it but OK I went to the ER. The kids were out side when I left and Rissa asked to go. I said OK well After we sat in the waiting room of the ER for 3 hours They called me back. I said Now I hurt way more, I feel weak and I can't really breathe. Within 30 mins they Took blood, gave me a double breathing treatment, Put me on O2, Did Chest xrays, was given morphine and had EKG, I was also hooked up to a Heart monitor and had a cat scan. Clarissa was flipping out. Ricks mom (DH) Died of a blood clot and I never knew Clarissa knew that. She heard them say that was suspected and see all the running and paniced. What was I suppose to do I was not all there because of the morphine, I had her call Rick who got a ride and came to stay with me and the ride (his sister in law) to take Clarissa home But I telll you I felt helpless, She kept rubbing my head and telling me it was ok and asking if I was ok. I told her I was ok but cold she told the Dr I needed a blanket. Then I thought this is not her job It reminded me of the movie riding in cars with boys. How sometimes we put our kids in situations where they feel they need to take care of us. I cried all the way home because I had done this to Clarissa. I really thought it be a chest xray and out the door. What if she doesnt forget this. Follow all your Dreams no matter how Big or How small..........~~ http://e-mailpaysu.com/members/index.cgi?raspcrush ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---- Upgrade Outlook® - Add COLOR to your Emails Outlook® is a registered trademark of Microsoft Corporation Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Hi Gos1, It's easier said than done to give ourselves a break. But I think one of the terrible things that some of us KO's have to accept about our nadas (at least I have had to) is that they will be a burden as long as they are alive. Recognizing this does not make you a sick person, but in fact more of a healthy one. You are not having disturbed homicidal fantasies, you are accepting that this is a difficult situation and that due to the poor financial and other choices your nada makes, it is not likely to improve. As for the friends and imagined neighbors...tough for them, you need to decide what will keep you sane. They may have had a different relationship with their mothers, but I am assuming that your relationship with your nada held nothing positive for you. As my therapist put it, " you never really had a mother at all " - my nada never touched me, cuddled me, fed me, dressed me, bathed me...thoughts of her involve absolutely none of the nurturing most people associate with mothers. With my close friends, I feel free to explain this and a little bit about BPD. With strangers or acquaintances, just try to have a few polite, sincere but designed-to-end-conversation comebacks in your back pocket - " I'm glad you had such a good relationship with your mother, but not all mother-daughter relationships are like that " . These can run to the sharper " Really? What makes think I should do that? " response. I think that in " surviving the borderline parent " there is a list of excellent responses along these lines. A skill that I've really had to learn as an adult (since it was forbidden in my household) is to make people realize that you're unhappy with them or their comments without being uncivil. You have no obligation to let other people make you feel guilty, intentionally or not. And, well-intentioned or not, this whole " oh, you'll wish you'd done XYZ because otherwise you'll feel so bad later on " is exactly the sort of manipulation my nada used on me - could that be another reason it gets to you? Good luck! Sara > > Hello, > > I am a " return customer " to this group. I realized that my mother had > BPD a couple of years ago, but thought that she could get help. Long > story short, after an episode of serious abuse, I dropped out of her > life (except for the special dates like weddings, etc). > > I thought that me leaving might " wake her up " to the fact that she > needed help. It did not, of course. Then my dad left her after 46 > years of marriage and is filing for divorce. I thought that might > work, but nope again. Now she is turning on my sister and my niece > and nephew with her random rage/being nice/helpless. It is only a > matter of time before they refuse to see her as well. > > I feel guilty because she is now an old woman, on her own, in need of > the usual help older people need. It is all falling on my older > sister to help my mom as best she can. ( I live out of state) > > My parent's divorce is going to cause financial issues and the result > is not good for either parent. My mother, especially, is making such > poor choices with her money that she will be broke in a couple of > years. > > I feel guilty because I keep on thinking, " The only way this > situation is going to get better is when my mom passes away. " How > sick is that to think that way, AND the sad thing is, when she does > die one day, I don't think I will feel badly at all. I think I will > be relieved that she is gone and we can live without her mean > spirited nature. > > The intellectual part of me understands it's a disease. The part of > me who has gone to therapy over the years understands that I need > to " save myself and keep my distance " to avoid more pain. The adult > in me realizes that somewhere in my home state, there is a neighbor, > thinking, " Poor ____ (insert my mom's name)... her no good daughters > never come around. " AND I am of that age where my friends have lost > their mothers and they constantly say, " You know, you need to spend > time with your mother when you can. One day she'll be gone and you'll > wish you had more time. " I feel like such an evil witch when all I > can think is, " No, I really won't feel badly at all. " > > Any advice on how to deal with these feelings or the house of cards > that will be coming down as my dad continues with this divorce? > > Thanks > > Gos1 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 I totally understand your feelings of guilt because your situation is so similar to where Sister and I are at. We have an elderly, widowed nada in declining health who is nevertheless still abusive. Sister lives near nada and volunteered to be nada's caretaker until Sister couldn't take the abuse anymore. I live far away. Nada is milking the poor, defenseless, elderly waif for all its worth as we continue no contact with her until she goes through some therapy and gains enough personal insight to apologize for at least the most recent abuses. I am certain that extended family members, neighbors, and church friends are all being regaled with nada-as-victim stories. Sister and I are the villians, of course. Sister has told me repeatedly that our nada is such an unhappy, miserable, hateful person who seems to enjoy inflicting abuse on other people (well, her daughters) that it will be a relief when she finally passes away. Sister felt so horrible for thinking that, but I reassured her that it is normal to wish for something that is hurting you to go away, to wish for the pain to stop. I said I felt the same way: that maybe our nada will be happier in the next life, and that I did not blame Sister for abandoning nada at all. I said our nada needs to learn, even at this late stage in her life, that she can't treat us like garbage and get away with it any longer, that as middle-aged adults we ought not allow it anymore. When we were pressured by a relative to just " make up " with nada, Sister and I let this relative have it with both barrels: we simply told the truth. Somehow, our whole lives had been about pretending that nada was fine and normal and happy and that we were fine, when we most definitely were