trouble with the volume of setting boundaries

July 5, 2008

Hi All,

Okay so I have some heavy stuff going on with medication switches (this is a

huge thing, I was suicidal before we got them right and now they have caused

me to put 60 extra lbs on my previously athletic body).

Anyway, things aren't great at work right now either. I mean, I love love

love my job but the people I work with are getting under my skin. One girl,

who has been their for about 8 months has a real entitlement attitude and

doesn't want to take responsability for anything. She is never at work! And

she gets paid more than me, which has started to really make me mad because

she won't DO anything. The other, most junior person on our team is supposed

to help me with clerical work, but he gives me a big run around, insists I

justify every request and actually told me that when I ask him for help, he

assumes I am just " passing the buck. " Never mind that I am the only person

on staff who is actually billing at capacity. Our accounting dept told me a

few weeks ago that finanicially, my billings are supporting the whole

department of 4 people, and I only work 4 days a week compared to everyone

else's 5 days a week!

So, things blew up between me and the guy on Thursday. I started sending all

my requests through my boss and he asked if I thought he was being

" resistant. " I said yes and then I said a bit more. He didn't respond but

did start doing his assignments. I was profesional and direct. I will

forward what I wrote to him on Monday since I had to leave my laptop at the

office for repairs and cant' get to the file.

This is a good one for the boundary success story list, right? Problem is

that when I try to set boundaries with boyfriend (which isn't going that

great because he is so used to the old me, I think) my boundaries come out

with the volume on FULL BLAST! Last night he had forgotten to show me a

piece that was just published, even though I had asked him to the day

before. He said " I forgot to show you blah. " and I said " I " M NOT RESPONSIBLE

FOR YOUR MEMORY! " And of course he felt hurt. So

Okay, the boundary is true. And it is one that I am trying to establish.

Over the years I've developed a nearly photographic memory to help me deal

with nada. And I end up remembering everything for every one at work, play

home etc. I don't want to take responsability for other people remembering

what they need to do - but still, it didn't need to come out at full volume.

I know that some of my frustration with the people at work has followed me

home and also I'm not at my strongest right now.

Thoughts, feelings etc? thanks girlscout

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