New Diagnosis

[Guest guest]

Kim:

I know how you feel. It took about 6 years for someone to diagnose me with VVS.

If I were you, I would start out with the estrogen cream or ring. It helps a

lot of people. Doctors always like to start with steroid cream, but it rarely

works and it can make you worse. Take care and hang in there! If you haven't

been to www.vulvodynia.com check it out as it has helped answer a lot of my

questions.

Jana

>>> wingersk@... 02/05/02 11:26AM >>>

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much Jana and others for responding. It means a lot. I don't feel alone in my pain as much. My new doctor did refer me to a Women's Specialist PT - I go next week. If I learn anything new, I'll be glad to pass it on.

Appreciate you all,

Kim

Re: New diagnosis

Kim: I know how you feel. It took about 6 years for someone to diagnose me with VVS. If I were you, I would start out with the estrogen cream or ring. It helps a lot of people. Doctors always like to start with steroid cream, but it rarely works and it can make you worse. Take care and hang in there! If you haven't been to www.vulvodynia.com check it out as it has helped answer a lot of my questions.Jana>>> wingersk@... 02/05/02 11:26AM >>>*****END OF MESSAGE*****-------------------------------------------------To post message: VulvarDisorders To Subscribe: VulvarDisorders-subscribe Unsubscribe: VulvarDisorders-unsubscribe List owner: VulvarDisorders-owner *****

[Guest guest]

Well, have you found a vulvar specialist and started some sort of

treatment, yet? That's the first step.

Ruth

> I've just been diagnosed with vestibulitis after several years of

> searching for the cause of my pain. I sure need support. What a

> thing to have. Any advice?

>

> Kim

[Guest guest]

I am an adult Non-BPD female whose father was just diagnosed with

BPD. I am his oldest (of three) children and the only child from his

first marriage. I have two half siblings from his second marriage.

He is currently on his fourth marriage with no additional children

from #3 or #4, though I have adult ex-step and step siblings. That

seems like enough of a mess... and I have always suspected that there

were issues with my father if for no other reason than his inability

to have healthy relationships - with partners or his children.

However he is a wounded Vietnam Veteran with diagnosed PTSD, so I

sort of always chocked it up to those issues.

He was just diagnosed this week with BPD - frankly, first by me and

then without telling them my opinion, by the staff at the Psych

hospital he was admitted to for " attempting suicide " (though he was

never at risk of dying) last week.

My question really is with this being newly diagnosed, what can I

expect in terms of treatment options and results? I have already

read two books in three days on the subject, but it feels a little

impersonal, I would like to know what some others have actually

experienced.

At present, will still in the psych hospital, I would say that he is

being very logical and enthusiastic about treatment, however I think

that is primarily because he is currently on an up cycle. When his

mindset again turns dark and fearful, I suspect we will be right back

where we started.

It should be noted that though my father is retired now, he did work

his entire life and over the last twenty five years was with two

companies, so he has been relatively stable in that respect. In

addition, though he has been married four times, most were lengthy:

9 years, 2 years, 14 years and the last one has only been two years

married, but the relationship is 15 years old. Granted, they may

have been very tumultuous relationships, but they somehow endured.

My siblings and I have varying degrees of relationships with him, for

my part, I am very specific about what treatment (particularly what

anger/opinion/communication) I will accept from him because I will

not be run through the emotional ringer, nor will I allow my son (16)

to. My brother is more ... hmm, how to explain ... detached, I would

say, but my father things they have the best relationship. My

brother is just more willing to allow their relationship to be

perceived however my father sees fit. If my dad thinks they are

close, let him continue to think so. I have no doubt my brother has

a concern and love for dad as his father, but he does not have

a " dad " relationship with him. My brother's son is only four, so he

really hasn't had to deal with my dad showing his colors with my

nephew - which could create the great divide. Our sister, the

youngest, doesn't even know about the diagnosis yet as she is

completely angst ridden with our father over his wrongs against her -

not to mention she is quite immature in many respects and may have

her own psychological damage from her upbringing.