not. So, now, we are telling the truth about the physical abuse we suffered as children and teens, and the ongoing, lifelong emotional abuse we've endured, and nada's occasional breaks with reality, her bizarre behaviors and accusations, and its shocking to our relatives because our nada has always been fairly high-functioning in public and at family gatherings. I'm not so sure that bpds can be " helped. " I think the " Cluster B " personality disorders have an empty hole where normal human empathy is supposed to be in their hearts (well, brains) and that this organic defect makes them feel like nobody ever gives them anything, and it makes them insanely angry, mean, jealous, hateful, and selfish, or cold and rejecting, or whiny and helpless. Or all of the above. And I know it makes *me* sound heartless, but at this point I just don't care if its something the bpd can't help: they are a danger to children. They are too freaking sick to be around children, let alone raise them, and its WRONG to expose defenseless children to that kind of danger, for pete's sake! It's like saying, " Oh, the poor rabid dog, it can't help being sick, lets be nice to it and try to help it. Go pet the doggy, honey. " Gah!!! It makes my blood boil!! (Or even worse: tossing the little child AT the rabid dog so the child will be savaged to death while the adult escapes! That is what seems to have happened to a lot of members of this Group: tossed to the rabid dog, or into the volcano, to save the other parent. Pure cowardice... so sickening.) Yes, it is a tragedy that the poor dog has rabies. It didn't give itself rabies. Its suffering and its not fair, but still you have to act in a sane manner and protect yourself AND helpless children from the rabid dog because IT WILL KILL YOU IF YOU LET IT! That's my rant for the day! Thanks, -Annie > > Hello, > > I am a " return customer " to this group. I realized that my mother had > BPD a couple of years ago, but thought that she could get help. Long > story short, after an episode of serious abuse, I dropped out of her > life (except for the special dates like weddings, etc). > > I thought that me leaving might " wake her up " to the fact that she > needed help. It did not, of course. Then my dad left her after 46 > years of marriage and is filing for divorce. I thought that might > work, but nope again. Now she is turning on my sister and my niece > and nephew with her random rage/being nice/helpless. It is only a > matter of time before they refuse to see her as well. > > I feel guilty because she is now an old woman, on her own, in need of > the usual help older people need. It is all falling on my older > sister to help my mom as best she can. ( I live out of state) > > My parent's divorce is going to cause financial issues and the result > is not good for either parent. My mother, especially, is making such > poor choices with her money that she will be broke in a couple of > years. > > I feel guilty because I keep on thinking, " The only way this > situation is going to get better is when my mom passes away. " How > sick is that to think that way, AND the sad thing is, when she does > die one day, I don't think I will feel badly at all. I think I will > be relieved that she is gone and we can live without her mean > spirited nature. > > The intellectual part of me understands it's a disease. The part of > me who has gone to therapy over the years understands that I need > to " save myself and keep my distance " to avoid more pain. The adult > in me realizes that somewhere in my home state, there is a neighbor, > thinking, " Poor ____ (insert my mom's name)... her no good daughters > never come around. " AND I am of that age where my friends have lost > their mothers and they constantly say, " You know, you need to spend > time with your mother when you can. One day she'll be gone and you'll > wish you had more time. " I feel like such an evil witch when all I > can think is, " No, I really won't feel badly at all. " > > Any advice on how to deal with these feelings or the house of cards > that will be coming down as my dad continues with this divorce? > > Thanks > > Gos1 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Hi, sorry, GOS1, I should have written " misplaced " feelings of guilt! Neither of us should feel guilty! -Annie > > > > Hello, > > > > I am a " return customer " to this group. I realized that my mother had > > BPD a couple of years ago, but thought that she could get help. Long > > story short, after an episode of serious abuse, I dropped out of her > > life (except for the special dates like weddings, etc). > > > > I thought that me leaving might " wake her up " to the fact that she > > needed help. It did not, of course. Then my dad left her after 46 > > years of marriage and is filing for divorce. I thought that might > > work, but nope again. Now she is turning on my sister and my niece > > and nephew with her random rage/being nice/helpless. It is only a > > matter of time before they refuse to see her as well. > > > > I feel guilty because she is now an old woman, on her own, in need of > > the usual help older people need. It is all falling on my older > > sister to help my mom as best she can. ( I live out of state) > > > > My parent's divorce is going to cause financial issues and the result > > is not good for either parent. My mother, especially, is making such > > poor choices with her money that she will be broke in a couple of > > years. > > > > I feel guilty because I keep on thinking, " The only way this > > situation is going to get better is when my mom passes away. " How > > sick is that to think that way, AND the sad thing is, when she does > > die one day, I don't think I will feel badly at all. I think I will > > be relieved that she is gone and we can live without her mean > > spirited nature. > > > > The intellectual part of me understands it's a disease. The part of > > me who has gone to therapy over the years understands that I need > > to " save myself and keep my distance " to avoid more pain. The adult > > in me realizes that somewhere in my home state, there is a neighbor, > > thinking, " Poor ____ (insert my mom's name)... her no good daughters > > never come around. " AND I am of that age where my friends have lost > > their mothers and they constantly say, " You know, you need to spend > > time with your mother when you can. One day she'll be gone and you'll > > wish you had more time. " I feel like such an evil witch when all I > > can think is, " No, I really won't feel badly at all. " > > > > Any advice on how to deal with these feelings or the house of cards > > that will be coming down as my dad continues with this divorce? > > > > Thanks > > > > Gos1 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Dear Annie, I can't thank you enough for that sick, yet accurate image of the rabid dog. You have managed to do in one e mail what I have failed to do in 40 years... put into words how I felt as a child when my dad would say, " Go make up with your mother... you know she can't help herself... she was abused as a child... had a terrible mother.. blah blah blah... " I DID feel like someone thrown into harm's way. I do struggle with the " It's a sickness so she should be cared for, not ignored, but rabies is a sickness too but I'd never go pet the poor dog, AS MUCH AS I LOVE DOGS. That's the best part of that analogy. I am going to PA tomorrow and will visit my sister, the kids and most likely have to see my mother for a bit. Your e mail really gives me food for thought on my drive up there. Thank you so much! AMG ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 3:22:22 PM Subject: Re: Feeling guilty Hi, sorry, GOS1, I should have written " misplaced " feelings of guilt! Neither