Re: rigidity and judgement (kinda long)

[Guest guest]

- well said!

[Guest guest]

,

Your post really meant a lot to me. I am so glad that you feel completely

welcomed here. While we may not have everything in common, we are all women

and we are

women who have all been through one of the most horrible things imaginable.

If we can't be here to support each other, then what's the use???

Love,

[Guest guest]

" denise, jani & rowan " wrote:

original article:/group/ectopicpregnancy/?start=5

037

> BTW, I've been meaning to say and this whole instance brings it to

mind,

> that I am really growing in my appreication of this list. As far as

I know

> I'm the only lesbian and one of the few non-Christians here. I have

never

> felt judged for that here and I greatly appreciate that. I joined

another

> pregnancy loss group soon after I lost this baby and very quickly got

the

> message I was not wanted there. It was really a bummer to have to

deal

> with people's rejection based on rigid thinking at a time when I

really

> needed support.

>

>

,

I may not be up on the latest teaching, but while I was growing up

Christian, I was taught that I could not judge another person. Certain

beliefs were promoted, others condemnded, but the fact was god alone

could judge. It always amazes me how many people feel they are able to

decide that you are sinful without seeing into your heart or soul.

I'm glad to know that you feel comfortable here!

Becca

[Guest guest]

Thanks Jo-Ann (-:

***************************

& Jani

mailto:newmoon@...

moms to Rowan, born 6/26/98 (20 months old)

three spirit babies:

Cassidy, m/c 8/99, was due April 20, 2000

Mandy, m/c 10/99, was due June 15, 2000

Keegan, ectopic pregnancy, 1/00, was due Sept. 9, 2000

[Guest guest]

,

I had to response to your e-mail, it breaks my heart that any site would

be judgmental under any circumstances. You have the right to live your

life anyway you choose, just like women who experience an ectopic

pregnancy have the right to correct the situation anyway they choose

fit. I obviously wasn't a candidate for the metho because the tube was

already rupturing, but it burns my ass to think that another person

would judge me if I did. I am a firm believer that no one has the right

to judge another, if they are comfortable with their decision, they are

the ones that has to live with it, not any of us. I try to live my life

that way, makes for far less arguments and debates. I apply this to

many aspects of life, if only everyone could understand that. We all

had no choice in what happened with the ectopics, but if I could have

avoid the surgery I would have in a heartbeat. It's a difficult healing

emotionally, the physical aspect only makes the process harder.

I'm so glad that you are comfortable with the group and I'm happy that

you found us. I wish that for one day the table could be turned so all

the heterosexual people could get a taste of how uncomfortable they can

make people. Just my thoughts on that subject.

Take care,

Jo-Ann

" , Jani & Rowan " wrote:

>

> I've been thinking a lot about the situation Krista is dealing with and it

> bothers me to the core. First, its truly a hurtful thing to have one's

> memorial for a beloved child taken down without explicit permission to do

> so. If the memorial were made of concrete materials like flowers or stone

> its disruption would be considered vandalism. But, because it is a cyber

> memorial, this woman can take it down without having to take any

> responsibility for her actions. What a hard place to be in Krista to have

> someone violate what's precious to you. I'm so sorry.

>

> Secondly, I'm saddened and angry that someone feels they have the right to

> use Krista's website to torment women who have used metho. Again, this

> woman has the protection of the web to spread her hurtfulness; there's

> really not an accoutability factor. How horrible to tell your story from

> your heart only to be attacked for it.

>

> When my ep was first diagnosed, I went to the web to research metho. The

> search engine brought up a few sites and I started going to them. A couple

> were anti-metho...you're killing your baby...you horrible person sites. It

> felt like a cruel joke to have these sites pop up at a time when I was

> facing such a hard choice...surgery or metho. I felt attacked by these

> sites' insensitivity to both the physical and emotional health of the mother.

>

> I checked out the babybunny site a few weeks ago when looking for a place

> to post a memorial for our three spirit babies. I opted not to post there,

> because I could see I might easily be ostricized from her site, because we

> are a two mom family and not Christian. I assumed that we would not be

> welcome there and I wasn't not up for being attacked for living my life.

> Now it appears, based on these incidents that I made the right choice.

>

> BTW, I've been meaning to say and this whole instance brings it to mind,

> that I am really growing in my appreication of this list. As far as I know

> I'm the only lesbian and one of the few non-Christians here. I have never

> felt judged for that here and I greatly appreciate that. I joined another

> pregnancy loss group soon after I lost this baby and very quickly got the

> message I was not wanted there. It was really a bummer to have to deal

> with people's rejection based on rigid thinking at a time when I really

> needed support.

>

>

>

> ***************************

> & Jani

> mailto:newmoon@...