At any rate, that is a quick synopsis, but again I would like to know

what to expect from this diagnosis and particularly any comments

about ways that people have found to effectively communicate with

their BPD parent and/or treatments they have found to be beneficial.

Also, what idiocyncrasies you think you may personally have as a

direct result of your parents BPD.

Thank you in advance!

[Guest guest]

Hi jdd,

Welcome to the Group.

RE how long therapy takes, I suppose that varies with each individual.

Our nada's (jargon for " BPD mom " ) therapist just told Sister (he is

also Sister's therapist) that the average course of treatment for BPD

is 5 years.

I'm guessing that the fact that your dad has been able to maintain

some long-term relationships and hold down jobs means he is a

" high-functioning " BPD, meaning that he can control his behaviors for

the most part when in public. If he saves up his rages and

histrionics and unleashes them only on the family, in private, then

he's a lot like our nada.

Good luck. It sounds like your BPD dad ( " fada " ) has done a lot of

damage to your siblings, although you sound pretty on top of things

yourself.

this Group is very compassionate; we've all been " there " (or are

currently " there " ) in the crazy-making world of a BPD parent, and we

are in different stages of coping with it.

-Annie

>

> I am an adult Non-BPD female whose father was just diagnosed with

> BPD. I am his oldest (of three) children and the only child from his

> first marriage. I have two half siblings from his second marriage.

> He is currently on his fourth marriage with no additional children

> from #3 or #4, though I have adult ex-step and step siblings. That

> seems like enough of a mess... and I have always suspected that there

> were issues with my father if for no other reason than his inability

> to have healthy relationships - with partners or his children.

> However he is a wounded Vietnam Veteran with diagnosed PTSD, so I

> sort of always chocked it up to those issues.

> He was just diagnosed this week with BPD - frankly, first by me and

> then without telling them my opinion, by the staff at the Psych

> hospital he was admitted to for " attempting suicide " (though he was

> never at risk of dying) last week.

> My question really is with this being newly diagnosed, what can I

> expect in terms of treatment options and results? I have already

> read two books in three days on the subject, but it feels a little

> impersonal, I would like to know what some others have actually

> experienced.

> At present, will still in the psych hospital, I would say that he is

> being very logical and enthusiastic about treatment, however I think

> that is primarily because he is currently on an up cycle. When his

> mindset again turns dark and fearful, I suspect we will be right back

> where we started.

> It should be noted that though my father is retired now, he did work

> his entire life and over the last twenty five years was with two

> companies, so he has been relatively stable in that respect. In

> addition, though he has been married four times, most were lengthy:

> 9 years, 2 years, 14 years and the last one has only been two years

> married, but the relationship is 15 years old. Granted, they may

> have been very tumultuous relationships, but they somehow endured.

> My siblings and I have varying degrees of relationships with him, for

> my part, I am very specific about what treatment (particularly what

> anger/opinion/communication) I will accept from him because I will

> not be run through the emotional ringer, nor will I allow my son (16)

> to. My brother is more ... hmm, how to explain ... detached, I would

> say, but my father things they have the best relationship. My

> brother is just more willing to allow their relationship to be

> perceived however my father sees fit. If my dad thinks they are

> close, let him continue to think so. I have no doubt my brother has

> a concern and love for dad as his father, but he does not have

> a " dad " relationship with him. My brother's son is only four, so he

> really hasn't had to deal with my dad showing his colors with my

> nephew - which could create the great divide. Our sister, the

> youngest, doesn't even know about the diagnosis yet as she is

> completely angst ridden with our father over his wrongs against her -

> not to mention she is quite immature in many respects and may have

> her own psychological damage from her upbringing.

> At any rate, that is a quick synopsis, but again I would like to know

> what to expect from this diagnosis and particularly any comments

> about ways that people have found to effectively communicate with

> their BPD parent and/or treatments they have found to be beneficial.