of us should feel guilty! -Annie > > > > Hello, > > > > I am a " return customer " to this group. I realized that my mother had > > BPD a couple of years ago, but thought that she could get help. Long > > story short, after an episode of serious abuse, I dropped out of her > > life (except for the special dates like weddings, etc). > > > > I thought that me leaving might " wake her up " to the fact that she > > needed help. It did not, of course. Then my dad left her after 46 > > years of marriage and is filing for divorce. I thought that might > > work, but nope again. Now she is turning on my sister and my niece > > and nephew with her random rage/being nice/helpless. It is only a > > matter of time before they refuse to see her as well. > > > > I feel guilty because she is now an old woman, on her own, in need of > > the usual help older people need.. It is all falling on my older > > sister to help my mom as best she can. ( I live out of state) > > > > My parent's divorce is going to cause financial issues and the result > > is not good for either parent. My mother, especially, is making such > > poor choices with her money that she will be broke in a couple of > > years. > > > > I feel guilty because I keep on thinking, " The only way this > > situation is going to get better is when my mom passes away. " How > > sick is that to think that way, AND the sad thing is, when she does > > die one day, I don't think I will feel badly at all. I think I will > > be relieved that she is gone and we can live without her mean > > spirited nature. > > > > The intellectual part of me understands it's a disease. The part of > > me who has gone to therapy over the years understands that I need > > to " save myself and keep my distance " to avoid more pain. The adult > > in me realizes that somewhere in my home state, there is a neighbor, > > thinking, " Poor ____ (insert my mom's name)... her no good daughters > > never come around. " AND I am of that age where my friends have lost > > their mothers and they constantly say, " You know, you need to spend > > time with your mother when you can. One day she'll be gone and you'll > > wish you had more time. " I feel like such an evil witch when all I > > can think is, " No, I really won't feel badly at all. " > > > > Any advice on how to deal with these feelings or the house of cards > > that will be coming down as my dad continues with this divorce? > > > > Thanks > > > > Gos1 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 (((((((((((((Anne Marie)))))))))))) You're welcome. I'm glad we're all here to help each other. Its good to unburden with other people who have experienced the same things you have & understand what you're talking about; very cathartic. -Annie > > > > > > Hello, > > > > > > I am a " return customer " to this group. I realized that my mother had > > > BPD a couple of years ago, but thought that she could get help. Long > > > story short, after an episode of serious abuse, I dropped out of her > > > life (except for the special dates like weddings, etc). > > > > > > I thought that me leaving might " wake her up " to the fact that she > > > needed help. It did not, of course. Then my dad left her after 46 > > > years of marriage and is filing for divorce. I thought that might > > > work, but nope again. Now she is turning on my sister and my niece > > > and nephew with her random rage/being nice/helpless. It is only a > > > matter of time before they refuse to see her as well. > > > > > > I feel guilty because she is now an old woman, on her own, in need of > > > the usual help older people need.. It is all falling on my older > > > sister to help my mom as best she can. ( I live out of state) > > > > > > My parent's divorce is going to cause financial issues and the result > > > is not good for either parent. My mother, especially, is making such > > > poor choices with her money that she will be broke in a couple of > > > years. > > > > > > I feel guilty because I keep on thinking, " The only way this > > > situation is going to get better is when my mom passes away. " How > > > sick is that to think that way, AND the sad thing is, when she does > > > die one day, I don't think I will feel badly at all. I think I will > > > be relieved that she is gone and we can live without her mean > > > spirited nature. > > > > > > The intellectual part of me understands it's a disease. The part of > > > me who has gone to therapy over the years understands that I need > > > to " save myself and keep my distance " to avoid more pain. The adult > > > in me realizes that somewhere in my home state, there is a neighbor, > > > thinking, " Poor ____ (insert my mom's name)... her no good daughters > > > never come around. " AND I am of that age where my friends have lost > > > their mothers and they constantly say, " You know, you need to spend > > > time with your mother when you can. One day she'll be gone and you'll > > > wish you had more time. " I feel like such an evil witch when all I > > > can think is, " No, I really won't feel badly at all. " > > > > > > Any advice on how to deal with these feelings or the house of cards > > > that will be coming down as my dad continues with this divorce? > > > > > > Thanks > > > > > > Gos1 > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 > > Hello, > > I am a " return customer " to this group. I realized that my mother had > BPD a couple of years ago, but thought that she could get help. Long > story short, after an episode of serious abuse, I dropped out of her > life (except for the special dates like weddings, etc). > > I thought that me leaving might " wake her up " to the fact that she > needed help. It did not, of course. Then my dad left her after 46 > years of marriage and is filing for divorce. I thought that might > work, but nope again. Now she is turning on my sister and my niece > and nephew with her random rage/being nice/helpless. It is only a > matter of time before they refuse to see her as well. > > I feel guilty because she is now an old woman, on her own, in need of > the usual help older people need. It is all falling on my older > sister to help my mom as best she can. ( I live out of state) > > My parent's divorce is going to cause financial issues and the result > is not good for either parent. My mother, especially, is making such > poor choices with her money that she will be broke in a couple of > years. > > I feel guilty because I keep on thinking, " The only way this > situation is going to get better is when my mom passes away. " How > sick is that to think that way, AND the sad thing is, when she does > die one day, I don't think I will feel badly at all. I think I will > be relieved that she is gone and we can live without her mean > spirited nature. > > The intellectual part of me understands it's a disease. The part of > me who has gone to therapy over the years understands that I need > to " save myself and keep my distance " to avoid more pain. The adult > in me realizes that somewhere in my home state, there is a neighbor, > thinking, " Poor ____ (insert my mom's name)... her no good daughters > never come around. " AND I am of that age where my friends have lost > their mothers and they constantly say, " You know, you need to spend > time with your mother when you can. One day she'll be gone and you'll > wish you had more time. " I feel like such an evil witch when all I > can think is, " No, I really won't feel badly at all. " > > Any advice on how to deal with these feelings or the house of cards > that will be coming down as my dad continues with this divorce? > > Thanks > > Gos1 > I am new to this forum and was so relieved to find it. I am amazed that your letter could have come right off my keyboard. I have never