Introduction and my ectopic story (long)

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone!

My name is Kirsten and I am 33 and live near Chicago. I have 5 children

(twins - Luke and , 6, Grace, 4, Lucy 3, and , 1). I lost a

baby due to ectopic pregnancy in late January ( , we named him).

And now I am pregnant again, and scared to death. I am only 5 weeks now, but

everyday I think I have symptoms of an ectopic and I literally get myself in

an anxious fit! Yesterday I had my blood levels checked, and will get them

checked again on Monday to see if they are rising. Last night, I actually

had to go to the ER because my heart was pounding 130/minute and I was so

dizzy I thought I was going to pass out. I also have a hyperthyroid problem

which I'm not on meds for yet because I haven't been able to see my doctor

for them. In case you don't know, this makes your heart beat faster and your

whole body speed up. It always bothers me during pregnancy. Anyway, it all

kind of combined with my anxiety last night and sent me into a tizzy.

Oh, my ectopic story......I had been sort of trying to conceive. Dh and I

were BDing at the good times, so I was surprised and dissapointed to get my

period two days late in early January. I was so sure I was pg and told dh -

well, I'm not going to try to predict it this time. If I can be this wrong,

I give up. In the past, I would get pg, the first or second month we tried,

so I was down about it. So, my period's normal - heavy and regular. I put

it all out of my mind until about three weeks later, when we were at Church,

I started feeling very strange. I couldn't tell what was wrong. I just felt

awful all of a sudden. THen the pain started in the lower right and just

kept on getting worse. I sent someone to get my dh, and he took me to the

ER. Our other children went home with a friend.

At the ER, I kept begging for something for the pain, but they wouldn't give

me anything until they diagnosed me. It was terrible. They took some blood

and informed me roughly, " Well, you're pregnant " . I said, 'that's

impossible. I had a period three weeks ago " . They told me that my HCG

levels were 1800, so I had been pg for quite a while. I was stunned. So,

they did a vaginal ultrasound and couldn't find anything - in the uterus, or

the tube. By this time, my pain had pretty much abated. The doctors thought

that maybe my baby was just too little to see. They doubted whether I could

have an ectopic because I was feeling better. They speculated that the pain

was from an ovarian cyst which had burst - they did see several on both

ovaries. I was thrilled of course, thinking that maybe I would be having a

baby after all.

So, I went home with instructions to get my levels checked in two days. I

went into my regular OB two days later for a blood draw and another

ultrasound. Same story - they found nothing. I was so disapointed. Then,

the blood levels came back and the levels had dropped from 1800 to 600 in two

days! The doctor said that I must have miscarried. I was so sad that I

didn't argue. But then a little later, I started thinking. How could I have

miscarried? I was not bleeding, and hadn't bled for 3 weeks. I just knew

that something was off. I called him back and he said that he felt something

didn't make sense too. He scheduled me to go see a fertility specialist two

days later. All this time, I really didn't think I could have an ectopic.

My pregnancies had all been so easy and normal, I just thought that that

couldn't happen to me - the pregnancy queen! LOL.

So, I went to the fertility specialist, Dr. s, and they did more blood

work, then a long ultrasound. This technician really knew what she was doing

and did a lot of painful poking around. She said the cysts were making it

difficult to see what was there. As I was getting dressed, I had the first

feeling that something might be really wrong with me. It hurt so much when

she poked around. I went to wait in this little room and finally the nurse

came in and said that they did confirm an ectopic. I was just devestated.

We made plans for me to go right to the hospital for surgery. I called my dh

so he could meet me there after finding somewhere to put all the kids.

Strangely, all this time, I had hardly any pain. Since that Sunday at the

ER, the pain never came back and this I still don't understand. By the time

they prepped me for surgery, I could feel a little more pain than I had. A

minister came to talk to me and I made arrangements for him to be paged into

the OR to baptize the baby immediately after it was taken out. The nurses

had told me that I couldn't do this because it would " contaminate " the

" specimen " !! Well, he went right to the doctor and got permission right

away. Those nurses!! I still feel angry at them when I think of it.

My dh still wasn't there by the time I went into surgery, but I didn't care

so much about that. I know I'd see him when I came out. Afterwards, I felt

SO sick and in pain. They gave me pain meds and three types of anti-nasea

drugs. They didn't help. I felt terribly naseous for about 4 hours after

surgery. This was the hardest part, physically, of the whole thing. At

about 10:00, I had dh take me home, even though I still wasn't feeling very

well. Luckily, by the time I got home, I was less sick, and only VERY tired.

Went to bed and felt semi-normal the next morning. From then, it took about

2 weeks to feel totally normal again.

Sorry this got so long!!! I am so happy to be here with other women who

understand what it's like to have gone through this, and how frightening it

is to face another pregnancy. I do not mean to condemn what anyone does on

this list, but we do not believe in contraception. So, I feel like I am sort

of going to be worrying about this for the rest of my reproductive life. I

love children, and would love to have 10 of them, but this anxiety it worse

and harder than any pregnancy, labor or morning sickness I have ever

experienced. I feel like this will be my biggest challenge : To trust God

through the next15 years or so.

Thank you all for listening!

JMJ+

Kirsten