Today.....

[Guest guest]

I am very confused tonight....and not because of anyone here and I so

appreciated wonderful insight. I visited my nada tonight. My father was

going to work for alittle. (which I didn't even know) My mother hates

to be alone. So I got there at 3:45, and I visited until 6:00. I was

watching the end of a movie with my mother. It was a true story about a

controlling and manipulative mother who tried to over take her grown

son's life and eventually had her pregnant son's wife murdered. It was

pretty awful...and we were just channel surfing and came across the

last 20 minutes of it.

I told my mother at 5:45, I am leaving at 6. Nada said jokingly, did

you 7 o'clock and I said no six. Of course I then got the standard

story of how she never wanted to let me go and could keep me forever. I

also heard how she loves hard when she loves someone.....and we

continued to finish the movie. At the end of the movie she says to

me...I am probably alike that woman in the movie- the way she loved her

son, I love you- but I would never kill anyone. I couldn't even say

anything. I was speechless.

I am going through my withdrawing stage emotionally right

now...wanting to do very little and just what I call regrouping. My

husband is so self-absorbed, he doesn't even really notice, and I think

my daughter is just use to it. My husband notices if his meals aren't

made or his clothes aren't washed. I never did this withdrawing when

my daughter was grouping up, this started about 5 years ago.

So decided I am finding a new therapist, maybe even a psychiatrist. I

do appeciate my therapist, and she has helped me. Something still isn't

right with me. I am ok then, I go down again emotional. I know my

mother has hurt me and helped damage a part of me, and yet it is so

hard for me to heal. I have made strides...but I need and want to make

more.

Thank you for just listening... and just being here.

Malinda