yikes.

August 9, 2008

late-breaking developments in the " making babies " boundary case:

just to recap, last week my mom refused to stop asking when i was

going to make babies. she asked incessantly. i told her to stop

several times. when she finally heard what i was saying, she got her

feelings hurt and refused to come to my brunch i had last sunday for

my family and my husband's family because i was apparently " too

stressed " and that was the reason why i was reacting this way to her

" ribs. "

i was like, " yo, things that make me stressed out: people who SAY

they're going to do something and don't. also, dad never cancels on

me. " she hates being compared to dad. she told everyone she left my

father because of the way he treated my sisters and i. what a joke.

she wrote this pathetic email about how she would " just be a bother "

and said that she just couldn't take anymore of my emails. she also

sent an email to my two sisters canceling the dinners she has every

other sunday. i think she's trying to get them pissed off at me, but

i didn't react at all. i didn't even send her the tirade about how

effectively she's alienating herself from the only people on the

planet who still care about her. (actually i was going to send it,

but my husband wouldn't let me).

anyway, she called on monday and left a message like everything was

hunky-dory. notice i did not pick up the phone. then the next day,

she left another message. she immediately called back, but did not

leave a message.

i'm out of town this wkend, so i don't know what she has done to the

home phone, but last night, she called my husband's cell and left the

message, " I WANT TO TALK TO <BINK>. PERIOD. " does she really think

she's that scary? does she really think my husband and i are afraid

of her?

notice she refuses to email me because she can't hang up on an email.

if she wants to talk to me, it'll be through email. really, i'm just

tired of being in trouble. i have been in trouble since i was 11, and

i'm almost 27. it's so lame! i'm not doing this anymore. my dad

seems a little perturbed by it, ie she might die, you don't know how

you'll feel when she's gone, but i'm just not going to let someone

take a dump all over my standards because she might drop dead. she

needs to straighten up because I MIGHT DIE! wtf? it works both ways!!!!

bink

August 10, 2008

Hey bink,

I'm sorry. This sucks. But I'm with you 100%. And you know what?

She will die, eventually. We all do. How about accepting death in

case you might have a happy life, rather than having a miserable life

in case nada dies?

By the way, that is SO something my mom would do. Arggghh.

writer

>

> late-breaking developments in the " making babies " boundary case:

>

> just to recap, last week my mom refused to stop asking when i was

> going to make babies. she asked incessantly. i told her to stop

> several times. when she finally heard what i was saying, she got

her

> feelings hurt and refused to come to my brunch i had last sunday for

> my family and my husband's family because i was apparently " too

> stressed " and that was the reason why i was reacting this way to her

> " ribs. "

>

> i was like, " yo, things that make me stressed out: people who SAY

> they're going to do something and don't. also, dad never cancels on

> me. " she hates being compared to dad. she told everyone she left

my

> father because of the way he treated my sisters and i. what a

joke.

> she wrote this pathetic email about how she would " just be a bother "

> and said that she just couldn't take anymore of my emails. she also

> sent an email to my two sisters canceling the dinners she has every

> other sunday. i think she's trying to get them pissed off at me,

but

> i didn't react at all. i didn't even send her the tirade about how

> effectively she's alienating herself from the only people on the

> planet who still care about her. (actually i was going to send it,

> but my husband wouldn't let me).

>

> anyway, she called on monday and left a message like everything was

> hunky-dory. notice i did not pick up the phone. then the next day,

> she left another message. she immediately called back, but did not

> leave a message.

>

> i'm out of town this wkend, so i don't know what she has done to the

> home phone, but last night, she called my husband's cell and left

the

> message, " I WANT TO TALK TO <BINK>. PERIOD. " does she really think

> she's that scary? does she really think my husband and i are afraid

> of her?

>

> notice she refuses to email me because she can't hang up on an

email.

>

> if she wants to talk to me, it'll be through email. really, i'm

just

> tired of being in trouble. i have been in trouble since i was 11,

and

> i'm almost 27. it's so lame! i'm not doing this anymore. my dad

> seems a little perturbed by it, ie she might die, you don't know how

> you'll feel when she's gone, but i'm just not going to let someone

> take a dump all over my standards because she might drop dead. she

> needs to straighten up because I MIGHT DIE! wtf? it works both

ways!!!!