met anyone who understood my feelings and felt the same about my mother as I do.I feel I will have no freedom until she is gone.I am 39 yrs old married with 3 kids. My husband won't speak to her anymore and my kids are headed that way. Then she cries to me. " All I ever wanted was family " yet she refuses to take responsibilty when we tell her shes being mean and critical. It is a hopless situation for me that I only see light when she's gone. I just hope I am young enough to enjoy what I have left by the time she goes. T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 I understand completely, and am experiencing a similar situation right now, and struggling to keep it from pulling me down or back into the mess. I have had only limited contact with my mom for a couple of years, but she has parkinson's, just lost her live-in male companion, and can't live by herself. I know that what I need to do for myself is keep my distance. One sister has taken over, and there are plenty of guilt trips for not giving her more help (she wants to be completely in charge, though). I feel so bad when I start thinking things like " I don't need this! I have lost enough to her insanity! I don't want any further disruption in my life from her! and so on. And the main reason I came back to this board, after being away for a while is that I figured that here would be the one place where I might find other people who also feel that they will be relieved when that person dies. I have spent years grieving the " mother " I never had and the damage done by this BPD person. I don't wish her further torment, but I sure don't want her to further torment me either. There is a lot of pressure from others " to make up or you will be sorry after she goes " . Mostly, I have just decided not to discuss it much with others, except my therapist. The comments are well-meaning, but do not help, only make it worse. I am struggling to be able to set the boundaries I need for my own sanity. I have a four-year old grandchild I am raising (my daughter is bipolar and possible BPD as well, and could not handle her child). I can emphathize with your struggle. I know, but it is hard to cope with the emotions and expectations and " shoulds " and to have little support for a decision that others can't understand. I try to keep reminding myself that she is in the position she is now in because of her behavior, not because I am a bad daughter. I also find it helps, when I start feeling like a bad daughter, to make a list of other areas where I feel that I am " good " , to get away from that black/white splitting of hers. Maybe by the views of most people on the outside, I do look like like a " bad " daughter, but I am a good employee, good friend, good neighbor, good wife, grandmother, etc. Doing that, and writing it down, does help me to see that I am so much more than what she defines me to be. Subject: Re: Feeling guilty To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Thursday, October 30, 2008, 9:44 AM > > Hello, > > I am a " return customer " to this group. I realized that my mother had > BPD a couple of years ago, but thought that she could get help. Long > story short, after an episode of serious abuse, I dropped out of her > life (except for the special dates like weddings, etc). > > I thought that me leaving might " wake her up " to the fact that she > needed help. It did not, of course. Then my dad left her after 46 > years of marriage and is filing for divorce. I thought that might > work, but nope again. Now she is turning on my sister and my niece > and nephew with her random rage/being nice/helpless. It is only a > matter of time before they refuse to see her as well. > > I feel guilty because she is now an old woman, on her own, in need of > the usual help older people need. It is all falling on my older > sister to help my mom as best she can. ( I live out of state) > > My parent's divorce is going to cause financial issues and the result > is not good for either parent. My mother, especially, is making such > poor choices with her money that she will be broke in a couple of > years. > > I feel guilty because I keep on thinking, " The only way this > situation is going to get better is when my mom passes away. " How > sick is that to think that way, AND the sad thing is, when she does > die one day, I don't think I will feel badly at all. I think I will > be relieved that she is gone and we can live without her mean > spirited nature. > > The intellectual part of me understands it's a disease. The part of > me who has gone to therapy over the years understands that I need > to " save myself and keep my distance " to avoid more pain. The adult > in me realizes that somewhere in my home state, there is a neighbor, > thinking, " Poor ____ (insert my mom's name)... her no good daughters > never come around. " AND I am of that age where my friends have lost > their mothers and they constantly say, " You know, you need to spend > time with your mother when you can. One day she'll be gone and you'll > wish you had more time. " I feel like such an evil witch when all I > can think is, " No, I really won't feel badly at all. " > > Any advice on how to deal with these feelings or the house of cards > that will be coming down as my dad continues with this divorce? > > Thanks > > Gos1 > I am new to this forum and was so relieved to find it. I am amazed that your letter could have come right off my keyboard. I have never met anyone who understood my feelings and felt the same about my mother as I do.I feel I will have no freedom until she is gone.I am 39 yrs old married with 3 kids. My husband won't speak to her anymore and my kids are headed that way. Then she cries to me. " All I ever wanted was family " yet she refuses to take responsibilty when we tell her shes being mean and critical. It is a hopless situation for me that I only see light when she's gone. I just hope I am young enough to enjoy what I have left by the time she goes. T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 I am in a similar situation myself, and up til now I haven't really shared with very many people the truth about my mother's having bpd, and the chronic physical and emotional abuse Sister and I experienced growing up. (Note: when I write " physical abuse " I don't mean " sexual abuse. " I can see that the term " physical " might be misinterpreted as " sexual " but what I am referring to is being spanked, slapped, hit, and beaten with an object. In our case, our nada's weapon of choice was a leather belt.) What I've always said when asked how my mother is, is to say, " Oh, she's fine. " But when closer friends ask, I'm considering replying with the truth; something like, " Well, it makes me very sad, but its better for me not to have contact with my mom; she's mentally ill. I'm glad you have a loving, close relationship with your mom, though, that is very special. " So, the idea is to say the truth but not go into detail, and then divert the conversation back to their mother. I haven't done that because I've noticed that it makes most people very uncomfortable to hear the words " mentally ill " , particularly in relation to one's parents, and they don't know how to respond to you. So far, I've only shared this with a couple of friends, both of whom tentatively shared first with me that they themselves had abusive mothers, so they understand the situation. But I'm beginning to wonder if I ought to share that information with more people, or not. I don't like feeling like I'm keeping a secret, after all, its not my fault that my mother has a personality disorder. -Annie > > > > Hello, > > > > I am a " return customer " to this group. I realized that my mother > had > > BPD a couple of years ago, but thought