Re: Chickens are coming home, and It ain't pretty

[Guest guest]

So where are the chickens in this story? Seriously... I was wanting

some good laughs...

Dang...

Lynnette (sounds like a foul situation any way you look at it)

>

> Never, ever, ever fails.

>

> Nada invited us down for the weekend. I was apprehensive since my

> bada just shows up without warning. I DON'T want anything to do

with

> him and if he and his family dropped off the face of the earth I

> would be tickled pink. The weekend started out fine, nada was very

> sweet to both my son and I. Then came this morning and bada shows

up.

> He does not come into the house, which is fine by me. But nada

tries

> to coach my son out of the house to go `greet' his uncle. To my

son's

> credit, he ran and had nothing to do with his Uncle. This

apparently

> upset my nada.

>

> My bada left after a period of time and nada came back into the

> house. My son informed me that Uncle had gone and I said good.

> Something in my tone did not sit well with my nada and she started

> jumping up my A$$. I didn't lose it, but I did not back down. She

> asked me what was going on and I reminded her that I had been on

the

> receiving end of a very ugly phone call with my bada who had not

> apologized for any of the things he had said to me. Mostly because

he

> feels that it is alright to verbally abuse me and tell me what a

> worthless person I am and then claim that he loves his sister.

> Nada started defending bada and telling me how much he LOVES his

> nephew and when I wasn't buying into it she started asking me what

I

> had told my son. I shot back that I didn't need to tell my son

> anything he had witnessed the conversation and now he was afraid of

> my bada.

>

> At this point she maxed out and told me to drop it and I was right

> back up in her face telling her that if my son didn't want to see

his

> Uncle no one had the right to MAKE him see his Uncle. And then I

flat

> out told her she defends her son no matter what he does or what he

> says. It was at that point that I realize what was going on. My

nada

> and bada were trying to groom my son against me and I had caught

them

> at it. My bada did not have the balls to come in the house to face

> his still very pissed off sister, but he wanted to show his mom

what

> a " loving " Uncle he was and it didn't work out. Narc to the very

end,

> it is all about appearances and no substance. Nada is deluded that

I

> or my son mean anything to my bada and that I am the cause of all

the

> problems because I refuse to be treated this way any more.

>

> Then she sarcastically tossed off, " Well doesn't he get to come up

> here any more? "

>

> I wanted to scream, " You gave him the farm, you stupid cow. He

thinks

> he owns the place, not you. He is letting you stay on your own

> property. I have no say on where he goes. " As it was I told my son

to

> get his things, we were going. My nada saw that I was serious and

let

> it drop. Normally she would have pushed on and said many hurtful

> things to me. She stopped because there was a witness, and ended up

> telling me to keep it down.

>

> I looked at her and let the argument die. We didn't talk about it

any

> more. Can't let the grandson witness what really goes on. Looks bad.

> A few months ago I would have gone on and tried to make her see

what

> was happening and that what had been said to me was wrong. But now

I

> realize that it doesn't matter. I am not talking to a rational

person

> who gives a damn about anyone other than her Narc son.

>

> Done with it, had it. If we go down again, it will be on a

Friday/Sat

> and we are home Sat evening. No more Sundays, no more holidays, no

> MORE. I know where they both stand and they do not get any more

> chances to make it clear to me how very worthless I am. I won't

keep

> my son from his grandmother, but I won't put him through this BS

> anymore either. It is dysfunctional and sick. If she acts up we are

> gone. Both my nada and bada need serious therapy and I am not going

> to hold my breath until they do. It is a sick waste of time and I

> don't feel the need to be understood anymore.

>

[Guest guest]

Good for you , I know all about the pain of getting to the point

where you stop trying to 'make them see'. Sometimes it's hard to stay

stopped, but it is a relief to finally give up. These folks are

pathetic and you deserve so much better. My sister was here yesterday

and I am finally seeing what people here have said about her having

narc traits as well. It's such a foreign thought process sometimes

it's hard for me to get my head around it. It's so sad, because your

mom I am sure doesn't have the confidant in her son that she has in

you. My mother wants her daughters to dump on and use for an emotional

midwife and her sons to dote on.

[Guest guest]

I hear you. My mother raised her oldest son (a year younger than me)

like he was a little God. And now he condescends to send her a

sentence or two in an e-mail every once in a while, if he's not too

busy. The irony is a bit much. Sometimes it's hard for me not to

take perverse satisfaction from that. Because she really gave me

hell and then if he would smart off to me and I'd say something

back, she'd yell at ME. and he would even admit he was in the wrong,

and it still didn't change the way she treated me. He has put her

through hell these last three years with his bad decisions,

attracting of bpd types, the custody battle stuff, etc, etc. after

he got them all riled up about the custody battle and the mom being

on meth and borrowed a ton of money from them and had them pay for

his attorney, he turned around and announced he's moving across the

country. abandoning his child to her cracked out mother. it's

surreal. after all of what he got us all worked up about. and seems

to want to rationalize it and wants people to reassure him it's the

right decision. I haven't even spoken to him since I found out, this

is the first time I've even been able to talk about it here.

sigh...these nada's and their sons are something else.

(i am devastated beyond words for my niece about this and have

pretty much decided to stay out of anything henceforth that has to

do with my siblings and their children, after this and my sister and

her weirdness around the baby stuff.)