Younger sister about to head of to college... need advice

[Guest guest]

Hi

I need some advice. Here is the situation. My mom is BPD and my

father is the enabler. 3 years ago my parents stopped speaking to my

older sister and I. Both of us began experiencing bigger problems

when we left home. So 3 years of no contact... in the meantime...

My sister just turned 18 and will be starting college in the fall.

She will be " going away " to college like I did, only difference is she

will be closer than I was. Appx. 2 years ago while perusing the

internet, I found some photos that showed (my then 16 yr old sister)

on her myspace account drinking and partying with her friends and

staying over at random peoples houses... the list goes on regarding

her drinking escapades. Now, I understand that we have all been kids

and done silly things, but when a 16 yr old is getting drunk, passing

out at 20 yr old boys houses and puking the whole next day, then

topping it off with posting her pictures on a public website and not

making it private... I felt that it was time my parents acted like

parents.

I contacted my father and he told me that I needed to " stay away from

his family " and he talked with her and she denied any wrong doing...

so to leave him and his family alone.

I decided to email him the info. I knew if she found out that she

would be pissed at me, but I didn't want her to miss out on

opportunities and get kicked out of school, lose any scholarships or

pass out somewhere... you know? I don't think I was nutty by thinking

that those things could happen because everything was public and I

have heard on the news about people missing out on things due to some

incriminating photos on the internet. I also don't think I was doing

anything wrong, I think if I was her Mother, I would want my daughters

to keep me informed if she was making choices that put her life at

risk. So, I email him, he calls me and tells me to quit snooping into

her life and spying on them because I'm jealous. She then emails me

because of my horrible actions refusing to come to anything important

in my life and asking me to leave her alone... she thinks I threw her

under the bus to get in good with my parents and she was also told

that I had been reading her emails and checking out her bank

account... which I have no freakin clue how to do anyways!!! Was I

wrong to even do this?

Question is this... she is still upset with me I'm sure, but I am

afraid that the bottom is going to fall out for her. She has no

family other than them in the state... I also want to patch things up

with her because shes my sister and I love her. I was very close with

her before I left for school. My Mom has been so horrible to her and

its just disgusting... but if Mom is happy then everyone leads an

easier life, so since I was older when my older sister left home, I

know that I was guilted into not speaking with her. I can be pretty

sure the same is going on with her.

How should I handle this situation? Should I ignore it and wait for

her to contact me one day, or should I try sending her letters now,

start stocking her dorm room in the fall... attempt to work things out

with my parents so that it is " ok " for her to talk to me?

Anyone else out there go through anything somewhat similar? How would

you handle it?