>

> bink

>

August 10, 2008

I have that threat/ guilt trip thing many, many times. like when I

am gone you will have alot to regret. whatever. i am over it. this

sounds awful i know...but... right now this seems the only hope for

me to have a life, is if she kicks the bucket. i have started just

not reacting to her snide comments and degrading opinion of my

parenting skills and what kind of person I am .. this seems to kicked

her craziness into overdrive. she has become physical a couple of

times, trying to push me or grabbing my arms when i refuse to sit

down and hear one of her speeches on all of my failures. Maybe i

will make her so made it will put her blood pressure over the top.

How sick is it of me to be thinking these things??? See, I live at

home with her and my 3 children. ages 18, 16, and 5. I can not move

out right now.. i have tried and tried to figured out a way but it is

impossible right now due to finances, plus she is constantly

demanding money from me, for various expenses, even saying I owe her

money when I don't, she does this I think to ensure that I can not

save enough money to move out. The house and property will be mine

someday, since I am an only child.

She called me at work on Thursday screaming.. " Why did you borrow

money in my name??? " " Now, I am being sued and your are in big

trouble, you will probably go to jail over this one " WTF... I had no

idea what she was talking about and told her.. she didn't beleive me

and hung up on me, then wouldn't answer the phone. I finally got her

later in the day, and told her, I told you I don't know anything

about this so you better find out who did, someone may have stolen

your identity.

Not another word has been mentioned about it. i only say hello to

her, and answer her questions. if she has any lately with as brief a

statement as possible. She is a real nutcase and getting crazier by

the day...she even gets a wild look in her eyes.

I am rambling now..but just curious has anyone else had these death

wishes? i guess its desperation and the fear i have for the damage

she could cause my children.

August 10, 2008

man that sucks. in high school, i most definitely felt like it would

be better for everyone if she died (she was always talking about

wanting to die, too). i can't imagine having to deal with mom again

on a daily basis. that would drive me completely nuts.

bink

>

> I have that threat/ guilt trip thing many, many times. like when I

> am gone you will have alot to regret. whatever. i am over it. this

> sounds awful i know...but... right now this seems the only hope for

> me to have a life, is if she kicks the bucket. i have started just

> not reacting to her snide comments and degrading opinion of my

> parenting skills and what kind of person I am .. this seems to kicked

> her craziness into overdrive. she has become physical a couple of

> times, trying to push me or grabbing my arms when i refuse to sit

> down and hear one of her speeches on all of my failures. Maybe i

> will make her so made it will put her blood pressure over the top.

> How sick is it of me to be thinking these things??? See, I live at

> home with her and my 3 children. ages 18, 16, and 5. I can not move

> out right now.. i have tried and tried to figured out a way but it is

> impossible right now due to finances, plus she is constantly

> demanding money from me, for various expenses, even saying I owe her

> money when I don't, she does this I think to ensure that I can not

> save enough money to move out. The house and property will be mine

> someday, since I am an only child.

>

> She called me at work on Thursday screaming.. " Why did you borrow

> money in my name??? " " Now, I am being sued and your are in big

> trouble, you will probably go to jail over this one " WTF... I had no

> idea what she was talking about and told her.. she didn't beleive me

> and hung up on me, then wouldn't answer the phone. I finally got her

> later in the day, and told her, I told you I don't know anything

> about this so you better find out who did, someone may have stolen

> your identity.

>

> Not another word has been mentioned about it. i only say hello to

> her, and answer her questions. if she has any lately with as brief a

> statement as possible. She is a real nutcase and getting crazier by

> the day...she even gets a wild look in her eyes.

>

> I am rambling now..but just curious has anyone else had these death

> wishes? i guess its desperation and the fear i have for the damage

> she could cause my children.

>

August 10, 2008

I don't think it's horrible that you feel that the only relief will

come when your nada dies; I've often felt the same thing.

I'm 28yo, and my nada is only in her mid-50s. Over the past few

years, I've become increasingly comfortable with the idea that looking

forward to my nada's passing is completely understandable, given my

position. I still feel a twinge of guilt about it, but allowing

myself to feel the relief that would come on that day then allows me

to begin to mourn the loss of a " real mother. " I've learned that

every time I feel like my nada lets me down (which is least daily),

it's because she's not fulfilling an idea of a loving mother that I

don't have, have never had, and that I need to learn to mourn, in

order to let go. In fact, thinking about my nada's death gives me a

bit of cognitive distance to look at her more objectively, and examine

why it is I haven't yet cut her off from my life.