that she could get help. > Long > > story short, after an episode of serious abuse, I dropped out of > her > > life (except for the special dates like weddings, etc). > > > > I thought that me leaving might " wake her up " to the fact that she > > needed help. It did not, of course. Then my dad left her after 46 > > years of marriage and is filing for divorce. I thought that might > > work, but nope again. Now she is turning on my sister and my niece > > and nephew with her random rage/being nice/helpless. It is only a > > matter of time before they refuse to see her as well. > > > > I feel guilty because she is now an old woman, on her own, in need > of > > the usual help older people need. It is all falling on my older > > sister to help my mom as best she can. ( I live out of state) > > > > My parent's divorce is going to cause financial issues and the > result > > is not good for either parent. My mother, especially, is making > such > > poor choices with her money that she will be broke in a couple of > > years. > > > > I feel guilty because I keep on thinking, " The only way this > > situation is going to get better is when my mom passes away. " How > > sick is that to think that way, AND the sad thing is, when she does > > die one day, I don't think I will feel badly at all. I think I will > > be relieved that she is gone and we can live without her mean > > spirited nature. > > > > The intellectual part of me understands it's a disease. The part of > > me who has gone to therapy over the years understands that I need > > to " save myself and keep my distance " to avoid more pain. The adult > > in me realizes that somewhere in my home state, there is a > neighbor, > > thinking, " Poor ____ (insert my mom's name)... her no good > daughters > > never come around. " AND I am of that age where my friends have lost > > their mothers and they constantly say, " You know, you need to spend > > time with your mother when you can. One day she'll be gone and > you'll > > wish you had more time. " I feel like such an evil witch when all I > > can think is, " No, I really won't feel badly at all. " > > > > Any advice on how to deal with these feelings or the house of cards > > that will be coming down as my dad continues with this divorce? > > > > Thanks > > > > Gos1 > > > I am new to this forum and was so relieved to find it. I am amazed > that your letter could have come right off my keyboard. I have never > met anyone who understood my feelings and felt the same about my > mother as I do.I feel I will have no freedom until she is gone.I am > 39 yrs old married with 3 kids. My husband won't speak to her anymore > and my kids are headed that way. Then she cries to me. " All I ever > wanted was family " yet she refuses to take responsibilty when we tell > her shes being mean and critical. It is a hopless situation for me > that I only see light when she's gone. I just hope I am young enough > to enjoy what I have left by the time she goes. T > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 30, 2008 Report Share Posted October 30, 2008 Hi, I know exactly what you mean when you say the situation will only get better when your nada passes. Unfortunately, I feel the exact same way about mine. Life would be so much simpler, calmer, and enjoyable for everyone if she were not able to wreak her havoc. I also feel containment in a nursing home or mental institution for the rest of her life would bring peace. No more trashing me to her relatives. No more mental abuse. No more meaness. I feel sorry for my poor father. He has wasted his entire life with her. He has been miserable. Life is too short to be around manipulative, irritating, hurtful people that the borderlines are. Unfortunatley, at only 60 years old, she is getting to the point where she can no longer take care of herself. I don't know whether to run for the hills now or try and get her committed. Though, I guess a mental facility would cost lots of money that I don't have. thamm777 wrote: > > Hello, > > I am a " return customer " to this group. I realized that my mother had > BPD a couple of years ago, but thought that she could get help. Long > story short, after an episode of serious abuse, I dropped out of her > life (except for the special dates like weddings, etc). > > I thought that me leaving might " wake her up " to the fact that she > needed help. It did not, of course. Then my dad left her after 46 > years of marriage and is filing for divorce. I thought that might > work, but nope again. Now she is turning on my sister and my niece > and nephew with her random rage/being nice/helpless. It is only a > matter of time before they refuse to see her as well. > > I feel guilty because she is now an old woman, on her own, in need of > the usual help older people need. It is all falling on my older > sister to help my mom as best she can. ( I live out of state) > > My parent's divorce is going to cause financial issues and the result > is not good for either parent. My mother, especially, is making such > poor choices with her money that she will be broke in a couple of > years. > > I feel guilty because I keep on thinking, " The only way this > situation is going to get better is when my mom passes away. " How > sick is that to think that way, AND the sad thing is, when she does > die one day, I don't think I will feel badly at all. I think I will > be relieved that she is gone and we can live without her mean > spirited nature. > > The intellectual part of me understands it's a disease. The part of > me who has gone to therapy over the years understands that I need > to " save myself and keep my distance " to avoid more pain. The adult > in me realizes that somewhere in my home state, there is a neighbor, > thinking, " Poor ____ (insert my mom's name)... her no good daughters > never come around. " AND I am of that age where my friends have lost > their mothers and they constantly say, " You know, you need to spend > time with your mother when you can. One day she'll be gone and you'll > wish you had more time. " I feel like such an evil witch when all I > can think is, " No, I really won't feel badly at all. " > > Any advice on how to deal with these feelings or the house of cards > that will be coming down as my dad continues with this divorce? > > Thanks > > Gos1 > I am new to this forum and was so relieved to find it. I am amazed that your letter could have come right off my keyboard. I have never met anyone who understood my feelings and felt the same about my mother as I do.I feel I will have no freedom until she is gone.I am 39 yrs old married with 3 kids. My husband won't speak to her anymore and my kids are headed that way. Then she cries to me. " All I ever wanted was family " yet she refuses to take responsibilty when we tell her shes being mean and critical. It is a hopless situation for me that I only see light when she's gone. I just hope I am young enough to enjoy what I have left by the time she goes. T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 31, 2008 Report Share Posted October 31, 2008 Death USUALLY works wonders with BPD, but there are some weird exceptions. When my narcissistic FIL died we all breathed a huge sigh of relief. Life got better for that whole extended family. My MIL seemed happy for the first time in her life. On the other hand, when my BPD-grandnada died, my nada started acting MUCH worse with me. She had been NC with my grandnada (her nada), but had been secretly hoping for validation/apology/closure, etc. from that crazy old witch. When she didn't get that satisfaction, my nada unleashed all her anger/abandonment/outrage on me. Now I'm NC with her. My fada has been trashed/abused/lied to by my nada his whole life with her...I'm beginning to think he