Re: i can't stand the POUTING!!!

August 3, 2008

I'm with ya, Bink. Thankfully, my mother isn't on the baby train

(since she's convinced she'll never have grandchildren), but she's big

into pouting. She is the queen of the silent treatment, and I think

that it really gets to her when I don't respond to it like I used to.

When your mom canceled going to your brunch because of the baby

conversation is something my mother would do, too. She did it to me

around my birthday when I had to cancel plans with her. She'd made the

plans for me and called me to tell me about them. I had other

tentative plans already, but when they weren't changeable, I had to

cancel with my mom. The next day I get an e-mail telling me that I was

" off the hook " for helping her with her piano recital. She said that

because I was " too unreliable " to attend plans she had made for me,

then " how can I trust you to show up to help? " It blew me away, but

yet... typical.

My mom will evoke the silent treatment first. If that doesn't work

she'll ignore me in an obvious way while making hurtful comments. She

did that tonight at her birthday party. She's pouting and upset that

I'm not buying into her negative responses. It's my best advice. I

work with kids who have mental health issues, and one of the best

techniques I know is not to play into their negative behavior. Give

all the attention in the world when they react appropriately, but

ignore the bad stuff. My mother's husband is doing this and has found

it has made a difference. Same for me. Eventually the pouting will

subside. People with BPD like to create that drama, but once they see

that the world will still go on without them there, they will come

around. Just keep up a good support system for when you do encounter

the full on difficult stuff.

Good for you for keeping with her.

Leah

>

> alright, so recently my mom has been bugging me about making babies.

> she doesn't want me to " have kids. " just " make babies. " it totally

> creeps me out. this is a person who convinced me that i was a

> selfish asshole, and now she wants me to be in control of another

> human's life? SHE HAS ABSOLUTELY NO INSIGHT!

>

> so anyway, this is what happened. last sunday, she asked me when i

> was making babies. i was like, sheeeeit. not any time soon. then i

> get a call about how other girls at her work who are my age are

> already on their second kids. wtf? i'm like, i don't want to talk

> about this anymore. then my husband sends out an evite for a brunch

> we had today and she responds with a comment about babies. then she

> emails me about babies. i'm like, stop talking to me about babies.

> she says stuff about babies. i'm like, seriously, stop it. she's

> like, chill out. you take things too seriously. i'm like, KNOCK IT

> OFF! she's like, oh, well, i can see that you're stressed out, so i

> think i'm not going to go to your brunch.

>

> wtf?

>

> so i write back, " things that stress me out: being robbed, planning

> brunch, people who say they're going to do something and then tell me

> they're not going to do it, when someone talks to me about something

> they KNOW i don't want to talk about. also, you know how often dad

> cancels on me? oh...about...NEVER. "

>

> now she is pouting. she's a grown adult. i don't even understand

> this. it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. i can't tell her to

> stop it without her getting her feelings hurt, and in the most

> ridiculous fashion imaginable. GAH!!! she usually makes dinner

> every other sunday, but she's taking a few months off now, apparently

> because of the strain. WHATEVER!

>

> RIDICULOUS!!!

> bink

>

August 4, 2008

Ah, time for you to make a toy for BPD mom, huh?! That's so weird--

" making babies " was the same phrase used in my family, like it wasn't

about raising children, just about the production of them.

Well, if it makes you feel better, I can speak from the other side.

After getting my Bachelor's, instead of getting my Master's right

away, I got married, worked, and then had a child. So I got the

discussions about her friend's daughters who had Master's and more

lucrative careers! You can't win...

And you're " stressed out " because you don't want to be badgered about

having a child right now for her amusement? Yeah...it couldn't

possibly be that it's just inappropriate to harrass someone about

having children!

Take advantage of her pouting as some time off from this for you!

Beth

>

> alright, so recently my mom has been bugging me about making

babies.

> she doesn't want me to " have kids. " just " make babies. " it

totally

> creeps me out. this is a person who convinced me that i was a

> selfish asshole, and now she wants me to be in control of another

> human's life? SHE HAS ABSOLUTELY NO INSIGHT!

>

> so anyway, this is what happened. last sunday, she asked me when i

> was making babies. i was like, sheeeeit. not any time soon. then

i

> get a call about how other girls at her work who are my age are

> already on their second kids. wtf? i'm like, i don't want to talk

> about this anymore. then my husband sends out an evite for a

brunch

> we had today and she responds with a comment about babies. then

she

> emails me about babies. i'm like, stop talking to me about

babies.

> she says stuff about babies. i'm like, seriously, stop it. she's

> like, chill out. you take things too seriously. i'm like, KNOCK

IT

> OFF! she's like, oh, well, i can see that you're stressed out, so

i

> think i'm not going to go to your brunch.

>

> wtf?

>

> so i write back, " things that stress me out: being robbed, planning

> brunch, people who say they're going to do something and then tell

me

> they're not going to do it, when someone talks to me about

something

> they KNOW i don't want to talk about. also, you know how often dad

> cancels on me? oh...about...NEVER. "

>

> now she is pouting. she's a grown adult. i don't even understand

> this. it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. i can't tell her to

> stop it without her getting her feelings hurt, and in the most

> ridiculous fashion imaginable. GAH!!! she usually makes dinner

> every other sunday, but she's taking a few months off now,

apparently

> because of the strain. WHATEVER!

>

> RIDICULOUS!!!

> bink

>

August 4, 2008

Sometimes my nada can control this better than other times. It is

like she is stuck in a groove, like a broken record, and she cannot

get out of it.

Sometimes my own brain gets stuck in a groove of telling MY side of

some conflict story over and over again. I know it's unhealthy and I

try to stop myself. (this is all going on internally, as I have

learned to not burden other people with stuff like this)

It is a basic lack of boundaries, and inability to respect someone's

wishes to avoid a topic.

It is very frustrating, and I think it is a big part of BPD. It is

related to attempts at control, obviously.

It's enough to make a person nuts!