Re: Answers to Smart - Alecky questions...Help

July 6, 2002

Well, you can always say, " I know you're speaking because you're

concerned, but you know, the research proves diets DON'T work as well as

surgery. " Even my doc, who, bless her soul, didn't turn a hair

yesterday when I said I wanted weight loss surgery, did really want me

to check with my doc to see if gastric banding, which was " less

invasive " was as good as the roux en-y. And, just before I left, asked

me to contact the Metablolic Research Weight Loss Center to ask about

their diet. I just smiled and said, " thanks, " because I knew that even

as an MD, she really doesn't understand bariatric issues. She's always

been the kind of doc who is in favor of using the least traumatic form

of treatment. And I value her for that. She really couldn't get it

through her head that *for me* another diet was not the answer. Maybe if

I was 10 lbs overweight, or maybe if the weight had come suddenly from

an injury that kept me immobile for a while. But I've dieted myself for

the last 40 years, once losing nearly 100 lbs, and still weigh 240 lbs.

It's amazing to me that in this culture we don't advise others with

disabilities unless we have them, too (I mean, how many people would

walk up to a stranger and say, gee, your xxxx disease sure makes you

look xxx, have you tried vitamin B-6?) but many people seem to feel it's

alright to give us advice? I can fully understand some listmembers

desire to share their sucess with other obese people, and yet their fear

to offend. We've been offended so many times ourselves.

How do I handle it?

I just remember that 1. they don't know what they think they know. and

2. mostly it's said because they love us and are afraid for us for the

surgery, no matter how they put it. I practice my " assertiveness "

technique of " clouding " - smile sweetly and say, " you may be right. "

and just walk away. Then they have no comeback, no reason to discuss it

further, and since we all know we're not going to change their minds

until it's done and they can see that we're healthy and happy, we can

move onto other things.

Pam

From: bonbonsplace

Sent: Saturday, July 06, 2002 8:04 AM

To: GastricBypass-InfoCentral

Subject: Answers to " Smart - Alecky " questions...Help

What do you all do when someone says to you, " Why are you going to

butcher your body when diets work as well as that surgery? " or when

someone who is " well-meaning " says " Other people lose weight without

surgery. Why can't you? " or " You're not fat enough for surgery -

you just need to exercise and diet.. "

Over the past few days, I have had all of this, and even a well

meaning physician wanting to put me on yet another pill that some

study has said helps you to lose weight - some kind of anti-seizure

drug or some such.

Not to sound so dramatic, but @##$ it. I am sick of being on a pill

and losing weight while on it, only to gain it back when I go off

it. I am sick of going on a diet and busting my can and almost

killing myself to lose 15 lbs, get sick from over exertion,only to

gain back everything I lost plus some. I weigh 275 lbs on a medium

frame and stand 5'4 " . I am constantly in pain in my joints and I

have broken my foot a couple of times from stepping wrong and having

my whole weight end up on the wrong place on my foot. God, I wish

they could be me for one day. I am tired of this...

Help me have a snappy come back and stop these " well-meaning " folks,

most of whom I would like to gladly slap silly...

sorry to vent, but I had no one else who would understand...

Thanks,

Love,

Bonnie

July 6, 2002

hi bonnie

I know how you feel be as nice as you can and tell

them it is none of there business and you have to do

what is right for you, no one has walked in your shoes

to know the pain and discomfort you are going thru, we

as larger people dont choose to be this way, but i

tell them this is my choice and if i dont do something

i will die at a young age and i am doing this for me

and to be healthier and live a full life, and enjoy my

family.

carmie

--- bonbonsplace wrote:

> What do you all do when someone says to you, " Why

> are you going to

> butcher your body when diets work as well as that

> surgery? " or when

> someone who is " well-meaning " says " Other people

> lose weight without

> surgery. Why can't you? " or " You're not fat enough

> for surgery -

> you just need to exercise and diet.. "

>

> Over the past few days, I have had all of this, and

> even a well

> meaning physician wanting to put me on yet another

> pill that some

> study has said helps you to lose weight - some kind

> of anti-seizure

> drug or some such.

>

> Not to sound so dramatic, but @##$ it. I am sick of

> being on a pill

> and losing weight while on it, only to gain it back

> when I go off

> it. I am sick of going on a diet and busting my can

> and almost

> killing myself to lose 15 lbs, get sick from over

> exertion,only to

> gain back everything I lost plus some. I weigh 275

> lbs on a medium

> frame and stand 5'4 " . I am constantly in pain in my

> joints and I

> have broken my foot a couple of times from stepping

> wrong and having

> my whole weight end up on the wrong place on my

> foot. God, I wish

> they could be me for one day. I am tired of this...

>

> Help me have a snappy come back and stop these

> " well-meaning " folks,

> most of whom I would like to gladly slap silly...

>

> sorry to vent, but I had no one else who would

> understand...

>

> Thanks,

> Love,

> Bonnie

>

__________________________________________________

July 6, 2002

The best one I ever heard, and have used with great success is as follows:

If I told you I had cancer and 5% chance of living a normal quality of life

without surgery, you would tell me to have the surgery. If I diet I have the

same 5% chance of losing and keeping off the weight to have a normal quality of

life... I'm having the surgery. Support me or leave me alone.

Hugs,

---

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July 6, 2002

Three cheers - well said - thanks - deb in NE

Re: Answers to " Smart - Alecky " questions...Help

The best one I ever heard, and have used with great success is as follows:

If I told you I had cancer and 5% chance of living a normal quality of life

without surgery, you would tell me to have the surgery. If I diet I have the

same 5% chance of losing and keeping off the weight to have a normal quality of

life... I'm having the surgery. Support me or leave me alone.

Hugs,

---

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July 7, 2002

I like your reponse Pam. I had an older lady at a doctor's office say to me

this past Monday, " You know, I know it's none of my business, but I tried that

Slimfast and it worked, it really worked for me, I lost like 27 pounds. " My

daughter had just seen the counselor, and she's also seen me, and knows about my

surgery. She was there when the lady said this to me. My reaction was to just

smile and ignore the lady as much as possible. I almost told her about my

sugery and having lost 30 pounds, but I didn't. So maybe I did the right thing

without opening up a whole can of worms with this stranger I didn't even know.

Jeanne in WI

Age 38

Open RNY 05/21/2002

314/ 283.5 /150-175

5' 8 "

djgraves@...

July 7, 2002

27 pounds. And how much muscle & bone?

27 lbs is nice, and we get it off within a month, give or take. And it's just

the tip of the iceberg, not the whole enchilada. All you can do is smile nicely

and say, " That's nice " . I know, it's hard to refrain from saying, " And how much

did you gain back? "

I've tried 100's of different responses to people's ignorance. Not sure which

works. Depends on if my intent is to educate or put them in their place, I

think. If they get uppity, look out.

Thanks,

http://www.vitalady.com

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