Re: ep/miscarriage (pg mentioned)

[Guest guest]

I had a miscarriage 7/97 and my ep was over a year later, 11/98. Both were

extremely hard on me emotionally, but the ep was the hardest...I think a lot

of it had to do with the extreme physical stuff I went through with the ep

that I did not with the m/c. The miscarriage came back to haunt me while

dealing with the ep, which also contributed to the pain I went through at

that time and made things doubly hard emotionally. I had no warning of any

trouble either time - both times I ended up in the hospital and was told all

in one breath that I had been pg but was losing/had lost the baby. I also

think that I made things harder on myself after the ep. With a miscarriage,

you know things like that are common and can be attributed to abnormalities,

etc, and that chances are good that it won't necessarily happen again. With

an ep though, your fertility is compromised, whether you lose part of your

reproductive organs or not. It was not the baby that was 'defective " , it

was YOU. I blamed myself, and sometimes still do - the cigarettes I

smoked, the bc pills I took, the possibilities that I had an infection and

never realized it, the surgeries I had, and on and on and on...all the

things I might have, could have, should have done differently and been more

careful about. I thought that if I ever got pg, all that would go away and

I would be " over " it (the blame stuff). Let me tell you that it isn't over

and gone. I have learned to live with it and deal with it, but I am

learning that it NEVER goes completely away.

[Guest guest]

,

I can understand exactly what you are saying cause I am there at this moment.

Some days are worse than others and if you've read my other post you can tell

what some of the reasons are. I try to deal with them on a daily basis but

it's hard.

Sharon