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I had a therapy appointment today and the meeting went fine but when I got in

the car I realized I was a bit dazed. 

In talking to my therapist I told her I didn't really want to reconnect with my

grandparents because all my grandmother did was tell me how horrible a person my

mother was.  That was our relationship. She'd tell me all the bad stuff - it was

like a gossip session with her.

" well no wonder your mother is BPD. "

She also asked me if I had any concrete proof that my father " ran away to

canada " when I was 2 since my mother doesn't know the truth from reality.  No, I

have nothing other than my mother's stories.  How do I know any of the bad stuff

about dad was true?  She kept me from him for years.  I still don't talk to him.

(They got back together when I was 2 and didn't divorce until I was 14.)

My therapist also asked if I wanted to contact my Aunt, since she's the only one

I really regret losing contact with.  She stopped talking to me because mom

would berate her about her conversations with me.  My aunt now doesn't talk to

nada either.  I told her I didn't know... she has her own life now.  Her own

family.  I don't blame her for protecting herself.

I've been cleaning like a fiend for the last few days... I don't know why except

I'm used to having classes during the semester and now I'm just working instead

of working & going to school.  I clean sweeped my bedroom.  We're still doing

laundry.

But really? I just feel like puking.  My mother kept me from my family.  I never

knew my dad's family.  She even kept HIM from them.  THAT is so f'd up.

/rant over

Amy

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