Guest guest Posted August 15, 2008 Report Share Posted August 15, 2008 I have recently joined this group and I have been reading all of your email's to try and determine if my mother has bpd. I do recognize some similarities but also differences (although I do realize that everyones experience will be different). My mother told me maybe 10 years ago her doctor told her she had borderline personality and nothing else was said about it. I brought it up to her again a couple of years later and she completely denied it and acted like she did'nt know what I was talking about. I will try to give a brief history without too many details (to make it too long or boring to read! LOL) and please let me know what you all think. It seems that one of her main agendas is that she is always right and has a need to feel superior to me and also she must always make everyone else feel sorry for her like she is the poor victim. My mother and father divorced when I was maybe 3 or 4 years old because she was having an affair with my dads dad (yes my grandpa) this not only split up my parents but also my grandparents. her and my dads dad moved in together and were going to marry (although never did and soon after broke up) and we were told to call my grandpa " dad " and all communication was cut off from my grandmother. In fact it was maybe 5 years later before we saw her again (my dad lived out of state so was unable to take us to visit her until then) and I was shocked to realize I had another grandmother (I did'nt remember her) and I remember thinking at a young age how could my mother keep this from us. After that for years my mother told us what an evil person my grandmother was and how she called her names at the divorce etc. Anyway the next several years were spent with us moving in and out of my moms various boyfriends houses. I have lost track of how many guys I have walked in on her having sex with. She would send us off to stay with her parents maybe 3 months out of the year and another 2-3 months with my dad so we were really only with her maybe 6 months out of the year. We had regular beatings, brusies, broken arms, verbal abuse about how ungrateful I was. When I was about 11 she decided she no longer was interested in being a mother (her words) and sent us off to live with my dad. She never paid him a cent of child support and continued to claim us on her taxes. Over the next 12-13 years I saw her maybe a half dozen times at various family gatherings, never overnight or alone together. After I was married and pregnant with my first child we began talking again although we lived on seperate sides of the country. Over the next maybe 15 years I took my family to visit her a handful of times (she has NEVER come to visit me) we talked on the phone and things seem to be going well. Then maybe 4 years ago I (and my family) moved to another state, not where she lives, but she owned a house there and it seemed natural that we would rent from her until we bought in this new area. To make an extremely long story very short, BAD MISTAKE. I knew amost within the first month it was a bad mistake. Suddenly I started remembering everything from the past that I had forgotten. She always has to make her self feel superior, she is always the victim, she has to make everyone else feel sorry for her because we are such horrid tennants. I am ungrateful for all she has done for me and show her no respect. The nightmare will be ending because we will be moving in the next couple of months. I also wonder if she may have just a touch of maunchausen by proxy or it may be just a part of bpd. After she told us she was no loner interested in being a parent many years ago, her and her new husband adopted 4 children, over time, and she has " discovered " that all 4 have multiple psychiatric disorders and that is almost all she talks about trying again to get people to feel sorry for her because of all she has to do with the kids running them to drs, medication etc. Thank you if you have read this far. Obviously I have left out a lot of details and events but tried to hit the main things, please feel free to comment if you think bpd may or may not fit! Thanks! Leesa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 15, 2008 Report Share Posted August 15, 2008 Hi Jill, Wow, you and your siblings lived in hell, it seems. It makes me wonder why you kids weren't taken away from her sooner, if you were being bruised and given broken bones, for Christs's sake! That's just so, so horrible. It is so upsetting to me to read of all the brutal things our various BPD parents have done to us when we were helpless and abjectly dependent little kids. Your mom very well could have BPD. It certainly seems that she lacks empathy and has a history of unstable relationships, which are a couple of hallmarks of the disorder. Sounds like you've come to the conclusion that the less contact you have with your mom, the better, which is what seems to work for a lot of us. Either no contact or very low contact with the borderline parent seems to be the best solution for maintaining or regaining one's own peace of mind. My Sister is going to a psychiatrist now, to try and regain some of her self-esteem after being emotionally brutalized by our mother for decades, and the psychiatrist likened our mother to an " emotional toxic waste dump " that needed to be navigated around, to avoid being poisoned. So, if you possibly can, fly around the dump! -Annie > > I have recently joined this group and I have been reading all of your > email's to try and determine if my mother has bpd. I do recognize some > similarities but also differences (although I do realize that everyones > experience will be different). My mother told me maybe 10 years ago her > doctor told her she had borderline personality and nothing else was said > about it. I brought it up to her again a couple of years later and she > completely denied it and acted like she did'nt know what I was talking > about. I will try to give a brief history without too many details (to make > it too long or boring to read! LOL) and please let me know what you all > think. > > It seems that one of her main agendas is that she is always right and has a > need to feel superior to me and also she must always make everyone else feel > sorry for her like she is the poor victim. > > My mother and father divorced when I was maybe 3 or 4 years old because she > was having an affair with my dads dad (yes my grandpa) this not only split > up my parents but also my grandparents. her and my dads dad moved in > together and were going to marry (although never did and soon after broke > up) and we were told to call my grandpa " dad " and all communication was cut > off from my grandmother. In fact it was maybe 5 years later before we saw > her again (my dad lived out of state so was unable to take us to visit her > until then) and I was shocked to realize I had another grandmother (I did'nt > remember her) and I remember thinking at a young age how could my mother > keep this from us. After that for years my mother told us what an evil > person my grandmother was and how she called her names at the divorce etc. > > Anyway the next several years were spent with us moving in and out of my > moms various boyfriends houses. I have lost track of how many guys I > have walked in on her having sex with. She would send us off to stay with > her parents maybe 3 months out of the year and another 2-3 months with my > dad so we were really only with her maybe 6 months out of the year. We had > regular beatings, brusies, broken arms, verbal abuse about how ungrateful I > was. When I was about 11 she decided she no longer was interested in being a > mother (her words) and sent us off to live with my dad. She never paid him a > cent of child support and continued to claim us on her taxes. > > Over the next 12-13 years I saw her maybe a half dozen times at various > family gatherings, never overnight or alone together. After I was married > and pregnant with my first child we began talking again although we lived on > seperate sides of the country. Over the next maybe 15 years I took my family > to visit her a handful of times (she has NEVER come to visit me) we talked > on the phone and things seem to be going well. > > Then maybe 4 years ago I (and my family) moved to another state, not where > she lives, but she owned a house there and it seemed natural that we would > rent from her until we bought in this new area. To make an extremely long > story very short, BAD MISTAKE. I knew amost within the first month it was a > bad mistake. Suddenly I started remembering everything from the past that I > had forgotten. She always has to make her self feel superior, she is always > the victim, she has to make everyone else feel sorry for her because we are > such horrid tennants. I am ungrateful for all she has done for me and show > her no respect. The nightmare will be ending because we will be moving in > the next couple of months. > > I also wonder if she may have just a touch of maunchausen by proxy or it may > be just a part of bpd. After she told us she was no loner interested in > being a parent many years ago, her and her new husband adopted 4 children, > over time, and she has " discovered " that all 4 have multiple psychiatric > disorders and that is almost all she talks about trying again to get people > to feel sorry for her because of all she has to do with the kids running > them to drs, medication etc. > > Thank you if you have read this far. Obviously I have left out a lot of > details and events but tried to hit the main things, please feel free to > comment if you think bpd may or may not fit! Thanks! Leesa > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 15, 2008 Report Share Posted August 15, 2008 What a worthless excuse for a mother. Completly self centered and nonempathetic. It has all the hall marks of BPD and NPD with a little psychotic disconnect thrown in. As for the MBP I think it would depend on how she acted. If she hurt you to get attention and then was congratulated for being a caring mother then you might be dealing with MBP. If is just a " poor pity me " schtick you just might have a first class bully on your hands. Run, don't walk as far from this jerk as possible. Don't look back and don't feel sorry.. You aren't missing much. Be strong Re: new here intro Hi Jill, Wow, you and your siblings lived in hell, it seems. It makes me wonder why you kids weren't taken away from her sooner, if you were being bruised and given broken bones, for Christs's sake! That's just so, so horrible. It is so upsetting to me to read of all the brutal things our various BPD parents have done to us when we were helpless and abjectly dependent little kids. Your mom very well could have BPD. It certainly seems that she lacks empathy and has a history of unstable relationships, which are a couple of hallmarks of the disorder. Sounds like you've come to the conclusion that the less contact you have with your mom, the better, which is what seems to work for a lot of us. Either no contact or very low contact with the borderline parent seems to be the best solution for maintaining or regaining one's own peace of mind. My Sister is going to a psychiatrist now, to try and regain some of her self-esteem after being emotionally brutalized by our mother for decades, and the psychiatrist likened our mother to an " emotional toxic waste dump " that needed to be navigated around, to avoid being poisoned. So, if you possibly can, fly around the dump! -Annie > > I have recently joined this group and I have been reading all of your > email's to try and determine if my mother has bpd. I do recognize some > similarities but also differences (although I do realize that everyones > experience will be different). My mother told me maybe 10 years ago her > doctor told her she had borderline personality and nothing else was said > about it. I brought it up to her again a couple of years later and she > completely denied it and acted like she did'nt know what I was talking > about. I will try to give a brief history without too many details (to make > it too long or boring to read! LOL) and please let me know what you all > think. > > It seems that one of her main agendas is that she is always right and has a > need to feel superior to me and also she must always make everyone else feel > sorry for her like she is the poor victim. > > My mother and father divorced when I was maybe 3 or 4 years old because she > was having an affair with my dads dad (yes my grandpa) this not