> Also, what idiocyncrasies you think you may personally have as a

> direct result of your parents BPD.

> Thank you in advance!

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Annie,

Well, first, thanks for the feedback. I have to admit, while not

surprising, that does feel rather arduous at this moment ...

From reviewing this group and a few others, it seems that many family

members of BPDs, including grown children, are also in therapy. Is

that generally beneficial?

Thanks again, JDD

> >

> > I am an adult Non-BPD female whose father was just diagnosed with

> > BPD. I am his oldest (of three) children and the only child from

his

> > first marriage. I have two half siblings from his second

marriage.

> > He is currently on his fourth marriage with no additional

children

> > from #3 or #4, though I have adult ex-step and step siblings.

That

> > seems like enough of a mess... and I have always suspected that

there

> > were issues with my father if for no other reason than his

inability

> > to have healthy relationships - with partners or his children.

> > However he is a wounded Vietnam Veteran with diagnosed PTSD, so I

> > sort of always chocked it up to those issues.

> > He was just diagnosed this week with BPD - frankly, first by me

and

> > then without telling them my opinion, by the staff at the Psych

> > hospital he was admitted to for " attempting suicide " (though he

was

> > never at risk of dying) last week.

> > My question really is with this being newly diagnosed, what can I

> > expect in terms of treatment options and results? I have already

> > read two books in three days on the subject, but it feels a

little

> > impersonal, I would like to know what some others have actually

> > experienced.

> > At present, will still in the psych hospital, I would say that he

is

> > being very logical and enthusiastic about treatment, however I

think

> > that is primarily because he is currently on an up cycle. When

his

> > mindset again turns dark and fearful, I suspect we will be right

back

> > where we started.

> > It should be noted that though my father is retired now, he did

work

> > his entire life and over the last twenty five years was with two

> > companies, so he has been relatively stable in that respect. In

> > addition, though he has been married four times, most were

lengthy:

> > 9 years, 2 years, 14 years and the last one has only been two

years

> > married, but the relationship is 15 years old. Granted, they may

> > have been very tumultuous relationships, but they somehow endured.

> > My siblings and I have varying degrees of relationships with him,

for

> > my part, I am very specific about what treatment (particularly

what

> > anger/opinion/communication) I will accept from him because I

will

> > not be run through the emotional ringer, nor will I allow my son

(16)

> > to. My brother is more ... hmm, how to explain ... detached, I

would

> > say, but my father things they have the best relationship. My

> > brother is just more willing to allow their relationship to be

> > perceived however my father sees fit. If my dad thinks they are

> > close, let him continue to think so. I have no doubt my brother

has

> > a concern and love for dad as his father, but he does not have

> > a " dad " relationship with him. My brother's son is only four, so

he

> > really hasn't had to deal with my dad showing his colors with my

> > nephew - which could create the great divide. Our sister, the

> > youngest, doesn't even know about the diagnosis yet as she is

> > completely angst ridden with our father over his wrongs against

her -

> > not to mention she is quite immature in many respects and may

have

> > her own psychological damage from her upbringing.

> > At any rate, that is a quick synopsis, but again I would like to

know

> > what to expect from this diagnosis and particularly any comments

> > about ways that people have found to effectively communicate with

> > their BPD parent and/or treatments they have found to be

beneficial.

> > Also, what idiocyncrasies you think you may personally have as a

> > direct result of your parents BPD.

> > Thank you in advance!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I think therapy can be beneficial if you're having trouble working out

an issue or issues on your own. This Group exists because a lot of us

have been scarred and warped by being raised by a mother or father

with this severe personality disorder. I find it theraputic to read

how other people's " nadas " and " fadas " have so many insane behaviors

in common with my own mother (!constant amazement!) And I find it very

helpful when fellow Adult Kids Of BPD Parents share their incredibly

similar traumas (some nearly identical to my own) and have insights to

share.

But therapy can be scary. I have a hard time trusting people and its

hard for me to open up and share intimate thoughts and feelings with a

stranger. Heck, I don't tell my friends the things I've spoken of

here! Thank goodness for the anonymity of the Internet!

If I could afford to see a therapist now, I think I'd go.

I think a therapist could help me sort out and hopefully work through

the guilt feelings I'm having about cutting off contact with my nada,

even though I believe its the right thing to do in order to support my

Sister's stance and present a united front to nada.

So, my general response is yes, I think therapy can be beneficial to

the family members of and children of someone with BPD.

-Annie

> > >

> > > I am an adult Non-BPD female whose father was just diagnosed with

> > > BPD. I am his oldest (of three) children and the only child from

> his

> > > first marriage. I have two half siblings from his second

> marriage.

> > > He is currently on his fourth marriage with no additional

> children

> > > from #3 or #4, though I have adult ex-step and step siblings.

> That

> > > seems like enough of a mess... and I have always suspected that

> there

> > > were issues with my father if for no other reason than his

> inability

> > > to have healthy relationships - with partners or his children.

> > > However he is a wounded Vietnam Veteran with diagnosed PTSD, so I

> > > sort of always chocked it up to those issues.

> > > He was just diagnosed this week with BPD - frankly, first by me

> and

> > > then without telling them my opinion, by the staff at the Psych

> > > hospital he was admitted to for " attempting suicide " (though he

> was

> > > never at risk of dying) last week.

> > > My question really is with this being newly diagnosed, what can I

> > > expect in terms of treatment options and results? I have already

> > > read two books in three days on the subject, but it feels a

> little

> > > impersonal, I would like to know what some others have actually

> > > experienced.

> > > At present, will still in the psych hospital, I would say that he

> is

> > > being very logical and enthusiastic about treatment, however I

> think

> > > that is primarily because he is currently on an up cycle. When

> his

> > > mindset again turns dark and fearful, I suspect we will be right

> back

> > > where we started.

> > > It should be noted that though my father is retired now, he did

> work

> > > his entire life and over the last twenty five years was with two

> > > companies, so he has been relatively stable in that respect. In

> > > addition, though he has been married four times, most were

> lengthy:

> > > 9 years, 2 years, 14 years and the last one has only been two

> years

> > > married, but the relationship is 15 years old. Granted, they may

> > > have been very tumultuous relationships, but they somehow endured.

> > > My siblings and I have varying degrees of relationships with him,

> for

> > > my part, I am very specific about what treatment (particularly

> what

> > > anger/opinion/communication) I will accept from him because I

> will

> > > not be run through the emotional ringer, nor will I allow my son

> (16)

> > > to. My brother is more ... hmm, how to explain ... detached, I

> would

> > > say, but my father things they have the best relationship. My

> > > brother is just more willing to allow their relationship to be

> > > perceived however my father sees fit. If my dad thinks they are

> > > close, let him continue to think so. I have no doubt my brother

> has

> > > a concern and love for dad as his father, but he does not have

> > > a " dad " relationship with him. My brother's son is only four, so

> he

> > > really hasn't had to deal with my dad showing his colors with my

> > > nephew - which could create the great divide. Our sister, the

> > > youngest, doesn't even know about the diagnosis yet as she is

> > > completely angst ridden with our father over his wrongs against

> her -

> > > not to mention she is quite immature in many respects and may

> have

> > > her own psychological damage from her upbringing.

> > > At any rate, that is a quick synopsis, but again I would like to

> know

> > > what to expect from this diagnosis and particularly any comments

> > > about ways that people have found to effectively communicate with

> > > their BPD parent and/or treatments they have found to be

> beneficial.

> > > Also, what idiocyncrasies you think you may personally have as a

> > > direct result of your parents BPD.

> > > Thank you in advance!

