Guest guest Posted August 22, 2008 Report Share Posted August 22, 2008 .... words of my therapist at 11:12 am today. The actions of my Nada leading up to that statement, and the triggers of my lifetime all came together with that simple phrase. The realization that I'm not just dealing with past abuses of that time... of long past 'situations'... but day to day to day assaults on me and mine.... it's now 3:19... the silent screams that only the neighborhood dogs can hear... the crying... the stomach muscles that have cramped from gasping for dear life... it's all passed. Calm. Dead calm. I will put on a smile for the weekend and await her suicide following my decision to go LC then NC over the next few weeks... I am finished. Lynnette Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2008 Report Share Posted August 22, 2008 ((((((((((((Lynnette))))))))))) Bad things that do not manage to kill us do make us stronger. You have a core of steel. Separating from someone who is assaulting and abusing you is the healthy thing to do. Remember that you are not responsible for the actions of a mentally ill person. The fact that she is deeply and profoundly disturbed is not your fault. Stay strong and healthy! -Annie > > ... words of my therapist at 11:12 am today. > > The actions of my Nada leading up to that statement, and the triggers > of my lifetime all came together with that simple phrase. > > The realization that I'm not just dealing with past abuses of that > time... of long past 'situations'... but day to day to day assaults > on me and mine.... it's now 3:19... the silent screams that only the > neighborhood dogs can hear... the crying... the stomach muscles that > have cramped from gasping for dear life... it's all passed. > > Calm. > > Dead calm. > > I will put on a smile for the weekend and await her suicide following > my decision to go LC then NC over the next few weeks... > > I am finished. > > Lynnette > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2008 Report Share Posted August 22, 2008 Lynette, realizations like that can be really painful and strange to deal with. If you're anything like me, you just shoved all that reality and all those emotions away somewhere so it probably feels very weird to be coming to terms with it now. But the fact that it feels weird or painful does not mean that you aren't making progress. Consider yourself strong enough to finally handle it. All this time, you've been waiting and something inside you was finally ready. I know what you're going through and it feels awful but you'll be ok. One thing--you mentioned " putting a smile on your face. " Make sure that if you are " being strong " for other people or whatever that you also take down-time for yourself and do something really nice for yourself. Hot bath, time to read a good book, massage, a walk someplace nice . . .don't neglect yourself. It takes a lot of energy to face the past like this and you deserve breaks too. Trish > > ... words of my therapist at 11:12 am today. > > The actions of my Nada leading up to that statement, and the triggers > of my lifetime all came together with that simple phrase. > > The realization that I'm not just dealing with past abuses of that > time... of long past 'situations'... but day to day to day assaults > on me and mine.... it's now 3:19... the silent screams that only the > neighborhood dogs can hear... the crying... the stomach muscles that > have cramped from gasping for dear life... it's all passed. > > Calm. > > Dead calm. > > I will put on a smile for the weekend and await her suicide following > my decision to go LC then NC over the next few weeks... > > I am finished. > > Lynnette > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 I've heard the same from my therapist many times. Honestly, the first few times he said it, it didn't sink in. I dont' think I was understanding what that meant. After more therapy, I understood that I never felt free, unburdened, safe, nurtured, encouraged, loved, worthy... And, yes, lots and lots of crying after I realized how desperately I wanted to feel those things. So painful, but a necessary realization. W. > > ... words of my therapist at 11:12 am today. > > The actions of my Nada leading up to that statement, and the triggers > of my lifetime all came together with that simple phrase. > > The realization that I'm not just dealing with past abuses of that > time... of long past 'situations'... but day to day to day assaults > on me and mine.... it's now 3:19... the silent screams that only the > neighborhood dogs can hear... the crying... the stomach muscles that > have cramped from gasping for dear life... it's all passed. > > Calm. > > Dead calm. > > I will put on a smile for the weekend and await her suicide following > my decision to go LC then NC over the next few weeks... > > I am finished. > > Lynnette > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 You are -- sadly -- in very good company. A year or so, my therapist said the exact same thing to me. She also encouraged me to protect and nurture the child inside of me, to mother myself, and to begin the mourning process for the mother I needed and never had. It's a tough battle, full of tears, and every day I struggle. Together with the wonderful souls on this list, we can be children together and rebuild ourselves, one day at a time. Sending big hugs, Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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