Good luck. To all of you!!

August 10, 2008

My mom has been talking about wanting to die since my early teens. In

hindsight I now believe that the talk and attempts on her part was

mostly attention seeking behaviour, but her numerous threats have always

made me scared, angry and anxious. Most of the time I've felt that

death would be best for everyone, because I can't really remember too

many times when she has been satisfied(I won't use the word happy,

because for her (a waif/hermit that is an impossibilty) And I still have

a lot of anger and there have been a few times when she's made me feel

so hopeless that I wanted to end my life. I can't tell you the number

of times my husband and I have shared jokes on providing her with the

means to do it! I know that's whack and most normal people wouldn't

understand the motives. Maybe it's a humour specific to KO BPDs! It

would just be such a relief. I can't even imagine a euology. What would

I say? She was kind to a couple of people in her life and her cats?

You know, I don't even feel bad about it about it anymore, because at

the age of 82 she's the most miserable, paranoid and isolated that she

has ever been and she will not get better, and I'm tired(also an only

child) and constantly stressed. I couldn't imagine living in the same

house as nada. For me even living in the same town is a

dealbreaker....you must be very strong. It's good to see that you don't

respond to her attempts to pull you in. What do your kids think? How

do they deal with it? I try to not talk around them because they are

older now and see what is happening, but sometimes they can tell I'm

upset, but at least I'm dealing with it and setting somewhat og an

example I hope and I definately treat them like humans and a real

mother(Ithink).

Imbi

> >

> > I have that threat/ guilt trip thing many, many times. like when I

> > am gone you will have alot to regret. whatever. i am over it. this

> > sounds awful i know...but... right now this seems the only hope for

> > me to have a life, is if she kicks the bucket. i have started just

> > not reacting to her snide comments and degrading opinion of my

> > parenting skills and what kind of person I am .. this seems to

kicked

> > her craziness into overdrive. she has become physical a couple of

> > times, trying to push me or grabbing my arms when i refuse to sit

> > down and hear one of her speeches on all of my failures. Maybe i

> > will make her so made it will put her blood pressure over the top.

> > How sick is it of me to be thinking these things??? See, I live at

> > home with her and my 3 children. ages 18, 16, and 5. I can not move

> > out right now.. i have tried and tried to figured out a way but it

is

> > impossible right now due to finances, plus she is constantly

> > demanding money from me, for various expenses, even saying I owe her

> > money when I don't, she does this I think to ensure that I can not

> > save enough money to move out. The house and property will be mine

> > someday, since I am an only child.

> >

> > She called me at work on Thursday screaming.. " Why did you borrow

> > money in my name??? " " Now, I am being sued and your are in big

> > trouble, you will probably go to jail over this one " WTF... I had no

> > idea what she was talking about and told her.. she didn't beleive me

> > and hung up on me, then wouldn't answer the phone. I finally got her

> > later in the day, and told her, I told you I don't know anything

> > about this so you better find out who did, someone may have stolen

> > your identity.

> >

> > Not another word has been mentioned about it. i only say hello to

> > her, and answer her questions. if she has any lately with as brief a

> > statement as possible. She is a real nutcase and getting crazier by

> > the day...she even gets a wild look in her eyes.

> >

> > I am rambling now..but just curious has anyone else had these death

> > wishes? i guess its desperation and the fear i have for the damage

> > she could cause my children.

> >

>

August 11, 2008

I only very recently realzied that mother has this disorder. she

hasn't been dx (since she doesn't have any kind of problem;;;i am the

one with problem, and the one who causes all the crap in the

house)..anyway..since i have figured out that it will never get any

better..only getting worse and fast i have told both of the older

children about BPD and have shared some reading material with them.

THey are 16 and 18. Regardless of how much info you have is still

exhausting and devastating to deal with. I have instructed them to not

argue with her no matter what, this is what she wants. I have told

them too that as soon as possible we are out of there. They both want

out so much they are willing to help contribute some to household

expenses too. It has been rough, but, I can tell I can't take much

more. I have an appt with a therapist and am taking them with me.

August 11, 2008

I thought the part of your email where your dad wants you to talk to your mother

because she might die is hysterical.

Believe me, we are not that lucky. I always say, 'Evil doesn't die -- it

lives on to torture those around it. "

bink1227 wrote: