Well, THAT was fun~Nada left town yesterday, but not before...

[Guest guest]

She had to have her .02.

First I'd like to start by dedicating my end of the conversation to

my therapist... without whom I could have not proceeded in such a

direct manner...

Now...

My son has been speaking with my therapist about 'his' issues with

Nada. " That's " been fun. Good for him but heartbreaking for me...

nearly 2 weeks ago Nada asked what was 'up' with him... I said, " He's

worried about you " . She's been trying to 'nail me' with what that

means... I've been up against a work deadline and have had NO

energy/time/concern to go there... finally last Sat I told her

(yep... she finally cracked me on her Bday...). I was 'gentle' but I

WARNED HER NOTNOTNOTNOT to speak to him of it and LEAVE IT ALONE.

Well, Monday she cornered him.

Bless his heart with strength... he said to her (he told me & she

confirmed yesterday)... " Nada, I don't want to talk about this. It

makes me uncomfortable. Mom asked you to leave it alone. Please

respect my boundaries " . He's in 7th grade.

She was stunned but he said she went silent.

Sooooooooooooooooooooo... yesterday she comes over to have me take

pictures (before she leaves) to put on her online dating profile (if

you've followed 'my' story at all - you know this is a 'thing' for

her). She laments how she's old. She laments how she won't EVER get

a man. She laments that she's... whatever....

Then she starts in on my son.

I snapped.

Realizing I have NOTHING TO LOSE (as a result of Monday's therapy

session... seriously, Nada has taken everything from me so what the $%

@#) I tell her that my son has been seeing the therapist to figure

out how to deal with HER. That I WARNED her to leave him alone.

That I'm seeing the therapist because I can't effect any changes in

her and I'm not going to be responsible for her issues any longer. I

told her that my son wasn't hers to destroy. I told her that all I

want for her is to stay put somewhere, finish something and grow up.

I told her that my personal life wasn't hers. She doesn't get to

live off of my emotions or my sons anymore. If she wanted to be a

part of this family, she needed to sit down, find a decent therapist

and get to finding her life. I was done. She cried, fell apart, I

hugged her without saying a word. She left.

Sheesh!

Several emails since but I haven't replied. She's back home as of

last night. Not sure what shoe will drop but I feel like the tide

has turned.

Peace.

Lynnette

[Guest guest]

You are a great mother to your son. You have taken him for help and he

apparently knows that the issues with his grandmother are not his fault.

I am so proud of his response and your actions. This is great.

yp_lynnette_cameron_park wrote:

She had to have her .02.

First I'd like to start by dedicating my end of the conversation to

my therapist... without whom I could have not proceeded in such a

direct manner...

Now...

My son has been speaking with my therapist about 'his' issues with

Nada. " That's " been fun. Good for him but heartbreaking for me...

nearly 2 weeks ago Nada asked what was 'up' with him... I said, " He's

worried about you " . She's been trying to 'nail me' with what that

means... I've been up against a work deadline and have had NO

energy/time/concern to go there... finally last Sat I told her

(yep... she finally cracked me on her Bday...). I was 'gentle' but I

WARNED HER NOTNOTNOTNOT to speak to him of it and LEAVE IT ALONE.

Well, Monday she cornered him.

Bless his heart with strength... he said to her (he told me & she

confirmed yesterday)... " Nada, I don't want to talk about this. It

makes me uncomfortable. Mom asked you to leave it alone. Please

respect my boundaries " . He's in 7th grade.

She was stunned but he said she went silent.

Sooooooooooooooooooooo... yesterday she comes over to have me take

pictures (before she leaves) to put on her online dating profile (if

you've followed 'my' story at all - you know this is a 'thing' for

her). She laments how she's old. She laments how she won't EVER get

a man. She laments that she's... whatever....

Then she starts in on my son.

I snapped.

Realizing I have NOTHING TO LOSE (as a result of Monday's therapy

session... seriously, Nada has taken everything from me so what the $%

@#) I tell her that my son has been seeing the therapist to figure

out how to deal with HER. That I WARNED her to leave him alone.

That I'm seeing the therapist because I can't effect any changes in

her and I'm not going to be responsible for her issues any longer. I

told her that my son wasn't hers to destroy. I told her that all I

want for her is to stay put somewhere, finish something and grow up.

I told her that my personal life wasn't hers. She doesn't get to

live off of my emotions or my sons anymore. If she wanted to be a

part of this family, she needed to sit down, find a decent therapist

and get to finding her life. I was done. She cried, fell apart, I

hugged her without saying a word. She left.

Sheesh!

Several emails since but I haven't replied. She's back home as of

last night. Not sure what shoe will drop but I feel like the tide

has turned.

Peace.

Lynnette

[Guest guest]

STANDING OVATION FROM ME, Lynnette!

How many of us are trapped by that fear of what we'll " lose " if we

speak our minds?!! Speak our truths?!!! Look how afraid we are!

Look at how we twist ourselves into " avoiding-type " behaviors

because we're SO AFRAID TO SPEAK!!!

You conquered that fear -- congratulations!!

I am so inspired by your actions -- You are dead right: you are an

adult and you had NOTHING to lose by staring nada's bullying in the

face and making her back down. Asserting your right to live your

life and set YOUR OWN RULES, DAMMIT.

Good for you! Bravo, Bravo!!

{{{hugs}}}

Kyla

>

> She had to have her .02.

>

> First I'd like to start by dedicating my end of the conversation

to

> my therapist... without whom I could have not proceeded in such a

> direct manner...