only split > up my parents but also my grandparents. her and my dads dad moved in > together and were going to marry (although never did and soon after broke > up) and we were told to call my grandpa " dad " and all communication was cut > off from my grandmother. In fact it was maybe 5 years later before we saw > her again (my dad lived out of state so was unable to take us to visit her > until then) and I was shocked to realize I had another grandmother (I did'nt > remember her) and I remember thinking at a young age how could my mother > keep this from us. After that for years my mother told us what an evil > person my grandmother was and how she called her names at the divorce etc. > > Anyway the next several years were spent with us moving in and out of my > moms various boyfriends houses. I have lost track of how many guys I > have walked in on her having sex with. She would send us off to stay with > her parents maybe 3 months out of the year and another 2-3 months with my > dad so we were really only with her maybe 6 months out of the year. We had > regular beatings, brusies, broken arms, verbal abuse about how ungrateful I > was. When I was about 11 she decided she no longer was interested in being a > mother (her words) and sent us off to live with my dad. She never paid him a > cent of child support and continued to claim us on her taxes. > > Over the next 12-13 years I saw her maybe a half dozen times at various > family gatherings, never overnight or alone together.. After I was married > and pregnant with my first child we began talking again although we lived on > seperate sides of the country. Over the next maybe 15 years I took my family > to visit her a handful of times (she has NEVER come to visit me) we talked > on the phone and things seem to be going well. > > Then maybe 4 years ago I (and my family) moved to another state, not where > she lives, but she owned a house there and it seemed natural that we would > rent from her until we bought in this new area. To make an extremely long > story very short, BAD MISTAKE. I knew amost within the first month it was a > bad mistake. Suddenly I started remembering everything from the past that I > had forgotten. She always has to make her self feel superior, she is always > the victim, she has to make everyone else feel sorry for her because we are > such horrid tennants. I am ungrateful for all she has done for me and show > her no respect. The nightmare will be ending because we will be moving in > the next couple of months. > > I also wonder if she may have just a touch of maunchausen by proxy or it may > be just a part of bpd. After she told us she was no loner interested in > being a parent many years ago, her and her new husband adopted 4 children, > over time, and she has " discovered " that all 4 have multiple psychiatric > disorders and that is almost all she talks about trying again to get people > to feel sorry for her because of all she has to do with the kids running > them to drs, medication etc. > > Thank you if you have read this far. Obviously I have left out a lot of > details and events but tried to hit the main things, please feel free to > comment if you think bpd may or may not fit! Thanks! Leesa > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2008 Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 Sounds like BPD or Narcissistic personality disorder. I shuddered reading about your childhood. Broken arms?? I can't over how a parent can break a child's arm and the authorities don't do more about it. I saw a story on TV once about an unsolved murder of a child. This woman stomped her little girl to death and stuffed her in a suitcase. The kid had been in and out of the hospital like 50 times or something. Later, when the cops interviewed her other children (now grown) they all swore their mother was never violent with them- even though there were over 100 hospital visits within a 3 year period between them. Anyway, I got off topic... she is definatly ill in one way shape or form. You should read about narcissism as well. The victim thing is a calling card for it. When you said that all 4 adopted kids are claimed to have some sort of mental illness, I thought of my Nada. When my little brother was young, she swore he had dyslexia. Long story short, he did NOT end up having it and she basically held him back to make it seem like he did. He was 12 and could hardly read when my dad finally intervened. It was like she got some weird sort of kick from helping him overcome this imaginary condition. I think it would be pretty ironic if all 4 of these kids was really mentally ill. Hmmmmm.... something to think about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2008 Report Share Posted August 16, 2008 Yes, NPD was I thought I had while reading the initial post too! Take Care Of You, JaneSoul Re:new here intro Sounds like BPD or Narcissistic personality disorder. I shuddered reading about your childhood. Broken arms?? I can't over how a parent can break a child's arm and the authorities don't do more about it. I saw a story on TV once about an unsolved murder of a child. This woman stomped her little girl to death and stuffed her in a suitcase. The kid had been in and out of the hospital like 50 times or something. Later, when the cops interviewed her other children (now grown) they all swore their mother was never violent with them- even though there were over 100 hospital visits within a 3 year period between them. Anyway, I got off topic... she is definatly ill in one way shape or form. You should read about narcissism as well. The victim thing is a calling card for it. When you said that all 4 adopted kids are claimed to have some sort of mental illness, I thought of my Nada. When my little brother was young, she swore he had dyslexia. Long story short, he did NOT end up having it and she basically held him back to make it seem like he did. He was 12 and could hardly read when my dad finally intervened. It was like she got some weird sort of kick from helping him overcome this imaginary condition. I think it would be pretty ironic if all 4 of these kids was really mentally ill. Hmmmmm.... something to think about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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