Vocal Repetition Makes Me Insane

August 5, 2008

The repetition makes me insane caught my eye. This is exactly what

I've been thinking about for years. My Nada's constant vocal

repetition...which, now could be blamed on old age if she hadn't been

doing it since the day I was born.

Same conversation...different day... over and over and repeat!

I don't know if this is a borderline trait or a short in the brain???

But, I tell you, it makes me want to kill myself. I just can't take

the same darn thing talked " at me " (not with me) for hours on end...if

she can possibly get my attention that long. She tries to sneak into

my house offering to " help " me with something. Which, I know is a

down right lie! Then, she sits on my sofa saying " too bad she's too

tired to do it " and here it comes.

First, she feels it her need to preach the gospel to me...of course,

she's my mother. So, it's her job...right? first it's her

interpretation of heaven and hell. Which, I had memorized 50,000

times ago as a child. And which is somewhere along a child's level

of " hell is where there are spiders and things you don't like. " But,

becomes more nutty as the conversation progresses where she makes up

things about heaven and hell that no one knows. But, you know how

borderlines re write history or anything else as they see fit.

Then, the conversation switches to some talk of her father as a drunk

and after we've gone through that whole speel again and again...and she

wants me to be her therapist...again...you get the picture.

Then, it becomes ways she'd like to control my life...she calls

this " goals we need to set. " Of how she will have total control of my

calendar and we'll spend twenty four hours a day together....including

my sitting with her on the couch while she does laundry (and she would

most likely be talking on the phone to someone else while I sit there

and tend her)...NOT! I'm sorry but that's just weird. I'm afraid she

needs to learn how to be alone a little bit. She gets big sad eyes

over the fact that I " put her off " and won't answer my phone every

minute. And her latest tactic is " when I love you so much and just

need to know you're alright " ...barf. If this weren't so manipulative in

nature...I'd feel bad.

I hate having a borderline mother. This would break her heart. But,

honestly sometimes it's just more than a person can bare.

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