actually enjoys it. They're lock-step with each other. He'll defend her to his death. His blinders are strapped on very tight. > > > > Hello, > > > > I am a " return customer " to this group. I realized that my mother > had > > BPD a couple of years ago, but thought that she could get help. > Long > > story short, after an episode of serious abuse, I dropped out of > her > > life (except for the special dates like weddings, etc). > > > > I thought that me leaving might " wake her up " to the fact that she > > needed help. It did not, of course. Then my dad left her after 46 > > years of marriage and is filing for divorce. I thought that might > > work, but nope again. Now she is turning on my sister and my niece > > and nephew with her random rage/being nice/helpless. It is only a > > matter of time before they refuse to see her as well. > > > > I feel guilty because she is now an old woman, on her own, in need > of > > the usual help older people need. It is all falling on my older > > sister to help my mom as best she can. ( I live out of state) > > > > My parent's divorce is going to cause financial issues and the > result > > is not good for either parent. My mother, especially, is making > such > > poor choices with her money that she will be broke in a couple of > > years. > > > > I feel guilty because I keep on thinking, " The only way this > > situation is going to get better is when my mom passes away. " How > > sick is that to think that way, AND the sad thing is, when she does > > die one day, I don't think I will feel badly at all. I think I will > > be relieved that she is gone and we can live without her mean > > spirited nature. > > > > The intellectual part of me understands it's a disease. The part of > > me who has gone to therapy over the years understands that I need > > to " save myself and keep my distance " to avoid more pain. The adult > > in me realizes that somewhere in my home state, there is a > neighbor, > > thinking, " Poor ____ (insert my mom's name)... her no good > daughters > > never come around. " AND I am of that age where my friends have lost > > their mothers and they constantly say, " You know, you need to spend > > time with your mother when you can. One day she'll be gone and > you'll > > wish you had more time. " I feel like such an evil witch when all I > > can think is, " No, I really won't feel badly at all. " > > > > Any advice on how to deal with these feelings or the house of cards > > that will be coming down as my dad continues with this divorce? > > > > Thanks > > > > Gos1 > > > I am new to this forum and was so relieved to find it. I am amazed > that your letter could have come right off my keyboard. I have never > met anyone who understood my feelings and felt the same about my > mother as I do.I feel I will have no freedom until she is gone.I am > 39 yrs old married with 3 kids. My husband won't speak to her anymore > and my kids are headed that way. Then she cries to me. " All I ever > wanted was family " yet she refuses to take responsibilty when we tell > her shes being mean and critical. It is a hopless situation for me > that I only see light when she's gone. I just hope I am young enough > to enjoy what I have left by the time she goes. T > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 31, 2008 Report Share Posted October 31, 2008 I too really appreciate the image of the rabid dog. That makes so much sense! I too feel like the child who was thrown to the dog, but using this image makes sense to keep myself away from her now, to do what I have to protect myself and my family from further harm, and to be grateful that I now can choose whether or not to put myself in her path. As her health declines, I have been really struggling with feeling that I should be spending more time, making more contact, overlooking things, etc. This really helps to clarify the issue. > > Subject: Re: Re: Feeling guilty > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Date: Wednesday, October 29, 2008, 10:23 PM > Dear Annie, > > I can't thank you enough for that sick, yet accurate > image of the rabid dog. You have managed to do in one e mail > what I have failed to do in 40 years... put into words how I > felt as a child when my dad would say, " Go make up with > your mother... you know she can't help herself... she > was abused as a child... had a terrible mother.. blah blah > blah... " Â I DID feel like someone thrown into > harm's way. > > I do struggle with the " It's a sickness so she > should be cared for, not ignored, but rabies is a sickness > too but I'd never go pet the poor dog, AS MUCH AS I LOVE > DOGS. That's the best part of that analogy. > > I am going to PA tomorrow and will visit my sister, the > kids and most likely have to see my mother for a bit. Your e > mail really gives me food for thought on my drive up there. > > Thank you so much! > > AMG > > > > > ________________________________ > > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 3:22:22 PM > Subject: Re: Feeling guilty > > > Hi, sorry, GOS1, I should have written > " misplaced " feelings of guilt! > Neither of us should feel guilty! > -Annie > > > > > > > > Hello, > > > > > > I am a " return customer " to this group. > I realized that my mother had > > > BPD a couple of years ago, but thought that she > could get help. Long > > > story short, after an episode of serious abuse, I > dropped out of her > > > life (except for the special dates like weddings, > etc). > > > > > > I thought that me leaving might " wake her > up " to the fact that she > > > needed help. It did not, of course. Then my dad > left her after 46 > > > years of marriage and is filing for divorce. I > thought that might > > > work, but nope again. Now she is turning on my > sister and my niece > > > and nephew with her random rage/being > nice/helpless. It is only a > > > matter of time before they refuse to see her as > well. > > > > > > I feel guilty because she is now an old woman, on > her own, in need of > > > the usual help older people need.. It is all > falling on my older > > > sister to help my mom as best she can. ( I live > out of state) > > > > > > My parent's divorce is going to cause > financial issues and the result > > > is not good for either parent. My mother, > especially, is making such > > > poor choices with her money that she will be > broke in a couple of > > > years. > > > > > > I feel guilty because I keep on thinking, > " The only way this > > > situation is going to get better is when my mom > passes away. " How > > > sick is that to think that way, AND the sad thing > is, when she does > > > die one day, I don't think I will feel badly > at all. I think I will > > > be relieved that she is gone and we can live > without her mean > > > spirited nature. > > > > > > The intellectual part of me understands it's > a disease. The part of > > > me who has gone to therapy over the years > understands that I need > > > to " save myself and keep my distance " > to avoid more pain. The adult > > > in me realizes that somewhere in my home state, > there is a neighbor, > > > thinking, " Poor ____ (insert my mom's > name)... her no good daughters > > > never come around. " AND I am of that age > where my friends have lost > > > their mothers and they constantly say, " You > know, you need to spend > > > time with your mother when you can. One day > she'll be gone and you'll > > > wish you had more time. " I feel like such an > evil witch when all I > > > can think is, " No, I really won't feel > badly at all. " > > > > > > Any advice on how to deal with these feelings or > the house of cards > > > that will be coming down as my dad continues with > this divorce? > > > > > > Thanks > > > > > > Gos1 > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2008 