>

> Now...

>

> My son has been speaking with my therapist about 'his' issues with

> Nada. " That's " been fun. Good for him but heartbreaking for

me...

> nearly 2 weeks ago Nada asked what was 'up' with him... I

said, " He's

> worried about you " . She's been trying to 'nail me' with what that

> means... I've been up against a work deadline and have had NO

> energy/time/concern to go there... finally last Sat I told her

> (yep... she finally cracked me on her Bday...). I was 'gentle'

but I

> WARNED HER NOTNOTNOTNOT to speak to him of it and LEAVE IT ALONE.

>

> Well, Monday she cornered him.

>

> Bless his heart with strength... he said to her (he told me & she

> confirmed yesterday)... " Nada, I don't want to talk about this.

It

> makes me uncomfortable. Mom asked you to leave it alone. Please

> respect my boundaries " . He's in 7th grade.

>

> She was stunned but he said she went silent.

>

> Sooooooooooooooooooooo... yesterday she comes over to have me take

> pictures (before she leaves) to put on her online dating profile

(if

> you've followed 'my' story at all - you know this is a 'thing' for

> her). She laments how she's old. She laments how she won't EVER

get

> a man. She laments that she's... whatever....

>

> Then she starts in on my son.

>

> I snapped.

>

> Realizing I have NOTHING TO LOSE (as a result of Monday's therapy

> session... seriously, Nada has taken everything from me so what

the $%

> @#) I tell her that my son has been seeing the therapist to figure

> out how to deal with HER. That I WARNED her to leave him alone.

> That I'm seeing the therapist because I can't effect any changes

in

> her and I'm not going to be responsible for her issues any

longer. I

> told her that my son wasn't hers to destroy. I told her that all

I

> want for her is to stay put somewhere, finish something and grow

up.

> I told her that my personal life wasn't hers. She doesn't get to

> live off of my emotions or my sons anymore. If she wanted to be a

> part of this family, she needed to sit down, find a decent

therapist

> and get to finding her life. I was done. She cried, fell apart,

I

> hugged her without saying a word. She left.

>

> Sheesh!

>

> Several emails since but I haven't replied. She's back home as of

> last night. Not sure what shoe will drop but I feel like the tide

> has turned.

>

> Peace.

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

>

> (Blowing kisses and waving flowers)

>

> Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

>

> I think the AFRAID TO SPEAK comment is 150% on target. I waiver

> between not speaking up enough (95%) to speaking up TOO much (5%).

> Thank God I'm continuing to close that gap... moderation, not

> extremes... must remember....

>

> Nada has IM'd me (I didn't respond to her emails) as if NOTHING

> happened... wow... how do they do that??? I replied but very

> briefly... not rudely... just not some long drawn out thing...

don't

> care... don't have time... not inclined...

>

> Lynnette (hoping " tomorrow's " strength comes from " today's " actions)

>

Just catching up...I have to second the standing ovation...BRAVO!

WELL DONE!

As for Nada IMing you like nothing happened...well, of course she

did. She cried her crocodile tears and then realized she didn't like

what she heard and dismissed it. She lives in Oz and you in Kansas.

I was NC with my Nada for months. Periodically, she would ask to

speak with me. I would always forward the message she sent at

Christmas effectively disowning me and ask her if something had

changed. She would never answer. Then months later, she would

attempt contact again as if we never exchanged an e-mail, I would do

the same AGAIN and she wouldn't answer. Eventually, she finally

breaks down and answers and 1st puts the blame fully on my father and

then for round 2, she basically indicates she doesn't really have to

be sorry because I " more than got even " when I forwarded her horrible

message to my extended family asking for help. Yes Nada, it was

always just about " getting even. " WTF???

Since I finally did speak to her when my brother came to our state on

vacation, she has been trying to open the doors of communication

again. Mind you, by speaking with her, I mean I participated in

polite conversation as we were visiting my brother at the same

time...I never once attempted anything beyond surfacy stuff - pretty

easy to do when you haven't spoken with someone in 6 months,

although she attempted to corner me several times. At one point she

said something like, " Don't think I'm not sorry about what

happened. " Yes...I know she is sorry...she is sorry I won't

participate in her ridiculous games anymore. She is sorry because

this means she can't see her grandchildren. She is sorry for all the

things she doesn't participate in any more that she would like

to...but one thing I know is that she is NOT sorry about what she did

or said because in Oz, she didn't do anything wrong.

So now, as if nothing ever happened, I must get every stupid joke e-

mail that crosses her computer. She offers up her furniture, gas

grill and whatever else all " free of charge " since she and my father

are down-sizing...maybe her crazy version of a peace offering? I

didn't even respond to her second e-mail about it as I had already

responded to my father indicating I didn't want anything.

Really...there is no way I could take anything from her...why would I

wanted to be reminded of her every time I cooked a steak? I'd choke

on my food. As an Engineer, I can't fathom the logic of a

BPD...really...never mind she was wishing she were dead when I was

getting married...let's all have a F-ing BBQ - remember, that BBQ is

FREE OF CHARGE! How f*cking generous of her!

Your Nada is no different...in her case, never mind the abuse you

endured as a child that she refuses to acknowledge...never mind she

is ready and prepared to attempt to heap her mound of crap on your

son...never mind all that...she NEEDS to know which brand new Old

Navy outfit to wear to her support group in Oz or some other equally

as ridiculous event!

Hang tough Girlfriend! You're off to a good start!