> moms to Rowan, born 6/26/98 (20 months old)

> three spirit babies:

> Cassidy, m/c 8/99, was due April 20, 2000

> Mandy, m/c 10/99, was due June 15, 2000

> Keegan, ectopic pregnancy, 1/00, was due Sept. 9, 2000

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

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>

> -- Easily schedule meetings and events using the group calendar!

> -- /cal?listname=ectopicpregnancy & m=1

[Guest guest]

,

I'm so glad you found us too!

Love,

Tara

rigidity and judgement (kinda long)

I've been thinking a lot about the situation Krista is dealing with and it

bothers me to the core. First, its truly a hurtful thing to have one's

memorial for a beloved child taken down without explicit permission to do

so. If the memorial were made of concrete materials like flowers or stone

its disruption would be considered vandalism. But, because it is a cyber

memorial, this woman can take it down without having to take any

responsibility for her actions. What a hard place to be in Krista to have

someone violate what's precious to you. I'm so sorry.

Secondly, I'm saddened and angry that someone feels they have the right to

use Krista's website to torment women who have used metho. Again, this

woman has the protection of the web to spread her hurtfulness; there's

really not an accoutability factor. How horrible to tell your story from

your heart only to be attacked for it.

When my ep was first diagnosed, I went to the web to research metho. The

search engine brought up a few sites and I started going to them. A couple

were anti-metho...you're killing your baby...you horrible person sites. It

felt like a cruel joke to have these sites pop up at a time when I was

facing such a hard choice...surgery or metho. I felt attacked by these

sites' insensitivity to both the physical and emotional health of the mother.

I checked out the babybunny site a few weeks ago when looking for a place

to post a memorial for our three spirit babies. I opted not to post there,

because I could see I might easily be ostricized from her site, because we

are a two mom family and not Christian. I assumed that we would not be

welcome there and I wasn't not up for being attacked for living my life.

Now it appears, based on these incidents that I made the right choice.

BTW, I've been meaning to say and this whole instance brings it to mind,

that I am really growing in my appreication of this list. As far as I know

I'm the only lesbian and one of the few non-Christians here. I have never

felt judged for that here and I greatly appreciate that. I joined another

pregnancy loss group soon after I lost this baby and very quickly got the

message I was not wanted there. It was really a bummer to have to deal

with people's rejection based on rigid thinking at a time when I really

needed support.

***************************

& Jani

mailto:newmoon@...

moms to Rowan, born 6/26/98 (20 months old)

three spirit babies:

Cassidy, m/c 8/99, was due April 20, 2000

Mandy, m/c 10/99, was due June 15, 2000

Keegan, ectopic pregnancy, 1/00, was due Sept. 9, 2000

------------------------------------------------------------------------

MAXIMIZE YOUR CARD, MINIMIZE YOUR RATE!

Get a NextCard Visa, in 30 seconds! Get rates as low as

0.0% Intro or 9.9% Fixed APR and no hidden fees.

Apply NOW!

http://click./1/2122/2/_/26068/_/952025029/

-- Easily schedule meetings and events using the group calendar!

-- /cal?listname=ectopicpregnancy & m=1

[Guest guest]

,

I wanted to add another thought. It's not always easy to be different, and

I know what it means to face prejudice. I am in an interracial marriage,

and even today we still meet with discrimination. But I never let it get

to me. And I have no fears about a bringing a child into this world,

despite the fact that there are those who feel this would be wrong. If

anyone doesn't like it, they don't have to be a friend to me.

Tara

Re: rigidity and judgement (kinda long)

" denise, jani & rowan " wrote:

original article:/group/ectopicpregnancy/?start=5

037

> BTW, I've been meaning to say and this whole instance brings it to

mind,

> that I am really growing in my appreication of this list. As far as

I know

> I'm the only lesbian and one of the few non-Christians here. I have

never

> felt judged for that here and I greatly appreciate that. I joined

another

> pregnancy loss group soon after I lost this baby and very quickly got

the

> message I was not wanted there. It was really a bummer to have to

deal

> with people's rejection based on rigid thinking at a time when I

really

> needed support.

>

>

,

I may not be up on the latest teaching, but while I was growing up

Christian, I was taught that I could not judge another person. Certain

beliefs were promoted, others condemnded, but the fact was god alone

could judge. It always amazes me how many people feel they are able to

decide that you are sinful without seeing into your heart or soul.

I'm glad to know that you feel comfortable here!