Report Share Posted November 4, 2008 Hi , I really feel for you. My Mum is in hospital at the moment following an overdose. Like you, I get people giving me " advice " and not realising they're just re-enforcing the guilt I feel. Like you, if I spend any time with her she just upsets me - she " gets inside " me with her negativity and destructiveness - the sly digs, put-downs and unreasonable demands. I especially empathise with you re: your Mum having Parkinson's Disease. My Dad had Parkinson's. Like other Dads on this board, he never stood up to my Mum and I felt betrayed by him. But it's a particularly nasty disease and it must be really terrible for you. Please don't think I'm in any way judging you for not seeing her - I understand 100%. Make sure you look after yourself - I keep telling myself that even though I might wish I'd " had more time " when my Mum's gone, I'll also feel very bitter about all the wasted time from making sacrifices all these years (like you have). You've done more than your bit and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Take care, Love from Jeanette, x > > > > Hello, > > > > I am a " return customer " to this group. I realized that my mother > had > > BPD a couple of years ago, but thought that she could get help. > Long > > story short, after an episode of serious abuse, I dropped out of > her > > life (except for the special dates like weddings, etc). > > > > I thought that me leaving might " wake her up " to the fact that she > > needed help. It did not, of course. Then my dad left her after 46 > > years of marriage and is filing for divorce. I thought that might > > work, but nope again. Now she is turning on my sister and my niece > > and nephew with her random rage/being nice/helpless. It is only a > > matter of time before they refuse to see her as well. > > > > I feel guilty because she is now an old woman, on her own, in need > of > > the usual help older people need. It is all falling on my older > > sister to help my mom as best she can. ( I live out of state) > > > > My parent's divorce is going to cause financial issues and the > result > > is not good for either parent. My mother, especially, is making > such > > poor choices with her money that she will be broke in a couple of > > years. > > > > I feel guilty because I keep on thinking, " The only way this > > situation is going to get better is when my mom passes away. " How > > sick is that to think that way, AND the sad thing is, when she does > > die one day, I don't think I will feel badly at all. I think I will > > be relieved that she is gone and we can live without her mean > > spirited nature. > > > > The intellectual part of me understands it's a disease. The part of > > me who has gone to therapy over the years understands that I need > > to " save myself and keep my distance " to avoid more pain. The adult > > in me realizes that somewhere in my home state, there is a > neighbor, > > thinking, " Poor ____ (insert my mom's name)... her no good > daughters > > never come around. " AND I am of that age where my friends have lost > > their mothers and they constantly say, " You know, you need to spend > > time with your mother when you can. One day she'll be gone and > you'll > > wish you had more time. " I feel like such an evil witch when all I > > can think is, " No, I really won't feel badly at all. " > > > > Any advice on how to deal with these feelings or the house of cards > > that will be coming down as my dad continues with this divorce? > > > > Thanks > > > > Gos1 > > > I am new to this forum and was so relieved to find it. I am amazed > that your letter could have come right off my keyboard. I have never > met anyone who understood my feelings and felt the same about my > mother as I do.I feel I will have no freedom until she is gone.I am > 39 yrs old married with 3 kids. My husband won't speak to her anymore > and my kids are headed that way. Then she cries to me. " All I ever > wanted was family " yet she refuses to take responsibilty when we tell > her shes being mean and critical. It is a hopless situation for me > that I only see light when she's gone. I just hope I am young enough > to enjoy what I have left by the time she goes. T > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2008 Report Share Posted November 4, 2008 thank you so much for your support. That is one thing that is so good about this board. People can understand that the situation is so much more difficult than " typical " mother-child relations, which are difficult enough! Subject: Re: Feeling guilty To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Tuesday, November 4, 2008, 6:33 AM Hi , I really feel for you. My Mum is in hospital at the moment following an overdose. Like you, I get people giving me " advice " and not realising they're just re-enforcing the guilt I feel. Like you, if I spend any time with her she just upsets me - she " gets inside " me with her negativity and destructiveness - the sly digs, put-downs and unreasonable demands. I especially empathise with you re: your Mum having Parkinson's Disease. My Dad had Parkinson's. Like other Dads on this board, he never stood up to my Mum and I felt betrayed by him. But it's a particularly nasty disease and it must be really terrible for you. Please don't think I'm in any way judging you for not seeing her - I understand 100%. Make sure you look after yourself - I keep telling myself that even though I might wish I'd " had more time " when my Mum's gone, I'll also feel very bitter about all the wasted time from making sacrifices all these years (like you have). You've done more than your bit and you have nothing to feel guilty about. Take care, Love from Jeanette, x > > > > Hello, > > > > I am a " return customer " to this group. I realized that my mother > had > > BPD a couple of years ago, but thought that she could get help. > Long > > story short, after an episode of serious abuse, I dropped out of > her > > life (except for the special dates like weddings, etc). > > > > I thought that me leaving might " wake her up " to the fact that she > > needed help. It did not, of course. Then my dad left her after 46 > > years of marriage and is filing for divorce. I thought that might > > work, but nope again. Now she is turning on my sister and my niece > > and nephew with her random rage/being nice/helpless. It is only a > > matter of time before they refuse to see her as well. > > > > I feel guilty because she is now an old woman, on her own, in need > of > > the usual help older people need. It is all falling on my older > > sister to help my mom as best she can. ( I live out of state) > > > > My parent's divorce is going to cause financial issues and the > result > > is not good for either parent. My mother, especially, is making > such > > poor choices with her money that she will be broke in a couple of > > years. > > > > I feel guilty because I keep on thinking, " The only way this > > situation is going to get better is when my mom passes away. " How > > sick is that to think that way, AND the sad thing is, when she does > > die one day, I don't think I will feel badly at all. I think I will > > be relieved that she is gone and we can live without her mean > > spirited nature. > > > > The intellectual part of me understands it's a disease. The part of > > me who has gone to therapy over the years understands that I need > > to " save myself and keep my distance " to avoid more pain. The adult > > in me realizes that somewhere in my home state, there is a > neighbor, > > thinking, " Poor ____ (insert my mom's name)... her no good > daughters > > never come around. " AND I am of that age where my friends have lost > > their mothers and they constantly say, " You know, you