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I've had trouble finding therapy that works and isn't hurtful. Part

of the problem is that my inner template for a nurturing healing

authority in my life got smashed to bits by my nada and father

(NPD). So it's a big effort to trust and once I do trust and they

make mistakes or show they didn't really understand stuff I bolt

pretty quickly. I'm never entirely sure whether I just can't pick

therapists worth a darn or it's just me that can't tolerate putting

that much trust in someone.

> > > >

> > > > I am an adult Non-BPD female whose father was just diagnosed

with

> > > > BPD. I am his oldest (of three) children and the only child

from

> > his

> > > > first marriage. I have two half siblings from his second

> > marriage.

> > > > He is currently on his fourth marriage with no additional

> > children

> > > > from #3 or #4, though I have adult ex-step and step

siblings.

> > That

> > > > seems like enough of a mess... and I have always suspected

that

> > there

> > > > were issues with my father if for no other reason than his

> > inability

> > > > to have healthy relationships - with partners or his

children.

> > > > However he is a wounded Vietnam Veteran with diagnosed PTSD,

so I

> > > > sort of always chocked it up to those issues.

> > > > He was just diagnosed this week with BPD - frankly, first by

me

> > and

> > > > then without telling them my opinion, by the staff at the

Psych

> > > > hospital he was admitted to for " attempting suicide " (though

he

> > was

> > > > never at risk of dying) last week.

> > > > My question really is with this being newly diagnosed, what

can I

> > > > expect in terms of treatment options and results? I have

already

> > > > read two books in three days on the subject, but it feels a

> > little

> > > > impersonal, I would like to know what some others have

actually

> > > > experienced.

> > > > At present, will still in the psych hospital, I would say

that he

> > is

> > > > being very logical and enthusiastic about treatment, however

I

> > think

> > > > that is primarily because he is currently on an up cycle.

When

> > his

> > > > mindset again turns dark and fearful, I suspect we will be

right

> > back

> > > > where we started.

> > > > It should be noted that though my father is retired now, he

did

> > work

> > > > his entire life and over the last twenty five years was with

two

> > > > companies, so he has been relatively stable in that respect.

In

> > > > addition, though he has been married four times, most were

> > lengthy:

> > > > 9 years, 2 years, 14 years and the last one has only been two

> > years

> > > > married, but the relationship is 15 years old. Granted, they

may

> > > > have been very tumultuous relationships, but they somehow

endured.

> > > > My siblings and I have varying degrees of relationships with

him,

> > for

> > > > my part, I am very specific about what treatment

(particularly

> > what

> > > > anger/opinion/communication) I will accept from him because I

> > will

> > > > not be run through the emotional ringer, nor will I allow my

son

> > (16)

> > > > to. My brother is more ... hmm, how to explain ... detached,

I

> > would

> > > > say, but my father things they have the best relationship.

My

> > > > brother is just more willing to allow their relationship to

be

> > > > perceived however my father sees fit. If my dad thinks they

are

> > > > close, let him continue to think so. I have no doubt my

brother

> > has

> > > > a concern and love for dad as his father, but he does not

have

> > > > a " dad " relationship with him. My brother's son is only

four, so

> > he

> > > > really hasn't had to deal with my dad showing his colors with

my

> > > > nephew - which could create the great divide. Our sister,

the

> > > > youngest, doesn't even know about the diagnosis yet as she is

> > > > completely angst ridden with our father over his wrongs

against

> > her -

> > > > not to mention she is quite immature in many respects and may

> > have

> > > > her own psychological damage from her upbringing.

> > > > At any rate, that is a quick synopsis, but again I would like

to

> > know

> > > > what to expect from this diagnosis and particularly any

comments

> > > > about ways that people have found to effectively communicate

with

> > > > their BPD parent and/or treatments they have found to be

> > beneficial.

> > > > Also, what idiocyncrasies you think you may personally have

as a

> > > > direct result of your parents BPD.

> > > > Thank you in advance!

> > > >

> > >

> >

>