Becca

------------------------------------------------------------------------

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- Simplifying group communications

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/2/00 1:29:01 PM Central Standard Time,

newmoon@... writes:

<< BTW, I've been meaning to say and this whole instance brings it to mind,

that I am really growing in my appreication of this list. As far as I know

I'm the only lesbian and one of the few non-Christians here. I have never

felt judged for that here and I greatly appreciate that. I joined another

pregnancy loss group soon after I lost this baby and very quickly got the

message I was not wanted there. It was really a bummer to have to deal

with people's rejection based on rigid thinking at a time when I really

needed support. >>

,

The last thing we need to do is judge. No one needs judgement they need

encouragement and support and many other things. If we were to judge someone

on their lifestyle then in turn we could be judged too. I don't want people

to look at me and say " well, you weren't pg that long, it isn't like you

can't adopt, at least you know you can get pg now,.......etc " you get the

picture. Anyway I guess I am saying that I too appreciate that I do not have

to watch what I tell the people of this group. They at least try to

understand my point of view by asking questions or whatever instead of

judging. yeah at times everyone may think i am crazy (including myself) but I

am never condemed for it and that helps me get through another day.

Angel

[Guest guest]

,

I am so thankful that you have found comfort here. I know it has to be so

hard for you and your partner having to deal with ignorant people on a daily

basis. I am very sorry for your losses. I know exactly how you feel when it

comes to that. I just lost my 4th baby to EP. I never knew what hit me. I

couldn't believe it and frankly I still don't at times. We have battled

infertility and miscarriage for the last 3 1/2 yrs and it has seemingly

became a lifestyle for us. We have just sank into treatment and our days

have been filled with shots and doctors visits and so much pain.

Anyway, I didn't mean to ramble about my own situation.

I just wanted to say how special I feel that you can come here and be able to

feel comfortable and wanted. I am a Christian and that doesn't hold a candle

to seeing you for the person that you really are. I just see a woman that

wants a child desperately. Besides who are we to judge you or anyone else.

I am very sorry for the insensitive people that you have come across. Just

please remember that we aren't all like that. Acceptance to me is a virtue

and accepting someone for being themselves and not fake is a virtue I like.

Lovingly,

Lucas

[Guest guest]

,

I think if everyone would just put their differences aside, we would

see that we really have alot more in common. No one has a right to judge

another (who put them in charge?). I think you have some wonderful insights,

and from what I've read, a wealth of valuable information to share! Take

Care,

Vicki

, Jani & Rowan wrote:

I've been thinking a lot about the situation Krista

is dealing with and it

bothers me to the core. First, its truly a hurtful thing to have

one's

memorial for a beloved child taken down without explicit permission

to do

so. If the memorial were made of concrete materials like flowers

or stone

its disruption would be considered vandalism. But, because it

is a cyber

memorial, this woman can take it down without having to take any

responsibility for her actions. What a hard place to be in Krista

to have

someone violate what's precious to you. I'm so sorry.

Secondly, I'm saddened and angry that someone feels they have the right

to

use Krista's website to torment women who have used metho. Again,

this

woman has the protection of the web to spread her hurtfulness; there's

really not an accoutability factor. How horrible to tell your

story from

your heart only to be attacked for it.

When my ep was first diagnosed, I went to the web to research metho.

The

search engine brought up a few sites and I started going to them.

A couple

were anti-metho...you're killing your baby...you horrible person sites.

It

felt like a cruel joke to have these sites pop up at a time when I

was

facing such a hard choice...surgery or metho. I felt attacked

by these

sites' insensitivity to both the physical and emotional health of the

mother.

I checked out the babybunny site a few weeks ago when looking for a

place

to post a memorial for our three spirit babies. I opted not to

post there,

because I could see I might easily be ostricized from her site, because

we

are a two mom family and not Christian. I assumed that we would

not be

welcome there and I wasn't not up for being attacked for living my

life.

Now it appears, based on these incidents that I made the right choice.

BTW, I've been meaning to say and this whole instance brings it to mind,

that I am really growing in my appreication of this list. As

far as I know

I'm the only lesbian and one of the few non-Christians here.

I have never

felt judged for that here and I greatly appreciate that. I joined

another

pregnancy loss group soon after I lost this baby and very quickly got

the

message I was not wanted there. It was really a bummer to have

to deal

with people's rejection based on rigid thinking at a time when I really

needed support.

***************************

& Jani

mailto:newmoon@...

moms to Rowan, born 6/26/98 (20 months old)

three spirit babies:

Cassidy, m/c 8/99, was due April 20, 2000

Mandy, m/c 10/99, was due June 15, 2000

Keegan, ectopic pregnancy, 1/00, was due Sept. 9, 2000

------------------------------------------------------------------------

MAXIMIZE YOUR CARD, MINIMIZE YOUR RATE!

Get a NextCard Visa, in 30 seconds! Get rates as low as

0.0% Intro or 9.9% Fixed APR and no hidden fees.

Apply NOW!

http://click./1/2122/2/_/26068/_/952025029/

-- Easily schedule meetings and events using the group calendar!

-- /cal?listname=ectopicpregnancy & m=1