need to spend > > time with your mother when you can. One day she'll be gone and > you'll > > wish you had more time. " I feel like such an evil witch when all I > > can think is, " No, I really won't feel badly at all. " > > > > Any advice on how to deal with these feelings or the house of cards > > that will be coming down as my dad continues with this divorce? > > > > Thanks > > > > Gos1 > > > I am new to this forum and was so relieved to find it. I am amazed > that your letter could have come right off my keyboard. I have never > met anyone who understood my feelings and felt the same about my > mother as I do.I feel I will have no freedom until she is gone.I am > 39 yrs old married with 3 kids. My husband won't speak to her anymore > and my kids are headed that way. Then she cries to me. " All I ever > wanted was family " yet she refuses to take responsibilty when we tell > her shes being mean and critical. It is a hopless situation for me > that I only see light when she's gone. I just hope I am young enough > to enjoy what I have left by the time she goes. T > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2008 Report Share Posted November 4, 2008 I'm several days behind... But I have the same deal...how to explain that being NC really is the healthy and appropriate choice without having to really go into details? My closest friends know some of the details...heck, some were friends during my childhood so they witnessed it themselves (and oh, what validation there is in finding out that they remember things the same way I do!). And people don't like to hear the " mentally ill " thing. I often just try to keep it out of conversation, or I just say " My mother is not a part of my life. " Many people are content with that, they don't want to know more. Some do press the issue, and I just say " It's a really long story and not happy one. Maybe someday I'll tell you. " The only person who has really pressed that much farther recently is the father of a friend of mine. He does know some of the stories and he said to me " It's really sad that families are torn apart. There's a lot to be said for finding it in your heart to forgive her. " My reply, was " There is a vast difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. He tried to argue it and I said to him, " If your daughter married a man who abused her, would you tell her to forgive him or tell her to leave him? " He stopped pressing the issue when he realized his answer was " I'd kill him. " :-) Ninera > > Subject: Re: Feeling guilty > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Date: Thursday, October 30, 2008, 11:00 PM > I am in a similar situation myself, and up til now I > haven't really > shared with very many people the truth about my > mother's having bpd, > and the chronic physical and emotional abuse Sister and I > experienced > growing up. (Note: when I write " physical abuse " > I don't mean " sexual > abuse. " I can see that the term " physical " > might be misinterpreted as > " sexual " but what I am referring to is being > spanked, slapped, hit, > and beaten with an object. In our case, our nada's > weapon of choice > was a leather belt.) > What I've always said when asked how my mother is, is > to say, " Oh, > she's fine. " > But when closer friends ask, I'm considering replying > with the truth; > something like, " Well, it makes me very sad, but its > better for me not > to have contact with my mom; she's mentally ill. > I'm glad you have a > loving, close relationship with your mom, though, that is > very special. " > So, the idea is to say the truth but not go into detail, > and then > divert the conversation back to their mother. > > I haven't done that because I've noticed that it > makes most people > very uncomfortable to hear the words " mentally > ill " , particularly in > relation to one's parents, and they don't know how > to respond to you. > So far, I've only shared this with a couple of > friends, both of whom > tentatively shared first with me that they themselves had > abusive > mothers, so they understand the situation. > > But I'm beginning to wonder if I ought to share that > information with > more people, or not. I don't like feeling like I'm > keeping a secret, > after all, its not my fault that my mother has a > personality disorder. > > -Annie > > > > > > > > Hello, > > > > > > I am a " return customer " to this group. > I realized that my mother > > had > > > BPD a couple of years ago, but thought that she > could get help. > > Long > > > story short, after an episode of serious abuse, I > dropped out of > > her > > > life (except for the special dates like weddings, > etc). > > > > > > I thought that me leaving might " wake her > up " to the fact that she > > > needed help. It did not, of course. Then my dad > left her after 46 > > > years of marriage and is filing for divorce. I > thought that might > > > work, but nope again. Now she is turning on my > sister and my niece > > > and nephew with her random rage/being > nice/helpless. It is only a > > > matter of time before they refuse to see her as > well. > > > > > > I feel guilty because she is now an old woman, on > her own, in need > > of > > > the usual help older people need. It is all > falling on my older > > > sister to help my mom as best she can. ( I live > out of state) > > > > > > My parent's divorce is going to cause > financial issues and the > > result > > > is not good for either parent. My mother, > especially, is making > > such > > > poor choices with her money that she will be > broke in a couple of > > > years. > > > > > > I feel guilty because I keep on thinking, > " The only way this > > > situation is going to get better is when my mom > passes away. " How > > > sick is that to think that way, AND the sad thing > is, when she does > > > die one day, I don't think I will feel badly > at all. I think I will > > > be relieved that she is gone and we can live > without her mean > > > spirited nature. > > > > > > The intellectual part of me understands it's > a disease. The part of > > > me who has gone to therapy over the years > understands that I need > > > to " save myself and keep my distance " > to avoid more pain. The adult > > > in me realizes that somewhere in my home state, > there is a > > neighbor, > > > thinking, " Poor ____ (insert my mom's > name)... her no good > > daughters > > > never come around. " AND I am of that age > where my friends have lost > > > their mothers and they constantly say, " You > know, you need to spend > > > time with your mother when you can. One day > she'll be gone and > > you'll > > > wish you had more time. " I feel like such an > evil witch when all I > > > can think is, " No, I really won't feel > badly at all. " > > > > > > Any advice on how to deal with these feelings or > the house of cards > > > that will be coming down as my dad continues with > this divorce? > > > > > > Thanks > > > > > > Gos1 > > > > > I am new to this forum and was so relieved to find it. > I am amazed > > that your letter could have come right off my > keyboard. I have never > > met anyone who understood my feelings and felt the > same about my > > mother as I do.I feel I will have no freedom until she > is gone.I am > > 39 yrs old married with 3 kids. My husband won't > speak to her anymore > > and my kids are headed that way. Then she cries to me. > " All I ever > > wanted was family " yet she refuses to take > responsibilty when we tell > > her shes being mean and critical. It is a hopless > situation for me > > that I only see light when she's gone. I just hope > I am young enough > > to enjoy what I have left by the time she goes. T > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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